Gandalf walked through the courtyard of the citadel, eyes scanning his surroundings for the one he sought. Where are you? The child certainly could disappear when he did not want to be found. He is a man, he reminded himself. No longer a child. The thought almost made the wizard sad. Faramir would never again be carefree as he had once been. The sorrow in his eyes was too deep to be found in one so young, even now that he had reached adulthood. Perhaps it would not run so deep if his father would show him affection. His father. His father was the reason he was about to die if Gandalf did not manage to sway him.
There you are, Gandalf thought as he spotted the young man sitting sideways on the low wall of the courtyard, looking down upon the city below him with his knees hugged to his chest, unmoving. Gandalf approached Faramir silently and leaned on the wall beside him.
"Is there something of great interest out there that I am unable to see?" the wizard asked in a light tone, following Faramir's gaze. He earned no reply, other than a slight shrug signifying that Faramir himself did not know what he was watching so intently. "What ails you, Faramir?"
"Nothing ails me except the growing darkness that afflicts us all," Faramir replied simply. "If you are looking for someone who suffers perhaps you should visit the Houses of Healing."
"You know I do not speak of physical illness," said Gandalf humorlessly. "I have been to the Houses of Healing and have done what I can for those still living, but there is only so much one can do. Now I have come to seek you out, for I know you suffer greatly, though you do not let it show."
"I do not let it show for the sake of my men and my city. If I am weak, we shall all fall, and I should be the last for my cowardice and for cruel irony."
"Yet you do not deny that you suffer," Gandalf pointed out. "It is not weakness to feel pain, and hurt you do. I wish that you would speak of it to me."
"There is naught of which to speak. I know not why you beseech me so to reveal what has no significance."
"Then let us sit in companionable silence until you wish to talk of insignificant things."
Faramir gave a sharp laugh. "Why is it that you maintain that I am more important than any other soldier sent to his death? Why do you sit here with me in companionable silence and not with another? I am nothing but a pawn which my father has sacrificed so that he may be the victor in this game. I know you have been told of my assignment. It is worth my demise, and the demise of my men and more, if it will bring Sauron's reign to an end."
"You demote yourself as your father does," Gandalf said harshly, knowing he would reach a sore spot by referencing the detestation Denethor displayed for his younger son, and hoping he would get through to the young man by that means if by no other. "Your death will not stop Sauron. The deaths of all the soldiers in Gondor will not bring the dark lord to a halt! Tell me, Faramir, is your demise worth the bereavement and grief it will cause all the people of Gondor? Will you allow yourself to be cast aside in this war and ignore your duty?"
"My duty is to obey the will of my lord."
"Your duty is to protect Gondor! If you leave this city expecting death, then death you will receive. But I do not think that is what you desire."
"What good am I to Gondor if my own father has banished me for disloyalty?"
"You'll do more good banished than you will dead, my boy." Gandalf let his words sink in for a moment before continuing. "You are blind to your own merit in this world."
Faramir got up from the wall and faced Gandalf, standing across from the wizard on the grey stone beneath their feet. "You go around showing people their faults and telling them they are unable to see, when perhaps you are the blind one, Mithrandir," Faramir spat bitterly. "You have sent Frodo and Sam to their deaths, yet you say there is hope still for our success. I have seen it in my dreams since I was a child -- the downfall of Middle Earth. I have my mother's gift to see what is to come, and I have seen this, just as I saw Boromir fall. There is no way to win this battle, and I would rather die than live in the aftermath."
Gandalf had lost his tolerance for Faramir's cynicism. "You may have seen these things, but you forget why you were granted this gift! These visions show what is to come if nothing is done to prevent it from happening!"
"Then why could nothing be done to save Boromir?" Faramir cried suddenly. He faltered and looked at the ground, apparently ashamed at showing that he grieved still for his brother.
"Boromir died valiantly," Gandalf said softly. "Do not torment yourself because you could not save him. Boromir's time had come. But now is not the time for Middle Earth to be taken from us. Sauron can be stopped if we are willing to fight for our place in this world!"
Faramir looked back up at Gandalf, and the anguish in his eyes tore at the wizard's heart. "I'm sorry," he said. "I must do as my lord asks of me. We will see each other again, someday." With that, he turned and walked slowly away from Gandalf.
"Faramir!" Gandalf called after him. Faramir stopped, but did not look toward his old friend. "Your mother told me once that you would grow to become a great man. There is more to being great than following orders, child." Faramir stiffened, but did not reply.
After a moment, he said, "I am not a child," and continued to increase the distance between the two of them.
Gandalf mumbled to himself, the only person there to hear. "You are not a child, but you are too young to die."