(A/N): Obviously I have an obsession with Derek and Karen. I decided to write this story after re-watching the Tony's episode. There was so much raw material begging to be worked with after the material. And I wanted to write something else. I hope that you enjoy this story.
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The Tony's…What they didn't show on Tv.
Karen sat in her living room with Ana; they were on the couch, still staring at the trophy. Karen exhaled deeply and looked at Ana.
"Do you think Kyle would have been proud?" Karen said glossy eyed.
"Of course he would Karen. Hit List cleaned house at the Tony's. He was a Broadway dreamer, and now he's a Broadway legend. Not to shabby for a broke boy from Brooklyn to accomplish in less than a year." Ana said trying to cheer Karen up. She could see the hurt in her eyes. "It's not your fault you know," Ana added in as if she were reading her friends mind.
"I just feel so guilty. I feel like everything could've gone so differently for him, if it wasn't for me. I know show was spectacular, but the road there was exceedingly long and painful." Karen admitted.
"That seriously sounds like something Derek would've said." Ana joked, "You know I shouldn't be saying this as mad as Derek has made me this year, but…..you know that it's not too late right?" Ana smiled mischievously.
"What are you talking about Ana?" Karen asked in a mocking tone bobbing her head.
"I'm talking about you and Derek. You can't give up on him just like that Karen. You guys are meant to be together" Ana was hitting a nerve, and she could tell.
"Are you kidding Ana, let me give you three reasons why Derek and I will never be
together Jimmy, Ivy and Hit list." Karen smiled.
"Seriously Karen? You're not in love with Jimmy…I thought you would've found that out by now but." Ana laughed at her friend.
"How would you know Ana." Karen asked in disconcert.
"Well I thought you'd never ask love. Jimmy was your first 'bad boy'. We all have them, and there all wrong for us. We mistake excitement for head over heels love, when in reality you are just happy to be finally getting some, from someone that keeps you on your toes. Trust me Karen he's not the one. I've had a hundred Jimmy's and there only good for one thing. You just happen to find one with talent." Ana tried to explain to her friend, but Karen wasn't buying it.
"Ana, let's not go there tonight. It's been a tough one don't you think?" Karen smiled.
"Well then let's talk about one thing I know for sure. You're in love with Derek" Ana pushed her friend.
"Right, I love Derek. I can barely stand him right now, but I love him…..right." Karen smiled. Did she love Derek? As a friend? Sure, but nothing more.
"I'm for real K. Think about it. You and Derek spent the entire time in Boston together, not to mention how much time you spent together before you got with Jimmy. Right now you're mad at Derek because he made some bad decisions, believe me no one knows better than I do all the stuff that he's done. But he cares for you Karen he always has. And the fact that you never let him go, no matter what he did is proof enough to me that you love him too. Not to mention the way you two look at each other. Movies are made about the kind of love you two have for each other." Ana had to talk sense into Karen somehow.
"So what Ana? Even if you're right, didn't you hear Derek, he loves Ivy…..she means everything to him, or whatever that crap was he said." Karen rolled her eyes at the thought. "Those two deserve each other."
"See that right there, that's it! That is a jealous little streak. You don't want anyone to have Derek….but you don't want him? That's because you don't want to admit it yourself." Ana looked at Karen and started smiling.
Ana began to sing Don't let me know….in her cocky little tone.
You wish he was a bad man, you wish he made it easier….
You wish he did something unforgivable…
Cuz holding on to him is all that you can do until you learn the hands on your throat are your own
"Ana okay, I get it, but it's not like I can do anything about it. Not right now anyways. I am going to go to bed." Karen said standing up.
She kissed her best friend on the forehead and headed for her room.
"Goodnight K. Sleep tight" Ana called behind her.
Karen sat on the edge of her bed contemplating every word that Ana Said, was she right? Did she love Derek? She thought about his smile and the quirky way his eyes curled and crinkled when he smiled. She thought about his kind green eyes with sliver of emerald and honeysuckle, and the way those eyes sparkled every time he looked at her` She thought of the way he made her feel every time he was around, that little flutter in the pit of her stomach. She thought about the night they spent drinking away and making out, only to stop because he didn't want to ruin her. Then it hit her… 'Whatever happens next, don't ever forget you're a star, and I do understand love.' He told her first, when he said he cared for her, he meant that he loved her, and maybe just maybe he still did. She had to find out, and she had to find out now.
Karen went to the living room and snatched Ana's drink; she it drank all in one gulp, even though it was horrible. She poured one more, liquid courage, and downed that one too.
"Hey, I was kind of drinking that" Ana frowned, and smiled at the same time.
"I'll be back." Karen said in her best Arnold voice.
"Where are you going by the way?" Ana asked with a knowing smile.
"Don't wait up." Karen said running out of the apartment.
It was pouring outside, one of the first thunderstorm in June, and Karen didn't care. She had one thing on her mind, and it was Derek. How could she be so naïve to the fact that she loved Derek? How had she managed to lock her feelings up so tight that she didn't even know where to find them, until now? But what if she was too late, what if Ivy really was the love of his life? There was no better time than now to find out. She couldn't really feel any worse. She'd just lost the Tony, Jimmy and her mind. What difference would it make if she lost Derek?
She caught a cab to Derek's block; she could barely sit still thinking about him, thinking about what she would say. Her stomach was in a ball of nervous knots, twisting into one gigantic worm hole. But she was determined to see him, determined to make him hers. The driver pulled up to Derek's street, she paid him and ran out into the rain. It was actually kind of romantic, the rain pouring down on her in her pink dress as she ran towards his door. Into the elevator she ran and pushed the button to his place. But when she got to his floor, the door wouldn't open. She rang and rang, but there was no sound. No light peaking through the crack, nothing. Of course there was nothing, he wasn't there. It never occurred to her that he wouldn't come home, that he would be spending his time with Ivy.
Karen pressed the button to take her back down to the bottom floor. She felt a tear coming down here cheek, she was too late.
She walked back out into the storm letting the rain poor down on her, she didn't even try to hail a cab, and she just started walking. She was just about to plop down on the curb when it happened.
"Karen!" The British man yelled, just like so many times before. Just like all the times he'd yelled at her in rehearsal. She had never been happier to be yelled at in her life. He was getting out of a cab, and the sound of thunder filled the sky.
"Derek?!" she called running back towards his apartment.
"What on this earth has possessed you to be out and about in the bloody storm?" Derek questioned.
"I came to see you Derek." She admitted, not sure what to say. "But I should go. It was a mistake."
"Karen it's not safe for you to be out in this storm, you've ruined your dress….I don't want you to get sick Karen. Please come in." He stated, not asked, as he guided her to the door.
Derek slipped his shoes off at the door and his suit jacket. He started unbuttoning his shirt. He turned to see Karen shivering behind him, still standing in the elevator.
"Well are you going to just stand there? Or are you going to come in?" Derek said with a cocky smirk. .
Karen walked in the apartment where she'd spent so much time, the place that she'd fallen in love with Derek, she never felt so out of place in his presence. She watched as Derek walked into his bedroom her mind followed, wishing her body could too. Instead she stood there waiting for his return.
"Throw these on" Derek said tossing Karen a pair of sweat pants and a black thermal shirt. Karen started to argue otherwise, say that she didn't plan on staying long, but that would be a lie.
"Thanks." She said as she walked to his bathroom.
She peeled off her dress, and slipped into the clothes that he gave her. She came back out to see Derek lying across the couch in similar clothing.
"Karen, what made you come all the way to my flat while Mother Nature was taking out her wrath on the Tony voters?" Derek asked with a smirk.
"Derek I had to come tonight. I had to tell you something." Karen said nervously fiddling with her fingers.
"If it's about Daisy, and her bloody Tony, please, I've beat myself up already." Derek quipped as het sat up, throwing his hands in the air as a sign of defeat.
"No, it's not about Daisy." Karen said sitting next to him.
"I really don't know how to say this,' Karen paused searching for the words. Her heart rate began to elevate, and her mouth felt like cotton flowers were growing in it. She took a large gulp to clear her throat.
"Karen, just say it." Derek interrupted her train of thought.
"Derek do you remember when you told me you cared about me." Karen questioned looking into his big green eyes.
"I know what I said." Derek turned to her. His interest now piqued.
"Well the truth is Derek…..I care about you too." Karen finally admitted, to herself as well as Derek.
She watched for his reaction, as his eyes registered shock, and then anger.
"Gods, Karen! You wait until now to tell me this? Six months later!" Derek was angry. "I've had feelings for you since the first day I met you, and you've turned me down every time now suddenly you're here in my place, telling me you care for me?!" Derek nearly growled at her. He stood up in anger and began to pace back and forward.
"Yes Derek! I didn't realize it until now. I can't help the fact that I love you okay." Karen said eyes shifting, fighting to hold back tears. "This has been the worst night of my life Derek, and the only person that I could think of, was you. You're the one person I wanted to run to and I couldn't." Karen said in a harsh whisper.
"Oh that's right, I forgot I am supposed to sit up and wait until your boyfriend gets hauled of to jail and for you to stop playing stupid about life. Well Karen I'm tired. I'm tired of waiting for you to make up your mind. I'm tired of waiting for you to get it together. You've yanked me around like a Yoyo Karen. One minute you're trying to sleep with me and the next you're saying how disgusting I am. I'm hurt and I'm tired Karen." Derek said pacing out of frustration. "Is it because of Ivy? Is it because I thanked her for getting me out of bed and not you? Is it because I said I loved her on the TV?" Derek asked in a broken tone.
"I don't know Derek. I don't know what triggered it. I can't help it. I know what we've been through, believe me I was there. But I shouldn't be here now. I was obviously wrong for coming." Karen said in her annoyed and broken tone. She got up to leave, but Derek grabbed her hand.
Karen saw a single tear glisten in his eyes.
"Karen, the reason that I got so upset with you is because I care about you too, I always have. But….." Derek paused.
"But you love Ivy. I get it Derek." Karen smiled as a tear dropped from her eye.
"It's not that simple Karen…..she's pregnant." Derek admitted with a sigh and dropped his head.
Karen felt a pain in her chest so sharp, it was as if she could literally feel her heart breaking. "I shouldn't have came Derek." Karen announced as she stood up and rushed towards the elevator. Fortunately no one had come nor gone since she, and it was still at Derek's apartment.
"Karen wait!" Derek commanded after a slight hesitation. He grabbed the elevator door just as it closed.
He pushed her against the wall and took all of her in his mouth. He kissed her with passion and intent. It was different then the kiss in her apartment, it was roug, angry and sexy. It was everything that had built up between them in the last two years. It was betrayal, sadness and seduction. It was love and lust. It was perfect.
She pulled away from Derek shaking as the door of the elevator pulled apart. She was crying full fledge tears now.
"Stay" Derek whispered out of breath.
"I can't" Karen said through the tears. She walked out of the elevator, determined to never look back on this day again.
Little did she know, this was the very moment that would determine the course of their lives forever.