Hi! Ok, for copyright purposes: I don't own Star Ocean or any other shows or characters mentioned in this fanfic. Though I will throw in a few originals here and there later on, just for kicks.
I would also like to ask that you please not hate me for making fun of the characters, I tried to pick on them all equally...well...Roger seems to get the worst of it, but...ya know, I HAD to have someone to deal out the most punishment to, just to make it funnier. So anyway, please don't hate me, I tried to make it mostly even out. And thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this; it really means a lot to me:D
Star Ocean: Till the End of Time
Big Brother
Week 1, Day 1
Thousands of screaming fans stand outside the Big Brother house, cheering loudly for the contestants as their limos arrive. One by one, the stars of "Star Ocean: Till the End of Time" step out of their limos. They walk with an air of arrogance as the fans scream louder and the paparazzi take picture after picture. Cliff and Adray pose for pictures and Sophia screams about how cameras add ten pounds, running into the house to escape. Roger is prancing around arrogantly, not watching where he's going and trips over a cable on the ground, falling and cutting himself on a sharp rock that appeared out of nowhere; he is then carried into the house by his personal team of paramedics, who proceed to stitch up the gash on his head. Mirage and Maria don't seem to take notice of the cameras and instead walk into the house, passing Peppita, who is busy doing tricks to get the cameras to focus on her. Nel looks about nervously for a moment at all the flashing cameras and screaming fans, looking something like a deer caught in headlights, and then makes a mad dash for the door. Fayt steps out of his car, making the peace sign and shouting about world peace. He is suddenly knocked off his feet by Albel, who screams about what a stupid hippy Fayt is. Security guards start to close in on the irate Glyphian, who tries frantically to hop away, his movement impeded by the straitjacket and the restraints on his ankles (a necessity after he gored a photographer at another event); he falls on his face and is dragged into the house kicking and screaming Elicoorian curses. Fayt is helped up and walks into the house, still holding up the peace sign.
Once inside, everyone runs to pick out their rooms. Nel runs to the basement, choosing that as her room for strategic purposes. Cliff and Adray run toward a large room, so desperate to beat each other that they run into the door frames, allowing Mirage to walk casually in to claim the room. Maria chooses the room next-door to Mirage. Sophia runs for a large room, one that can fit all her exercise equipment, and Peppita chooses the one next to it. Fayt, Cliff and Adray choose rooms on the second floor that are next door to each other. Roger and Albel race for the largest room left, the two of them getting the latest start for the room race because Roger had to be stitched up after his accident and it took awhile to remove Albel's restraints, as he kept trying to bite the security guards. Albel turns his head to see the little half-raccoon punk gaining on him and starts screaming about how a stupid, scrawny rodent doesn't need such a big room, when he plows right into the door frame. Roger skips happily into the room, shouting insults back at the hapless Glyphian who rolls around on the floor outside, holding his bloody nose and screaming muffled profanities.
Everyone starts unpacking their luggage. Nel places all kinds of security equipment and spy gear on the shelves of her basement room. Sophia has Cliff and Fayt set up her exercise equipment before they can unpack. Mirage meticulously unpacks her clothes, placing them in drawers. Maria unloads her collection of guns, hiding them in strategic locations around the room in case of emergencies. Peppita upends a huge duffel bag, pouring a large mound of stuffed animals in the middle of her floor. Roger has his team of paramedics install child safety devices all over his room, covering sharp corners and such with rounded plastic caps. Cliff tosses his bag down beside his bed and starts rummaging through it, then realizes that there is a camera in the room. He covers the camera and the sound of him rummaging through his bag can be heard again, and then what sounds like magazines being flipped through and hidden. Adray is seen putting pictures of his daughter Clair on the shelf in his room. Fayt's camera is also covered, but the cameras pick up a strange rattling sound, like plastic bags. Albel throws his luggage down angrily and fishes a phone book out of one of the cabinets in the room. He flips through it and, finding the number he wants, starts to dial the phone, a malicious grin on his face. Unbeknownst to him, all the phones in the house are tapped.
phone ringing "Hello, Animal Control, how may I help you?", a woman's voice answers.
"I'm calling to report a raccoon problem," Albel says, stifling laughter. He proceeds to tell the woman the address of the Big Brother house and which room is 'infested'. She tells him that someone is on the way and he hangs up, laughing maniacally. He then starts hiding various knives and other sharp, pointy objects around the room, such as under the sheets and on the blades of the ceiling fan, laughing like the madman that he is all the while.
Roger sits in his room, playing with his action figures in a fortress of pillows. He pretends that three of them are his arch rivals from back home in Surferio, two more are his friends Dribe and Melt, and that the last one (also the biggest and most macho looking one) is himself. His gang of action figures is whaling on the other three when two large men in Animal Control uniforms storm into his room, catch him in a net and carry him out while he screams about what morons they are.
"You sure this is the raccoon problem that guy called about?" one asks the other.
"Well did you see anything else in there raccoon-like?" he answers.
"Nah, I guess you're right," he says and continues walking.
Seeing what's going on, Sophia and Peppita rush out to intercept the Animal Control guys, explaining that Roger isn't a wild animal, just a Menodix. They finally get through to the guys, who let the little brat off with only rabies vaccinations. Roger trudges back upstairs in a foul mood and walks to his room to find the door closed and all of his stuff broken and thrown haphazardly into the hallway. He flings open the door and sees Albel mounting his collection of katanas on the walls.
"You bastard!" the raccoon kid yells, "You called them!"
Albel just laughs smugly and continues unpacking. Roger runs forward blindly, screaming at him. The Glyphian steps aside and the little brat slams into the wall, the vibrations knocking down all the katanas, which land on (you guessed it) Roger. The paramedics rush Roger out of the room for more stitches and Albel laughs maniacally once more as he cleans his swords and puts them back up on the wall.
Everyone has relaxed and seem to be slowly forgetting about the tv cameras, falling into their regular behavior. Sophia has returned to her room and is running on her treadmill. Peppita is playing tea party with her stuffed animals. Cliff's camera is still covered and all that can be heard is magazine pages being turned and whistles. Adray is watching samurai movies on his tv. Mirage and Maria are talking and laughing in the living room. Nel is setting up row upon row of monitors on the shelves in her room and unpacking small objects which she handles very carefully. Albel is chuckling evilly to himself, thinking of all the pain his hidden knives will inflict on the little raccoon kid. Fayt's camera is still covered and we hear a smoke detector go off; a loud crash is heard though and the shrill beeping ceases. Roger moves his broken things into his new room and flops down on the bed, only to be rushed out again by his paramedics with a knife in his back (geez, I wonder where that came from).
It is now dinner time and everyone rushes to the dining room. Cliff and Adray race to see who can eat the fastest, while Fayt seems to scoff everything in the vicinity, eating more than even the much bigger guys. Sophia eats her minuscule serving of tofu politely, chewing slowly and not talking with her mouth full. Nel's eyes dart back and forth to the others around the table as she eats quickly before rushing back to her room. Peppita is making a huge mess with her nonexistent table manners (she was raised in a circus after all), disgusting everyone else, especially Maria and Mirage who, like Sophia, eat politely. Roger, angry about all the Albel related injuries he's had, uses his spoon like a catapult to send a wad of mashed potatoes flying across the table at the unsuspecting general; the potatoes hit their mark, splattering right between Albel's eyes. The rest of dinner time is occupied by everyone trying to hold the enraged Albel down, while Roger runs away screaming like a ninny. However, the clumsy brat manages to trip over a phone cord and go flying into a glass cabinet. Yet another stitch up.
Not much of interest happened after dinner and soon everyone was off to bed. Fayt, Cliff, and Adray are passed out in their rooms after their drinking contest. Peppita has practically buried herself in a pile of stuffed animals. Roger is lying in his bed, bandaged like a mummy, as he had turned his ceiling fan on earlier, bringing down a rain of daggers on himself. Sophia's camera is covered now, but the sound of boxes and plastic wrappers can be heard, as well as muffled munching. Maria is sleeping with a gun in one hand, mumbling something. Albel is obviously having nightmares, as he is screaming loudly and flailing around in his sleep. Mirage seems to be practicing martial arts in her sleep. Only one person is missing: Nel.
A dark blur darts past the hall camera swiftly and silently. It's Nel. She sneaks into one room after the other, placing small hidden cameras in inconspicuous places. She then runs back to her room and goes to sleep.
Day 2
In the morning, everyone rushes to the dining room for breakfast. They eat quickly, almost obnoxiously, trying to get to their daily routines. Today, the cameras will follow Roger.
After breakfast, Roger, who has surprisingly good hygiene, goes to brush his teeth. The toothbrush seems to shred his gums though and upon closer inspection, he discovers that ahem SOMEONE has hidden small shards of broken glass among the bristles. After having his personal paramedics stitch his lacerated gums he begins to scheme about how to get back at the 'Wicked One'.
He paces up and down the floor, thinking hard. "Aha!" he shouts, bringing his fist down into the palm of his other hand, forgetting that he had been holding a pair of scissors in his fist (for no apparent reason what-so-ever), and stabbing them through his palm. Another stitch up by his paramedics. That over, he resumes his plotting.
"I'll poison his lunch!" he schemes, "That jerk won't know what hit him!" Roger then rushes down to the kitchen. He digs around under the sink for every cleaning chemical he can find and mixes them all into a small glass vial. He laughs a lame little evil laugh and scampers back up the stairs.
To occupy the time before he can implicate his master plan, he finds Peppita and they play with her stuffed animals together. A wire in the leg of one of the animals slips out and pokes him in the eye, however, and he must spend the rest of the day wearing an eye patch.
Lunch time finally comes and Roger gets to the dining room before anyone else, giving him plenty of time to poison the lunch of his arch nemesis. Everyone takes their seats and Roger stares gleefully at Albel, just waiting for him to take a bite of his contaminated food.
Albel, just raising the first fork full of food to his mouth, notices the look Roger is giving him and looks down at his plate, realizing just in time what is going on. "Hey, rodent fool," he says, "isn't that a knife behind you?"
"HUH!" Roger yells, whirling around to look behind him in terror. While the little rodent is turned Albel quickly switches their plates. "There was nothing behind me, you moron!" the brat yells. Albel laughs, "Fool". Roger proceeds to scoff the spiked food and watch Albel for any signs of the poison taking effect.
Albel is now laughing quietly to himself, irritating Roger. "What's so funny, you big dummy?" he asks irritably.
"Scrawny fool," Albel replies, still laughing.
"What do ya'..." Roger starts to ask, when he suddenly begins to feel very sick. Realizing what has happened, he runs to the bathroom to puke. Albel throws back his head and laughs maniacally and the others scoot away from him nervously.
Roger's paramedics pump his stomach, but it will still be awhile before he's well enough to resume normal activity. He spends the rest of the day in bed.
Day 3
Today we will follow Fayt's activity, as we are quite concerned with his odd behavior. We've tapped into Nel's surveillance system in order to bypass the covered camera. It is very early in the morning and Fayt sits in a large beanbag chair in the center of his smoke-filled room. His back is turned to the camera, but he can be heard singing stupid songs and giggling. He waves his hand around and the joint he is smoking is plainly visible. He rants on about world peace and how everyone should just be friends.
He hears the call for breakfast and, taking one last huge drag, puts out his joint in the carpet and runs downstairs. At the breakfast table, his severe case of the munchies is obvious as he scarfs down everything he can get his hands on, even food off other peoples' plates. When reaching for Nel's food, his hand is blasted by a mild runological attack. He tries to grab Roger's food, but the tiny Menodix growls warningly at him. He reaches slowly toward Albel's plate, but is quickly discouraged as the Glyphian brings his katana down just between Fayt's fingers, glaring menacingly at him. Giving up, he wanders into the living room and plops down on the couch.
The others follow shortly, settling down to read, watch tv, or in the case of the children, play with stuffed animals. Cliff, drunk already, accidentally knocks a glass coffee table over on Roger, spilling everyone's hot coffee onto him. The mugs and table break as well, leaving Roger bloodied and burned. Fayt is laughing stupidly, obviously still stoned, while Sophia and Peppita help the paramedics take Roger away.
They sit in silence again for awhile before Maria starts to sniff. "You guys smell something burning?" she asks. The others start to sniff the air and agree, except Fayt, who is still too out of it to care. They look up and see smoke billowing out from around Fayt's closed door. Albel, looking terrified, flees the house quickly, knocking over anything and everything in his path in his desperate rush to get away from the fire. They watch the pyrophobiac in shocked silence for a moment before calling the Fire Department.
Luckily the firemen were able to contain the fire to Fayt's room and put it out before it could spread. They found that it had been started by the joint he had oh-so-negligently put out in the carpet. They also managed to get Albel out of the tree he had climbed to escape the fire and gotten himself stuck in (obviously, Glyphians don't climb trees well). And Roger found himself injured once again when, stepping out of his room to see what all the commotion was, one of the firemen's axes bounced off Fayt's door and lodged itself in his head. Another stitch up for him. Needless to say, everyone is VERY upset at Fayt right now.
Fayt is just beginning to come out of his pot induced stupor and to realize just what has happened. The evil glares of his house mates are scaring him.
"Fayt!" Sophia yells, grabbing his ear and twisting it, "Don't you know how bad drugs are for you!"
"I only smoke a little," he lies, trying to escape Sophia's grip on his ear.
"Not according to the firemen," Maria starts in on him, "they said they found a huge stash taped to the underside of your mattress!"
"I swear," Fayt pleads, "it's not mine! I'm just holding it for a friend!"
"Suuuuuuuure ya' are, kido," Cliff joins in, "then tells we who's this hic 'friend' 'a yurz iss. belch"
"It's...uh...," he looks around the room, "it's Nel!" He points frantically toward Nel, who throws a dagger in his direction. Fayt ducks, and the dagger hits Roger, who has just come downstairs after having his axe wound repaired. His paramedics take him away again.
Sophia twists his ear again, "You liar!"
"Alright, alright!" he yells, giving in to the torture, "It's mine!"
"Hippy fool!" Albel yells, taking this opportunity to toss in an insult. Sophia glares at him, picks up a book and throws it at him. He ducks and it goes flying past, to where Roger is standing, just returned from having his wound stitched (his paramedics have become masters of speedy surgery, functioning something like a NASCAR pit crew). It flies several feet over his head and crashes behind him.
"Ha!" he laughs, "It didn't hit me this time! I guess I..." he is cut off as the glass cabinet the book hit behind him comes crashing down on top of him, cutting the bratty little Menodix to pieces. You guessed it; his paramedics carry him away.
Everyone turns to look at Sophia in shock. "I didn't mean to hurt Roger!" she yells. She picks up a lamp and proceeds to chase Albel around the house, swinging blindly in fury at the fleeing Glyphian. Fayt uses the confusion as cover for his escape.
He runs to a closet on the other side of the house and hides in it. He digs around in the stacked sheets and finds the large bag of weed he had hidden there the day before. "Ha!" he laughs, "They thought I only had one stash! I've got stashes hidden all over this house!" He laughs to himself as he rolls up another joint and uses symbology to light it. He smokes in peace for about half an hour before the door flies open and Albel jumps in, slamming it behind him.
"What a psychotic bitch!" he whisper yells, panting. He smells the smoke in the closet and turns to come face to face with a stoned Fayt. "You fool!" he yells, "Have you not yet learned your lesson! You're going to burn the damn house down!"
"Whazzup?" Fayt asks stupidly. "How ya' doin' Al 'ol pal?"
"You are SERIOUSLY fucked up if you think we're pals, you worthless maggot!" Albel yells. "And I used to consider you a worthy adversary! Ha! You're just a stupid pot-head!"
They hear Sophia run by and go quickly silent, praying that she passes them by. When her footsteps fade, Fayt starts to giggle. Albel turns slowly back to him, asking irritably between clenched teeth, "What now, fool?"
"You're my beeeeeest friend," Fayt says, so completely out of it, "I love you, man! Gimme a hug!"
Albel screams in sheer terror and bursts through the closet door, making an Albel shaped hole in it. He is followed closely by Fayt, who is staggering after him, running into things along the way.
A drunken Cliff, upon seeing this laughs hysterically, telling the others, "Looky at dat! Fayt 'n Albel jussst came out 'a da closet!" He then passes out on the floor.
AUDIENCE: Oh, that zany Cliff!
The day ends with a stoned Fayt and enraged Sophia chasing Albel around the house. Cliff continues to make obscene closet jokes after regaining consciousness and Albel throws his katana at him as he runs past, but misses and hits Roger instead. Later, as Sophia is gaining on her prey and swinging the lamp around more viciously, she accidentally clobbers Roger with it, shattering it over his head.
Day 4
Today, we turn our cameras on Maria, who is busy planning something. She whispers with Mirage and Sophia at breakfast, the three of them often looking up at Fayt, who is stoned again. Breakfast was relatively uneventful, except that Roger somehow managed to get a fork stuck in his forehead and bleed all over the table.
Later, after much planning and preparation, Maria calls Fayt into the living room. Everyone in the house is sitting there and she tells him to take a seat, seating herself in the only other chair.
"What's all this about?" Fayt asks, confused, "Why is everybody here?"
"Fayt," Maria starts, "we're here to help you with your drug problem."
"What problem?" he asks, "I don't have a problem."
Maria, Sophia, and Mirage exchange looks, "Denial!"
"Fayt," Sophia says, "we're here because we care about you!"
"Except me!" shouts Albel, who is wrapped from shoulders to ankles in rope, "I'm only here because these maggots tied me to this chair!" He continues to screech profanities and strain against the ropes that bind him.
"Cliff," Mirage says.
"With pleasure," he answers, getting up out of his chair and fishing a handkerchief out of his pocket. He approaches the screeching Albel and ties the handkerchief in his mouth as a gag. The enraged general continues to scream, but his cries are muffled and the others ignore him.
"Anyway," Maria continues, "Sophia is right, Fayt. We're here to help you because we're your friends and you have a problem that is damaging to your health. We wouldn't do this if we didn't care about you. Just tell us why you smoke pot and we'll do whatever we can to help you. Just tell us how you feel."
They hear racket on the other side of the room and look up to where Albel has gotten onto his feet and is frantically trying to hop out of the room, despite the fact that he has a chair tied to his backside. Adray sticks his foot out and trips the hapless Glyphian, who falls on his face. Roger laughs hysterically, slapping the wooden arm of the couch; somehow, a nail in the arm has worked its way free and turned itself upward, stabbing into Roger's hand. He is carried away by his paramedics again. Adray gets another rope and tethers Albel's chair to the couch.
"But, I'm telling you," Fayt says, "I don't have a problem! I just smoke a little bit for my nerves! And what about Cliff! He walks around drunk all the time; if anyone has a problem, it's him!"
Maria, Sophia, and Mirage exchange looks again, "Excuses! Changing the subject!"
"Stop doing that!" Fayt yells.
"Please let us help you, Fayt!" Sophia pleads, "We just want to help you! You mean so much to us!"
The couch suddenly lurches sideways and everyone looks to the side to see Albel frantically trying to escape, pulling the couch along with him. All this talk of feelings and affection is making him retch. Cliff sighs in exasperation and beats Albel over the head with a club that appeared out of nowhere, knocking him unconscious.
"Just leave me alone!" Fayt yells, throwing his arms to the sides forcefully, irritated. One of his arms hits a lamp on the nearby end table. The lamp goes soaring through the air and hits Roger as he is coming back down the stairs, shattering and cutting him up again. More stitches! Fayt uses the ensuing chaos to escape to another closet stash, disappearing for the rest of the day.
When the furor dies down, Maria realizes that Fayt has disappeared and throws a tantrum. She is throwing things around and they all manage to ricochet off walls and large objects, hitting Roger every time, leaving him a bloody pulp. She storms up to her room and spends the rest of the day sulking in there. Not much else happens, except that everyone else forgets about the now silent Albel, leaving him tied up in the chair all night.
Day 5
As the new day begins, we decide to turn our cameras to the most explosive member of the Big Brother house: Albel. With the personality of nitroglycerin, he should be quite entertaining.
Albel regains consciousness to find himslef still bound and gagged. He is extremely irate and, with nothing better to do, begins planning all the horrible things he's going to do to everyone. He sees Nel walk by and starts making a fuss to get her attention. She looks over and is surprised to see him still there, only then remembering that they had forgotten all about him. She unties him and he dashes off into the early morning shadows, scheming unspeakable evil.
He's in the kitchen when someone knocks on the door. He answers it and the mail man hands him a letter and leaves. He opens it and reads 'First Challenge', but he can't be bothered with such trivial matters now and throws it aside. He then runs up to his room. Nel retrieves the envelope and reads the letter as she drinks her morning coffee.
He stands in front of his 'Wall of Weapons', trying to decide on the perfect weapon for his revenge. He finally selects a huge mace, laughing maniacally as he lifts it from its wall mount. He creeps down the stairs and slinks into the kitchen where everyone has gathered for breakfast. With their faces bent down to their plates, no one notices as he sneaks up behind Fayt, raising the mace, which must weigh almost as much as himself, over his head, preparing to bring it down on the 'blue-haired, pot-smoking fool'.
"Hey," Nel starts, still facing her food. Albel freezes, mace suspended over his head. "We got a letter this morning." Cliff looks up at her, but notices Albel standing over Fayt, brandishing his mace. Caught red-handed, the Glyphian drops the mace behind his back. It bounces off a small trampoline behind him (where the hell did that come from?) and goes flying to the other side of the table, splattering Roger. His team of paramedics scrape him off the chair with a huge spatula and carry him off to surgery again. Foiled, Albel sits down to eat breakfast, thinking up his next assassination attempt.
"Ahem," Nel clears her throat to get their attention, "We got a letter. It's our first immunity challenge; whoever wins can't be voted out of the house."
"What's the challenge?" Mirage asks.
"Cooking," Nel replies.
"What kind of a damn fool idea is that?" Albel asks around a mouthful of food.
"We each cook something," Nel continues, ignoring his interruption, "and the judges choose the best dish based on presentation and taste."
"Sounds like fun!" Sophia shouts, eager to cook.
"The challenge starts at noon," Nel continues, "oh, and I almost forgot; what you cook is your lunch." The guys grimace, their stomachs turning at the mere thought of eating their own cooking.
After lunch, they are each issued a cookbook and allowed the rest of the morning to study it for their challenge. They each disappear into their rooms (except Fayt, who shuts himself in his favorite closet where he has also been sleeping since burning his room) and start reading.
Albel looks frantic as he flips through the cookbook, trying desperately to find something simple enough for even him to cook. "That's it!" he yells, stopping at one page, "Stew! No one can ruin a stew! But...," he trails off, "something so plain wouldn't be enough to win. Or would it..." A truly malicious grin spreads across his face as he thinks of all the ways he could sabotage everyone else's cooking. He starts looking through the cookbook again, only this time, for things that would ruin food.
At noon, everyone meets in the kitchen in front of ten cooking areas, each with its own stove, oven, sink, and counter. They take their positions and, upon receiving the signal, begin cooking.
Sophia has chosen a low-fat dish based on tofu. She carefully measures out the ingredients, using only 'low-fat' and 'low-sodium' selections. She turns for a moment to rummage through the cabinets for more ingredients and Maria dumps a large quantity of sugar into Sophia's dish. Sophia turns back and adds a little ground ginger and then resumes rummaging through the cabinets. This time, Maria dumps a large tub of animal fat into her romantic rival's food, snickering quietly to herself. Sophia, all unaware, continues to cook.
Maria's plan worked like a charm; dumping all that fattening stuff into Sophia's food would make her as big as a house. "Let's see her get Fayt now," she whispers under her breath, snickering again. She is cooking an elaborate meal of roast duck, hoping to impress Fayt with her amazing culinary skills. She turns to find an onion and Sophia takes this opportunity to coat Maria's duck with a bottle of jalapeno juice.
Adray is struggling with fried rice. He drops a bottle of soy sauce and bends down to retrieve it, rising back up to find his rice incinerated. Cursing, he storms out of the kitchen.
Peppita waits patiently for her cookies to finish baking and ends up falling asleep. She wakes up when the smell of smoke starts to choke her and frantically checks her cookies; they've been cremated.
Fayt is mixing up a dark batter: brownies. He glances around nervously to make sure that no one is watching and removes a small plastic baggie from his pocket, dumping it's contents into the batter and mixing it in quickly.
Roger has chosen to cook fish (raccoons love fish, right?). He stands on a tall stool, chopping his fish with a large butcher knife. Albel, seeing a painfully obvious opportunity to be mean, yells, "Hey! Rodent fool!" Roger turns his head to shout an insult back, but, not watching what he's doing, cuts off his left hand with one swing of the huge knife. He is carried away from the kitchen by his paramedics.
Mirage is cooking chicken. She turns to find some parsley and Albel adds chili powder to her dish, stifling laughter.
Cliff is trying to deep fry a turkey in beer, but seems to be drinking most of the beer instead, leaving next to nothing for the bird.
Nel is roasting a pheasant and, because she happens to have seen a lot of Albel's sabotage, watching it like a hawk (get it? watching the pheasant like a hawk? you know, hawks eat pheasants! like the hawk watching its prey right! LOL! ahem, cough). Her cooking seems to be going quite well.
Albel is laughing evilly to himself; his plans have worked perfectly. Spoiling Roger's chance of winning was all too easy, Mirage was also easy to sabotage and he had ruined Adray's and Peppita's food with a flamethrower when they weren't paying attention. He had watched Maria and Sophia destroy each others' dishes and knew that there was no way Fayt was going to win with his 'enhanced' brownies or Cliff either for that matter, drinking his ingredients as he was. The only person left for him to worry about is Nel, but she is on to Albel's tricks and guarding her food carefully. "Oh, well," he mutters to himself, "it's just a scrawny bird, probably tough and stringy, nothing to worry about." He has chosen squid as the main ingredient for his stew, as sea food is rare fare in Airyglyph and a personal favorite of his. He tosses the whole squid in absentmindedly and starts looking through the ingredients he has laid out on the counter (in order to avoid the same fate that has befallen several other dishes).
Albel hears something in the pot and turns back to it, staring into the dark broth and wondering if he is losing his marbles. Just as he is about to look away, a tentacle launches up out of the stew, wrapping firmly around his neck. It tries to pull him in, beating his head repeatedly against the rim of the pot. Unsheathing his trusty sword, the Crimson Scourge, he flails wildly, trying desperately to strike the slimy beast attacking him. By now, he is making a huge scene, drawing everyone's attention to his desperate battle against the tiny kraken. Roger, just returned from surgery, manages to once again find himself on the wrong end of Albel's flailing sword and is rushed back into surgery. Having a mean streak of her own, Nel zaps the squid with a blast of electrical runology, frying Albel as well.
Albel cleans up the monstrous mess, finding that nothing of it can be salvaged. Roger returns to laugh at him; a poor choice. He grabs the furry hooligan roughly by the skin on the back of his neck and ties him to a stick. He then proceeds to cook him rotisserie-style over an open flame, adding barbecue sauce and pepper just for the sheer spiteful fun of it and poking him with a fork repeatedly.
Unfortunately, we can't allow anyone to be killed, because someone would sue our asses, so we are forced to make Albel release Roger, who runs to his waiting paramedics. Nel, with the only edible dish, has won the immunity challenge. Albel is now in an extremely foul humor, having awakened bound and gagged and now missing his lunch. We have security guards ready and waiting.
"Hey, Albel," Peppita asks as he walks through the living room, "wanna' play with stuffed animals with me? Roger's still having his burns treated." She holds out a fuzzy stuffed unicorn to him. He takes it in his right hand, looks at it for a moment and then savagely rips its head off with the claws of his gauntlet, dropping the head at Peppita's feet and throwing the body over his shoulder. Peppita, throwing a tantrum, hurls the head at his back, but her aim sucks and she instead hits Roger, who has just returned from treatment; he is impaled by the horn (what the hell! it's a STUFFED ANIMAL for crying out loud! the horn is made of CLOTH!). His paramedics take him away again.
The day goes by somewhat uneventfully, except that all of Albel's attempts to kill Fayt are foiled, and Roger manages to find himself on the wrong end of each and every one, ending up looking something like a furry pin cushion.
As evening descends, a drunken Cliff stumbles into the kitchen, looking for more beer. He finds Albel sticking stamps to a large, wiggling box. "Whatcha' doin' there, Albel?" he asks stupidly.
"Mailing a stupid rodent to Siberia," Albel replies, licking another stamp and pasting it to the side of the box.
"Whhhyyyyyyyy?" Cliff asks.
"It's for...uh...," Albel considers for a moment, "it's for a relative."
"Ooooooohhhh," Cliff says, completely out of it, "but don'ts it needs air holezes or suuumthin'?"
Albel gets a malicious grin on his face, "I suppose you're right, you drunken fool." With that, he unsheathes his sword and stabs it through the top of the box repeatedly. The box gives one final twitch and doesn't move again. Blood runs out around the bottom in a dark red pool.
"Whuz dat red sturff?" Cliff asks, so drunk that he's starting to have a hard time staying on his feet.
"It's...um...," Albel thinks fast, "It's ketchup, yeah, that's right, ketchup."
"Why 'r ya' mailun' ketchup hic?" Cliff asks.
Now thoroughly irritated at the hammered Klausian, Albel says, "Hey, worm, there's beer in the fridge; go get it and leave me the hell alone!"
"Oooohhh, beer," Cliff says, remembering why he came to the kitchen in the first place and staggering over to the fridge.
Albel snickers evilly as he puts the last stamp in place; the cost of postage was outrageous, but it would be well worth it to rid himself of this furry pest. He carries the huge box outside to the mailbox and drops it on the sidewalk. He then returns to the house, a smug look on his face. Unfortunately, we can't allow Albel to mail Roger to Siberia and we retrieve him from the box and take him to his paramedics. What fun would it be around the house without Roger being gored 24-7 anyway?
After a full and frustrating day of attempted murder, Albel decides to go to bed. Everyone else follows shortly after. One more thing happened that evening, however.
Late that night, Albel is sleeping restlessly and rolls over onto his other side. He feels that something is wrong and opens his eyes to find himself face to face with Fayt. He screams in surprise and flies backward against the wall behind him.
"Whazzup, roomie?" asks the obviously stoned Fayt.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM YOU MAGGOT!" the enraged Albel screams.
"Trying to sleep," he answers.
"OBVIOUSLY," Albel yells back, "BUT WHY IN MY ROOM!"
"That closet is too small to stay in," Fayt answers, "I can't stay with any of the girls, Cliff won't let me stay with him, Adray is too loud, and I'm afraid that if I stay with Roger, his luck might rub off on me."
After a long, loud argument that wakes everyone else in the house, Albel hacks the bed in half, moving one half against the wall on the other side of the room and ordering Fayt to stay there or face certain death. The rest of the night goes by without incident, except that Roger rolls out of his bed and onto a pile of upturned needles (where the hell is all this stuff coming from!).
Day 6
The subjects of today's scrutiny will be the drunken duo of Cliff and Adray, as they spend so much time drinking together that it would be just plain stupid to give them their own separate days.
They once again race to finish breakfast faster than each other, making total pigs of themselves. They have also started eating their cereal with beer instead of milk. After breakfast, Fayt joins them for a drinking contest and then the three drunken slobs stagger around the house, blabbering incoherent nonsense.
As they are walking through the living room, Adray steps on Roger's tail, then trips and falls on him, giving the little furry brat a concussion and sending Albel into a fit of hysterical laughter. They get an evil idea and while Albel is busy laughing and not paying attention, they 'Irish up' his coffee, running away snickering. They run into the kitchen and spike everything in the fridge with liqueur, from the tea to the orange juice.
Returning to the living room, they find Albel ranting drunkenly about war and gesturing violently with his sword; they laugh and run. In the kitchen, Roger and Peppita are getting tea out of the fridge. Within moments, the two children are drunk off their asses and stumbling around the kitchen wildly.
The drunken stupidity only intensifies as the now plastered Albel ties Roger to a stick and roasts him over a bonfire in the back yard. Laughing, Fayt, Cliff, and Adray join in, roasting marshmallows. Again, we are forced to rescue Roger; good thing he was too drunk to feel the painful burns.
Peppita is trying to play circus with her stuffed animals and, with her now doubled vision, having a hard time getting a hold of them, often grabbing a fist full of air. Sophia, Maria, and Mirage, annoyed by the combined destructive drunken antics of Fayt, Adray, Cliff, and Albel, pin them down and force-feed them raw coffee beans. The girls run just in time to escape the cascade of vomit (aw shit, more cleaning to do). With their stomachs now emptied of all the booze, the men take some aspirin for their hangovers and retire early. Roger, still drunk off his tail, seems to find every sharp, pointy object in the house, keeping his paramedics working around the clock to keep him in one piece.
Day 7
It is now the last day before someone leaves the house; everyone will vote this evening. We have decided to watch Peppita today. We have also introduced the residents of the house to the newly finished 'Diary Room', where they can talk to a video camera privately about their experiences living in the house and about the other residents.
The first to the diary room is Roger. He closes the door and hops up on the chair in front of the camera. "This sucks!" he says, "All that's happened to me since I got here has been nothing but painful! I've been stabbed, sliced, roasted, lacerated, etc. and no one gives me any respect either! I think today, I'll find something safe to hide in, maybe then I won't get hurt. I just can't believe the total lack of respect these morons have for me! I'm a REAL man! And much manlier than that big dummy, Albel!" Just then, a katana pierces the door, stabbing Roger. He is carried out by his paramedics.
A smoldering Albel takes Roger's place in front of the camera and slams the door shut. "I'm tired of this stupid shit!" he yells, "That furry maggot is driving me mad! And no one will let me kill him! And as if things aren't already bad enough, I now have to share a room with a stupid, pot-smoking, blue-haired hippy fool! He's going to burn my room too! I WANT HIM OUT!" He slams his gauntlet through the wall to the side of him in anger. "One of them had better leave tomorrow or I WILL kill someone!" He then flings open the door and stomps out.
Sophia is next and calmly takes her seat in front of the camera, closing the door quietly behind her. "This has been fun!" she says to the camera, "All of us hanging out together and everything. I just wish that Roger wasn't getting hurt so much and that Fayt would stop smoking weed." She sighs, "I love Fayt. I just want what's best for him. And I wish he wasn't so dense! Can't he tell that I like him?" She rolls her eyes, "Men! And another thing," she looks down at her somewhat expanded girth, "I don't know how, but I've been packing on the pounds like crazy the last couple of days, I guess I aughta' get some more exercise." She walks out of the diary room and returns to her room to run on the treadmill some more.
Peppita walks in and plops down in front of the camera, smiling and waving. "Hi everyone!" she says, "Peppita Rossetti, Fairy of Illusions here! Hello, my adoring fans!" She does a bow, "This has been loads of fun! Roger plays stuffed animals with me when he's not in surgery and the guys are fun to watch when they're drunk. I can't wait to get back to my troupe though and practice my act some more. Someday, I'm gonna' be a HUGE star; just you wait and see!" She dances out of the room to go back to her stuffed animals.
Cliff stumbles into the room and sits down in front of the camera. "Hiiiiiiiiyaaaaas!" he drawls, "Lez wrap thisss up quick, 'cause I'd muuuuuuuch rather be drinkin' da booze in da fwidge. This is oooooone of da beeest tings dat's eeeeeeeeever happened to me; hangin' out wit good drinkin' buddies, all da free beer I can drink, and no one's hic found my porn collection yet!" He stops suddenly, "Aw shit! I can't believes me saids dat out loud! Gimme dat tape!" He starts trying to dismantle the camera, but we send in security guards to remove him.
Next up is Nel. She takes her seat in front of the camera and looks around nervously. Facing the camera, she says, "I can't stay long, must return to my lair. I've been spying on everyone lately to practice using this new technology; it'll be great to have around when I return to Aquaria. Gotta' go!" She removes the grate on the vent above her and escapes into the air ducts; already quite well acquainted with the ventilation shafts, she easily finds her way back to the basement.
We let the next person in line, Fayt, into the room now. He sits down, lights a joint, and takes a long drag before speaking, "This place rocks! There are SO many places to hide pot around this house! It just sucks that my room burnt up." Another drag, "And what's with Al? That guy is such a square! It's hard to sleep at night with him glaring daggers at me from across the room, throwing 'em sometimes too!" He takes a few more drags of his joint, "I just wish eeeverybody could just...like...ya' know...get alooooong! Aaaaaaanywhoooo," yet another long drag, "I gotta' scram; so much pot, sooooooo little time!" He saunters out of the room, tossing his joint down behind him. Unfortunately, the discarded joint ignites the carpet on the floor and the Diary Room is destroyed by the fire.
Mirage was too busy with her martial arts training to speak to the camera anyway and Adray is passed out on the front lawn. Maria is outside in the back yard, trying to learn to shoot behind her back. Roger runs outside to play ball and gets caught in the fire; he is carried away by his paramedics again.
After having his bullet wound tended too, Roger gets an idea. He grabs one of Peppita's large teddy bears and carries it off into the shadows, where he disembowels it and hops in, sealing the incision from the inside. How could he POSSIBLY get hurt inside a big stuffed bear after all? He waddles into the living room, back to where he found the bear, and plops down on the floor, eager for a painless day of peace and relaxation (but we know better don't we? evil grin)
Peppita walks into the room and starts playing with the smaller stuffed animals, making them jump through plastic hoops and balance on tight wires. Enter Albel. He is still furious about this morning and plops down angrily on the couch, grabbing the remote control and flipping the channel to the most violent, gory movie he can find. Suddenly, he hears a sneeze across the room. He turns his head quickly, looking for the source of the noise, but all he sees over there is Peppita's large stuffed teddy bear. He notices that the bear looks somewhat deflated and goes over to inspect it. He looks it up and down, then kicks it. "Ow!" the bear exclaims, then goes silent. Albel grins maliciously.
"Hey, Peppita," he calls, his grin turning to that of feigned innocence (Albel, innocent? Ha! that's a good one!), "mind if I play with your stuffed animals too?"
"Yes, I mind!" she snaps, "You'll just tear them up like you did the other day!"
"No I won't," he lies, "I was just in a bad mood that day, but I feel much better now and I'd like to make it up to you."
"Yay!" Peppita cheers happily. She gestures for him to pick an animal to play with and he chooses (you guessed it) the large bear.
"I'd like to teach you a new game, Peppita," he says, eyeing up the bear evilly.
"A new game?" she asks excitedly.
"Yes, a new game," he continues, "it's called 'Death to the Bear'." He feels the bear in his hand start to tremble and his grin broadens.
"How do ya' play?" Peppita asks, very interested in the new game.
"We take turns thinking up ways to kill the bear," he points with one claw of his gauntlet to the bear he's holding, "the person who destroys it most thoroughly wins."
"But I like that bear!" Peppita cries.
"Oh, but this game will be great fun," he tells her, "well worth the sacrifice of one bear."
"Ok," she agrees, "but I better have lots of fun or you owe me a new bear!"
"Oh we shall," he sneers at the bear, "we shall have MUCH fun." He laughs an evil laugh and leads Peppita outside, carrying the bear by the scruff of its neck.
"Since it's your bear," he tells Peppita, "you get the first turn."
"Yay!" she yells excitedly, "Put it down there!" She points to a spot in the yard and Albel drops the bear there. Peppita then runs to the storage shed and grabs a huge mallet. She runs back to the bear and, getting a spinning start, smashes it in the face with the mallet. The bear makes a sickening cracking sound as it falls over. "Yay!" she yells, "This IS fun!"
"And it only get's better," Albel tells her, "it's my turn now." He picks it up by a leg, spins it around over his head and throws it against a small tree, breaking the tree in half with the force of the impact.
"Wow!" Peppita laughs, "That was AWESOME!" Peppita goes off screen and returns riding an elephant (where the blazes did THAT come from!). She rides it over the bear, trampling it into the ground. Albel is rolling on the ground, laughing hysterically.
He picks himself up off the ground and disappears off screen. We hear the sound of a loud engine starting up and he drives back on screen in a huge monster truck (where the hell are they getting all this stuff! and when did he learn to drive!), which he then proceeds to drive over the bear. He backs over it and then drives forward again, repeating this several times and then burning off on it. Peppita can barely breathe.
Peppita wraps a red blanket around the bear and then disappears off screen again. Suddenly, a bull charges forward at the bear, stomping it and goring it with its horns. Peppita reappears, laughing hysterically.
Albel carries the bear to the nearby train tracks and ties it to the track; he disappears off screen once more and then we hear a train whistle and the sound of an oncoming train. Sure enough, here comes Albel driving a 150 car train. He drives over the bear.
Peppita scrapes the flattened bear off the tracks and then drives a steam roller over it. (we have GOT to find out where they are getting all these things!)
"And now for the big finale," Albel says, picking up the bear, which is now flat as paper and dripping blood. Peppita follows him as he carries the bear to the nearby wood chipper. Laughing maniacally, he throws the bear into the wood chipper and laughs even harder as the loud machine spits out bloody chunks of fabric and Menodix. Still laughing, Albel and Peppita return to the house as, behind them, Roger's paramedic crew picks up the pieces and starts sewing him back together.
Later, at lunch, everyone is busy eating when Roger walks in, looking like a patchwork quilt. "Aaahhh!" the stoned Fayt screams, "it's Frankenstein's Monster!" He grabs a golf club and starts beating Roger with it. Sophia and Mirage rush to Roger's aid, holding back Fayt long enough for the little dweeb to escape.
"What happened to you, Roger!" Peppita yells, worriedly.
"You and Albel, that's what!" he yells back.
Albel is laughing maniacally on the other side of the table, all but falling out of his chair.
Only then does Peppita realize why Albel wanted to play with her stuffed animals. "ALBEL!" she screams, taking a flying leap over the table and tackling him. Too busy laughing, he is easily caught and Peppita grabs his hair, wrapping the two long ponytails around his neck and throttling him with them.
Albel somehow manages to escape, mowing Roger down in the process, and spends the rest of the day running from the enraged Peppita.
RESULTS: Adray has been voted out. (He's not that funny anyway.)
This was my first ever fanfic, so please don't judge it too harshley! I plan to continue the series with another 8 chapters. Loved it? Hated it? Comment please so I know what I'm doing right or wrong. Thank you for your time!