Sometimes he dreamed that Miki was alive.

She is a grown girl in high school and he is her guardian. Shinji and he never went off on the wrong path and they're all a family. He cooks for her and she makes fun of his girlfriends. Shinji and Miki get into a weird relationship before they realize they're family. It's a beautiful dream and he embraces it wholly. If that dream were real his whole life would be different.

That's why when he wakes up he does not have to refocus to realize it's not the truth. He wakes up in alleys, hotels, wherever this journey across the world to gain strength takes him. He knows it's all for them and knows once he awakens that he can't allow it to happen again. This dream fills him with both regret and encouragement.

But those dreams come often enough. They're not chased away by hatred, guilt, and disgust. They're not stuffed into the same drawer as his weakness.

Then he dreamed of waking up, and it was more than a resolve.

There beside him lay a beautiful girl with long auburn hair. At first he refused to believe it. It had to be a dream, he told himself. He had been holding her hand in a hospital bed when she died. An empty smile on her face. What had she been so damn happy about? He had failed to protect her. And then a year later he had seen her soul held in place by his hatred and he vowed then and there he would become powerful enough to stop all the sadness and protect her in the only way he could.

But then he always grew weak. Especially when he saw her large belly and the beautiful sound of her sleeping. He'd slept with her only once, in both senses. He'd held her then. And then he always faltered. He pulled her close and he took all of her in.

His precious person.

His girl.

"Senpai?" she muttered groggily. Like she had forgotten they were married then. That they had a life together now. Then he would laugh because he always believed it. And then she would weakly laugh back. "Akihiko..." she would laugh. Not a shell. Not empty. A beautiful girl who loved him.

He moved to help her up, but she wouldn't take his hand.

"Come on, your due date is near..." he teased her, trying to help her up. She shook her head.

"My date has passed, Akihiko," she smiled at him. "Don't worry about helping so much. I was the one who helped you. Isn't it alright for me to help the person I love?"

The bed she was sitting on was just darkness. It was she and him, the look on his face of absolute horror. Darkness everywhere. She took his hand, but not for support for herself. It was to support him. She was so cold.

"No, no it's not okay! Mi-" She smiled that dead empty smile. "Please...please, I...tell me, how can I save you? I don't want you to protect me..I want your smile! I want your happiness! Without you...I, I don't know what to do!"

All she did was smile for a long moment.

Then she spoke.

"Be strong," she said gently.

And so Akihiko Sanada was strong.