I think that with all the 'oh shoot. THOSE are my feelings? oh. okay. let me show them at the most inappropriate time.' moments with Bones and Booth these past 2 seasons (oh, who am I kidding. its been the whole damn show!) They fit these lyrics perfectly! haha. set in season 6, with hannah, and referencing to 'that' night. based on the song 'Hologram' by Katie Herzig.
oh, and just so you know. I'm snowballing the dialogue from that fateful night and adding more dialouge that I find appropriate. sorry its not accurate :)
i own nothing.
now, on with it!
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~'That' Night~
I m gonna let you down
"I need to protect you, Booth' Tears were falling down her face. Temperance Brennan wanted this for longer than she can remember. But, she didn't want to lose the most important person in her life. And that is exactly what would happen if she let herself go. He'd see just what a mess that she was in a relationship. He'd leave her faster than you could say 'Goodbye'.
"From what, Bones?" Booth's chocolate eyes flicked between her baby blues, trying to read something from them. He couldn't tell a thing. Too many emotions conflicting with eachother.
Sadness. Fear. Guilt. Anxiety. "Me."
Gonna toss you around
"You?" Booth was hurt that she would shoot down his offer because she felt that she would screw it up.
"Yes, me. I won't be there for you. I'm too fleeting to be the girl you want to be with in 30, 40, 50 years! I wish I could, but I can't" More tears fell down her face as she spat his words back in his face and mixed them with words that came straight from her metaphorical heart.
Gonna make you want everything you haven t found
"Yes, you will! I will work at this, so I can have you and we will be happy!" Tears were now pouring down his face. This was the first time Seeley Booth had cried over a woman.
"You're not going to want me after you find out what it's like to be with me, romantically. You want, no Booth, you need a girl who will be solid in her relationship with you. You need stability. I'm not that girl." She couldn't look at him anymore.
It killed Booth to know that she didn't want to take this gamble with him.
He knew there was a reason why he had quit.
I m gonna hold your hand
Booth held Brennans hand, looked at her, and said words that would sear into Temperance Brennan's mind forever.
"I'm going to have to move on now, you know that? I need to find the girl who will be there in 30, 40, 50 years."
She sighed. "I know, Booth. I know."
~A few weeks later.~
Then ask you to stand
"Booth, we need to talk." Brennan told him as she sat in the usual booth.
"Yes?" He looked up at the woman he had been rejected by. If she wasn't already a human repellamt, she had become even more cold, distant, and awkward in the past few weeks.
"I'm going to Maluku in Indonesia for a year." She looked at him dead in the eye. "And I've been informed that you've been invited to back into the army."
"You're going where?" Booth's eyes shot open.
"The Maluku Islands." Booth covered his hands with his face.
"Why?" He didn't understand this woman. At all.
Ten feet away
"I need some time to think. And there's a project going on that could change human evolution as we know it." She said, with no emotion whatsoever.
Booth sat there. Speechless.
"And Booth?"
"Bones?" Although meant to be a question, Booth's 'whatever' tone of voice made it sound like a statement.
"I think you should take the position in Iraq."
Oh it s just like you said
Booth sat there speechless. Inside her mind, Brennan regretted everything she had just said. But she knew he needed his space, and she assumed that a global difference would provide accurate space.
Booth, on the other hand, was beginning to believe she just didn't want to see him anymore.
I live in my head
Was all of those gestures between them over these past 5 years just in his head? Was it all a darling little fantasy conjoured up in the mind of Seeley Booth?
It was sure looking that way.
I m saving up all that I have til I m dead
Brennan wanted to kiss that sullen and sad look right off of Booth's face. She couldn't pull that golden heart out of it's steel cage enough to comfort him and say how wrong she was that other night. Brennan had spent the majority of these weeks wishing she had the balls (or ovaries, in the logical sense) to come face to face with her feelings. But, she never will. At least not now.
It s always the same
Brennan knows she does this often. She pushes it all into a little box in the back of her mind labeled "Don't Touch".
And never the same way
It happened with her dad and Russ. It just now happened with Booth.
She was such a screw up. At least, thats how she felt.
But oh if you don t want me though
Booth looked up to the only woman who could cause him to feel insanely happy, and insanely sad, in the matter of a few minutes.
She didn't want him. At least, thats how he felt she felt.
I ll only want you more
And all he could do was want for get up and give her a 'guy hug' and kiss her hair.
Her rejection made his passion stronger.
I fall in love with hard to get
Why did he love the only person who could cause him this much pain? He'd never understand.
He'd fell in love with an angel. A very un-angellic angel.
She was beautiful. She was loving. But she could hurt people more than she was honestly aware of. He couldn't touch her. She wouldn't let him.
You know you re just like me
Brennan looked at Booth. She could see all the hurt in his heart plastered across his face.
Little did he know, she felt the same. She just hid hers better.
A mystery with nothing more to see
She knew how bad she had hurt him. And he knew how bad she had hurt him too.
A virtual reality
She wishes she could live the dreams she'd been having.
Her and Booth. Happy. Married. With childrem.
I m in a love affair without a love song
She wishes she knew how to tell him she truely did love him.
I m in the habit of having what I don t want
Booth sighed, and lifted his head out of his hands. Why did he love her?
He would never understand his heart.
I m just a hologram
Brennan looked at Booth.
You can see but don t touch me baby
Her brain screamed, but no words came out.
"I'm not ready yet! Wait for me Booth, c'mon... Wait!"
Oh I bet you want me
Little did she know, if she had said something, she could have saved her self a whole lotta hurt later.
One word would have made all of the difference.
In a few months, Temperance Brennan will have wished she would have told him to wait...
~Season 6~
I am taking up space I m right out of place
Hannah had become Booth's world. Brennan went from being a main charecter in his heart to simply an extra.
Brennan's heart hurt more than she would ever admit.
I m holding a half-hearted smile to your face
She tried her best to be supportive of Booth's relationship with Hannah. She was, after all, the one who had given him permission to move on. She had been the one who told him he should find that girl who would be there in '30, 40, 50 years'.
She should be in Hannah's position, but who was she to get in Booth's way to happiness?
It s pretty enough but watch out it fades away
For months, Brennan had kept up this facade of happiness in front of Booth and Hannah.
But the mask was starting to chip away.
And then came the Lauren case.
Time is ticking so fast
Brennan felt her biological clock ticking when her world had turned upside down.
That's when she realised she was going to be a lonely old woman.
The thought scares her more than abandonment
Does anything last
It scares her to know that she's the one causing her own suffering.
How long would it be before she abandons the Jeffersonian completely?
She can't stand to see Booth with Hannah.
Soon I will be just apart of your past
When the thought of her stupidity on that night crossed her mind on that car ride, Temperance Brennan was not going to repeat her last half-assed attempt of an 'excuse'.
She had received the signal. And she wasn't going to let one more oppurtunity go.
She wasn't going to become some old unrequited love he'd tell his grandbabies about. Nope, not going to happen.
I ll leave you with this
"I dont want to have any regrets."
He just stared at her. "Hannah's not just some consolation prize. I love her."
And Brennan's floodgates opened.
"I missed my chance."
You hold on in blissful memories
Booth sat in his driveway, not wanting to go inside to his girlfriend.
Suddenly, he didn't love Hannah anymore.
He couldn't believe what Bones had just told him. If it was true, he just blew off his last chance with the woman of his dreams.
Oh if you don t want me though
Brennan sat on her bed and cried.
And cried.
She didn't know how to stop this pain.
Too much emotion in one woman is never a good thing, happy or sad.
I ll only want you more
She knew she shouldn't.
But she can't help it.
She loved him.
I fall in love with hard to get
But he had her.
She couldn't even think her name without wanting to throw something.
You know you re just like me
She didn't know that Booth was only being virtious to the woman he had claimed to love for the past few months.
He had secretly wanted to have her feel what he had felt that first night.
Pain, Sadness.
A mystery with nothing more to see
But she had felt that originally, too.
Why couldn't he see it?
A virtual reality
They both sat there, Booth in his driveway and Brennan on her bed.
Wishing nothing more than to be in eachother's company.
Neither having the guts to do so.
I m in a love affair without a love song
They love eachother. They both know it now,
They just don't know what to do with this newfound knowledge.
I m in the habit of having what I don t want
Was this what their relationship was going to be like this?
Then, maybe, was it not worth it?
I m just a hologram
Who were they kidding?
They needed this.
You can see but don t touch me baby
All they wanted was to be in eachother's company.
Oh I bet you want me now
Booth realized his mistake that he had made, first 9 months ago. And about 19 minutes ago..
He needed to be there for her.
He started up his car engine again.
Now that you can see
'She knows now, Seel. C'mon. Let's go!'
Booth sped to that pretty apartment on eighth street.
Brennan would not be alone tonight.
Or any other night, if she accepted his pleading apology.
I m not, not what you make of me
Why did he think he could just waltz away from DC and Brennan and end up in a happy relationship?
He couldn't.
He was a chicken. He ran from his feelings.
Pansy.
I m in a love affair without a love song
He ran up the stairs to her apartment doors.
He knocked on the door.
No answer.
He shot the lock on the door.
Cullen was going to kill him if he ever found out what he did.
I m in the habit of having what I don t want
Brennan heard a knock.
She ignored it.
She wanted no visitors.
She heard a gunshot.
She grabbed her gun.
The last thing she needed was to be kidnapped.
I m just a hologram
Brennan turned the corner carefully, gunfirst.
She dropped the pistol in her hand. Thank God it was on safety.
Seeley Booth was standing in her foyer, crying.
You can see but don t touch me baby
"Bones, I'm sorry. I should have waited."
Brennan ran into his arms and inhaled his cologne.
He accepted her hug.
"Are you and Hannah... done?" She asked, cautiously.
"No."
"Then, why are you here?" She pulled away from his hug to look him in the eye.
"To apologise. When I get home, I'll break up with Hannah. And I'm willing to give us a chance. Say you will too."
"Only when I know I can have you all to myself."
She took a step back to look at the man in front of her.
Oh I bet you want me now