5 minutes later
How do I keep doing this? It always ends in me snogging Dave the laughy laugher. Stupid Dave the laugh. It's always his fault I end up getting to number 6 with him. Oh and don't even get me started on his fantastico lip nibbling technique.
2 minutes later
I must say it is vair vair groovy.
20 seconds later
But I must put my red bottom aside and think of my gorgey porgey Masimo waiting for me in froggie a-go-go..no no, and double no with knobs. In, in….pizza a something a…..W-o-w. Jelloid knickers extraordinaire. The hornmeister started snogging my neck. Holy moley I think
I' m going to faint. I sort of leaned on Dave for support. He chuckled
"Now, now Kitttykat I'm not quite done yet" he leaned in and stopped an inch from my face. I could tell he was about to snog me into oblivion when guess who decided to join us? Oh I don't know, my so called best friend? We both jumped away from each other and landed in the pond. It was vair vair nippy noodles and gross and slimy and- oh what just touched me?
"Jas" I exclaimed.
"Tom" Dave shouted.
"You two have some serious explaining to do" Mrs. Vole said, hands on hips.
5 minutes later, tied to a tree
Mr. and Mrs. Vole have tied me and Dave to a tree with some rope Tom brought for who knows what. I felt something touch my hand. I swiveled my head around to look Dave in the eyes. He really was extremely hot with knobs. He gave me his lop sided smile.
"Well Gee, looks like we are going to be stuck here for a bit. While we're here, fancy a bit of a snog?" I snorted and rolled my eyes.
"What, with the guy who got me tied to an idiot tree!"
"Ah now Kittykat, you forget that you played your part in that as well. Not only did you snog me, but also it was your pally who tied us to this tree so that we could 'talk'." Yes the famous reason to why Jazzy spazzy and Hunky tied us to this ant infested thing called a tree. To talk. To each other. About thiiings.
10 minutes later
It has not technically turned into an awkward silence, but it is rapidly becoming one.
"Why do you do this to me Gee? Are we just friends, or am I a play toy to you. I don't understand. GEORGIA I DON'T UNDERSTAND" and with that he got a knife out of his pocket and snapped the rope off his wrists, stood up and walked away. Leaving me all aloney on my owney.
I didn't know he could escape.
Damn him.
I could get eaten by a bear.
Or a vole for that matter.
"Dave?" I called hesitantly into the dark. No reply, what a surprise.
So every one has abandoned me.
Even my 'boyfriend' Masimo. Wait, he is my boyfriend right?
I mean I' m defs not going to dump him for Dave, right?
Oh I' am in such a state of confusosity.
But Dave and I do have a laugh together, although he is called Dave the laugh. He probably has a laugh with everyone. Including his girlfriend Emma. Oh yeah, Emma. Maybe they broke up?
Why do I care anyway, I' m taken, completely and utterly.
Same bat time, same stupid bat tree
How am I going to eat? I may starve. Oh I bet everyone would have a great laugh if I actually died out here. Stupid uncaring rat faced-
"Gee?" Dave.
"Ex-Laugh-Now-Called-Abandoning-Murdering-Dave?" he smiled but it didn't touch his eyes. How unlaughish.
"So Gee, I think it's time you chose. I mean for real. We either become Permanente snogging partners or become strictly matey-type-mates. Strictly. He was looking at his coolio shoes. They were tres fantastic! Anyway back to the matter at hand.
"Uh Dave?"
"No Kittykat, don't decide yet, I'll give you some time. No, I'll give you until tomorrow. I' m sor-
"Yeah Dave in a sec, but you've kinda, um got a ," oh god I' m morphing into Ellen. Watch out Dave I just might kill you with the power of speech, " –a snake on your foot"
"WHAT! Get it off! Quick, I think I' m going to hyperventilate."
"Stop being such a girl. Kinda a problemo though. I' m a bit, tied up, you know, over here"
He said something very rudey dudey rhyming with duck.
"Just get a stick and sort of flick it off!!"
"It will bite me! The bloody thing. Ok I' m just gonna sort of kick my foot. It'll fall off right?" yeah sure Dave, in your dreams.
"Of course it will. 1. 2. 3!" the snake didn't move. I think it actually wound itself more around his shoe so that if he put his foot down he would stand on it's body.
"Ok well, why don't you just stamp your foot down really hard and kill it?!"
"Yeah Gee, now your dreaming!" wait, how did he know I told him he was dreaming before? I didn't say it out loud, did I? Oh I don't have time for this.
"Hey what are you two girls screaming about?" oh thank Jas' giant blooming knickers. Po herself had come to save the day. With Hunky in tow, naturally.
"Jas Jas he's got a bloody snake on his foot and thanks to you I can't-,"
"Georgia SHUT-UP. TOOOMM. SAVE ME!!!"
"Oh get over it!" and with that Jas walked over, picked up the snake and let it go into the bushes. Blimey.
I think Dave and I were both in shock. Both of us couldn't move. Well, again, I was tied to a tree.
"Well I could've done that!" Dave shouted and smiled. Jas just glared at him. She clearly has issues.
"A thanks would be fine so called laughy man" what? Laughy man? What is she smoking?
"Cheers Jas"
"Hel-Lo"
Everyone turned to stare at me and then they all turned to walk off.
"Excuse-e moi?" Dave sighed and came to sit by me. We watched
Tom and Jas wander off, hand in miserable hand.
"What am I going to do with you?" I looked at him and my eyes filled with tears. I felt so much yearning toward him. Shame it wasn't meant to be
Sunday 31st July
Back home. We packed up our tents etc; got on a coach of some kind; talked to some people. It's all a bit fuzzy.
Bed of Pain
I can't believe I actually considered dumping my dear sweet Masimo. For Mr. Laugh. After my bestie left he said choose. And so that's what I did. I chose Masimo. Of course Jas had a nervy.B, saying all this stuff about soul mates etc, etc. why does no one like the taste of my Italian cakey? How do they know Dave the tart is the sweetest, cutest, hottest caringest tart out there? I need to go fishing.
5 minutes later
I don't mean it literally num nuts. I mean go fishing in my sea of BOYS. Argh, some people!
9.00pm
La la lala la la lalala. I' am officially borrrred. Phone is ringing. Ring ring ring ring.
"Yello, you've reached bored house located in bored town, how may I help you?"
"Oi, it's Ro Ro. Gee I' m having a sparkle party at my house, tomorrow night, you up for it?"
"Yeah of course mon Pally. Why so normal?"
"Ahh well there is only so many weird funky parties a girl can have. Also Sven just bought some coolio sparkly leather short shorts"
But of course. Glad I asked, not.
"So you'll be there?"
"Sure as surey thingo. One question though. Um, is Dave going?" I don't know, but I had to ask.
"Of course my silly, little girly. I don't know why he was so grumpy on camp, but I' m sure he's all happy and smiles now. Don't worry, you'll cheer him up, you always do! Cya!" and she hung up. Yeah sure, I think I'll actually push him over the edge this time, with my 'wise words of wisdom'"
"GINGEEY, I neeeeeed the phonneyy!!!" if anyone ever gave Libby the phone they would need to be seriously duffed up.
"No Libby. Look food!" she actually fell for it. I guess when you haven't eaten in days, it's not hard to believe. Poor baby. She ran back to me,
"Gingey you liiiar liiiar PANTS on fiiire!" and kicked me up the bum o'ley. Ouchy mumma!! The little devil. I decided to grab my nungas and retreat.
Monday 1st august
I woke up at the early time of 12.00pm. Wow that's late even for me, and it limited me to only, uh, um, ahhhhhh, 7 hours to get ready. Oh my giddy god.
5 minutes later
Ok I have made a list:
1. Have a bath
2. Wash hair
3. Shave legs
4. Face mask
5. Put hair in hair curlers
6. Choose out fit
7. Makeup (Eye liner, foundation, sparkly mascara, blush, lipstick, lipgloss, sparkly eye make up and a teeny bit of perfume
8. Put on chosen out fit
9. Leave at 6.45
10. Arrive at !
And now it begins.
6.30pm
Ohhhh I look tres tres groovy if I do say so myself! My makeup is done and out fit chosen and I have taken my hair out of the curlers. It has extreme amounts of bouncability. I' m wearing a black bubble dress with silver sparkles all through it. My v. high black boots to top it off and I' m ready to go!
6.40pm
Out the door with a black jacket my vatti insisted that I wear. I'll ditch it the moment I get past the door. Maybe earlier; yes, sounds like a plan.
7.04pm
I have arrived and am sitting on Ro Ro's couch drinking who knows what. Probs something with alcohol in it as Sven did give it to me.
7.28pm
Party is rockin'. The ace gang just had a quick Viking bison disco inferno. Good times. I was getting a soda when guess who walked through the door? Mr. and Mrs. Laugh (i.e. Dave and Emma), I looked away. Yes I had rejected Dave, many, many times, but I can't deny there is a spark between us. Plus he looked vair groovy with his hair all spiked up in jeans and a black shirt. But I feel I made the right choice, for the both of us. He has Emma, I have Masimo. Everyones happy or everyone should be happy.
"Sorry ladies, this laugh is TAKEN. Me and my kittykat have some snogging to do." I turned around to stare at Dave. The Ace gang were staring at me, and Dave was staring at Emma. Emma. No it's not what you think.
Emma= Kittykat
No Gee= Kittykat
Emma?
Emma?
Kittykat?
What was this? Steal my name day?
She stole my name. Dave looked up and saw me staring. I don't know exactly what I thought I saw flash in his eyes, but for a sec it looked like revenge. He had ripped me of my naming rights.
I was to hurt to cry. Maybe he didn't mean he loved me. Maybe he meant he loved someone else, like Emma, and that's why he gave her my name.
She was smiling as well, staring up into my davey's eyes. Wait what? My davey? Davey?
I was going bonkers.
Jas walked up to me,
"That's what you get for ditching him, again. Although I' am sorry Gee. He shouldn't have done that. It's like he's erasing you from his memory" oh that made me feel a ton better. Cheers.
"Don't worry Gee, I'll talk to him, see what's happening. He really does love yo- Hey Emma!" she was glaring at Tom so intensely I thought she had turned into the devil herself.
"Hey you got something to say to my boyfriend?" Emma shook her head, "huh, didn't think so. Now, run along." Oh My Giddy God. GO JAS. I feel like going and painting a sign saying: 'GO TEAM JAS!!'. She was like super-best-friend-and-girlfriend.
Emma just looked shocked, she had nothing to say, so she ran off to do who knows what with Dave on the dance floor.
Wait, let's back track a little here. Dave LOVES ME? Well I know he told me on camp but I thought he meant like mates or something. Blimey.
Then why did he strip me of kittykat of the first water, the name he gave me, the sexiest name ever. I mean I know it's just a name, but it's something we had together, something kittykat and Laugh shared.
I decided to put this behind me. Obviously Dave the laugh doesn't want anything to do with me, and I want nothing to do with him. We are now officially nothing to each other; The bloody End.
8.00pm
Tired. Too tired to dance, walk, run, skip dance, oh wait I already said that hahahahahaha.
Wow I think I drank a little tooooo many of these tasty little drinks. Hahahahaha taaaasty. I see a bed. Who's bed it is I' m not entirely sure, but it's empty and that's a start.
20 seconds later
I' m in the bed.
30 minutes later
Still in the bed
"Daaaaave I' m sooo tiiired. Let's lie doooown. Pweaz?"
"Emma how much did you drink?"
"Like noooothing"
Oh great, the couple of the year have just walked in, seen me and are now doing that starey stare thingo, where everyone stares; at you, and not in a good way, if there is a good way.
And there's good reason to stare, because I was blubbing, a lot. Mascara probably made me look like a mad women. How attractive. NOT.
"Oh Kittykat"
"Yeahhh davey?" but even Emma in her drunken daze could see he was obviously talking to me.
"Um Emma, why don't you go down stairs, and I'll cya later, hey?"
It looked like she was going to say something but she just stormed out, looking all huffy.
"Gee I-,"
"Save it Dave, I really don't want to hear it" but he just walked over and sat at my feet.
"Have your nungas grown? They really are naughty little minxes!"
I didn't smile.
In fact, he didn't either.
I think we both knew we needed to talk. It was just one of those moments. He leaned over and started stroking my hair. I started to blub all over again.
"Hey come here" I sat up and sort of fell into him. We stayed like that for a long time.
I knew I had to say it sooner or later. It was inevitable.
"Doyouloveme?"
Well maybe that was a teeny bit fast. But he's sharp, he should pick it up.
"Uh what?" or not.
"Dave, why did take my name away from me, the name you gave me when you," GULP, "fellinlovewithme?"
He didn't look surprised when he heard it; he just looked sad.
"When you said no to me, it was the first time you've actually looked me in the eye and rejected me. I wasn't expecting that. I wasn't fully aware of the consequences for my actions, I just acted. I was devastated, naturally. When I got home I felt the anger, I thought, well I should love my girlfriend, even though I don't, so I tried to give her the name of my one and only love. I'll admit it didn't feel great. I thought I owed it to Emma, to myself, but mainly, I just wanted revenge. Horrible, I know, but that's the way my PANTS are."
He smiled. It felt like years since I'd seen that smile. We leaned towards each other and snogged. It was soft but passionate. It felt like I was coming home after being held prisoner for a very long time.
1 hour later
Still snogging Dave the laugh. He smells really nice as well, a musty, gentle smell. I was extremely attracted to it (oo-er). There was a tiny bit of number 8 going on when Emma walked in. I won't lie, it wasn't pretty.