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Final Fantasy VII/Little Shop of Horrors
Disclaimer: I don't own Little Shop or FFVII.
A/N: I came home from seeing Little Shop of Horrors and I am of course obsessed with FFVII. And so is born... this. I'll go suck laughing gas now. Hee hee heeeee...
Jenova floated in the greenish solution, glaring around the empty lab. Would the bastard ever get back? Not that she'd have a problem with it if he didn't, but…
"Get that thing up here, really. It's not that difficult!"
In the name of the Homeworld! That voice haunts the nightmares of the universe across. And maybe some beings in other universes too.
"Maaaan, this stupid plant is SOOOO heavy…"
Hojo strode into the lab preceding a set of large green tentacle like leaves. There was a noise of something jamming. "It's stuck again! Damn it… Rude! Uh… turn it to the side. No, no, no! The other side. See the way I'm turning it? Turn it that way! No, no, wait, put it down for a second…"
"Be careful not to damage this fascinating specimen!" Hojo shouted to the two Turks.
After several minutes of the redhead shouting orders at his bald partner and Hojo shouting highly unhelpful orders at both of them they got the huge pot through the door.
Hojo made sure the plant was exactly where he wanted it (where it would be visible to passersby, but wouldn't obscure the view of his pride: Jenova.) then shooed the Turks out of the lab and walked around and around the plant petting it and admiring it. Loudly. Finally he got bored and left.
The moment Hojo was out of earshot, a deep sinister voice rang across the room furiously, echoing in the cavernous corners of the lab. "If that SON OF A SPACE WORM touches me again I'm gonna bite his head off!"
Well, why do you not? It only gets worse the longer you stay here… Trust me. Jenova thought dismally.
"In the name of the Homeworld! You speakin' my language here, babe!" The large plant turned around to face the glass case where his fellow space invader was floating. "Nice specimen, an't cha?"
So I am told… constantly. Either way, why are you here?
"Same's you I'm sure. Consume all tasty humans!"
Actually, I am here to eliminate feeble-minded life forms from the universe…
"Same thing, really."
Not precisely…
"Don't care. Anyway, you got a name, doll?"
The "son of a space worm" refers to me as "Jenova".
"Pretty."
Jenova resisted commenting, sensing the sarcasm. And you?
"They call me Audrey II on this planet."
Audrey II? She would have laughed if she'd had any emotions.
"You can call me 'Twoey' for short. All my friends do."
Friends?
"Yep. Mmmm… Tasty friends."
There was an awkward silence. "Anyway… can I get my mouth around that old bugger?"
If you are asking my permission, I would be absolutely thrilled to get rid of him… not to mention the rest of the stupid species… I can help you if you let me out.
"Sure thing, hon." Audrey II reached out a vine and touched the control pad that controlled the glass tank in which Jenova resided. He tapped it. Nothing happened. Eventually he gave up and just smashed the glass with a sharp smack.
Jenova carefully slithered out of the tank and hissed quietly, testing her voice.
"Th-thank you." She spoke in a high pitched hiss that contrasted perfectly to Audrey II's deep growl.
"No prob."
Jenova cut to the chase. "You wish to eat him, correct?"
"Yep, we just need to lure him over here where I can grab him." Audrey II flexed his leaves.
"He will not take much luring; he will walk blindly through anything in the general direction of a specimen that might be in danger…"
"In that case, come sit near my mouth. I'll act like I'm eating you." Jenova looked at him, a little afraid. "Don't worry, I only eat humans… mmm… whenever I can, anyway…"
She sighed, slithered across the room gracefully and settled softly against Audrey II's foliage. It was much more comfortable than floating in a glass jar. "Now we wait for Hojo to return…"
"Yah…"
There was a long silence while they waited for Hojo. The lab door opened and Audrey II whispered "Showtime!" He made a deep growling, opening his jaw in Jenova's direction pretending to try to eat her. His breath washed over her. It had a similar composition to the air of their home world. Jenova liked it.
Hojo's eyes exceeded the restrictions of his glasses frames. "Jenny! No! Stop it, plant!" he ran forward to attempt to save his prized specimen. When he was a few feet away Audrey II reached out a vine and grabbed the scientist around the neck, lifting him into the air.
Audrey II laughed deeply sinisterly. "Haha ha! Hey, you ugly son of a space worm! It's me! Audrey II!! And guess what? I'm hungry. And I like to eat humans. And you're the only human around, so…"
"Twoey, you ought to just eat him…"
"The bad guy always has to explain his motive first!"
"I will remember that…" she hissed sarcastically.
Audrey II got the hint and tossed Hojo into the air and caught him; he chomped, swallowed, then licked his lips. He sighed, contented. "'Jenny' huh? Mind if I call you that too?"
"I suppose not…"
"Right, then… what now… Jenny?"
She smiled and focused. She transformed the composition of her cells into an exact replica of Hojo. "Now… I'll go get those two blasted Turks…" She said in Hojo's voice, smiling.
There were, after the arrival of the strange and facinating plant, dozens of unexplained employee disappearances. All of them seemed to be connected Somehow with the Science department
A disappointed, deep voice was reported by Shinra employees to have rung out from the laboratory floor some time later saying. "Wait, you already have a kid?..."