~*~*The Weenie Incident: How It Brought Us Together*~*~
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By Mini,
Dedicated to Katie-chan! ^_^!! *megahugs!*
I've been inspired! Look out, kiddies! Mini's on another damn Chef Boyardee high!
D/C: The Cthulhu thing belongs to KnM, whom I have been given permission by to use her idea. ^_^
Noo Noo: Noo Noo? Noo?
Eeeeexactly. ^_^
Noo Noo: ^^;
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"Lookit!! I'm the indestructible Waffleweenie!! Whoo-hoo!!" Duo jumped onto the counter and struck a pose, receiving only three glares from Trowa, Wufei and Heero, and a giggle from Quatre. The blonde's eyes glittered at the display of silliness and the laugh was lilting.
"Maxwell, get off the counter and put that damn cleaver down!"
Duo held the knife with care and pouted. "But I don't wanna! Aw, come on, Wu! Grab your katana and join me! Give in," he paused, "to the weenie!! You know you want it..." Duo waved the impaled weenie in Wufei's face, innocent and oblivious.
"MAXWELL!" Wufei spat, feeling a trickle of blood coming from his nose as Duo wiggled it at him.
Quatre was already losing it, and looked as though he were to start rolling any minute now. Heero smirked and Trowa lowered his head so he couldn't see through the bang.
"Give in," Duo insisted, playfully bopping Wufei's nose, "to the weeeeenieee!!"
The Chinese pilot's nose gushed and red went everywhere, much to the delight of bubbly Quatre, who was currently boiling over-- he had started rolling on the floor and giving little snorts. Heero snorted in amusement. Baka.
"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~NIE!!! Wah hah!!" Duo stepped back slightly and flung the weenie at the crazed Wufei's bleeding face. Quatre's stomach hurt as he laughed, and Heero started to smile.
Started.
Trowa had been successfully avoiding the incident, but when Wufei threw his kleenex box behind him and hit Trowa in the bang, he could stand it no longer! His eyebrows began to fork, and had acquired an erratic look in his eyes, now unmasked by his rising bang. All eyes were on him as he glowed green and spoke.
"Cthulhu!!!" he raged.
Lo and behold, a monster with an octopus head fell from the warping ceiling!
A... smaller monster. About 7 feet tall.
"Cthulhu..." he summoned, "I wake you from your dream!"
It stared blankly at him and gave him the tentacle, rising above to its land of sleep and torture, only to later be reincarnated in Dorothy, her having such un-earthly brows and such.
Trowa grew a vein on his forehead and spoke, "Almighty Cthulhu! Allow me a weapon!!"
As if magic, Trowa's bang grew out two feet instantly and he stared at Duo and Wufei with little compassion, his forked brows wiggling and twitching at his every thought.
Duo and Wufei looked at each other while Quatre gawked at Trowa's bang. It was so *long*! And we know Quatre likes... Nevermind.
Heero snorted and grabbed a conveniently placed bag of popcorn out of the microwave, ready to sat back and enjoy the view.
Trowa's eyes rolled back and shot out green light that was directed onto his hapless targets. The aura of green light made his furcated eyebrows vibrate rapidly, causing poor Quatre to cower in his presence. The blonde hid behind the couch, looking up and over it until he noticed Heero calmly watching and munching popcorn. He decided the sofa would be safe enough.
"Beeeeeeeefoooooooiedoooo!!" a low voice from Trowa's now foaming mouth rumbled, sending shakes throughout the house.
"Eep!" Duo screamed girlishly, and hid behind Wufei, hugging the alarmed pilot's legs and whimpering. Wufei tried to back up, but couldn't.
Without tripping over Duo.
The Chinese pilot, sure enough, fell down, butt upon Duo's back.
Trowa began to come forward, and Wufei did the first thing he thought of--
"Move, Maxwell!"
He rode Duo around the house.
Trowa gave chase, but just enough to not yet catch the poor braided baka.
Somewhere, Cthulhu was proud.
Duo crawled surprisingly fast, and for a moment, Wufei wondered how the baka could have been so used to crawling on his knees... O.o;;
Suddenly, as Trowa was about to ram his bang into the defenseless pilots, a loud cry of "Heeeeeee~ro! Kill meeee!!" was heard, and Trowa's hair collided with the clamorous beast, instantly killing... Well, painfully torturing it for a few seconds, and finally putting the noisy thing out of its misery. A cute brown bear on a fork and holding a spork showed up and took the fallen wench's soul into a Netherworld of non-stop, endless yuri lemon fics.
Cthulhu would be proud. And it was proud.
In fact, the octopus-monster opted that Trowa would be the last pathetic human to die, and that as reward for his noble deed, he would make it a short death. And if Trowa could accomplish the task of bringing the Almighty Omnipotent Cthulhu a bag of Werthers candies and the latest issue of Women's Health, he would allow him to wipe out all of the population in upper Alaska to his liking and let him play with the human who donned the 'pants that pressurize'.
And so Trowa immediately ran out to get just that, taking Heero with him into Cthulhu's Bondage Dungeon to repeatedly torture/please/jump the spandexy one into Arcadia.
Duo and Quatre were so shocked, they had begun to get swirls for eyes.
Wufei was shaking and whimpering, for Cthulhu had said before it left that it would enjoy sending the Chinese boy to an endless pit of Colonel Tuberoff cybering with Quinze hentai.
"No one will ever believe us..." Quatre whispered, wrapping his arms around the American pilot.
"Out lives will never be the same, knowing that Trowa and Heero are out there somewhere, f***ing each other senseless." Duo shivered and pulled Quatre close to him. Quatre nodded and sniffed, almost bursting into tears from the trauma.
He couldn't believe that the weenie lay, almost in perfect condition, save the slit where it had been skewered, by the popcorn, laying on the couch and...
MOVING?!
"AAAAAAH!!" Duo and Quatre screamed as the frankfurter came alive, back from the depths of Eternal Hell and exploded, revealing Treize. Treize, with large forked brows, the emblem of Cthulhu, was already dragging Wufei to God-knows-where with a pair of handcuffs and a wheelbarrow. The two boys looked at each other and sweatdropped.
Duo was shaking as he said, "We can never go back."
Quatre clung to him and cried gently into his shoulder, nuzzling the braided boy's neck and sobbing every few seconds.
"Duo, don't leave me..." Quatre whispered. The braided baka picked him up and carried him to the couch, carefully brushing off bits of exploded weenie and putting a conveniently located beach-towel over the upholstery, covering the blood of the whiny beast from before and Wufei's red rivers. They huddled there together, thinking about the changes they would have to make and endure.
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Five Years Later...
~In Cthulhu's Dungeon...~
Cthulhu watched down upon the pathetic humans that called themselves the Maguanacs. It stared at Rashid's hair and thought, "Could it be...? Satan?"
And it then rushed off to get an autograph.
~In the next room down...~
"Again, again!!" Heero panted as Trowa worked on him, "Do it again!"
Trowa smiled and obeyed, his forked brows wiggling in delight as did Heero's new forks.
The fifth electrical shock was enough to make Heero's hair look more normal [for Heero]. The two had been torturing people and giving themselves pedicures for quite awhile, and would continue, for the reincarnation of Cthulhu was already enjoying herself, her forked brows the emblem of all things destructive and shiny...
~Somewhere in Tahiti...~
Quatre sipped his wine slowly, and nuzzled his husband's neck.
He and Duo had started an Exploding Weenie show as the eighth wonder of the world, making themselves rich tycoons with many-many leaf blowers and big shiny things that looked all magical and wondrous.
He lay on his double size reclining chair and kissed his koi, thanking God for exploding meats, octopi, and, of course, his Quatre.
Sure, Cthulhu would take over the world and kill everyone, but that was ok, because he had had everything he wanted-- love, excitement, happiness, and most importantly, exploding food!
*~Owari~*
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Forgive Mini's spelling errors, she typed this a while back, late at night... ^^;;~!