Hello there once again, readers. I promise I haven't forgotten any of my other stories. I'm just in a bit of a creative slump as far as continuing older stories goes (as far as new stories… I need to start shooting plotbunnies on sight).

Apologies if: 1. This story is absolutely nuts – I'm writing under the influence of daytime television and copious amounts of Fall Out Boy, and 2. I've got my facts about Teen Titans and the Justice League wrong – I'm writing this while out in the middle of nowhere without internet access and therefore no way to check my facts. My only resources are Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, every Pokemon game made for the Nintendo DS, the new Alice in Wonderland movie, the new Sherlock Holmes, and Hellsing Ultimate 1 (all that would fit in my already overstuffed laptop bag).

Throw in a little sleep deprivation and one heck of a headache on my part and, well, this should be an interesting read, if anything.

Also, I don't claim to own Hellsing or Teen Titans. I just write silly stories about one or both.

June 2001, Gotham City…

Integra Wayne, aged twelve years and some odd days, knocked on her similarly-aged brother's door impatiently. "Richard! Come on, it's time for fencing!"

"I'm coming!" called the voice from inside. Almost immediately after, the door was thrown open by a black-haired youth, presumably Richard Grayson.

"Let's go!" said Integra as she grabbed her brother's hand, practically dragging him down the stairs.

As the pair entered the foyer of Wayne mansion, their father-figure, Bruce Wayne, smiled at the both of them before continuing on his way through the house. They waved back and continued on their way downstairs to the basement, where their fencing tutor waited.

Twelve Years Previous…

The hero known as Batman stood in the remains of the home of known super villain Ted Nash ("Crescendo"). Nash had been inactive for years, thought to have given up his life of villainy, but a recent crime spree had brought both Batman and the police to his home. In a panic, Nash had destroyed himself and a fair amount of his house. As Batman strolled calmly through the rubble, a small noise reached his ears. Curious, the hero made his way to the part of the house that remained intact.

The police hadn't thought to search this part of the house. All records showed that Nash lived alone and the boys in blue were too busy dealing with Nash's body to bother with a search of the house.

Batman stepped easily over bits and pieces of building materials scattered throughout the halls of the modest home. Only one door, somehow, remained closed. He moved to open the door only to have it fall inward at his touch.

The noise startled the infant who lay in a makeshift baby bed crafted from a dresser drawer and lots of blankets. The blond babe began to cry, setting up a wail that, to Batman's ears so unused to the cry of a child, sounded reminiscent of Nash's powers with sound.

With a wince, Batman strode over to the child and plucked it from the drawer. Almost immediately, it quieted and settled for drooling on his cape. Carefully, Batman made his way out of the house to where the police stood, yellow caution tape blocking citizens from the scene.

As a female officer relieved Batman of the infant, the hero got a better look at the blanket it was wrapped in. It was white with pink trim and "Integra" was sewn onto the corner that stuck out from the bundle. He assumed that it was the child's name. When he got back to his bat cave, he'd run a search for children named Integra.

A week and some research later, it was revealed that a young couple had died in an accident a few days prior to the incident involving Nash and that they had an infant named Integra, for whom a body was never recovered. It could be assumed that Nash had found the infant and kept it.

Not long after this revelation, the infant was adopted by Gotham City's local celebrity Bruce Wayne and little Integra Wayne became his heir.

June 2001, London...

In his coffin, the vampire Alucard's red eyes snapped open. His old Master was dead and control over him had been passed. But to whom? His connection was not to Arthur's brother Richard, but to another. A vague image of a tiny babe from years long passed flitted through his mind.

Arthur's infant daughter had been presumed dead years ago, her kidnapper caught and jailed. His wife had passed not long after little Integra was stolen away and the aging director of the Hellsing Organization had not taken another wife. The man had been an absolute wreck since. His death came as no surprise to the vampire.

However, the matter of who had inherited the Hellsing family vampire – a child thought to have been dead for years – puzzled Alucard deeply. Normally, he would have little trouble locating his Master, but for the unlife of him he could not detect the location of this child. He presumed that this had much to do with distance and his lack of contact with the infant – he had been ordered to keep to the dungeons not long before her birth. He had never seen her himself, though he had glimpsed memories of her when Arthur left his thoughts unprotected.

With the intent of pondering this latest development over his bagged-blood breakfast, Alucard lifted the lid of his coffin and sat up. With a more or less unnecessary yawn and stretch (it could be presumed that the No-Life King did such things simply for his own amusement), the vampire stood and began to head for the door. He knew very well that the family butler, Walter, would be too busy with funeral preparations and the like to bother to bring him food. He'd been "catching" his own food from the refrigerator for about a week, since Arthur's condition worsened.

One trip up the stairs and to the kitchen later, Alucard was walking back down the stairs to his room in the dungeons, lost in thought and idly sipping on the bag of blood. He was surprised when he ran straight into the new head of the Hellsing household, Richard, who was coming up the stairs. "Yes?" he inquired, arching an inky eyebrow and watching with amusement as Richard nearly fell backwards down the stairs.

"Ah, vampire, I was just looking for you," said the man smoothly as he regained his balance and straightened his tie absently. "As you most likely know, my brother is dead and I am your master now," he began.

Alucard interrupted. "Actually," he said, taking another sip of blood, "Control has been passed to another member of the Hellsing family."

"But-" stammered Richard, "Who? I am the last of the Hellsings! You're lying, vampire!"

Alucard narrowed his eyes at the man in front of him. "I am not lying."

Richard opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off by the vampire.

"I am not going to argue with you," said Alucard. "I am going to find my master." With that, he walked right through the wall and into his room of the dungeon.

Richard swore. All those years ago he had gone to the trouble of having little Integra taken out of the picture only to find out now that there was yet another Hellsing brat running around somewhere.

As could have been presumed from Alucard's statement, when Richard finally found a way into the vampire's room, it was completely bare. Hellsing's trump card was gone.