Disclaimer: I do not own Dallas.
Note: I always wondered what would happen if the characters found JR's Facebook page. He knows all.
When Christopher was done reading through the page he sat in stunned disbelief until he was slightly surer that he wasn't hallucinating or dreaming or something.
Then he picked up his laptop and hurried to his father's room. He hadn't had a clean bill of health for very long but he honestly didn't know who else he could possibly go to about this. Maybe John Ross if it hadn't been for the fact that he had kind of accidentally hooked back up with his cousin's former fiancé within a few hours of them ending it. Or possibly before they had technically ended it if you counted the returning of the ring as ending it. Either way, Christopher knew that John Ross was unlikely to take the fact that Elena had been his fiancé first as the mitigating circumstance that Christopher thought it was.
No, it was best to avoid him for awhile until he stopped feeling weird about the whole situation.
"Dad?" Christopher asked, knocking on the study door. "Are you in there?"
"Come on in," Bobby called out.
Christopher shifted the computer slightly so that he could open the door and then walked in.
Bobby was lounging at the desk and going over some papers. He smiled at him. "Christopher."
Christopher didn't waste any time getting down to business. "Did you know that JR has a Facebook page?"
Bobby nodded. "I was aware, yes."
Christopher just shook his head, trying to find the words.
"What's the problem?" Bobby asked, sounding amused. "Surely you've realized that it's not just you young folks that spend time online. I even got a twitter account awhile back."
Christopher nodded. "Oh, I know that and I think it's great that you're changing with the times. It's just…"
"Just what?" Bobby prompted.
"Have you seen his Facebook page?" Christopher demanded, gesturing to his computer screen.
Bobby shrugged. "I've looked at it once or twice. But then, if I want to talk to my brother then I can go right down the hall. I've always felt that social media was for keeping in contact with people that you don't see every day."
"There is something seriously wrong with his page, dad," Christopher said, staring down at the screen.
"And you've often told me that something is seriously wrong with JR so perhaps that's fitting," Bobby said, unconcerned.
"Did you know that 'Rebecca' murdered Tommy?" Christopher asked abruptly.
Bobby's eyes widened and he started. "What? No, when did you find this out?"
"About twenty minutes ago," Christopher replied. He scrolled down and clicked on a picture. "JR's known for days. He took a picture. 'Things didn't end well for Tommy. On the bright side, that rug looks real comfy.' He's dead and JR's thinking about the rug?"
"Comfort's always been really important to JR," Bobby informed him. "It's not anywhere near money, winning, or scheming but it's still part of success for him. And I can't say that I disagree with him on that one. And don't give me that look! You know that it would be impossible for the two of us to never agree about anything."
"John Ross and I don't agree about anything," Christopher said stubbornly.
"Really," Bobby said skeptically. "You agreed long enough to start a company together and the two of you have the exact same taste in women."
"I don't see how that translates to us 'agreeing'," Christopher insisted.
"Of course you don't," Bobby said, sighing.
"And it looks like she got those monkeys all bloody. Just as well, I suppose. Everything about her was a lie," Christopher complained.
"I'm sure that not literally everything about her was a lie," Bobby argued. "I mean, she's still pregnant with your children and she still likes Chinese food, right?"
"Fine, everything but two things about her was a lie," Christopher amended snarkily. "That's just so much better."
Bobby raised an eyebrow. "Are you seriously going to make me list off everything about her that is probably true? Because I could have sworn that you came in here to freak out about JR's Facebook page."
Christopher blinked. "Oh, right. It's just…how did he even know about that? And even if he found out about that, how did he get a picture?"
"His PI is extremely talented. Maybe he took the pictures," Bobby suggested.
Christopher shook his head. "But John Ross had Bum look for Tommy earlier and he led me to his cleared-out hotel room. If he knew about the body then why would he send me there?"
"Well it was either that or showing you a body," Bobby reasoned. "And Bum was only doing that for you as a favor to John Ross and he only works for him because his true employer JR asked him to. You can't expect him to necessarily do his best work under those circumstances."
"I just don't understand how anyone could have gotten some of these pictures," Christopher objected. "I mean, look at this." He scrolled down again and clicked on another picture. " 'I want to give my baby brother some piece of mind during these difficult times. It's only a matter of time until Southfork is mine again, though.'"
"I never thought he would actually do that," Bobby said fondly. "Of course, it's going against his nature but that just makes it all the more meaningful. Somehow it makes more of an impact when JR does something good than when, say, I or a normal person does. And it just continues to mean that I can never give up on him. I swear, he does that on purpose…"
"But look," Christopher said insistently. "JR's in your room and we can see your hand in the picture holding the deed so whoever took that picture must have been right behind the bed. Did you see someone there?"
"No," Bobby admitted. "But I had just woken up and was pretty sick at the time. That was only a little while before I collapsed. And anyway, I wouldn't put it past JR to bug the room. I would suggest that we find out how much he knows about the technology but he would not be above feigning ignorance and we don't want to give him any ideas."
"And what about this one?" Christopher demanded, pointing to another picture. " '"Ewing Energies?" I have to admit, It has a nice ring to it.' Not only am I getting the strangest feeling that he's going to try to steal our fledgling company from us-"
"Not such a strange feeling when it comes to JR," Bobby murmured.
"But I know he wasn't in the kitchen and no one else but the three of us were," Christopher finished. "And no, the idea that he's bugged the house is not making me feel any better. I do almost feel bad for him when it came to this picture. 'Bobby has cancer. I can't believe my baby brother would keep something like that from me.' If it were anyone else, there would be tears in his eyes and as it is he looks very sad. And I can certainly sympathize with how much it sucks to not have someone you love tell you that they have cancer. I mean really."
"I already apologized for that," Bobby protested.
Christopher frowned. "Actually, I don't think you did. You did insist that you were right to not want to worry me. But if you'd like to apologize now…"
Bobby shrugged. "Well I hope that I apologized already because if I haven't already then I'm just not going to. You can take comfort in the fact that I thought I did, though."
"Some comfort," Christopher grumbled.
"So what else is on there?" Bobby inquired, changing the subject.
"Well, JR is trying to bribe people with one of his old cowboy hats to like him on Facebook as he's racing Uncle Cliff to a million 'likes'," Christopher reported.
"That's certainly healthier than other ways they've fought over the years," Bobby remarked.
"Apparently Sue Ellen was being blackmailed by Ryland," Christopher noted. "Or maybe she still is. JR seemed concerned but there hasn't been any update on that."
"I should ask Ann if she knows anything about that," Bobby replied. "She and Sue Ellen have bonded a lot over their…irritation with my brother."
"Would it surprise you at all that he knows about the proposed slant drilling?" Christopher asked.
Bobby snorted. "I'd be surprised if I heard of it before he did. He'll probably never get over not being the one to think of it. I might have even given in just so he'd stop hounding me about it…Although, to be fair, I try not to give into JR just as a matter of general principle so who knows?"
"There's a picture – fortunately under the covers – of what I can only assume must be John Ross' private time with Elena," Christopher said, quickly scrolling past that picture so that he could try to forget that his cousin and the love of both of their lives had ever had sex. "Okay, there's a picture of me offering Vicente those mineral rights! If he had that place bugged then why did it take so long to bring him down?"
"JR doesn't like helping people if there's somebody else available to help instead," Bobby explained. "Besides, it would take more than John Ross nearly getting killed in prison to distract JR from Cliff Barnes."
Christopher looked at him uncertainly.
"Oh, I'm not saying that if he actually died then JR wouldn't come up for the funeral," Bobby assured him. "He'd probably even come up for John Ross in a coma like he came up when he found out about my cancer. It's just that nearly being killed doesn't mean much to JR anymore."
"There's a picture of John Ross, outside, stepping into the police car that time he got arrested!" Christopher exclaimed. "It's just not possible! Or what about this one? A close-up of Marta's body on top of that car she fell on? Or this picture entitled 'I always knew Ann was hiding something' where there's a picture of someone – presumably her – is holding a small child and smiling! He got that picture while it was being burnt."
"Ann with a small child?" Bobby repeated, rubbing his chin. "Interesting…"
"Are you not at all concerned about any of this?" Christopher demanded.
"I learned a long time ago that I don't always want to know JR's methods," Bobby said languidly.
"Why did JR even make the cover of 'Entertainment Weekly'?" Christopher demanded. "And does it bother him that the cover says 'Evil never dies?'"
"Probably not," Bobby replied. "The implied immortality would please him far more than the evil part would offend him. But then, he's never been bothered by what anybody says about him."
"Reading what he has to say about you and John Ross is really weird," Christopher confided.
"Oh?" Bobby asked casually. "And what does he have to say?"
"Apparently he really loves fighting with you. I wouldn't have thought that he would given how much he seems to want to crush you," Christopher said, puzzled.
"You're probably too young to really remember but JR and I used to fight over everything all the time and clearly he's intent on bringing that back since he moved out of the nursing home," Bobby said, not sounding particularly upset. "He does want to crush me, yes, but not for very long. He'd be terribly disappointed if he ever really beat me."
Christopher shook his head. "It's times like this that I'm glad that I'm sort-of an only child."
"And John Ross?" Bobby prompted.
"I almost feel sorry for him," Christopher complained, making a face. And that was really the last thing he needed after things with Elena had… "Apparently JR forced him to deal with Vicente on his own. He's kind of a terrible father."
"He's doing his best," Bobby semi-defended him. "It's just that his version of good parenting is throwing your child to the sharks and hoping he succeeds. And to some extent, I can understand that. JR won't always be around to clean up his messes and neither will I. He just…could really be less extreme about it."
"If Elena ever sees this page she'll find out about that sex tape," Christopher fretted. Despite everything, he really didn't want to hurt her by having her find out about that. "And JR called me John Ross's 'hippie cousin.' I guess that's better than him insisting that I'm not a Ewing again. Although biologically we are cousins through our biological mothers…I'll have to remind John Ross of that the next time he claims we aren't family."
"You are family," Bobby said firmly. "John Ross has never said anything like that in front of me and I think he knows better than to start."
"He definitely wasn't there when – outside – Rebecca was crying and confessing to part of the con," Christopher said, shaking his head almost pained. "And John Ross apparently unsuccessfully tried to blackmail Rebecca into…I don't know, maybe having sex with some guy and taking a picture. Or taking a picture of him having sex with someone. Something at least. Oh, it looks it's Lobell's druggie son. And I don't even know if I can get mad about it given what she's done and the garbage that she is!"
Bobby winced. "You really should try not to say those things about the mother of your children. And no, it doesn't matter if it's true or not. You've seen what having JR and Sue Ellen at each other's throats has done to John Ross."
"They're not even going to see her," Christopher declared boldly.
"You know what it's like to not have your mother," Bobby said gently. "Do you think the ache would be less because they never had her?"
Uncomfortable, Christopher determinedly kept scrolling down. "Rebecca sent the fucking email?"
"Language," Bobby automatically reprimanded, wincing.
"Sorry," Christopher half-heartedly apologized. "It's just…how did he know that? Why did he know that? Why didn't he tell me? I mean, I knew she was lying about everything so I probably would have come back to the email but it hadn't occurred to me…I don't think we're ever going to talk again without our lawyers present."
Bobby shook his head. "You do what you have to, son. And I hope that this at least taught you a valuable lesson about proper communication."
Christopher nodded absently. "Did you know that JR and John Ross bribed a fellow retiree to call you and pretend to be a doctor to convince you to let JR move in?"
"No I didn't but that doesn't surprise me in the slightest," Bobby replied. "He could have just asked but, well, JR never did like to do things the easy way."
"He apparently set up a survey about our family. I…don't even want to know," Christopher admitted, shuddering.
"See, you're starting to understand," Bobby said knowingly.
"It looks like JR was the only one with the diligence to personally go down to Mexico and ask Del Sol about that deal," Christopher said mournfully.
"If I were feeling better I would have done the same thing," Bobby claimed.
"And I'm not positive but this picture is making me think that at one point JR was shaving John Ross and threatened to slit his throat," Christopher said, disturbed. "He wouldn't do that, would he? I mean, it's his own son."
"He wouldn't really slit his throat," Bobby agreed. "But threatening? Of course."
"Have I ever mentioned how glad I am to have you as a father?" Christopher asked rhetorically.
Bobby just smiled pleasantly.
"He has a picture of you and Marta flying in a helicopter! As in, a close-up from the helicopter!" Christopher cried out. "I don't even…And it's kind of disgusting that there are pictures of John Ross and Elena cheerfully covered in oil. And that doesn't even sound safe…"
"What do they care about safe?" Bobby asked rhetorically. "They're oil men."
"I like your zinger about how at least your wives never shot you," Christopher remarked as he continued going through them.
Bobby's smile widened. "Thank you. I thought it was quite clever myself."
Christopher winced. "Those stupid bachelor party tweets…I gave them my phone so that wouldn't happen. Of course, I'm not putting it past them to have kept my phone and sent them just to mess with me."
"They're your friends," Bobby reminded him.
"He made fun of my wedding invitation!" Christopher cried out. "There is nothing weird about saying that the wedding started at nine, eight central."
"It's a little weird," Bobby disagreed.
"It was Rebecca's idea," Christopher declared. "And speaking of…since she's lying about her name, are we legally married?"
"You should check to see if she had it legally changed," Bobby suggested.
Christopher nodded. "Good idea. JR almost makes me feel sorry for him with how John Ross went off the grid for so many years. Then I remember why he did so and catch myself."
"Lesson number two for dealing with JR," Bobby cautioned. "Never let him make you feel sorry for him."
"He has a whole lot of history up here as well from back before he was on Facebook," Christopher announced. "Apparently he spent years wanting Elena and John Ross to get together."
"It's entirely possible he just wanted his son to beat my son out on something," Bobby offered.
"I think that he still loves Sue Ellen. He doesn't act like it but…" Christopher trailed off.
"He will always love her and she will always love him," Bobby theorized. "But their problem is that they can't spend longer than five minutes together without getting into some kind of argument. For years one of them couldn't stand to be in the same room as the other, which one that was just kept changing."
Christopher laughed. "Apparently he just up and dropped in on Uncle Gary and Aunt Val three years ago. At least he told you that he was coming."
"Gary's used to it," Bobby assured him. "That's part of why he moved to California, actually…"
"For people who hate each other – or claim to – so much, Uncle Cliff and JR spend an awful lot of time talking to each other. Cliff sent him a ton of postcards from his trip around the world and JR thinks about him way too much," Christopher noted.
Bobby sighed. "It really is a problem."
"And all of this is because of something your father's did?" Christopher couldn't believe it.
"Sounds pretty stupid, huh?" Bobby said pointedly. "It sure would be a shame to repeat that mistake."
Christopher held up his hands in surrender. "I am trying there."
"JR told me once that he had to keep going after Cliff because if he didn't then Cliff would end up the greatest president this country has ever had," Bobby confided. "And that I should stop judging because without him Ewing Oil would have gone bankrupt years before we lost it and our hypothetical brother Jason would have tricked Gary and me into selling him our stakes in Ewing Oil and Southfork and he would have destroyed the ranch far more thoroughly than drilling ever would when he turned it into a bunch of tract houses. Oh, and I'd be a chronically debt-ridden gambler who lost my life savings to Jason in a deal gone wrong who owes thousands in child support."
"I…what?" Christopher asked, stunned.
Another shrug. "I told you. Sometimes I don't ask."
Christopher decided to let that go. "And there's so many things here that I never knew about my own family. JR attempted suicide – not that he admits it – and John Ross got kidnapped one time. I did not need to see you in the shower after Mom apparently dreamed you were dead and I certainly don't want to know how JR got a video of that. Or of the first time you brought Mom home as your wife. I just don't. And no one told me that people thought I might have been JR's!"
Christopher was far more horrified about that than about any of the rest of it.
And, oddly enough, Bobby was still looking fond. "Our lives were a lot more hectic between the time that I brought your mother home for the first time and when your uncle definitely did not attempt suicide. It's almost nice that things are getting exciting again."
"Exciting again?" Christopher echoed. "My biological mother shot my uncle!"
"To be fair, she did have a good case for why he deserved it," Bobby told him.
"You're awfully calm about the attempted murder of your brother," Christopher said, surprised.
"What can I say?" Bobby asked rhetorically. "He's fine and that was thirty-two years ago besides."
"I don't want things to get 'exciting again'," Christopher complained.
"Then you really shouldn't be dating the same woman who your cousin isn't over," Bobby suggested. "Or married a con artist and got her pregnant. Or created a brand new company. Or invented a miracle energy method. Or, well, moved back to Southfork, really."
Christopher closed his eyes. "Any other helpful words of advice, Dad?"
"Hm…" Bobby considered it. "You might want to tone down all that outrage. I mean, I completely understand it but if you're getting this worked up now then I don't even want to know how you're going to cope with future stunts."
Christopher stared banging his head against the desk.
"It's not so bad," Bobby tried to cheer him up. "After all, JR knows all and you found his Facebook page. Just don't let him know you read that and you'll be fine."
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