A/N - This sort of just happened, as I was waiting for 3x07 post eps (and I'm delighted that there are so many now!) I don't publish many of the fics I write, but wanted to share this one.
It has the potential to continue, I have some ideas to explore Sam's past and his issues with ILY, etc. But I've never attempted a multi-chapter fic so it depends on my motivation and the response this gets.
Reviews are appreciated! Enjoy!
Disclaimer - I don't own Rookie Blue. (This is a cause of great sadness for me)
"McNally, just drive"...
He's been trying not to grin like an idiot the entire ride to her place. Between his concentrated effort to keep his emotions in check (and hands to himself), and her questioning glances at his fidgeting, it's silent but for the purr of the engine.
She's strangely calm. Sam in the passenger seat, alert as anything, perking up at the slightest noise or movement, skittish and geared up and not fooling anyone; while she's cool as a cucumber in the driver's seat. It's unnerving, is what it is. She's probably getting a kick out of it.
The "I love you" had taken him completely by surprise. But if he's being honest with himself, Andy knocked him on his ass when she tackled him and he's never really managed to get back up. After two years of her shocking him at ever turn (and the last 6 months at a heightened awareness of it), he should know better than to be surprised. And now that they're...whatever they are, the occurrence of him staring at her in awe has increased tenfold. He knew her before, and she's still the same Andy. Now, there's just more of her to know. The curves of her body, the places that make her breath hitch at his touch, those came quickly. But the other stuff, the stuff he'd never guess but would give anything to know, the little snippets of who she is that aren't worthy of mention so only someone close would notice – that's what's really done him in. Exhibit A: she's crazy good at chess
(never something he'd peg her for what with how impatient and eager she is in everything else, but back at the beginning – and jesus, there's a beginning now? six months – when they needed another activity between bad takeout and great sex, he challenged her to a game. A noncommittal shrug but she got the board nonetheless, 2 moves in and you'd think the decisions were life and death by her focus. No talking, wheels turning as she strategized. She won, and didn't gloat – another shocker. It's one of few talents she takes in stride.)
and she reads (books!); actually, an inordinate amount for how little free time they get.
He could spend the rest of his life figuring her out and still never know as much as he wants; he will spend the rest of his life if she'll let him. But that doesn't mean the three little words will come easy.
He can see it, probably a part of his brain has been hashing out the details since the blackout, or even before that when it was all too hypothetical to be okay. There's handholding, moving in, sweaty palms and a ring, a dress of some sort and a party with their friends, a week in a crappy hotel bed they won't leave, some kids, grocery shopping, soccer games, and a whole wack of other shit he's getting way the heck ahead of himself over. For a guy that doesn't plan, he's done an excellent job of subconsciously mapping out the next 20 years or so of his life (with her). And yet actually doing it is daunting. It means expression of feelings and letting her know him; know that the man she loves (jesus christ, the man she loves) was just a lonely, damaged, insecure, smart mouth kid until, by some miracle, he wasn't anymore.
Wanting a life with her has never been a question, but sometimes laying beside her he wishes they could skip the words and the conversations that lead there (but have the potential to run her away) and just wake up the next morning to their kids bounding into the room.
All that enjoying the journey crap isn't what interests him, from the second she came crashing into his life and made him watch her play house with another guy, he's wanted finality so much it's stupid. To know that wherever they are and whatever they're doing, that he's the one who gets to go home with her, every single day.
Where they are now is limbo. This is where they tough stuff happens, where no promises have been made but they're invested enough that truths have to be told, no more cryptic roundabout comments, slid in on the job or in a cover apartment, that hold an indiscernible amount of fact and just enough fiction to keep up the defenses.
Just like that, they're at her toilet factory, truck off and her turned toward him biting her lip. "Sam?"
He snaps out of his reverie, meeting her gaze, eyebrows up in response
"We're here, so if you're done overthinking" she gives him a teasing smirk as she hops out of the truck "you can join me for breakfast" she calls over her shoulder making her way to the door. "And afterwards I may be persuaded to return your earlier favour..."
Scrubs a hand over his face, clears his throat "Ya... I'm, uh, on my way." He quickly grabs his bag from the back and jogs up to meet her, and because he's really got to get a grip here – 20 minute ride completely zoned out (barely catching the innuendo she just dropped) and, yes, she's 100% getting a kick out of this – he takes her hand as she's about to make her way up the stairs, drops his bag, pulls her to him and kisses her. Not passionate but familiar – the way he wants to kiss her forever. A kiss that says more than he can at the moment.
She pulls back "there you are", her whole face smiles up at him and he starts to get a little lost. Introspection aside, the L-word and six months and the fact he can kiss her whenever he wants, it's a lot all of a sudden. And he's happy.
He's apparently not showing it well, "You good?" she says while asking so much more, the simplest way of checking in after letting him digest her feelings, insecurity passing over her face for the first time since she told him...
Sam smiles now, arms still wrapped around her, he folds her into a hug and buries his face in her hair. Pulls back and kisses her again, lets out a breath: "Great". One word, completely serious and trying to convey everything he's feeling but doesn't have words for. His hand finds hers and they head upstairs.
A few beats later "So, you do a mean werewolf impression... never wouldda guessed" she laughs easily.
He chuckles "What can I say McNally, I'm full of surprises".