Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. If I did, why would I be writing a FANfic? Naruto is property of Masashi Kishimoto, lucky bastard…
Bleed for Me
Chapter 1: Hear Me
Weak rays of light were just beginning to break through the early morning mist as a lone figure stood in front of the stone he had visited so many times before. He ran his thumb across three names newly carved into the smooth black stone of the memorial, deep in thought.
Once again, I'm still here while those who should be aren't. Why? Why am I always the one to survive? What makes me so special? Is this my punishment? To linger on and watch while everyone close to me withers away?
It had been dark when he had first arrived a few hours ago and he was slightly damp from the cold moisture in the air. The sky was just now beginning to lighten, signaling the coming of a new day.
They didn't deserve this. I was the one who should've died. Not them. Not like this.
A bird chirped somewhere off in the distance, breaking the silver-haired ninja out of his sorrowful reverie. People would be waking soon; filling the empty streets of the village going about their daily errands. It was time he got going.
"Same time tomorrow guys?" he whispered over his shoulder. If an answer was forthcoming, it would just have to go unheard, for he was already gone.
He had been there.
She hadn't seen him, but as she approached the vacant clearing, flower in hand, she could just feel him. The lingering remnants of his presence there calmed her as she set down the flower on the cold stone base.
He was there every morning he could for who knows how long, but he always left before she got there. She had always wondered which names it was that called him there time after time. The 21 year old hadn't seen the elite jounin around in at least a month and it had been even longer since she had spoken to him. They used to have deep, intellectual conversations; something she hadn't known she could have with him until that day so many years ago.
"Kakashi-sensei!" a small pink-haired girl of thirteen called out, starting to get a little irritated. She had been looking for the elusive man since early that morning and it was now past noon.
"Where are you, you stupid pervert?" the irate girl grumbled to herself wandering into a little clearing where her sensei often trained.
"Who's a pervert?" a deep voice whispered into her ear from behind with a hint of amusement in his voice.
Startled, the girl turned around quickly. So quickly in fact that she lost her balance and fell rather gracelessly on her behind with a small "umph".
"Ah! K-K-Kakashi-sensei!" she said embarrassedly looking up at the smiling nin from her place on the ground.
"Yo," he said casually accompanied by a small wave of his hand.
Though he didn't show it, he was actually rather surprised that the young girl had come seeking him out. After Naruto had left to go train with Jiraiya, he hadn't seen much of the pink-haired genin as she had fully immersed herself in her medical studies with Tsunade. He figured that that was her way of keeping her mind off of the pain of losing her two teammates, just as his books were his.
"Where did you co- ah, never mind," she cut herself off while picking herself up from the ground. She knew he had probably sensed her coming long before she had even called out for him. He was Kakashi after all.
"You were looking for me," Kakashi said as more of a statement than a question as he started walking back towards the cherry blossom tree in the middle of the clearing.
"Um…yes, I was. I have a favor to ask of you sensei," she said shyly wringing her hands out in front of her as she quickly followed him.
"What kind of favor?" he asked cocking his head back to look at her, raising his one visible eyebrow. Upon reaching the tree, he sat down with his back against it.
Sakura was a little hesitant to say why it was that she had been looking for him now that she had finally found her old teacher. How would he react to her request? Even though it had been months since Sasuke and Naruto's departure, the wounds were still fresh in her heart. She wasn't sure about him, but somehow it just felt wrong being here with Kakashi…without them.
Pushing these thoughts aside, she stopped in front of him, but kept her eyes to the ground. "Well…Tsunade-shishou said that the chuunin exams were coming up in three weeks and what with all the work she has to do in preparation for them, she said she wouldn't have time to train me, so I came here to ask if you would… um…" she said quietly suddenly aware of how absurd this request sounded. I mean why would the infamous copy nin take time out of his schedule to train her? It's not like he was her teacher anymore. She was just a lowly genin with no particular talent for anything other than genjutsu and even then only at recognizing and releasing. Compared to Naruto and Sasuke, she was nothing. Would he be willing to give her a chance? What if he laughed at her? She suddenly wanted nothing more than to melt into the ground when his penetrating black orb peered out at her from behind that little orange book that she wasn't even aware that he had pulled out.
"So let me get this straight. You want me to train you?" he said slowly making sure to put particular emphasis on the words "me" and "you".
She nodded. Here it comes, she thought and shut her eyes tightly as if that would stop her from hearing the horrible words that were about to be spoken. She held her breath.
"Ok."
She just about had an aneurysm. Her eyes shot open and she all but screamed, "WHAT?!?!"
Kakashi resisted the urge to cover his ears at the sound of her shrill exclamation. Vaguely he wondered if he had made the right decision. Things had been quiet without the orange-clad ninja around stirring up trouble and with his team disbanded, he had had plenty of time to think. Along with his thoughts of his former team came his thoughts of guilt. He believed it to be his fault that Sasuke and Naruto had left because he wasn't a strong enough teacher. He couldn't teach them how to get stronger so Sasuke could have his revenge and Naruto could get Sasuke back. They were thoughts that had plagued him since that day on the roof of the hospital.
Kakashi had also felt guilty that he had neglected Sakura. In the wake of her two extraordinary teammates, he had overlooked her and so she had gone to the Hokage for training. But this was his chance to make it up to her. If he trained her now and she made chuunin, it would be like he had never forsaken her at all, right? It was selfish and he knew it, but what else could he do? The truth was, although he would never admit it, he had kind of missed her. Yes, without his team to occupy his time these days he had been slightly lonely. But how was that any different from any other day? He would reason with himself.
I mean sure he could've said no and had the next three weeks to devote entirely to the newest installment in the Icha Icha series, Icha Icha Survival, but then he would be on the receiving end of a bunch of unnaturally strong punches from an indignant Hokage as well as a string of insults about him being lazy or perverted or something equally uncalled-for and all because he refused to train her little protégé. The insults he could take as if she hadn't even thrown them, the punches…not so much. Besides, how could he say no to his favorite student? His only student who didn't make him want to pull an Itachi on them. Not that that had anything to do with his favoritism towards her mind you. Breathing in deeply, he reiterated, "I said ok Sakura-chan. I'll train you."
He almost laughed when he saw the partially incapacitated girl's features go from a state of shock to elation faster than the eye, particularly his eye, could see. Her bright green eyes seemed to get even brighter as a huge smile spread across her face. She even seemed to be shaking with what Kakashi didn't have even the slightest. He hadn't known this had meant so much to her. His eye creased in the corner as he smiled at her little display that reminded him of the girl she had been before all this mess had happened. It was nice to know that she was still in there somewhere.
He must have been lost in thought because before he could even react, Sakura had launched herself at him and threw her arms around him in an unexpected hug. Startled at the sudden contact, Kakashi's eye widened and dropped his book as he just sat there stunned. No one had ever impeded upon his personal space before with the exception of Naruto when he got too emotional and the occasional enemy nin trying to kill him, but never Sakura.
"Thank you Kakashi-sensei," she all but whispered, eyes closed still smiling. Kakashi's body that had been tense since before she even finished wrapping her arms around him finally relaxed and he smiled again. He reached a hand up to her short pink hair and ruffled it like he always did.
"You're welcome, Sakura."
Sakura smiled to herself as she thought back to that day. The event in itself hadn't been that meaningful, but it was the start of something that she held dear to her. It was that cherished thing that was meaningful to her and that was why she now found herself reminiscing about how it came to be.
The three weeks she had spent training with Kakashi could be described in one wonderful word.
Painful. Exhausting. Horrible. Frustrating. Miserable. Agonizing. Brutal. Excruciating. Sadistic.
Ok. So that was 9 words. But they all mean basically the same thing and can be summed up into one word.
Kakashi.
Sakura remembered Kakashi's borderline cruel training regime which consisted of spars that resulted in Sakura getting beaten to a pulp while Kakashi remained unscathed and only ended when she fell unconscious, and sometimes not even then, repeating jutsu so many times that she was left with barely enough chakra to survive, running until she puked and doing one-arm pushups while Kakashi just sat on her back reading his stupid smut and barking orders at her like "bend your arm more before I bend it the other way!" And this she had done 20 times! Not 21 because she had been unconscious after the first time for an entire day and a half.
She shivered though it had nothing to do with the cold.
Yes, those days had been some of the worst in her life, but she had passed the chuunin exam with flying colors and she wasn't nearly conceited enough to think that she had done it all on her own.
After she had become a chuunin, she had felt obligated to do something for Kakashi. Not only had he ensured that she would become a chuunin, but he had also given her confidence in herself. He made her feel like she was just as good as the boys although the topic had never come up. For that, she was grateful. She didn't want to end up crying in front of Kakashi when she had finally proven that she was strong. She wanted to repay him somehow. Problem was how? She couldn't think of anything other than maybe buy him a volume of Icha Icha, but something told her for a man who read them so avidly, he probably already had them all. Thus she had resorted to just hanging around him at his training ground in hopes of maybe finding out more about him so she could think of a suitable gift.
At first she just sat around watching him train. If he minded her presence at all, he didn't show it. He just continued on as if she weren't there. Before, being ignored would have seriously pissed her off, but with Naruto being gone and things the way they were, she found herself calmer these days. For the most part.
After the first few days though, she had progressed to engaging in light conversation with him usually about how her medic training was going, the weather, things like that.
She had never really spent any time alone with the solitary jounin before. Sasuke and Naruto had always been with her. Realizing this, the familiar pang that returned every time she thought about her missing teammates resurfaced. She was grateful that Kakashi was still here with her, even if he didn't acknowledge her presence.
Ironically, this changed at the end of the first week, when he had asked her if she wanted to help him train. Of course she was only too eager to help out. She didn't really mind being his extra weight during pushups or helping him with his chakra control, the one thing she was better at than him, but a bit of her old self came angrily bubbling to the surface when he wanted to practice throwing kunai at an apple on her head. Despite the fuss she made, somehow he convinced her to do it anyway.
They fell into a comfortable routine of meeting here on the days that Sakura didn't have medic training at 10 am even though Sakura had taken to telling him to meet her here at 8 that way he wasn't late… by much. They would train for a few hours, then take a break to eat lunch, then train until about mid afternoon, all the while Sakura would just talk about random stuff, nothing too serious. Kakashi didn't say much outside the occasional "hm" or grunt. Sakura didn't mind. The days were slow, but it was nice.
Nothing noteworthy happened until a few weeks later.
While eating lunch back-to-back (a system Sakura had suggested so that they could eat together while still honoring Kakashi's wishes to not expose his face) under the cherry blossom tree one afternoon, Kakashi said something unexpected.
"Sakura?" Kakashi asked staring up at the clear blue sky.
Sakura had been busy trying to pick up a piece of pork with her chopsticks. "Hn?" she said finally getting it.
"You don't have to keep coming here if you don't want to."
Sakura hardly noticed when the pork fell from her chopsticks and back into the soup with an audible plunk. Damn it. She sighed and set the chopsticks to the side. There was no point in lying to him. Sakura had always been a terrible liar and besides, Kakashi was too damn perceptive.
"Well, I'll admit that at first I only came because I felt obligated to you after what you did for me. But then, after awhile, I started really looking forward to our training sessions. Really," she added to try to get across to him that these meetings were for the most part wanted. "I completely forgot my original reason for coming. I'm sorry I didn't tell you." Sakura said wistfully hoping that he wouldn't be so angry that he told her to never come back. She wasn't sure if she could handle that.
When Kakashi didn't say anything, Sakura just had to ask, "Are you mad?"
This surprised him. "Why would I be mad?" he asked genuinely curious as to why she would think that.
"Because… well because I sort of lied to you?" she said sheepishly. Through her eyes, that is how she saw this. She didn't tell him the truth of why she was coming. Not telling the truth equaled lying in her mind. Simple.
He laughed. The vibrations sent through his back to hers eased some of the tension out of the atmosphere.
"You didn't lie to me. I figured there had to be some other reason why you willingly came here as I'm sure it wasn't for my conversational skills," he said thinking he could probably count the times he spoke more than one word to her on one hand.
Sakura laughed too. "I like that about you though. I can say whatever's on my mind without worrying about what you'll think of me. The silences weren't awkward either. They were kinda… nice?" she said for lack of a better word.
"Oh, well, that's good. I was beginning to think that you thought I wasn't really listening. And as for doing something for me in return… you already have," he said lightly, rubbing the back of his head.
"Eh? What's that?" she asked, surprised because she didn't remember getting him anything.
"You kept me company," he shrugged as though it should be obvious. In a way, her company and just general presence had taken away some of the sting of loneliness that Kakashi had lived with ever since Obito's death.
"My company? You call that a gift? But I didn't even mean to- it doesn't count if I get something out of it too," she said honestly. If she enjoyed his company, silent as it was, then it didn't count as a true gift because she got something out of the deal too.
"Sakura, there's nothing wrong with enjoying giving a gift to someone. Or in this case, enjoying the gift with someone. If all people were like that, do you think any gifts would be meaningful? Do you think people would genuinely enjoy receiving a gift if they knew that it was a hassle for the person giving it to them? The best kind of gifts are the ones that make both people happy." Kakashi said thoughtfully, picking a piece of grass of his clothes.
Sakura was stunned. That was probably the most he had ever said to her all at one time, excluding mission briefings, and definitely the most profound.
"I never thought of it that way," she said truthfully, chewing her bottom lip.
Kakashi said nothing and they just sat there in a comfortable silence.
The silence was broken a few minutes later when Sakura said suddenly, "What am I to you?" She purposefully avoided addressing him in any way. She wanted to know what he thought first.
To say the question had taken him by surprise would be an understatement. Kakashi had never really thought about it before. Her presence had always seemed so natural to him that he never stopped to think about it. Up until a few months ago she had been his student, but what was she now?
Pausing to think for a second, there was an uneasy silence as the question just sort of hung in the air.
Well, for one thing, he trusted her. Not as you have to with a comrade, but really genuinely trusted her. That was a start. He was comfortable around her and had even began welcoming her presence here. Though he had only noticed it a few weeks ago, he realized that he felt a bond towards her as she was the only other person to really understand the pain of trying to fill the hole that Sasuke and Naruto had unintentionally left in their lives. As though a veil was suddenly lifted from his eyes, he finally understood.
He got up and crouched down in front of the nervous looking girl. She looked up at him with apprehension in her soft green eyes as though she were afraid of what the answer would be. In actuality, most of the courage she had mustered up just to ask the question had dissipated, leaving her almost wishing she had never ask the stupid question in the first place. She listened tentatively.
"Why you're my friend, of course, Sakura," he said looking into her eyes as they lit up with comprehension.
"Really?" she whispered. She could hardly believe it. In all the years she had known him, she had never imagined it possible for this to happen. He had always been so distant, not just with her, but everyone. From a man who didn't seem to have any real friends, acquaintances yes, but not friends, being told she was one of his was…
A tear slid from her eye and she smiled up at him. He would probably never know how much this meant to her.
He nodded and his eye curved in a smile.
From that day forward, they had made it a habit to seek the other out and meet here when not out on a mission or medic training. It was an unspoken agreement to never bring up why this was for both knew why. There was no reason to mar its sanctity by speaking it aloud. Sakura sought comfort in her old teacher in an attempt to hold on to the precious memories Team 7 had shared before it all went wrong and Kakashi needed the constant reminder that not everything he touched turned to ash. Though he pretended like he only did it for Sakura, he couldn't deny the truth.
It was as much for her sake as it was his.
Running her fingers lightly along the sharp edge of the memorial, Sakura remembered how much she had needed it. Back then she had only known that when she was around him, she felt better. She hadn't understood the complex nature of the situation. Naively, she had thought she just liked his company and she hadn't realized that she had been trying to preserve the bond that she had once had with her team by clinging to the only piece left in Konoha. The two holes left in her heart by Sasuke and Naruto's absence would never disappear until those two pieces came back into her life, but the time she had spent with Kakashi had helped to fill the void, if only slightly.
As her fingers swept over the two names that had brought her out, she sighed. It was ironic really. That it had taken these two people's deaths to finally get him to…
She sighed again, her eyes glazing over.
At the time, she had thought that fate was cruelly laughing at her. It was not the way she had wanted to find out. She had wanted him to tell her when he was ready to, not because fate had decided to screw with her.
She smiled bitterly.
She was running up the stairs to the Hokage tower.
She had been cleaning up around her house so that it looked in tip- top shape when her parents returned. She hoped that they had cooled down enough upon their return so that she could apologize. They had gotten into an argument right before they had left. This was the first time they would be leaving her at home alone and they were worried about her. She had gotten angry at them saying she could take care of herself just fine. She wasn't a baby anymore. She was a chuunin for Christ's sake! Looking back now, she realized that they only cared for her and she felt ashamed. So she was trying to make it up to them. She had gotten the house nearly spotless when she had received a summons from the Hokage. It had been stressed that this was urgent and so the now 15 year-old chuunin had slipped on her black sandals and matching shin guards and shot off across the rooftops of Konoha.
I wonder what could have been so urgent that Tsunade-shishou couldn't have waited another two hours. I was supposed to meet her for training then right? Sakura wondered to herself. An idea struck her then as she reached the top of the stairs. Maybe it's a mission! She thought gleefully. Excited, she turned the knob to the Hokage's office.
Her current state of euphoria quickly turned to one of apprehension as she sensed the silent tension in the air. What really got her though was the sober look on her shishou's face. Quietly closing the door behind her, Sakura crossed the room and sat in the lone chair directly in front of the Hokage's desk.
The solemn blond just stared into her apprentice's eyes for a moment, studying her. This did nothing for Sakura's nerves as she fidgeted with the end of her medic skirt.
Finally, Tsunade broke the silence.
"Sakura," she began not taking her eyes off the girl before her, "I wish that I didn't have to be the one to tell you this, but I think you would appreciate hearing it from me first, as someone who cares for you," she added carefully.
A knot began forming in Sakura's stomach. Something was wrong. So that's why I've been called here, she thought forlornly.
Noticing the girl's lack of any type of reaction, she continued, slowly for Sakura's sake, "At 5:27 this morning, I received word that a convoy with two ninja escorts was attacked 3 miles south of the Fire Country border. The ninja engaged in battle and the convoy escaped thanks to the ninja escorts. Unfortunately, the two Konoha ninja were forced to lay down their lives to successfully complete the mission." She paused then, hoping beyond hope that she didn't really have to say next what she knew she did.
"The two ninja… were your parents." She said quietly, looking away, bracing herself for an explosion that was surely forthcoming.
But it never did.
Sakura just sat there dumbly.
My parents? Gone? No way. That couldn't be true. This wasn't right. Maybe whoever had told Tsunade was mistaken. There was just no way that her parents could be… dead. Sakura shook her head smiling. She looked up at her worried shishou and simply said "No."
Tsunade sighed. It was always the ones who refused to believe the truth that were the hardest to deal with.
"Sakura, I know this is hard for you. Right now you're probably thinking that maybe there's been a mistake, right? I know you don't want to admit it, but your parents are de- gone. Their bodies were identified by the ANBU that were sent out to retrieve them," Tsunade said, careful to stay clear of the "D" word.
"No. You're wrong!" Sakura shouted abruptly, standing and knocking the chair over as a result. "Why would you lie to me?" Sakura almost hit her startled master. She knew it wasn't Tsunade's fault, but she was the one who had told her. It hurt, just knowing that Tsunade had only tried to tell her as a friend before she found out from someone else. But what hurt the most was that she could tell by the look on the strong blond woman's face that it was true.
She couldn't deal with this right now. She had to go. Somewhere, anywhere.
She leapt through the open window to the side of the Hokage's desk and disappeared onto the streets below.
Tsunade sighed and rubbed her temple. She knew that there was nothing more that she could do for the girl who was like a daughter to her. What she needed now was time. Time to think things through rationally and calm down. Then, and only then, could she begin to heal. That was when she needed a comforting shoulder to cry on, a gentle embrace to let her know that she was not alone.
Tsunade knew why Sakura had reacted the way she had. When faced with the death of a loved one, Tsunade herself had reacted the exact same way. If you admitted that someone you loved was gone… then they really would be. It was just easier to pretend that it wasn't true.
She pulled a bottle out from underneath her false drawer bottom. She needed a drink. The alcohol would be just the thing to take the edge off the painful memories of her dead lover.
She took a huge gulp and ashamed at herself for being so weak thought, Forgive me… Dan.
As Sakura's mind raced with disarrayed thoughts, her legs raced somewhere she wasn't sure of. When she had finally slowed her frantic flight, she realized she had stopped in front of her house. Needing the familiarity of the things inside, she quickly unlocked the door and rushed inside. The door closed with a low click that resonated throughout the house. God, it sounded so empty.
The once warm, homey air that had permeated her home was now thick and choking. There were no sounds of her father carving away on the birdhouse he had been making for Sakura, no smells of her mother's delicious cooking wafting in from the kitchen. There was nothing.
Suddenly enraged at the clean, pristine state of the house, a state she had been proud of only hours before, she started smashing and tearing and breaking everything she could get her hands on. It wasn't fair. Why should the house where they would never live again look so perfect when everything was so utterly and absolutely wrong? The house deserved to look how she felt… a complete mess.
She screamed in frustration at the world. She knew she was acting like one of those crazed and deranged patients she had passed by so many times in the hospital's psyche ward and looked down upon, but right now she didn't give a damn. Something about this erratic, barbaric release felt good. So she continued until she was utterly spent.
Whether it had been hours or mere seconds, she couldn't tell as her blind rage began to subside. Wiping some tears away from her red and swollen eyes, she tried to calm her ragged breath. Her hair was a tangled mess and she had somehow managed to cut herself as there was a deep gash on her right arm. Her headband had fallen lopsided over one of her eyes. As she reached up to fix it, she stopped. She knew where she wanted to be.
He had been taking a nap on his couch, ever-present orange book draped over his face, when he heard a thud.
No. Not just a thud, but a knock. A knock on his apartment door.
Not even bothering to get up, he hoped whoever it was would just go away. It was probably just one of the Hokage's little lackeys come to make him do more work. Picking the book up off his face, he rolled over onto his side.
The knocking persisted although it was getting weaker. Maybe the person was getting tired of waiting, but knocks normally got louder the more irritated the person got. Blearily, he opened one eye. He was just about to close it again when heard a small "Kakashi?" coming from the other side of the door. He blinked … twice. He knew that voice.
Jumping up from his spot on the couch, now fully awake, the swiftly walked to the door as Kakashi never ever ran anywhere.
Jerking open the door, his heart almost stopped at the piteous sight before him. Sakura stood leaning against the door frame as though she couldn't even support herself. Though her face was dry, he could tell that she had been crying. Stunned, he couldn't even bring himself to ask how she knew where he lived.
They stared at each other for another moment before Kakashi finally got his wits about him enough to step aside to let her in. She smiled pitifully up at him as she gratefully stumbled into his small apartment. Closing the door behind her, Kakashi turned around to ask why she was here. But before the words even had time to leave his mouth, he found himself watching as the pink-haired girl fell pitched forward, unconscious. He caught her before she hit the ground.
Scooping her up in his arms, he set her on the couch where he had been only moments before. After making sure that she was just asleep, he sat back down on the armchair directly across from her exhaustedly.
What could have been so bad as to make Sakura cry? He thought miserably. He couldn't remember the last time he had seen the strong-willed girl cry, not even when Naruto had left. Sasuke, as he hadn't been there, he wasn't so sure.
As with all questions into the female psyche, he turned to his ever-reliable orange covered books.
Not the best idea, he knew, but it was the closest thing he had.
Picking up a volume that he remembered had been particularly touching, he sat back down in his chair an leafed through it.
Ah! There it was.
The woman was crying into Junko's chest, clutching fistfuls of his shirt to her face. He placed his hand on her shoulder comfortingly and wrapped his other arm around her. Her pathetic whimpers slowed and she smiled up at him. He smiled back. They looked into each other's eyes and leaned down to-
Ok! That was far enough.
So, Kakashi mentally listed off in his head, women like to be touched. Alright, I guess I'll try her shoulder too. Smile and maintain eye-contact. He nodded to himself, actually glad now that she was passed out on his couch. It gave him time to think. Maybe I should practice first, he thought. Normally the thought of touching someone voluntarily would have never even crossed his mind, but this was Sakura, innocent little Sakura, and it looked like she needed it.
Standing, he walked over and knelt before her still sleeping form. He tentatively reached forward his hand, intent on putting it on her shoulder when green eyes fluttered open.
There was a moment in which they just looked at each other.
Finally, she spoke. It was quiet and raspy but there nonetheless. "What are you doing?"
He paused. He couldn't very well tell her that he was going to touch her in her sleep. God only knew what kind of thoughts she would have about him then. Things probably beginning with a "per" and ending with a "vert." Tactfully, he said that he was only going to adjust the cushion which thankfully was slightly askew.
Seeming to find this an acceptable answer, she nodded. Sitting up, she stared eye to eye (literally) with him.
"I'm sorry," she said quietly, finally tearing her eyes away from him.
Taken aback, he said curiously, "For what?"
"For barging in on you like this. I know how you like your privacy and I- I totally just- without even thinking…" she managed.
"It's alright. I don't mind."
She nodded and released a breath she didn't know she had been holding.
"Now, will you tell me what this is all about?" he asked carefully not wanting to upset her, lest she pass out again.
Silence.
Maybe that was the wrong thing to ask? He thought absently.
It was now or never Sakura decided. If she was going to tell him the truth she better do it now before the courage she had just gained back in her sleep wore off. She breathed in slowly.
"My parents are d-dead," she managed with only the bare minimum of difficulty.
Kakashi didn't know what to say. He had always heard people say that they were sorry in times like these, but the sentiment just didn't quite seem to cut it now.
So all he said was "Oh."
"Before they left, we had a f-fight. And I-I said some things that were just so awful to them! All they did was care about me. B-But now I'll never-," she broke off suddenly exhausted.
Awkwardly, he placed a hand on her shoulder. Surprisingly, it worked. She relaxed a little under his touch. Taking a step further, he wrapped his arm around her in a hug. Probably the first hug he had ever given someone.
Shocked, but pleased nonetheless, she returned it gratefully.
They sat there in a companionable silence until Kakashi spoke again.
He had always been adamant in his belief that his past was his own. Not to shame others with its memory. He would continue to bear the burden of his shameful past alone, much as he had always done. It was strange that now of all times, in the warmth of Sakura's embrace, that he found his resolve was wavering.
Sakura had her own worries and pains to bear, she didn't need his too. Although that was what made the most sense logically, he felt compelled beyond reason to do it anyway. What good would telling her that he knew the pain of losing his parents too do for her? Did he think it would make her feel better? He knew Sakura. And he knew that if she knew he was suffering inside, she would make it her personal mission to do everything in her power to make him feel better. It was what she had always done, it was just who she was, but it wasn't about him. She needed to be the one who was comforted this time.
Sakura rested her head in the crook of his neck and sighed contently although the remnants of sadness still lingered around the edges of her voice. This small action pushed Kakashi over the edge of reason. He had decided.
She needed this.
Swallowing his stubborn pride, he leaned forward ever so slightly placing his masked mouth near her ear.
"I felt the same way… when my parents died," he said quietly, his voice so deep she barely heard him.
Unseen to him, Sakura's eyes snapped open and her breath caught in her throat. Kakashi had never spoken of his past to her. Never. Even though their friendship had only grown stronger in these past two years, Sakura had wanted him to tell her when he felt comfortable doing so. The knowledge that she may have unwittingly forced him to share a part of his past with her made tears well up in her eyes.
He had felt the hitch in her breathing against his chest and when he felt her warm tears on his shoulder, his heart wrenched painfully. He had gone too far. He should have never- what was he thinking? Maybe he had only been being selfish again. Maybe the real reason he had told her was just to assure himself that he wasn't afraid of being vulnerable. That he wasn't afraid of being of being hurt by this weeping young woman in his arms. But the truth was… he was. He was scared to death by it.
Sakura pulled away from him then. He was surprised at how much he missed her warmth already. She wiped away her tears with the back of her hand and just stood there trembling for a moment. When she finally spoke, it was in a voice so thin, it was as if it would fade away any second now.
"Why?" she sobbed shaking her head slightly. She had meant to ask him why he had told her something so personal, but "why" was all that she seemed able to choke out at the moment.
The question was vague and they both knew it, but Kakashi had assumed she had meant why had he felt that way when his parents died.
"My father killed himself right in front of my eyes. I was only eight years old at the time. He died believing that I h-."
"You don't have to tell me this if you don't want to," Sakura cut him off quickly. She knew he didn't like to openly divulge his private information and this was about as private as you could get.
"It's ok. I want to," Kakashi said smiling softly at her though she could barely make it out in the dim lighting of the room. The sun had already gone down and the only light in the room was coming from the streetlamp only just visible through the window.
She nodded slowly as though signaling for him to continue.
Kakashi started again.
"My father died believing that I hated him. My mother died of depression shortly after but I was too wrapped up in myself to even go to her funeral. I couldn't stand the pitying looks people gave me wherever I went. It was something that I regret now but I can't change it. Not now, not ever. You're not alone Sakura. It'll be ok."
And despite all the pain in her heart, she believed him.
Sometime after, Kakashi smiled, looking down on Sakura's sleeping form curled up beneath his green shuriken-print blanket. She had fallen asleep soon after his confession with her hand clasped in his. He had been just about to sit back down in the armchair across from her, when he felt a familiar chakra signature outside his door. Not wanting the knock on the door to wake the slumbering girl, he swiftly opened the door before the person on the other side could knock.
Standing with his fist raised comically to the door that was no longer there, the startled man with dark hair and a bandage across his face quickly recovered. He was all business once again.
"Hatake Kakashi, you are hereby issued a mission under the order of the fifth Hokage." Kotetsu said in monotone. "Due to the nature of this mission, you will leave immediately after briefing. You will not be permitted to return here, so I suggest you pack now. You will be gone for one month. I will allow you a few minutes for that before I accompany you to the Hokage tower." He stopped then. He knew that he was in no position to be ordering the great copy-nin around as he was his superior, but as one of Tsunade's errand boys, he did whatever she told him to do. The man sighed. What he wouldn't give to switch places with Izumo right now.
Kakashi deftly gathered his things into his pack. To be called out on a month long mission now of all times just seemed cruel. Not now. Not when Sakura needed him. If he left now, she would probably never forgive him. To her it would feel like he had betrayed her trust, leaving her when she needed him. Just like Naruto. Just like Sasuke. But it was the Hokage's order and as a Konoha ninja, he was obliged to answer. He glanced over to Sakura's softly smiling face.
Having finished packing, he set his bag down. He rummaged around in one of his vest pockets, pulling out the little object he had been looking for. Pacing over to where Sakura slept, he clasped the delicate golden chain around her neck, careful not to wake her. Though he had never been one to keep things for sentimental value, he had never been able to bring himself to throw out his mother's old necklace.
Picking up his pack, he headed out. Pausing in the doorway to take one more look at the girl who had become one of his only friends, he sighed.
I hope you will understand, he thought briefly and disappeared into the night.
When Sakura awoke the next morning, she knew right away that he wasn't there.
Though she had never been able to sense his chakra unless he wanted her too, she could just tell.
The house was too cold.
The comfort and warmth that she had fallen asleep to was long gone with not a trace left lingering. Not wanting to leave her new found sanctuary, she closed her eyes and pulled the blanket that still smelled like him up to her chin. Maybe he would come back if she waited. He was probably just out getting some food as she couldn't imagine the slacker to be much of a cook. Or maybe he was just out training. Yeah that was it. Despite these rational and completely plausible explanations for his inherent absence, she felt a sense of foreboding. In an attempt to quell these pessimistic thoughts, she rolled over, almost falling off the couch when she felt something hard under her shoulder. Opening her eyes, she was surprised to find a gold chain with a small sapphire attached hung around her neck. Why would Kakashi-? she began to question. Suddenly it hit her.
Sakura had always been one to listen to her heart as it had never once led her astray but, fingering the small trinket, she tried desperately to deny what it was telling her now.
Slamming both hands down on the memorial, pink head hung, Sakura tried to still her shaking body. She was furious to find that the wounds that she had tried so hard to heal were still glaringly present. Even after all this time, she could still feel the aching emptiness of being completely and utterly alone. The tears that she had been desperately trying to hold back, squeezed out through her eyes and fell onto the polished black stone below.
She cursed herself for being so weak. She hadn't realized how much had changed between her and the silver-haired jounin. If her tears were any indication, it was a not something she had wished to dwell upon. But she found herself thinking anyway, what had happened to them? Why were they like this now?
When her quaking sobs had finally ebbed, she looked up at the sky. With the rising sun, the sky had been splayed across with hues of pink and orange. It was beautiful. She wondered if he was looking at it too. Closing her eyes, head tilted up towards the sky, she hoped that somehow her thoughts could reach him.
She missed him.
Kakashi…
A/N-
Yay I finally finished my first chapter! And it only took… 4 days!
Sorry about any spelling/grammar/formatting errors, I've read through this thing so many times checking for things like that that I'm sick of my own story. Lol.
I don't particularly find this chapter funny and I like funny, so you can look forward to some of my twisted humor in future chapters.
Well that's about it. Please review because I'd like to know what you thought of my story thus far.