Title: Lying to Myself
Author: BroadwayDuchess
Rating: PG, I guess.
Spoilers: None
Characters: Derek, Meredith, Addison
You told yourself that he was in love with you, even though he'd jump when she called, but he told you they were done.
You told yourself that working together would mean that they'd have mutual patients. You told yourself that work came first, and even though you knew that tests on patients weren't usually done in supply closets and on-call rooms, you trusted him when he told you that they were done.
You told yourself that when he slept with her, he'd slipped up and made a mistake. Nobody's perfect, not even Derek Shepherd, and he'd confessed his indiscretion to you, misty-eyed and repentant. He told you he was committed and, again, he told you that they were done.
A few weeks later, you caught her in the bathroom, hunched over the toilet and heaving, and you locked eyes with her. Yours were hurt and hers were guilty, but you held her sweaty and matted hair, while she lost the battle with her lunch yet again. You confronted him, and he told you not to worry; it didn't mean anything, because they were done.
You told yourself that he'd be back, when he told you it was over, and he moved in with her. You started taking the stairs to avoid them. You hated seeing her swollen belly and those goofy grins that signaled their renewed happiness. You believed that, this time, he'd get her out of his system, and that they really would be done.
You didn't know what to tell yourself when you saw him later in the nursery, though. He'd fallen for yet another girl, this time much younger. He barely acknowledged you, as he sat rocking in a chair, because his attention was centered on his new daughter. With tears in your eyes and a broken heart, you wished him well and commented on how beautiful the baby looked. Chubby cheeks, porcelain skin, and bright strawberry hair that curled from under her tiny pink cap---the baby really was gorgeous, you had to admit--- and you know now when he said it was over, he really meant you. Because you learned that a few months was nothing, compared to eleven years, and they'd never really be over.