THE AMAZING RACE: SPECIAL HOGWARTS EDITION
BY MYRTLE THE TYRTLE
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A/N: This is the sequel for SURVIVOR: HOGWARTS. I would recommend reading that one first, but if you really can't be bothered, or just plain old hate Survivor, I suppose you could read on in an incredibly disadvantaged manner.
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CHAPTER ONE
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A brief recap from SURVIVOR: HOGWARTS: Lord Voldemort invaded Hogwarts and tried to kill all the kiddies, but Dumbledore cast a spell meaning the only way to kill them is to eliminate them from a Survivor-type show. After three intense challenges, one elimination ceremony and plenty of un-canon literary crap, Harry won the final challenge, and chose Ginny to go to the grand final with him. However, they later learned that Jeff Probst (host of SURVIVOR) was actually a madly jealous New Zealander Phil Keoghan under Polyjuice Potion. They banded together to bring Harry's friends back to the land of the living, but Voldemort got away before they could kill him. To find Voldy, Phil has suggested a game of THE AMAZING RACE…
"So you're saying we can find Voldy if we agree to be on your television programme?"
"Yes, that's about it."
"But how will we know where Voldy is?"
"Well," said Phil. "I'm not actually a muggle. I was born with the power of prophecy, and this is how I am able to determine where in the world is Tom Riddle. However, he will know we are following him, so he will move around the world with precision, speed and apparition. I suggest you all do the same."
"So, why do we have to be on the show?"
Phil sighed. "Well, after ten series of THE AMAZING RACE, it gets a bit boring. I mean, we've even commissioned an all-stars season for next year! I think it would be time for a change."
Harry mulled this over. "OK. We'll do it."
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About a week later, Phil was sailing in to Hogwarts on a boat. "I'm Phil Keoghan, and this is THE AMAZING RACE. I'm here outside Hogwarts castle in… well, I can't exactly say where it is, but we have seven teams of two people with a pre-existing relationship inside the castle. Let's go and meet them."
The boat roared closer to the shore, and Phil jumped out and walked briskly up the slope and into the Great Hall.
"Our first team is Harry and Hermione; they are Gryffindors and co-leaders of an organisation I believe is called Dumbledore's Army."
Harry and Hermione waved at the camera. They both wore smiles, but would rather be with Ginny and Ron respectively. The only reason that they were on a team together was because Phil said that the over-the-top compromising positions they were found in during SURVIVOR would not be tolerated on this programme.
"Now we have team number two; this is Minerva and Severus, who are co-workers at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."
Minerva frowned at the camera, and Severus sneered. He may have been reformed at St Brutus' Secure Centre for Incurably Criminal Boys after he "accidentally" killed his boss, but he was being paid extra to be the typical slimy git character every good reality TV programme needs.
"Ron and Ginny are brother and sister, both red-heads, and both dirt poor. If they win the million galleons up for grabs in this programme, they will buy their parents a new house. Isn't that nice, folks!"
Ron and Ginny smiled. Neither of them had any intention to buy their parents a house: what they really wanted was a house of their own to live with either Harry or Hermione.
"Vincent and Gregory, better known by their surnames Crabbe and Goyle, are childhood best friends who are using this opportunity to further their relationship."
The pair stared blankly at the camera, not even blinking. They truly were thicker than concussed trolls.
"Luna and Mr. Lovegood are father-and-daughter, and will use the money they earn from this experience of a lifetime to go Crumple-Horned Snorcack hunting in Sweden."
Mr. Lovegood, a short, balding man with a monocle and the same dirty-blonde hair as Luna waved politely, as his daughter looked vaguely in the other direction.
"Albus Wulfric Percival Brian Dumbledore's painting and the ghost of Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington are a late entry in the competition, but welcome none the less. Their pre-existing relationship is murder victims."
Dumbledore smiled eloquently as his portrait hovered in mid-air (it had been charmed by Professor Flitwick to levitate using Wingardium Leviosa until the end of the show), and Nick waved a ghostly hand.
"Finally, Draco and Ernie are members of a support group known as Only Children Who Believe They Do Not Get Enough Attention At Home Or At School And Maintain That All Their Efforts Are Ignored."
Draco scowled (he had never wanted to be on team with anyone, let alone a Hufflepuff), but Ernie waved pompously. He was quite pleased when he was told he was on a team with somebody else – it made him feel wanted and loved, for a change.
"Our contestants are all in the competition for one reason: to win one million galleons. However, if they happen to find Lord Voldemort along the way, then most of them assure me they will take all efforts to dispose of his wicked being once and for all. Contestants: your first clue is on top of the luggage you have provided yourself. It is waiting in the Entrance Hall. You may leave… now!"
All the teams raced off, each hoping to be the first to get to their bags. What they did not know was that the entrance hall had been modified to include a great big trench full of water in the middle. Obviously, their bags were on the other side.
Crabbe and Goyle immediately jumped in, before remembering that they could not swim. This foolish blunder could cost them the race!
All the other teams, with the exception of Nick&Dumbledore, who used their levitation powers to fly directly over the water, used the spell Accio to summon their bags and clues.
ROUTE INFO: GO DIRECTLY TO THE QUIDDITCH PITCH. THERE YOU WILL FIND YOUR NEXT CLUE.
It seemed easy enough, but the door was on the other side of the makeshift lake as well. Nick and Dumbledore easily floated out the door, gaining a quick lead over the other six teams, all of which had to now figure out a way to get across.
Harry opened his trunk, and pulled out his Marauders' Map. He and Hermione quickly saw a secret passage down to the Quidditch Pitch. Ron and Ginny, ever the tag-alongs, followed them.
Minerva used a clever bit of transfiguration to turn Severus into a polar bear, and then turned into her Animagus form of a cat. She sat on his head, as he paddled through the water oblivious to the cold.
Luna's father extracted a small, pink foam-like creature from his pockets, and placed it in the water. It appeared to soak up all the water, and they ran over it like a bridge. Draco and Ernie tried to follow, but it shrunk down again before they could cross.
They still managed to get over the water, though, but I did not take any notice of their achievement in doing so.
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Another clue was waiting for the contestants at the Quidditch Pitch.
ROAD BLOCK – THIS IS A TASK FOR ONE (1) TEAM MEMBER ONLY. MEND TWO BROOMS FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR TEAM MATE TO FLY ON TO THE NEXT CHECK-IN POINT.
This challenge would seem difficult for Nick and Dumbledore, as neither of them had a particular interest in flying, or the limbs required to do so.
Because of their inability to complete the challenge, they lost their four-minute lead. The next people to get to the Quidditch Pitch were (in order): Minerva and Severus, Luna and Mr. Lovegood, Harry and Hermione, Ron and Ginny, Ernie and Draco, Crabbe and Goyle.
Severus quicky mended the broomsticks, and he and his partner took off before the last two teams had arrived. Luna and her father took a while to complete the task, but were the third team to leave. Harry, an expert at broom repairs, speedily fixed his brooms, and he and Hermione took off a mere ten minutes after arriving at the challenge. This was the fastest mend of the day. Ron and Ginny couldn't decided who should do the Road Block, but after being hexed with the Bat-Bogey curse, Ron let his sister take this one. However, they did not finish quick enough to leave before Draco and Ernie.
Nick was still trying to put the brooms back together when Crabbe and Goyle inexplicably turned up, but decided to give the challenge a miss and just float to the next checkpoint.
The clue read: ROUTE INFO: FLY DIRECTLY TO GODRIC'S HOLLOW IN ENGLAND. THIS IS THE PIT STOP FOR THIS LEG OF THE RACE.
The order of arrival at the pit stop is as follows:
1st – Severus and Minerva
2nd – Harry and Hermione (fifteen minutes after Team #1)
3rd – Draco and Ernie (forty minutes after Team #1)
4th – Ron and Ginny (fifty-five minutes after Team #1)
5th – Luna and her father – were slowed down by an excursion to look at a Nimghoul colony outside of Birmingham (one hour twenty minutes after Team #1)
6th – Nick and Dumbledore (one hour thirty minutes after Team #1, but penalised another one hour thirty minutes for not completing the Road Block)
7th – Crabbe and Goyle (two hours fifty-eight minutes after Team #1)
Due to the time penalty of Nick and Dumbledore, Crabbe and Goyle have finished in 6th, and (in the words of Phil Keoghan) "have been eliminated from the race".
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A/N: I can't actually think of anything worth writing here, other than REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW (please!). I would appreciate it muchly.
MYRTLE.