Tap. Tap. Tap.

My fingers drum on the computer table. Sometimes forming a beat and then sometimes just drumming to the beat of my heart. Yet, they're still drumming.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

I feel my attention slipping away from me like rain water on a window. First I think about colors; color I like and colors I don't like. I then start to think about pink. I hate pink. I hated pink even before…

My lips are pursed tighter. And the drumming of my fingers continues, but now at an even faster rate. Soon the sound is the only thing that fills the apartment.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

I try to think about something else. I now start to think about shows. All the kinds of shows I know; from theater to TV. Shows that make me laugh, that make me frown, shows that have movies, and shows that had movie beginnings. I then think about shows I like and dislike. I then start to think about a show I could DEFINITELY live without. But that show always reminds me of…

I exhale loudly. My other hand curls into a fist and bang my hand on the table. I feel my heart clench tight in my chest and it becomes harder to breathe. My hand still keeps taping away.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

I breathe slowly, Inhaling and Exhaling in an over practiced beat. Calm yourself, I think, think of something else.

I try again. This time I think about eyes. I think about my eyes, I think about my mom's eyes, I think about my dad's eyes, I also think about guys' eyes. I think about emerald green eyes, about ruby red eyes, gold yellow eyes, amethyst purple eyes, sapphire blue-

Like her eyes. Like the eyes that stared at me so…

I run my hair through my fingers, both hands, and I let out a frustrated growl. I feel my eyes grow wet and my heart clenches even more painfully. I let out an aggravated snarl. I put my head on the table and stare at the key board. I stare at it for a long time and finally look up and see the computer screen.

I'm looking at a blank page of Microsoft word. I stare at it confused, had I been trying to write something? I stare at it some more, no words and no sentences form in my mind. My fingers are itching to move now. I let my right hand rest on the keyboard. I don't care if I tap on the keyboard, if I make up gibberish then I'll just delete it; no problem.

That's right. I had much bigger problems, bigger than a few gibberish words on page. Colossus even.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

I went on thinking. This behavior was becoming more frequent and my thoughts were becoming erratic because of it. My thoughts were not the only things becoming erratic.

I had no passion. I didn't write or draw and it took a lot to get me to sing. I used to love singing. I still do but when my voice would try to come out the image of the incident would haunt me. This one incident had been torturing me now for quite awhile. I feel my head get dizzy and my heart become heavy.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

I heard my fingers that time. Though, now they have stopped and are perfectly still. I'm curious. What did my fingers type? I half smiled; maybe it would be some stupid gibberish that I didn't care about. Maybe it would make me laugh. I pulled my head up and half expected me to start bursting at laughter at some stupid mess with too many D's and K's in it. What I did see made my heart skip a beat.

One sentence. It read:

I need to get some help.

I stared at it. I read it over and over again. I mouthed it. I started to say it out loud.

"I need to get some help."

My body then started to work on its own. My hand reached for my phone, dialed the number, and held it to my ear. I heard it ring once and then a familiar, "What's up, Jazz?"

"I need to talk to you." I said, or rather my voice said. I still didn't understand why my hand dialed this number.

"Marina, are you okay? What happened? Are you hurt?!" The voice said. Not really panicking, but ready to rush off if I seemed to be in trouble.

"No. I'm okay. I meant I need to talk to the other you. The DOCTOR."

A pause. "When would you like an appointment?"

"What's your earliest?"

"I am an idiot."

He looked up from his clipboard to my face. His own held a mild surprise at my words, but I bet more surprise because I hadn't talked the whole session.

I, for some "only God knows" reason, had made an appointment with my friend so he could be my therapist for today. I wanted to puke. After my little episode, my body wanted to have THERAPY! And with HIM!

His smile back to me held mixed emotions. Though, he bit his lip and said nothing, just shaking his head at me

"What?" I asked

He smiled again, "I was about to say something to you that was more friend than professional."

I snorted, "Cut the crap. It's not like I actually need therapy so don't act professional."

He frowned. He stared at me for a while and then sighed. He fixed the glasses at the bridge of his nose. "I do wish you would stop hanging out with Shadow so much." He looked at me again. "As for the not needing therapy, well obviously that's a lie."

I glared at him. "Is not," I replied back childishly.

He raised an eyeridge, "Then why are you here?"

I opened my mouth to reply back snidely, yet no words came out. I closed my mouth and I looked down at the floor. That was a good question; why was I here? I didn't even want to be here. I wanted to go home and I wanted to watch some new Hetalia-

I bit my lip. I clenched my hands. That's why I was here. That's why I was doing this. Because no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get that incident off of my mind.

I looked back up at him and I could see he was truly worried. He wanted to help me, it was written on his face as clear as day. He really wanted to help me. That's why he was here. That's why he booked me an appointment on one of his day offs. I had come to him for help and he replied with open arms. The least I could do was not waste his time.

"You see…," I began, he sat up straighter. I didn't know where to begin, so I started with my first coherent thought.

"It's becoming worse." I said.

"What has?" He asked He leaned in and he started to stare at me intently. I looked back at those eyes. They always remind me of rolling hills but today the remind me of something else

I am reminded of what green makes me feeling like. I don't know why but green unusually makes me feel truthful. It makes me feel like I could tell somebody anything and everything. Yet it has to be the right shade of green or I don't get that feeling. Unfortunately, his eyes are that exact green.

I swallowed. "My actions. My thoughts. EVERYTHING! I can't stop thinking about it! Everyday! Day in Day out! I don't even feel like myself anymore!" I cried. I felt the tears brim at my eyes. Yet I did not cry.

He then looked at me for the longest time and his eyes shown with realization. He knew. Of course he knew. Yet he was still gong to make me say it.

"And why is that?" He asked.

I burst out into tears. "Because of them! Because I hate them! Because everything they did to me hurts me so much! And I was such a fool! SUCH A STUPID GOOD FOR NOTHING FOOL!! THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MY FRIENDS, BUT FRIENDS DON'T DO WHAT THEY DID! FRIENDS DON'T RIP OUT YOUR HEART AND THEN FEED IT TO THE SHARKS!!" I cry out. My head is down as my hands are in my lap, having tears dropped on them. The tears don't stop and soon my hands are soaking wet. My breathing is becoming embarrassing; wheezing and shaking with my wails. I absolutely break down and I break down HARD. My shoulders won't stop shaking so I didn't even notice when a hand grips my right shoulder to comfort me. I just continue to cry; forgetting where I am and whom I'm with. I just keep crying.

"Marina?" He asks tentatively, he knows how I get when I'm like this. I'm chaos wrapped in jeans and a t-shirt. My mood now is almost always uncontrollable, and when I get to this level of emotional stress I do things that are unexpected.

Like now when I look up to him and I flail my arms out. He tenses, preparing himself if I push him away or even yell at him. I don't do either. I just wrap my arms around him and pull my self closer to him. I cry into his shoulder as he stands there like a statue, frozen in pure shock. He then, slowly, starts to put his own arms around me. One arm around my other arm where his hand rubs my back soothingly and the other hand patting my head gently. I just continued to cry.

"There, there," he said, "Just let it all out."

I then begin to tell him about the incident. I had had no idea. It had been all planned out apparently. A group decision, though I knew who the instigator was. The reasons they had given me. The way each of them reacted. The way my heart felt like it was breaking into a million pieces. And the way they handled the situation when the "meeting" had been over and I was crying. I told him every word.

He listened to me. He actually stayed and listened to every word. He didn't tell me to stop. He didn't interrupt me at all. He just listened as I told him my story and held me as I cried. I had almost thought his patience would run out and he'd have to leave or something. I felt different telling him the story. I don't know why. Was it because he turned off the phone so we wouldn't be interrupted? Was it because he listened to the whole story? Or maybe…was it because after wards he still held me? For some reason or another I think it was actually the last reason that really made me feel better. It felt like that was his way of saying that he was here for me.

On that note I smiled.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

My fingers began to tap on the table. I bit my lower lip in frustration and I glared into space. I tried to think but I was completely stuck. I didn't know what to do.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

Calm down, Jazz, I thought, Just focus.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

I decided to take a dive…

"B-5" I said.

Mighty threw his hands up in the air. "Dammit! That was my last ship!"

I smiled and waved my finger in front of his face. "Don't whine! Now what song do you want to sing?" I asked.

He grimaced, "How about none?"

"Minna no tamago by Guardian four? Sure! I'd love to sing that song." I exclaimed and Mighty looked ready to jump into a black hole. I laughed at him and took him by the arm to the karaoke machine.

"All right Mighty! Let's hear another song!" Knuckles shouted and Mighty turned to glare at the red echidna. "What? It's not my fault you keep losing at battle ship."

"Be nice," I warned. I looked towards the group of friends and saw him.

He was sitting next to Tails and Knuckles. Laughing at some joke and then his two friends began to laugh when Amy spotted him from across the room. She was still obsessed I see. I laughed. Mighty grabbed the microphone and started to pick the song from the list. The song appeared on the screen and on the Karaoke glasses. Mighty put his on and stared at the crowd. I followed suite, but stopped him from pressing the start button.

"Um before we begin," All eyes immediately watched me, "I'd just like to say thank you to everyone for being so understanding when I wasn't acting so human."

"Oh! Stop being such a sap! You did this before we left, before we ate, and now before the song? Come ON Jazz, stop or we'll be smothered by the love!" Vector shouted and Mighty picked up an apple and threw it at him. The apple landed in his mouth and he swallowed it whole. He started to cough which made him fall out of his chair. Everyone started to laugh. I giggled too.

Vector got up sheepishly and glared at Mighty. Yet it was Espio who scolded him.

"Vector! Could you be even more insensitive? You might upset-"

I cut him off, "No Espio, its okay. You're right, Vector; I should stop before I suffocated you guys." I said easily, smiling.

Charmy's mouth dropped. "Someone just said Vector and Right in the same sentence."

Ray nodded dumb founded, "It's either a miracle…or a sign of the Apocalypse."

I ignored them and my eyes turned to him again. "Anyway, I just want to also to give a special thanks to someone in this room. Thank you, Sonic the Hedgehog."

Sonic smiled and I pressed the start button.

For the first time in what felt like forever I finally began to sing. And now the only tapping that goes on is the sound of my feet tapping to the beat

Tap. Tap. Tap.