Nothing can prepare a person for witnessing the death of their bestfriend, and this is coming from an army doctor who literally had to sit there and watch the life drain out of innocent soldiers daily. Yet still the hurt that swelled through his every vein and artery at this very moment in time was not even slightly comparable to that. As he entered the apartment, he felt his own legs begin to fail him. The scent of Sherlock overwhelmed him and even the simplicity of being in the same room he had once been in, felt like a dozen fresh punches to the heart. John just about made it over to his chair without collapsing to the ground. How was one supposed to continue when the being whom they had committed to for the last few years was never to return? Never to sit in the armchair he owned opposite Johns, never to stroppily collapse on the sofa or shoot the wall out of boredom... When he fired at the wall many days ago, at first John had been boiling with rage, now though he would do anything for him to do it again; to be able to do it again. But instead all that remained were memories, an abundance of caraphernalia, which sent the pain straight back to Dr Watsons weak, crooked heart. Once upon a crime scene, Sergeant Donovan had told him that one day they ll be standing around a body and Sherlock Holmes ll be the one who put it there. Never had either of them thought it would be in such context. Never in anyones wildest dreams had they suspected that one day soon a hearse would exist that contained the lifeless body of Sherlock Holmes. But this wasn't a dream, this was reality. Sick, twisted, painful, reality. Tears had threatened to fall since Sherlock did, but it was only now that they began cascading elegantly down the mans rough cheek. John hadn't cried in years. At least for anyone other than Sherlock. Once he heard Molly tell the Consulting Detective- You look sad when you think he can t see you. John hadn't thought that that short sentence would ever have to apply to himself. Things tended to surprise him lately though.