Kubo owns Bleach. This is not Bleach. This is Obscene and Offensive to Everybody, and I may or may not have been on drugs when I wrote it.
Enjoy!
Nazi Supermen are Our Superiors
"…I don't think I'm comfortable working here anymore…"
It wasn't the constant warmongering. It wasn't the brutal discipline. It certainly wasn't guilt or remorse…was it? No. It was those god damn Brown Shirts.
"We all knew what we were signing up for, Bazz-B."
"I signed up for murder, mayhem, and dead Shinigami. Not…this…" Bazz-B intimated, as certain as he could reasonably be that only Bambietta was listening (He could never be truly certain when Ywach was listening). Distastefully, he fingered his medallion before pocketing the cursed thing.
"You signed up to obey without question any order given to you by His Majesty,"
"…You Mean Das Fuehrer…" Bazz-B snorted.
"Oh yeah; that's what he wants us to call him now," Bambietta obliviously rambled. "You signed up to obey Das Fuehrer. Obey Das Fuehrer."
"Okay, first of all, stop fucking calling him that. Second…you don't have a problem with any of this?"
"Any of what?"
"The Nazi stuff."
What Nazi stuff?"
"Nothing that's happened in the past 9 days makes you think hmmmmmm. We're working for Nazis. Time to bail?"
"Can't say that it has."
(9 days earlier)
"Attention all Sternrietter; Das Fuehrer sends instructions on the reordering of the Viedenreich. The following changes will be effective, IMMEDIATELY!"
"pfftttt…listen to Haschwalth, sounding off like he's got a pair."
"...Shut up, Bazz-B..."
"Viedenreich members are now Quincy Master Race. SEIG HEIL!"
Shit…that's awesome...
"Sternreitter are now EINSATZGRUPPEN!Einsatzgruppen wear new uniform. You will all wear ze uniform, AT ALL TIMES!
"that's…not awesome…"
"Quincy Medallions have been reprocessed. Pentagram design have been tested and deemed inferior; new medallions will be issued and will be carried AT ALL TIMES!"
…the fuck…
"…This is a Swastika," Cang Du was the one to actually say it out loud.
"New design is much better, ya?"
"I'm not wearing that uniform. And I'm not using that medallion."
"You will wear ze uniform and carry ze medallion, or das Fuehrer will hear ze reason why…"
"You can tell das Fuerhrer I'm not gonna go into battle dressed like I'm running the god-damn soup line at Auschwitz. I'M NOT WEARING IT!"
Two brown-shirted soldats carried a protesting Cang Du away. Words were shouted in German and shots rang out. The brown-shirted soldats came back. Cang Du didn't.
"Defenders of Quincy Master Race will wear ze uniform, ya?"
Bazz-B donned his brown shirt and equipped his medallion without protest.
"Nothing about this seems Nazi-ish to you?"
"Cang Du had it coming. Nobody even liked him."
"Not the point at all, Bambi."
"The new uniforms aren't that bad. I think they're kind of sexy."
"…You think dismemberment is sexy… "
"Not the point at all, Bazz-B."
"The Swastikas! The new assignments! All that talk about Quincy Master Race…None of that's setting off any red flags?"
"Quincies are the shit, Einsatzgruppen sounds way cooler than Sternreitter, and maybe that's just a really good shape for stealing spiritual energy."
"…seriously?"
"How do you know it isn't?"
"…What about that thing Haschwalth asked me to do?"
(5 Days Ago)
"Bazz-B!"
Shit. "Oh…heil Haschwalth…" Don't ask me to do Nazi stuff. Don't ask me to do Nazi stuff.
"Your fire is very strong, ya?"
"…strong enough to 2-finger shitsugaya…"
"How many ovens can it power?"
"Come again?"
"Theoretically, if we were to have a…errrrrr….camp full of ovens—very, very large ovens, all burning 24/7…how many could you fire up?"
fuck me. "…how big are these ovens?"
"Big enough to fit twenty shimigami. Thirty if tightly packed, ya?"
fuck me. "I don't know, five? What do we need fucking ovens for…doesn't His Majesty Adolf have the power of the sun?"
"Zanka no Tachi would destroy the camp."
"But you could…you know…use Zanka no Tachi to do whatever it was the camps were going to do. You don't really need to build a camp." And you don't really need to involve me in this in any way, shape, or form.
"…but then where will we keep the soul slaves?"
"Soul slaves? The fuck…this is all completely theoretical, right?"
"Das Fuehrer has given As Nodt commission for design of the first camp."
"…" mother of god
"There may or may not be ovens."
"That doesn't prove anything," Bambietta dismissed.
"It proves that we're working for Nazis!"
"…it proves that As Nodt is a crazy bastard."
"…a crazy bastard who is WORKING FOR NAZIS!"
"…Still not seeing it."
"…what about that thing with Aizen?"
(3 Days Ago)
"For freeing me from Mugen, I gift you top-clearance to Las Noches and access to my labs. Yawach will give me royal reishi to continue my research, and I will give Yawach the first prototype of my Grande Royal Hogyoku. Is this arrangement acceptable?"
Very acceptable, Aizen-Sama. We have a deal, ya?
"It seems we have worked out a mutually beneficial arrangement. We have a deal, Haschwald."
"Wunderbar! I'll just need to see your papers."
"…my papers?"
"Identifying documents, ya?"
"You know who I am."
"All collaborators must submit papers. No Exceptions."
"…ridiculous…"
"NO EXCEPTIONS!"
"…Very well. Here's my birth certificate. I trust you'll find everything is in order."
"…We shall see…"
"…"
"…"
"..."
"Birth Name: Sosuke Aizenberg?"
"My mother was Jewish."
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"you are…Juden?"
"Is that a problem?"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"Come with me to meet As Nodt, ya?"
"Proves nothing," Bambi collared a submissive slave-boy of questionable age and lubed him up for violent rape, completely uninterested in the direction her talk with Bazz-B was going. Bazz-B was unfazed.
"…you saw what they did to him. Just because he said he was Jewish. NAZIS!"
"Lots of people hate Jews. They're annoying."
"BAMBI!"
"Oh my God…I'm just fucking with you…who doesn't know what Nazis are?" Bambietta laughed and stripped down to wearing her Nazi vest, her Nazi officer hat, her swatstika medallion, and nothing else.
" …so you know?" Bazz-B was more bothered by the Nazi regalia than aroused by the nakedness.
"Of course I know! I Just don't give a fuck. The uniform is sexy, the power is a rush, and as long as I follow orders and kill for Quincy Master Race I can do whatever the hell I want. LOOK AT THIS!" Bambietta tugged on the leash of her collared slave-boy—now down on all fours—pulling back his head to insert a ball-and-gag contraption. Two more collared boys came to assist her in the task. "I have a fucking HAREM! Look at all the fucks Haschwald doesn't give!"
"…I think I have a serious ethical problem with this…"
"Look Bazz-B, do what I'm about to do and grow a pair," Bambietta equipped her signature Strap-On. "What do you want me to tell you? If you're that bothered, quit and try not to die when Haschwald finds out. Otherwise…"
KABOOOOM!
A big fucking fraggor blew Bazz-B and Bambietta and their entire complex to smitherines. Then another. And another. And another.
"NAZI BASTARDS! MY MOTHER WAS A SAINT!"
Aizen spammed his fraggors until he had no more fraggors to spam. Then spammed more fraggors. Then Hado 90-ed the resulting wreckage just to be thorough.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Aizen Owns Your Soul