She sat with her back pressed against that damned white wall, clutching the TARDIS key in her hand until her palms bled for five and a half hours as the shock and numbness slowly took her over. She has a vague awareness of someone helping her to stand but there is a rushing sound in her ears and she is unable to make out any words that are being spoken. She knows her mum is there and Mickey is there too, as is her not father, Pete. Rose knows that she should at least try and reassure her mum and the others that she'll be alright but she can't seem to remember how to speak, how to form words.
Breathe in, breathe out. This becomes her official mantra.
She allows herself to be lead away, not that she currently possessed the motor control needed to fight or struggle even if she had the inclination to do so. There is a car and a zeppelin (and isn't everything about that all kinds of wrong). Time passed, how she could not fathom (breathe in, breathe out), and they are at the Tyler mansion. She knows her mum would be far more excited if she was more herself and she wishes she could snap out of, whatever this is, for her mum's sake, but she can't.
A few hours ago, she was Rose Tyler, partner and lover of the Doctor, The Stuff of Legends, and now, now she is fading. She has been boiled down to essentials: muscle and bone. She is disappearing, rapidly becoming a ghost. She is shown to a bedroom that she is told will belong to her for as long as she wants.
Her mum hugs her and tells her that she is sorry, so very sorry, sweetheart. That she loves her and please snap out of this. Rose, please.
She wants to scream, to throw things, to shatter glass, to rage that this is not her home and will never be, but she does none of those things. Rose wants to ask her mum how she can expect anything to be okay when she is here and the Doctor is on the other side of that bloody wall.
Breathe in, breathe out.
When her mum finally, finally, leaves Rose stands in the middle of the room, trying to decide what she is supposed to do. She finds a nightie in the wardrobe and heads into the en-suite to change. Unzipping her jacket and pulling it off, she holds it up and inspects it as though it is some alien artifact that she must identify in order to help save the world.
The jacket is filthy, definitely needs a wash as does everything else she is wearing and there is something in her pockets. Psychic paper, her superphone, and that stupid yellow dimension jumper from Torchwood Pete's World. She hates the site of it, she hates this universe, and she hates Torchwood. Every Torchwood.
She shakes her head and drops all her old clothing in a messy pile on the floor, places the items from her pockets on the counter, and turns on the shower. She is surprised that she was able to accomplish that seemingly Herculean task and chalks it up to muscle memory as there was no conscious effort on her part.
Breathe in, breathe out.
The shampoo stinging her eyes is what brings the first wave of tears and she is balled up on the shower floor, sobbing uncontrollably, with the water beating down on her. For a moment, she forgets, and wonders where the Doctor is as he is always there to comfort her when she cries. It only takes a second for her memory to assert itself and she ends up crying again. This time the tears come so hard that she feels as though she is breaking apart and she cannot breathe.
Calm down, Rose. Breathe in, breathe out.
The water is ice cold before she finally gets out of the shower. She takes her old, dirty clothes off the floor and throws them in with the rubbish. She never wants to see them again and pulls on the clean nightie that does and does not belong to her. She keeps her TARDIS key close to her skin, it rests near her heart and it gives the illusion of comfort.
She places the psychic paper and her superphone in the bedside table drawer. She contemplates smashing the dimension jumper but decides against it and instead puts it in the drawer with her other possessions. She crawls into the bed that is also hers and yet, is not, (is everything in this stupid universe going to be a paradox?) and turns out the light. It is as she is laying there in the dark, staring at the ceiling that her mind begins to drift.
'I am the Bad Wolf. I create myself.' If she could see all of time and space how is it that she had not seen this? Whilst focusing on the Daleks had she somehow managed to miss taking a peek at what would become of her and the Doctor? Had she forgotten to check? That doesn't fit. None of this makes any sense.
Breathe in, breathe out.
She had bonded with the TARDIS so that together they could save the Doctor and she could become Bad Wolf, as she had always been meant to be and it had worked. She had ended the Time War, wiped out the Daleks, and saved the Doctor. So, how could everything have gone so terribly, horribly wrong? Unless...
Unless it didn't. Maybe this, being trapped in Pete's World, was only temporary. That had to be it. Surely the Doctor would find a way to contact her or come through to her. There was no way he would ask her to be his bond mate and then just leave her here.
And if he, for some reason, couldn't come through, well then she would just have to fight her way back to him. She had done it once before and if the multiverse thought it was going to keep her away from the man that she loved, well, maybe she would have to find a way to bring Bad Wolf back for good.
With her new resolve, Rose felt like a band had been loosened around her chest. Things still weren't okay and wouldn't be okay until she was back home in the TARDIS with her Doctor but, for now at least, she knew she wasn't going to shatter.
Rose shifted around in the strange bed and she took stock of what she knew to be true. She is the Bad Wolf, she is eternal, she is bonded to the TARDIS, she is the intended bond mate of the Doctor, the three of them, together, are forever, and she is going to find a way to go home if she has to tear through the universal walls with her bare hands to accomplish that task. She will walk through the void if she must but she will not allow herself to be locked away from the man that she loves for the rest of her very long life.
Breathe in, breathe out.
As she finally drifted off to sleep, she tried to send a single thought to the Doctor and the TARDIS, 'I love you, I love you, I love you, and I will see you again.'
A week or so later and Rose is less catatonic yet still a diminished version of herself but she is going to count it as progress anyway. If nothing else, she finds that she no longer needs to remind herself how to breathe.
Reluctantly, she agrees to accompany Pete to Torchwood. She needs to get out of the mansion. A large as it is, it's still suffocating and Rose would swear she is now suffering from claustrophobia. The last thing she wants to do is set foot in that building but Pete swears it's different. 'It's not what you're thinking, Rose. I promise.' She isn't certain why he thinks she trusts him without reservation but a pleading glance from her mum is what finally convinces her to go.
Rose knows that her mum is hurting for her and she is trying to be herself again. If only for her mum's sake. Rose knows she won't ever be truly all right until she's home. Still, for her mum's sake Rose is trying to become a better actress than she actually is.
Her first impression of Pete's World Torchwood is, underwhelmed. She is not even remotely impressed, she is on edge as though she is going to be attacked at any moment. The office building looks like any other in London but the atmosphere inside is what sets it apart. There is definitely a sense of 'We know something you don't know,' lingering in the air. It's arrogance and Rose has had more than her fill of Torchwood and human arrogance.
The upper floors, which require higher levels of security, have an identity all their own. The upper levels feel military. They remind her of those silly spy action shows Mickey used to watch on telly when there wasn't a match on. It feels surreal. Like everything in this universe. It's just adds to her sense of 'wrongness.' She can't define it as well as she would like but she knows she does not belong here and that is the only thing that really matters anyway.
She clenches her fists in the hopes that it will calm her down and relieve some her anxiety. She misses the Doctor desperately.
Weeks pass by in this fashion. Rose is still determined that she will get back to the Doctor and the TARDIS and she pretends she doesn't notice the worried and pitying looks from Mickey and her mum but she does notice and she hates them. She isn't delusional, after all she knows the Doctor, they don't. Not really. Not like she does.
Her mum and Pete are closer now. At least their relationship is going the way Rose had hoped it would even if her own is currently on hold. Over breakfast her mum had announced that she and Pete were renewing their vows and whilst Rose is happy for her mum, it just makes her heart ache even more.
She's happy for her mum, she is, she just isn't certain she has the required energy to be both enthusiastic daughter and an assistant wedding planner. She'll do her best though because once the Doctor finds a way to get her she probably won't be able to see her mum again and she wants good, happy memories to carry with her through the rest of her very long life.
Rose finds herself working as a consultant for Torchwood. She needs something to do that keeps her somewhat connected to the stars and Pete is desperate for someone who has her hands-on experience. She finds she doesn't have much use for most of the people who work there and she often wonders if she is going to end up having to protect any aliens from over-zealous agents but so far that has only happened once.
The wedding is lovely. Jackie and Pete are both absurdly happy and terribly in love and Rose is genuinely happy for them. She dances with Mickey at the reception and he tells her that he knows she hasn't given up hope that the Doctor will come for her. He tells her that he hopes she gets her own happy ending soon. She hugs him tightly and thanks him for always being her best mate.
Jackie has announced that she is pregnant. Rose is shocked. She's always been an only child and now she is soon to be someone's big sister. It is bizarre and exciting and she wonders if she will ever get to meet the newest Tyler. Part of her hopes she will but a larger part knows she will be home by the time the baby is born.
Three months later is the first time she hears the Doctor calling for her. At first, she thinks she must be dreaming but it keeps happening so she gathers her mum, Pete, and Mickey in the kitchen, makes everyone tea, and tells them about the Doctor.
At first, they tell her she must have been dreaming but she assures them that it has happened whilst she has been awake as well. She tells them that she needs to follow his call, finally, finally, they agree to help her but all three insist on going with her. They do not want her to do this alone. Not for the first time, Rose realizes how lucky she is to have people who love her and are willing to do anything for her.
They all go back to their rooms to pack. All Rose knows is that she needs to follow his voice. She doesn't know where they will end up but the Doctor has provided a map that only she can follow. Once back in her bedroom, she tosses all of her clothing into her large cross-body bag and any photos of her mum, Pete, and Mickey that she can find.
Next, she sits down and beings writing letters. One to each of them, saying she loves them all so much, she hopes they will be as happy as she is, that she is so sorry that this is how things had to turn out, that she will miss them terribly and will think of them everyday. Thanking them for loving her and taking care of her and ultimately, helping her find her way back to her home.
She leaves the letters on her desk, her mum will find them, she knows. She pulls on her jacket over her wool dress, tucks her TARDIS key beneath her top, and, on a whim, grabs the yellow dimension jumper that she keeps in her bedside table, and heads downstairs to meet her family. She doesn't know why she decided to bring the dimension jumper but something inside her is telling her she will need it.
They end up in Norway. She can't help but laugh when she sees that their destination is Bad Wolf Bay. Apparently, she had seen this and couldn't resist being a bit cheeky, even as a goddess. It's a cold and seemingly abandoned beach and the wind is relentless but she waits. He's coming. She knows that he is. Her TARDIS key is getting warm and is slightly pulsing against her skin.
The four of them get out of the jeep they've been traveling in and Rose slings her bag over her shoulder and walks a little way up the beach, farther away from her family. She gasps softly when a ghostly image of her Doctor appears close to her. He's a projection or hologram or something but she's still grateful for some image after months with nothing. Her key is becoming almost uncomfortably hot now.
"Where are you?"
"Inside the TARDIS. There's one tiny little gap in the Universe left, just about to close, and it takes a lot of power to send this projection. I'm in orbit around a super nova. I'm burning up a sun just to say goodbye."
They chat for a moment but Rose still has his 'goodbye' stuck on repeat in her head. No, he cannot mean what she thinks he means. She won't allow it. Her key is vibrating so hard against her skin that it is almost making her teeth chatter.
"Am I ever going see you again?"
"You can't."
'Like hell,' she thinks. 'This isn't the end. I'm not staying here, I'm not!'
She is running purely on instinct now. She turns back to her mum with tears in her eyes and gives a small tremulous smile before turning back to the Doctor.
She pulls the dimension jumper out of her bag and says, "I, I love you," and she firmly presses the button.
Whatever response the Doctor was going to make is lost as a rushing sound fills her ears. She is temporarily both deaf and blind but then a golden light and a very familiar song takes the place of the darkness and the silence. 'Welcome home, my Wolf,' is all she hears until very familiar and desperately missed arms are wrapping around her and helping to keep her on her feet.
For a moment she is terrified that she is dreaming and will awake, alone, in her bedroom in the mansion. But she can smell him and she can feel the fabric of his suit and she can feel his tears soaking into her shoulder. She brings her arms around him and hugs him as tightly as she can.
"I love you. I love you. Oh my precious, girl. I love you so much."
She laughs through her tears, "I missed you so much. More than I will ever be able to tell you."
The Doctor pulls back slightly and Rose thinks he is going to ask more questions or drag her off to the med-bay but instead he just kisses her. His kiss is passion mixed with relief and gratefulness and desperation. It's tinged with loneliness and 'don't leave me, don't leave me, please, don't ever leave me again.'
She tries her best to respond in kind and knows she has succeeded at least a bit when he eases his grip and softens the kiss before ending it and burying his face back in her neck. She runs her hands soothingly across his shoulders and back. She combs her fingers through his hair until she feels him being to release some of his built up tension.
She knows a trip to the med-bay so that he can run his tests until he feels secure that she is safe and his endless questions about what he does not understand will be coming but for right now he seems content to simply hold her.
She can't resist as she looks up at him and so, with a small smile says, "Hello."
He can't stop the laugh that escapes him as he parrots back a warm and welcoming, "Hello."
She is about to kiss him again when she catches a mass of golden particles out of the corner of her eye and watches, mesmerized, as they form into the shape of a bride.
"What?"
The Doctor looks questioningly at her for a second before he spins around to see what has gotten her attention. The bride spins around at the sound of her voice as well.
"Oh!"
"What?" This times it's the Doctor who asks although he doesn't get a response either.
The bride, rapidly losing patience, looks at them, "Who are you?"
Before the Doctor can say anything else, Rose starts laughing, she can't help it. Both the Doctor and the bride are looking at her now. She tries her best to stop but the occasional giggle still breaks free. She shakes her head at the Doctor's silent question. Instead, she reaches down and clasps his hand. Palms pressed tightly together and fingers laced, "Nothing. It's nothing. I am just so happy to be home."
The bride, open mouth, blinks at her and the Doctor smiles softly. With a small laugh of his own, "You have no idea how happy I am that you're home too."
The bride, tired of being ignored, "What the hell is this place?"
The Doctor and Rose look at each other, something very odd and potentially dangerous and completely impossible is happening right in front of them but they can't quite keep from smiling at each other in happiness and relief. Responding to the bride's question, Rose simply responds, "I'm Rose and this is the Doctor. You're in the TARDIS, our ship. We don't know who you are or how you got here but we're really very good at solving problems just like this. Now, what's your name?"
The bride blinks at her, "Donna. Donna Noble."
"Nice to meet you, Donna Noble. Welcome to the TARDIS," Rose says as she and the Doctor head over to read the scanner and see if they can suss out any clues as to their latest mystery.
As her Wolf and her Thief worked together, the TARDIS thought about how everything she and Wolf planned worked out. Maybe not quite the way they had intended (Rose never was supposed to be trapped in the wrong universe after all) but, finally, the adventure ended the way they are all supposed to with the Doctor and Rose Tyler inside the TARDIS. The way it should always, and would always, be.