Hi guys...this fanfic is going to be very emotional, especially for me. I'm having some really hard time at school since a big transition is coming up for me...and some of my closest friends are drifting away and I think this might help me deal with it. I'm also making this fanfic to help anyone else who has this problem...stuff like this really helps me when I'm feeling particularly sad about it. Tell anyone you know who needs help, even if their not part of the KOTLC community.

I guess we're just drifting.

I guess we could come back together.

I guess I want to come back together.

Maybe I don't.

I guess it's not just their fault.

I guess I have someone on my side.

I guess we're all just upset.

I guess it all built up.

I guess I should of seen it coming.

But I'm tired of guessing. I'm tired of the maybes and the I don't knows.

I want to know. I want something to stick for once.

But knowing too much is really bad. And it's this little topsy turvy balance that keeps changing and I can't keep track of it.

I can't keep track of their feelings and someone is always unhappy. I can only keep track of me and what I do and sometimes it's so frustrating because I just want it all to be perfect or at least organized in some way but it's not. It's absolute chaos and confusion and hurt and misunderstanding.

It's a whirlwind of emotions and none of it stays for too long. And nothing's official.

And you find moments where your blissfully happy, and it seems wrong to be happy, because you look over and you remember something awful is happening to you.

Growing up sucks.

Any of this sound familiar?

It does to me.

Let me tell you something: if you lose your friends, it seems like the experience will never end. It feels like it's going to slow or to fast and you feel so alone and it hurts. It hurts more than you thought it every would and you feel helpless. And there's so many other problems that keep popping up and you feel selfish and useless and just awful.

Yes, there will be crying. Lots of it.

Yes, there will be moments where you think your not worth it.

Yes, there will be times when you wonder how this is happening.

Yes, there will be things you consider doing. Awful things.

Yes, there will days when you miss childhood so badly; I mean really, really badly; and it seems like everyone else wants to do anything but go back to childhood.

But you will live. I promise.

My name is Marella, and this is my story...