Summary:
Two years ago Leonard tragically lost the love of his life his beloved wife Penny. Now still haunted by the events of that night he is struggling with his own grief and is faced with the task of raising his young daughter alone. Just as his life starts to come apart at the seams he meets Amber his mysterious new neighbour who seems unwilling to reveal anything about her past.
WARNING major character death. Some chapters will be written using flashbacks and will feature Penny. Mainly a Leonard, Howard and Bernadette story although all characters will feature.
Leonard's day had gone from bad to worse. It had begun with sleeping through his alarm and being late to drop his daughter Grace at school, now he had been summoned to the office of Professor Gablehauser the head of the physics department. It was bad news. The funding for his current research was going to be subject to a substantial cut. Ultimately it spelt out the end to what had been a three year research project.
"Great. That just what I need." muttered Leonard and took a swig of lukewarm coffee from his travel mug.
"I'm really sorry Dr. Hofstadter I wish there was something more that I could do, but my hands are tied this time." said Professor Gablehauser regretfully. "I will of course argue your case again with the board, but I don't want to give you false hope."
"Well, thank you for letting me know Professor Galbehauser. I really should be getting back to the lab."
Leonard still had a mountain of work to try and get through that day plus preparation for an undergraduate physics lecture after lunch.
"Just one minute Leonard." Professor Gablehauser said and signalled for him to be seated again. Leonard lowered himself back down chair.
"How are things?"
To him Leonard appeared exhausted. There were black circles beneath his eyes and he wondered whether he ever managed to get a full night's sleep.
"How do you mean?"
"I mean at home with you and your daughter. Grace isn't it? It can't be easy bringing up a young child on your own."
Leonard turned to gaze out the office window at the students seated on the grass outside eating lunch and wished he could be anywhere but where he was now. He hated being coerced into talking about his late wife.
"Thank you for your concern Professor, but Grace and I are doing just fine. I know I've been late a few times this week. It's just been a hectic that's all." he replied and forced a smile which Professor Gablehauser refused to buy. "Believe me everything will be under control by next week."
Rising to his feet Professor Gablehauser walked around to the front of his desk and perched on the edge facing Leonard.
"You know Leonard the university has an excellent counselling service." He began adopting a less official tone. "Maybe it would help to talk to someone in confidence."
Leonard shifted uncomfortably in the leather upholstered chair. "Like I said thank you for your concern, but Grace and I have all the support we need." he insisted and got up hoping to draw the meeting to a close. He was edging towards the door when Professor Gablehauser spoke, apparently he wasn't finished.
"Leonard nobody expects you to cope with this on your own. Losing your wife in the way that you did.." he couldn't even begin to imagine the anguish Leonard must have felt and continue to feel every day. "Please know that my door is always open if you need to talk."
Leonard stepped out into the hall and proceeded swiftly around the corner so to be out of sight. Hot tears stung began to sting his eyes. Wiping them away with the sleeve of his jacket he headed for the sanctuary of his lab. He needed to keep busy. Keeping busy and taking care of Grace were the only things that got him through each day. Even two years later the pain was still as raw as it had been the day that his beloved wife Penny had been taken from him. As he hurried along the hall avoiding eye contact with those passing by he heard a familiar voice.
"Hey Leonard."
It was his friend Howard Wolowitz.
"Not now Howard I can't stop." Leonard barked.
"I just wanted to check whether it's still ok for me and Bernie to come over for takeout tonight? You know like we arranged last week?"
By the time Howard had finished Leonard had already exited through the double doors at the end of the hallway.
"So see you tonight then." he called after him.
Forgoing the caferteria and the company of his friends, Leonard chose instead to eat alone in his lab while preparing for the lecture he was due to deliver. At 4pm with his lecture complete he was eagar to leave to pick up Grace when he was approached by a student.
"Dr. Hofstadter."
"Yeah?"
Leonard looked up from shutting down his laptop to see a male student wearing jeans and a check shirt and had a duffle bag hanging over his shoulder.
"My name is Daryl Jenkins. Do you have a minute? I really would like to speak to you." he said.
Glancing at the wall clock Leonard frowned. He was already running a little late.
"Sorry not really Daryl I have to pick my daughter up and I really can't be late again this week." he had already received a warning from the lady who ran Grace's after school club about being overly late. "If you have a question about the lecture then send me an email and I'll try to get to you ASAP."
By now the lecture theatre had emptied leaving Leonard alone with the student.
"How is she...your daughter?" Daryl asked.
"Excuse me?"
Leonard studied the boy's face. It was possible that he knew him from outside the university, perhaps from the comic book store.
"I guess you don't remember me."
Daryl stared down at his sneakers for a moment before looking up to meet his lecturer's bemused stare. It was then Leonard noticed that his hands were shaking.
"I was there when Penny died." he told him
Uninvited images of Penny had begun to flash through Leonard's mind taking him back against his will to the night Penny had died.
"I'm sorry I can't talk to you."
Snapping shut his laptop. Leonard's only thought was to retreat.
"Please Dr. Hofstadter." Daryl pleaded.
"What is it you want from me Daryl?" Leonard demanded.
"I can't stop thinking about what happened Sir. The guilt it's like eating me away."
"Guilt?"
"Yeah that your wife… Penny that was her name right? That she died and I didn't. She was trying to protect me…. You must hate me."
There was desperation in his voice.
"I don't hate you Daryl." Leonard answered quietly. The only person he hated and blamed was himself. "I'm sorry that you feel that way, but believe me I really can't help you."
Turning abruptly he pushed open the door to the lecture theatre and hurried off down the hall without stopping to look back. Getting into his car he drove straight to Grace's after school club arriving only a few minutes late, finding Grace engrossed in drawing a picture.
"Daddy!" she exclaimed, her face lighting at the sight of her father.
After apologising for being late Leonard left with his daughter for the short drive home. Grace was now seven years old and had blond hair and blue eyes identical to her mothers. Every time Leonard looked at her it pained him how much she served as a reminder of Penny. So many people had remarked that Penny would live on through Grace and yet they had no idea how much it hurt each time he looked at her. Leonard made dinner and sat with Grace at the kitchen table, distracted by his earlier encounter with Daryl he was only half listening to his chatter on about her day at school. After dinner he instructed Grace to go upstairs as it was nearing her bedtime. As he dried the dishes the sound of a voice that he had known so well drifted from the lounge through to the kitchen. It was Penny. Putting down the dish he made his way toward the lounge and standing in the doorway saw his wedding DVD was playing on the television. Grace was sat cross legged on a cushion on the floor staring intently at the screen. In her hand she held the Perspex encased snowflake that Leonard had brought back from his science expedition to the North Pole. He hadn't seen the DVD since before Penny had died. All traces of memories of Penny including photographs and her belongings had been put away the day after the funeral. Leonard's heart ached at the sight of Penny on the screen. He recognised the voice behind the camera to be that of his brother's Mike
"So Leonard finally wore you down then? How does it feel to be Mrs Hofstadter?"
"FYI Mike I proposed to Leonard and it's the best thing I ever did." she smiled into the camera, displaying signs of being a little tipsy.
She had looked so stunning that day she had literally taken his breath away. Moments later the camera panned away from Penny and onto Raj who holding a glass of champagne began to playfully mock Leonard. It was all too much. Leonard grabbed the remote control from the floor, snatched the snowflake from Graces hand and switched off the TV.
"Grace what have I told you about going into my cupboard?" he yelled.
Grace stared up at her father with wide fearful eyes.
"I'm sorry Daddy. I just wanted to see mommy again I couldn't remember what she looked like."
"I told you never to go in there, didn't I?"
Grace nodded slowly her eyes glistening with tears.
After ordering her to go to her room, Leonard was overcome with guilt. Until recently he'd barely ever raised his voice at his daughter. Before he could climb the stairs to her bedroom, the doorbell rang. In the chaos of that day he'd completely forgotten that Bernadette and Howard were coming over that evening.
"Hi Leonard." Bernadette chorused her smile evaporating upon noticing how exhausted and stressed Leonard looked.
Following Leonard into the lounge they noted Grace's absence.
"Where's Grace?" asked Howard.
Usually she would be bounding excitadily down the stairs to greet them the moment they arrived, full of chatter about her day at school.
"I sent her to her room." Leonard answered quietly, moving a pile of science magazines from the couch to make space for his friends to be seated. It has been a while since Bernadette and Howard had visited Leonard at home and were shocked by the untidiness and the general state of disarray.
"Why?" Bernadette questioned as she slipped off her jacket and began to put the takeout cartons on the coffee table.
"She went in my cupboard when I've told her so many times that it's out of bounds." He told them.
Howard and Bernadette were aware that Leonard used the cupboard to store away all the photos and various items of Penny's belongings.
"I know I overreacted, but I just lost it. I didn't mean to upset her." he admitted picking at his food with his fork, devoid of any appetite.
Bernadette and Howard exchanged a concerned glance.
"Buddy, it's not healthy to make out like Penny never existed." Howard said. "Grace needs to have memories of her mom."
"I know." Leonard agreed sadly. "I'll make it up to her."
Offering to check on Grace, Bernadette climbed the stairs to her bedroom. Opening the door she discovered an empty bed.
"Grace?" she said out loud. "Where are you hiding sweetie?"
After checking all the upstairs rooms and failing to find her, Bernadette descended the stairs noticing to her horror that the front door was ajar.
"Leonard!" she cried. "Grace is gone!"