Dan looked at himself in the mirror. He could see the artfully decorated room's reflection from behind his black suit. White carnations in crystal vases littered the chamber, each vase refracting the afternoon sunlight that poured in through sheer curtains. His gaze trailed up his body until he was making eye contact with his reflection. Damn. He looked as nervous as he felt. Anxiously, he adjusted the pink corsage pinned to his breast pocket. Today was a big day for Dan. An abrupt knock on his door made the groom-to-be jump. His eyes darted to the door's reflection in the mirror just in time to see Louise poke her head in.

"You're not supposed to come in until I say so." Dan said, relaxing and looking back at his jittery face.

"Sorry." Louise said with a half smile. She was wearing a light pink knee-length dress with an off white cardigan. "I was told to tell you that they're going to start in five minutes." Dan ran his fingers through the mop of curls on top of his head and went to sit on a blindingly white Victorian love seat. His left knee twitched. Louise ambled over to her friend. In a rather lame attempt to ease his nerves, she let a hand rest on his shoulder.

"You know, it's okay to be nervous. Everyone is on their wedding day." Dan looked up to smile at his friend. He felt so lucky to have people like Louise in his life. Tenderly, he let his hand reach up and touch her fingers.

"I think I'm more excited than nervous. My mum came in a few minutes ago and hyped up how this is going to be one of the most important days of my life." The worry reappeared on Dan's face as he got up and wandered to the other side of the room. "I mean, of course I'm happy, but I don't like to think of how this will affect my life in the long run. What if I, like, trip when I walk down the aisle? I won't be able to forget that. You don't get do-over weddings." He wiped his hands on his thighs as he let out a shaky, halfhearted laugh. Louise gave him a knowing smile.

"You'll do great." She stood and walked over to Dan. "And if you do mess up, I promise I'll take pictures." She whispered while hugging him. Dan had a lopsided grin as he hugged her back.

"Shut up." He said sweetly. She pulled away and beamed at him.

"I have to take my place." When she got to the door, she let her hand rest on the doorknob and turned back to Dan. "Good luck." She said. And with that, she left, leaving Dan alone with his thoughts. A last minute check in the mirror showed no flaws to Dan's outfit. For the first time in his life, he felt handsome. With a deep breath and a quick fluff of his curls, he slowly made his way to where he would be entering the venue. His dad was waiting for him, tears forming in the father's eyes.

Dan's groom was making his grand entrance. They had decided to both walk down the aisle, one after the other. It was really happening. After years of close companionship, Dan had decided to take the next step. His brown eyes were shimmering with what looked like a combination of fear and joy. A beeping on an employee's walkie-talkie from behind them queued Dan's entrance. Dan's hands were shaking so visibly that his father grabbed them to keep them still. Deep breath. He entered. The wedding itself was beautiful. The color scheme was monochrome with splashes of pink. Cherry blossoms were artfully placed around the large room. The chairs had white cloth draped over them with black ribbon tied in bows to keep the fabric in place. But by far the most breathtaking thing in the room was waiting for Dan at the end of the aisle.

Phil Lester stood in a white suit with a pink bowtie next to Dan's laptop. Dan couldn't imagine a better best man than his friend. Discreetly, they did an air high five/ backflip combo that had become their signature gesture. When Dan had announced that he was marrying his laptop, people had thought it was strange. Wrong, even. But after people had time to think about it, they realized how true and pure the love they shared was. The laptop had been dragged down the aisle with a pink ribbon by Dan's mum, who looked extremely uncomfortable with her current situation. Dan's father was going too slow as they walked to the laptop. Dan wanted to be married now.

"Y E E T" he yelled as he pushed his father out of the way and windsprinted to his groom. No pastor would agree to sanctify the wedding, so they had gotten a man called "Smooth Papi" off Craigslist who was an ordained minister, rabbi, dog breeder, and gynecologist. Smooth Papi had heard about the black and white theme, so he was wearing a morphsuit with a tux printed onto it. Unfortunately, he did not know he needed pink, so a stripe of fluorescent pink paint went down the center of his body. He also didn't speak English very well.

"We have the marriage of two marriage men today in here." He said with great authority. His accent was untraceable. It sounded kind of like a French man doing an American accent doing a Russian accent, but it was hard to tell. "Danyel isn't warm Howeel, you kiss the toplap? ?" He asked Dan. Dan let out the biggest grin of his life.

"I do." Smooth Papi turned to the laptop. "Yuo're not alive, but toplap love the man with the lot of Internet ?" Smooth Papi asked. He was holding a book in his hand. Dan knew it wasn't a bible, so he peeked over to see what the minister was reading from. It was one of those instruction booklets for assembling ikea furniture. It was upside down. After about three minutes of the laptop not saying anything because it was a laptop, Smooth Papi spoke. "I take the no talk as a yes. Danny anti flame and small computer, you marriage. Face kiss." Dan crouched down to gently kiss the lid of his laptop. He blushed as his lips touched the top of his computer. Confetti dropped from the ceiling as people awkwardly clapped.

"Radical." Phil screamed as he grabbed a handful of falling paper and shoved it in his mouth, swallowing it whole. Louise was tearing up. Dan mother looked horrified. Lovingly, Dan picked up his laptop and moonwalked back down the aisle.

"Bye bitches." He said as he left the room. Smooth Papi walked over to a vase full of flowers and shoved it under his arm, causing the water and about half of the cherry blossoms to fall out. As he left, he grabbed a chair and a hand full of mints.

"Give me payment by Tuesday." He called as he walked out the emergency fire exit, causing the alarm to go off. Water rained down from sprinklers on the ceiling, causing people to scream. Phil opened his mouth for a quick drink when he realized something. Dan's groom wasn't waterproof.

"dAN." Phil yelled as he got into Naruto-running position. Fortunately, he had decided to stand on his hover board for the wedding. He freakin' zipped down the hall to where Dan was. But he was too late. Dan sat on the ground, frantically mashing the power button on his computer.

"NO OO" Dan shrieked as he cradled the electronic. Through tears, he turned to his raven haired friend, who was making a small circle with his hoverboard from distress. "Who did did this?" He choked out. Phil responded in their secret language, a language only the two bois understand. The waiter standing by heard Phil let out what sounded like All Star by smash mouth being sung by a pterodactyl. "Smooth Papi." Dan grunted, and evil gleam forming in his eyes. He no longer wanted to go to his wedding reception. He only wanted revenge.

TO BE CONTINUED

(but not really)