Disclaimer 1: Smaug and his shiny pile belong to His Royal Highness Sir Tolkien, not me.
Disclaimer 2: This story is utterly bizarre. Read at your own risk. If you injure your hand from facepalming, I am deeply sorry, but I cannot be held liable.
Day 1
Found book. It is a rather strange object, as it is not burned. Or full of words, as most of the bothersome things are.
In the meantime, I keep busy by scratching away in it with handy charcoal.
Day 2
Lack of charred edges beginning to vex me. May have to toast it slightly.
Day 3
Have decided not to toast it. May become literary genius one day.
Day 4
Rolled about in shiny pile.
Day 5
Counted objects in my pile. I have many objects.
Found shiny white stone. Pleasing.
Day 6
Shiny stone has access to place called Internet. Very pleasing.
Can see why dwarf-lords prized stone so.
Day 7
Internet is quaint.
Day 8
I may never run out of Internet.
Day 9
Have successfully torn myself away from videos of furry, plump, meowing creatures. They would make good appetizers.
Day 10
Received hate mail for voicing my indignance at the lack of "cat recipes."
Day 11
Found website, . Odd. Addicting. Quaint, in its way, but largely inaccurate.
Day 12
Got nothing done. Fanfiction too absorbing.
Day 13
Read cautionary tale, "Never Leave Fanfiction Lying Around." Shows repercussions of reading fanfiction about yourself. Terrifying.
Day 14
Have decided to quit fanfiction.
Day 15
Especially cranky. Got no sleep, as I was plagued by terrible nightmares of fanfiction.
Day 16
May quit Internet.
Day 17
May be physically impossible to quit the Internet.
Day 18
Counted objects. Insufficiently calming.
Day 19
Consumed by existential dread.
Day 20
Watched movie to placate my fraught mind. "The Matrix."
Did not help.
At all.