Author's Note: Recently, I began the "Pimp my Profile" movement to improve what I have posted on this site, revisit what I had written quite some time ago, and see what I should take down completely. I found that while I wanted to take down these crack fics, at the same time I didn't want them to die. Thus, I decided to re-upload them as a single story, and to fix the punctuation/grammar mistakes I made as a wee-little high school freshman. After the release of HP7, some of them have become AU; I debated making them fit into the cannon, but decided against it. This is what I wrote at that point in my life, and that is how it will stay...you know, except for the punctuation that makes me cringe when I think about it.

July 19, 2006

Precious

Harry quickly made his way up to Professor McGonagall's office with a number of other students. They had all received notes stating that their confiscated possessions were to be returned there. Finally, he would have his beloved broomstick back!

There was a very long line already as he and the others arrived to the office. Harry supposed they had all been taken by the mad old hag.

As soon as I get back my broom, I'm going to go flying with Ron. Maybe I could even get Hermione to go! Harry thought this as the line moved forward, slowly. He watched various students walk by, carrying all sorts of things.

Finally, it was his turn. McGonagall turned to the large pile behind her that took up almost all of the room, muttering, "Potter, Potter…"

She retrieved a box from the edge of the pile with his name on it, and placed it in his hands.

"I think that's everything that Professor Umbridge took from you over the year, Potter. Come back if you're missing anything," she said, looking tired.

"Thank you, Professor," said Harry.

He retreated down the hall at a quick pace; he dodged behind a tapestry that hid a secret passage once he was around the corner. He settled himself down on the stairs and opened the box. It was rather bigger than it looked on the inside and he found that he would have to do some digging to get to his broom, his Precious.

Harry pulled out a few of Fred and George's joke shop materials, setting them on the steps next to him, and heading back into the box. There were several letters inside that he had received after The Quibbler interview, a package of what looked like dungbombs from (his throat caught) Sirius with a note to wreak havoc as much as possible for him.

He even found some letters that he didn't even know had been sent to him by Fred and George, dated sometime after they had left the castle. He placed them aside in order to read them later, and pulled out many more items that he didn't even remember having confiscated until just then. Becoming annoyed, Harry pulled out one more item (which happened to be a threat letter from Voldemort: Potter, you shall die, The Dark Lord. How original.) before simply dumping the whole thing upside down.

Franticly searching the stuff on the floor, he located his Firebolt under The Quibbler issue that had been taken from him and firmly held his broom in his hand.

He caressed it gently, whispering, "Don't worry, Precious…That mean old hag can't hurt you now…Harry's here…" He hugged the broom.

Harry sat there with "Precious" for quite awhile before Ron found him and hugged Harry's broom as well. Hermione walked in minutes later, looking confused.

"Ron, I thought you said you were just going to find Harry and come right back!" she said, and then stopped dead as she saw Ron and Harry practically worshiping the Firebolt.

And so, Hermione left them there until Filch found them at one in the morning, gently cleaning the Firebolt in the hallway.

The End