Jar of Hearts
Christina Perri
No, I can't take one more step toward you
'cuz all that's waiting is regret.
Freddie stood there in the iCarly studio, watching as Carly and Sam danced around the room, swinging their hair around, flailing their arms wildly. Freddie was watching Sam in particular, who had been causing him some pain recently, and it was much more than physical pain. He could barely look at her.
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore?
You lost the love I loved most.
Freddie had been struggling with feelings lately. When he'd first met Sam, he'd hated her, and she had, too, and they'd maintained that hatred until now, when they were both pushing sixteen. She had caused him physical and emotional pain, had embarrassed him publicly, and had laughed in his face. Freddie had many times tried to get Sam to treat him right, but it wasn't working. He gave up eventually, just dealing with it.
I learned to live half alive
and now you want me one more time.
But Freddie was always on the edge with Sam; he always had to worry that she would hit him or embarrass him. She made his life miserable, but it somehow had never bothered him. Maybe he wouldn't care if she did these things if she only knew how he felt about her.
And who do you think you are
running around leaving scars,
collecting your jar of hearts,
and tearing love apart?
Freddie growled. Even if he told her how he felt, Sam wouldn't take it seriously. She'd leave punch him, she'd laugh in his face, she'd break his heart, she'd leave scars. He knew that it would be pointless to tell her anything. He hadn't even figured out his feelings until recently. She'd never know.
Freddie, thinking on it some more, didn't really know what Sam would do. She'd had boyfriends before, but none of them had been someone whose relationship with her was like hers and Freddie's. Things wouldn't be the same with them. Telling her would probably just hurt him.
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul.
Of course, Sam probably didn't know how hurtful she could be sometimes. For instance, then night she'd revealed on camera that Freddie had never kissed anyone, she hadn't known that the teasing of their peers would force him to stay at home for a week and be embarrassed as much as he was. She'd apologized then; maybe she'd learned since then.
"Fredward, wake up!" Sam yelled. "It's time to rate you on the Dork-o-Meter!"
"Ha ha, very funny," Freddie said, rolling his eyes, as Carly half-heartedly scolded Sam and they went on with their next segment.
So don't come back for me.
Who do you think you are?
It was this kind of thing that was getting to Freddie lately. Who did she think she was, insulting him like that? Did she have no respect for him? At all. Wait, he thought. He could answer that question himself. Of course not.
"Are you awake, Fred-dork?" Sam asked, waving her hands in front of the camera. "Helloooo? Is he awake?" she said, turning to Carly.
I hear you're asking all around
if I am anywhere to be found.
"I'm fine, Sam," Freddie said. "Go on, ladies."
Sam shrugged and she and Carly turned to the prop car that sat behind them and began pointing to items on the hood.
Yeah, that's right, Freddie thought. Pretend you care about me. I'm not falling for it.
But I have grown too strong
to fall back in your arms.
Freddie felt himself getting worked up as thoughts of Sam whirled around his head, his feelings fully registered in his head, and the way things were with he and Sam hit him hard, harder than anything ever had before.
And who do you think you are
running around leaving scars,
collecting your jar of hearts,
and tearing love apart?
You're gonna catch a cold
from the ice that's in your soul.
"Freddie!"
Don't come back for me.
Don't come back at all.
"What's the matter with him?" he heard Sam ask.
Freddie chuckled to himself. These feelings were ridiculous; he didn't love Sam. This had been plaguing him, and he was now convincing himself that it was nothing. Yeah. He couldn't love Sam, not when Carly was his friend. He couldn't.
And it took so long just to feel alright,
remember how to put back the light in my eyes.
I wish I would have missed the first time that we kissed,
'cuz you broke all your promises.
But then, suddenly, memories of the kiss came flooding back to Freddie, and his feelings did, too. It had been his first kiss, and obviously a very special moment in his life, one that he'd shared with Sam. They'd promised to never tell, and then Sam had gone and told Carly. Of course, she'd been under the influence of laughing gas, but still. If she hadn't spilled the beans, Carly wouldn't have had to force it out of Freddie. And yet here they stood, with no awkwardness between them, just the same hatred.
And now you're back.
Sam stood in the same room as him, all these months after the kiss, and there was nothing. No recognition of anything that had happened between them. Just hatred.
If Sam wasn't going to recognize it, he wasn't, either. But he wasn't going to show her the real him, either, that hid under his insulting exterior when she was around, just because he had feelings for her. She wouldn't get to see that again.
You're not gonna get me back.
They'd keep going round and round, Sam and Freddie. Maybe his feelings for her would fade; maybe they wouldn't. Maybe he'd determine that they were nothing; maybe not. But whatever happened, Freddie couldn't let the way she treated him get to him. Sure, sometimes it stung, but it was just Sam. And she didn't mean it that way.
Freddie shrugged everything off, cleared his mind, and focused on iCarly.
And who do you think you are,
running around leaving scars,
collecting your jar of hearts,
and tearing love apart?
You're gonna catch a cold
from the ice that's in your soul.
Don't come back for me.
Don't come back at all.
Well, second songfic! I just got the song 'Jar of Hearts' today and it just screamed Seddie! This is probably kinda serious for an iCarly fanfiction, but it's very Seddie, so I hope you enjoy it.
I didn't get any reviews on Foolish Games: Seddie Style. C'mon, guys! That was my first songfic and I was really hoping for some feedback. After you read this, if you can, please go and take a look at it. It's much less serious than this one.
Also, don't forget to check out Struggle, my full-length story, to be updated soon.
This goes for all of my stories: READ AND REVIEW!