Stuck in The Middle by Mika

KEY: Ranger Morelli Steph

STUCK IN THE MIDDLE

o

There she is, sitting across the table, but it's not right, she shouldn't be here, she should be dead. Not that I want her to be dead, it just that with everything that happened to her today she shouldn't be alive. If I ever have to see her go through that again I don't think I'll make it through, let alone her. It's terrible the amount of pain she must be in at the moment, but I can't help that, its an emotional hurt. I know that we have nothing together, that she hates me, and that she doesn't even want to be here with me now, but I'm her last hope. I'm the only way she's going to get through the next few days alive. I love her, but she doesn't want anything to do with me. Maybe I could show her the real me, the me I've kept hidden most of my life, the me nobody knows. Maybe…

o

I can't believe he had the nerve to bring me here and not let me leave! I have a life, and he knows it; a life that isn't going to be lived in here. He's no good for me anyway. He doesn't believe I'm capable of fending for myself in the 'big scary world of bounty hunting', he's constantly telling me he loves me, but as soon as I turn my back he's off in that woman's bed, not only that, he wants me to quit my job. He has no respect for me, all he wants is sex.

What about Ranger? My brain asks me. What about him? Is he any good? I think a moment, he doesn't smother me or my ways, he knows I'll never be a burg wife like Morelli wants, but in all seriousness, would Ranger commit to a happily ever after with me? He's been there, tried it and vowed never to go back. Is it different with me though? Who am I kidding?

o

I don't want to stay at home looking after the busload of kids he injects into our life; nor do I want to live my life alone wondering when my husband is going to come home from his latest mission. I've told Joe a million times that I don't want a life in the burg. I need to be me not a generic copy of everyone else. I doubt Joe and I are even compatible any more, we fight more often than say I love you and it's a never ending sequence of on-again, off-again.

Ranger likes who I am, but is it love? Is it enough for him to commit to? Am I just thinking this so that I have a possible alternative if I realise that Morelli isn't going to happen? What am I saying? It's obvious Morelli isn't going to happen, he's kicked me to the curb so many times that I don't feel it anymore!

o

I wonder if she knows? That she's just digging herself in deeper with everysecond she spends with him. It's not right. He wants what she isn't, but is convinced that she'll be it if he tries to change her hard enough. I love her, but she loves him and he loves the burg wife image that has been imposed on the community. She's not that girl! Can't he see that?

He took her to a safe house the other day and I haven't seen either one of them since. I bet he's imposing that image on her as I sit here thinking about it. No, stop it. You don't want to go there. She'll see the light before he gets that far… I hope. It hurts me every time he hurts her, but I've been stupid, I've distanced myself from her too much.

o

"Joe," I say after about an hour of us sitting there silently. "I can't do this any more. I can't pretend anymore."

"What do you mean pretend?" he asks, like he hasn't been thinking along the same lines.

"I mean we can't be together anymore. We don't fit. You want something I'm not and I don't want to change to what you want because I like how I am now. I've worked all my life to become who I am today, and I'm not going to put all my efforts to waste."

"I'm not sure I understand, Cupcake."

He was playing dumb, trying to get me to stay with him. I'd made up my mind though. I couldn't be with him… but I wasn't a hundred per cent sure I could be with Ranger either. Enough! Just tell him you're over already! "I'm breaking up with you, Joe. We're over." I stood up from the table. "Now let me out of here. If you don't, so help me God, you will die here."

o

Please let me know if it doesn't make sense. It was a split second idea that I quickly extracted from my head.