Hard Times

Hi. This is my first Hunter x Hunter fic. I just discovered the series about a month ago. Having been hooked the minute I watched the first episode, I powered through the reboot episodes in about two or three weeks, stopping short of the Chimera Ant arc because I want to watch that arc right through before I catch up and have to go through the agony of a weekly wait for new episodes. I am currently re-watching it from the beginning again.

I fell in love with the characters straight off the bat. All of them (except Ging. I want Gon to punch him so hard). I have, however, an especial liking for Hisoka and Illumi. They're both lunatics and I love my villains weird.

In this daft story, Gon and Killua are sixteen. Kurapika is seventeen and Leorio is nineteen. It would get weird, otherwise. Trust me.

Thanks for reading and hope you like it! :)

- chapter one -

The House at Number Forty-Four Tarsetol Avenue

"How much do we have left?"

Ignoring Phinks, Machi stared in disbelief at the number flashing on the screen. How on earth had it come to this? They were the Phantom Troupe, for god's sake!

"How much?" came Phinks' demand again.

Snarling, Machi curled her fist and slammed it into the wall in frustration, startling several passers-by and causing one old lady to drop her shopping bags. As the wizened cabbage-munching crone's weekly supplies scattered across the pavement, several people stopped to help herd her fresh-bought purchases back into her bags. Not the troupe, however. Ignoring the flustered woman completely, they instead took the opportunity to crane their necks to sneak a look at the ATM screen.

There was a collective gasp.

"Four-thousand Jenny? You've got to be joking?" she heard Pakunoda cry out in despair.

"Ah? That's not even enough for one room at the Journey Lodge," Shalnark added, despondently.

"Shit. Shit!" Phinks snarled, as he began to pace back and forth across the pavement in a state of agitation. "What are we gonna do? This is serious, guys. This is actually serious."

"Calm down, Phinks—"

"Calm down? Calm down? Feitan, we don't even have enough cash to buy one night in a fucking Journey Lodge!" Phinks roared, turning on Feitan, who rolled his eyes.

"We've been broke before and we got through it," Feitan replied, unfazed. "Remember where we came from."

"Yeah? Well, I don't know about you, but I sure as hell don't wanna go back to it!"

"Guys, we're not going to get anywhere if you start fighting," Machi heard Shizuku plea. She almost wanted to punch Shizuku to shut her up so that she'd have an excuse to go wild on the guys for irritating her.

As Machi fought to calm herself while the fuzzy, staccato bursts of the troupe's bickering washed over her, one of the old lady's apples rolled lazily toward her foot and bumped against it. She looked down. It was shiny and red. Freshly waxed and probably delicious. She hadn't eaten properly for three days. None of them had. For a moment, Machi was sorely tempted to pick it up, dust it off and devour the damned thing, but she decided to do something else instead.

Summoning all her strength, all her rage, all her frustration and all her irritation at their downturn in fortunes, their lack of money, having nowhere to stay and at Feitan and Phinks arguing over fucking nothing, she kicked the apple so hard it burst into flames. Thundering through the air, it shot into and turned over a passing taxi cab. There was a squeal of metal, followed by a crunch and then screaming. She paid no heed to it, however, for it was entirely inconsequential. Background noise, just like the arguing. All she could think about was their bank balance. It was humiliating.

The financial crisis had hit everyone hard. After the York New Stock Exchange crashed, no one seemed to have any money. You would think a gang of top-flight, professional thieves would have been able to survive, but those who were once their patrons had withdrawn left, right and centre when the the value of their investments plummeted. Those to whom they once sold goods could no longer afford to buy, therefore, there was no purpose in theft. Years later, the economy still languishing in the long nadir of recession, all the Phantom Troupe had left were warehouses full of priceless treasure they couldn't sell and four-thousand Jenny in the bank.

Four-thousand Jenny. God, it really was humiliating. This situation. This whole ridiculous scenario couldn't go on any longer. Machi, the whole crew, had one hope left. Only one. She hoped against hope that he would come through for them, just like he'd always done.

"I'm calling the boss," she announced suddenly, as the wail of emergency service sirens cut through the air, called to attend to the collisions that had developed as a result of the upended taxi, which still spun gently, upside-down in the middle of the road.

The rest of her colleagues fell silent, and turned to look at her, ceasing their bickering. She smiled. That shut them up.

"He said to give him a fortnight, but since we don't have anything like that long..." she began as she slipped her phone from her inside pocket (the only one with any credit) and began to punch in Chrollo's number.

She jumped as the phone vibrated, almost dropping it in shock.

The screen switched to the new, incoming message. Well, well, well... she thought, with a calculating smile as she perused the short message from the boss. It seemed as though their luck might finally be on the up.

"Who was that from?" Nobunaga demanded.

Machi smiled and waved the phone playfully. "The boss," she said. "He's found somewhere for us to stay."

"Really? Where?" Pakunoda demanded, so full of desperation and relief Machi almost laughed.

Even though Paku had left Meteor City with the rest of them, more than anyone, she had struggled to cope with their ever-tightening budget. Poor Paku had grown accustomed to the luxuries in life: tailored suits, monthly trims at expensive salons, designer shoes, the very latest handgun models and the like. When their luxuries had lost their rarefied status during the budget-crushing long recession and were instead represented by such deluxe, decadent fripperies as deodorant, new underpants, MegaMart own brand beans and sneaking ten people into a twin room at the Journey Lodge and fighting over who got to sleep in the bed that night, well... Paku hadn't taken to it very well.

"York New City," Machi answered. "And don't worry. The boss says it's a nice place. It's a town house, so it's not like it's a block or anywhere we'll have to keep the noise down. We'll have the place to ourselves probably. He did a favour for Illumi Zoldyck. It's his house, but we're not getting to stay for free because Illumi's counting his pennies."

"Ha," Phinks snorted. "Must be hard times when even the Zoldycks are watching their cash."

"Yeah," Machi said, grinning, feeling with a sudden, glorious stab of misanthropy that the world wasn't such a cruel place after all. "The boss got paid today, so he's wiring us enough for airship tickets to York New, and enough for one month's rent in advance. He got a job. Won't tell us where, but it pays well. Should keep us going until this recession lifts."

"We can finally check out of the Journey Lodge! I never thought we'd see the day!" Nobunaga cheered.

"Ah, that's such a relief. I won't be disappointed to see the back of it," Shalnark said, with a slight smile. "But I think Uvo will miss stomping the cockroaches."

"I won't," Feitan said curtly. "He punched me last night when I came out the bathroom. Said I sounded like a cockroach. I was brushing my teeth at the time. He's a fucking liar."

"Well, you can put it all behind you, Feitan, because there are four bathrooms in this new place," Machi said cheerfully. "Just picture it: no more surprise punches or roach stomping at three in the morning. No more going into the bath after Uvo's shaved his back and clogged up the plughole."

There was a collective shudder at the memory. Not one of them had escaped the horror of heading back to the room after a hard day's job-seeking to discover the familiar furry ring around the bath.

"I don't think we shouldn't tell Uvo about the money. Not yet," Kortopi added.

"Why not?"

"Because he'll blow it all on cans of Raid. He's really got it in for those cockroaches. I heard him talking to them last night."

"Christ, he's finally cracked," Phinks muttered.

"Well, we need to check out, so why don't I distract him by taking him to the Gurber King on Main Street," Nobunaga offered. "Then you guys can sneak in, get our stuff, check out and meet us there. We'll order a whole bunch of stuff to celebrate, and if the boss doesn't wire us the cash in time, we can hang about till he does. Sound good?"

Machi allowed herself a moment to consider Kortopi and Nobunaga's suggestions. Judging by their expressions, it seemed the rest of the troupe were doing the same.

"What do you think, guys?" Feitan asked. "Personally, I would prefer just leaving Uvo behind, but since he's a member, we'll have to drag his massive carcass over to York New, and if we left him behind, he'd just grab his card and empty the account, like Kortopi said. I think that sounds like a plan."

They all nodded.

"We're agreed then," Feitan confirmed. "Okay, so Nobunaga, you head back to the Journey Lodge and grab Uvo. Once we see you leave, we'll head in, check out and meet you at Gurber King. I want a double cheese burger with bacon, no gherkins, large fries, mini dipping waffles and a Popsi. What do you guys want?"

"Two Whoppers, large fries, some onion rings and a Popsi. Oh, and make sure you get me some of that curry sauce for the fries," Phinks said.

"Hold on, hold on!" Nobunaga yelled, as he tried to keep up with the stream of orders, his thumbs a blur as he punched the troupe's demands into his phone to present to the cashier. "Right. Onion rings, Popsi, curry sauce. Next."

"Crispy chicken sandwich meal, with large fries and a Spright. And a hot fudge sundae," Shizuku said, her eyes sparkling.

"Same here, please, except with a hot chocolate sundae instead," Shalnark added, agreeably.

"Okay, okay, wait a sec," Nobunaga muttered. "That's two crispy chicken meals, one hot fudge, one chocolate. Next!"

"Regular sweet chilli crispy chicken meal, an apple pie and a bottle of water," came Paku's order.

"Right! Machi?"

"Two Tower Burgers, large fries, onion rings and as much ketchup as they'll hand over," she replied, feeling ravenous, simultaneously looking forward to the meal and ashamed that Gurber King had become such an anticipated treat.

"Got it. Just you left, Kortopi. What do you want?"

"A twenty box of nuggets and lots of sweet chilli sauce."

"Right. That's everyone," Nobunaga said finally, pocketing his phone. "We'll get you guys at Gurber King in half an hour. Then we can toast to the boss, York New City and our awesome new place."

oOo

Everything was going surprisingly well. Machi could scarcely believe it. The meal at Gurber King went off without a hitch, the boss having wired the money to the account just as her group sat down at the table Nobunaga and Uvo had been warming. The only slightly embarrassing incident had been the other patrons staring at Uvo's galactically-proportioned order – piles and piles of crispy chicken sandwiches, tower burgers, whoppers, onion rings, fries and enough apple pies to sink a cargo ship. She could hardly blame them for staring, though. Uvo eating was truly a sight to behold; quite possibly a scientific marvel. She could never shake the feeling she should be taking field notes, or something.

On the bright side, Uvo's terrifying, slobbering binge meant that he was more or less comatose for the entire flight, meaning the rest of them could enjoy their drinks at the airship bar without him having one too many and kicking off.

As a result, they arrived at York New airfield at exactly half past eight in the evening, after a minor half hour delay. It had been raining, so they had joined the taxi queue at the rank – half of them jumping into the first cab, the other half into the second. Yet another giddy extravagance. The boss had called Franklin and Machi had received a message informing her that he would be flying out tomorrow and would meet them at the house. Bolenov had managed to wangle a job teaching kids boxing in some posh, York New City high school, so no doubt they would meet up with him before long.

The taxi in front slowed to a crawl and halted. The driver of their car did the same, calling out over his shoulder, "Is it okay if I let ya out here? This street's a bitch to turn in."

Machi looked out the window onto the narrow street, inhabited by tall, looming houses of warm, brownish sandstone, punctuated at regimented intervals by single rows of plane trees on either side. The boss had definitely come through for them on this one. It was a really fancy street. The cars parked nose to tail in front of the houses screamed money.

"Yeah sure," she said, watching Feitan, Phinks and Paku from the car in front help Shizuku and Kortopi with their luggage. "How much?"

"3350 Jenny, kid."

Gritting her teeth, knowing that they were being ripped off, she grudgingly handed over the money and grunted at Uvo, Nobunaga and Shalnark to follow her. Since Uvo appeared especially keen to handle the luggage, they consented to having him lug the whole lot over to the house and she sauntered along the street with Shalnark to meet Feitan, who was loitering in front of one of the tall, brown houses.

"This is it. Number forty-four," Feitan said. "What did the boss say to do when we got here? Is this guy Illumi going to be here, or what?"

"I don't think so," Machi said, as she sat on the low wall and began to swing her legs. "He's working tonight. I think there's one other guy who's staying here. A friend of Illumi's, or something, but he works nights, so there's a key under the plant pot with the red maple in it. Illumi said it's okay for Kortopi to make copies, so we can all have one."

"Useful."

"Definitely."

They both looked up at the distant rumbling of suitcases trundling up the street, punctuated by occasional curses as the rest of the troupe encountered obstacles in the form of stray tree roots, uneven paving stones and their own ankles. This was not a problem for Uvo, however, as he strode, carefree, towards Machi and Feitan, with two cases shoved under each pit. The earth shook as he dumped them unceremoniously upon the ground.

"You're welcome!" he barked. Craning his neck skyward, he looked the place up and down, then let out a low whistle. "Nice place, this. Where's the key?"

"Under this plant pot," Feitan answered, moving behind the wall and retrieving the key from underneath the pot with the maple in it, just as the boss had said. "And there's nen all over this thing, by the way," he added, holding up the innocent-looking key for inspection.

"Yeah, well that makes sense," she said, with a shrug. "The Zoldycks aren't stupid. They wouldn't want just anyone in their house, would they?"

She hopped off the wall, dusting off the fine powder from the bricks that had adhered to the palms of her hands and clothes. Then she grinned and said, "You guys wanna head in?"

"Course I wanna head in!" Uvo scoffed. "I ain't waitin' for those losers. Come on, shortstuff!" he chuckled, slapping Feitan so hard on the back his knees buckled. "Open sesame!"

Muttering darkly, Feitan trudged up the short flight of stairs that led to a shining, glossy black door bearing the number forty-four in polished brass. He shoved the key in the lock, turned it, and pushed the door open.

"All yours," he said. "Knock yourselves out."

Machi and Uvo exchanged a pair of wicked grins and they sprinted for the door, jostling for position to see who could make it through the door first. Uvo was strong, but Machi was faster, and she crossed the threshold with an inordinate amount of fist-pumping and cheering at Uvo's expense. Feitan brought up the rear, tossing the front door key upon a little wooden shelf.

"So how many rooms are in this place?" he asked as Machi scanned the hallway, taking in the smooth walls painted a warm grey, the white ceiling with ornate, sprawling cornicing and the magnificent, carpeted staircase with a wrought-iron banister that curved in a series of graceful, sinuous arcs out of sight to the upper floors and down to the basement rooms.

"Not sure," Machi replied. "Why?"

"Just wondering if we'll need to share or not."

"For the record, if we have to, I'm rooming with Paku," she asserted.

"Phinks," Feitan said, raising his hand by way of reservation.

"Nobunaga," Uvo barked (thankfully claiming his best friend as Nobunaga was the only one who would be able to tolerate sharing with him.)

"Shalnark, who are you sharing with?" Machi called out over her shoulder as the man himself appeared hauling his suitcase through the door with a great deal of huffing and puffing.

"Umm... Franklin, probably, when he gets here," he said breathlessly. "To be honest, I'm not that bothered who I share with."

His expression shifted from relief at having finally managed to make it through the door to despair when he noticed the twisting, dizzy height of the staircase. "Oh dear, look at those stairs. Are we going to have to drag these things up there?"

"Don't worry your pretty little head about it, Shal. Daddy'll handle it," Uvo said, with a wolfish grin, thumbing his chest in what he no doubt believed to be a manly gesture.

"Then you can fuck off and get started," Feitan snapped, still sore from the short stuff comment.

"Well, we don't know where we're sleeping yet, so we should maybe leave the cases in a downstairs room just now?" Shalnark suggested, sensibly.

"Alright, so I'll just dump them in here!" Uvo decided, pointing to a door on their left. "Problem solved!"

With large, hairy hands the size of dustbin lids, Uvo leaned over, grabbed Shalnark's case and began to assemble a towering pile of all the luggage that had made it so far.

"Where're the others? They're taking ages," Machi asked.

"Oh, a wheel came off Shizuku's case," Shalnark replied. "Nobu's insisting on trying to fix it. I said if it's not done in five minutes, I'm sending Uvo."

"Good," Machi said, with an evil smile. "With Uvo out the way, that means we can pick the best rooms. Come on," she added, heading for the stairwell. "Let's get to it."

Their feet had just hit the stairwell when Uvo's voice came roaring from the other room.

"DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT! GET IN HERE RIGHT NOW OR I'M RAIDING THE FRIDGE AND TAKING FUCKING EVERYTHING. I'M NOT JOKING!"

Machi and Shalnark fought to stifle their laughter and Feitan sighed, irritated, as they trudged back down the narrow hallway and made a left into a spacious reception room (slightly less spacious with their luggage stacked in a teetering heap by the window). A huge working fireplace gaped like a dark, yawning maw upon the far wall. Machi could tell it was real because someone had recently piled logs in it, which were charred and crumbling into the grate. The room carried the faint, acrid tang of wood-smoke. She noticed Shalnark checking out the fireplace too with a look of surprise and delight and knew he was looking forward to using it as much as she was. Feitan, however, was more concerned with the grotesque, desiccated curios that crowded the glass display cabinets. The gnarled human hands; slick, slithering eyeballs in polished phials; shrunken heads with tufts of bloody, matted hair; the piles of human teeth and broken bones left Machi in no doubt she had stepped into a Zoldyck property. She wondered what other secrets the house held and felt excited that she would have the chance to find out.

"You found the kitchen, Uvo?" she called out.

"Yeah," he said, striding into the reception room and throwing himself down so hard on the grey sofa that Shalnark bounced and the springs squealed. "And here's a note from that Zoldyck guy we're renting from. You guys had better read it. There's some kids coming here, or something."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Feitan said in disbelief. "Give it here!"

Folding it twice, Uvo tossed the note to Feitan who snatched it out of the air with an impatient hand. Unfolding it, he began to read aloud.

"Greetings, Tenants," Feitan read, muttering, "oh that's nice," under his breath. "I am Illumi Zoldyck and this is my home in York New which I use as a base whenever a job comes up in the area. Welcome. I apologise for not being able to receive you in person, but I am currently engaged on commission in the Republic of Padokea, though I expect to be back by tomorrow afternoon.

"In this house there are four bathrooms, which I insist are kept clean and tidy— ha, no more shaving your back in the tub, Uvo, you disgusting prick— and six bedrooms; five of which are available. The room on the top floor is presently occupied by Hisoka. Depending on when you arrive, I expect you will meet him before long. He asked me to inform you that if you touch his chocolate or his cheese in the fridge, he will break your arms. He also asked me to say hello.

"Hello.

"There are two bedrooms on the second floor, two on the first floor and another in the basement— ah, shit, we'll have to share, won't we?— and a kitchen, which I am certain you will have already found unless Hisoka has moved this note. There is also a gym, a laundry room and a games room in the basement. Aside from the kitchen, on the ground floor, you will find the reception room and a lounge, which has a full-subscription to all the desirable television channels that people appear to appreciate these days. Just off the kitchen is a larder in which I keep poisons and such. I do not advise you venture inside without gloves.

"You will find my bedroom on the fourth floor and my study on the first floor. The latter is where the router is currently kept. There are multiple signal boosters throughout the property, so please do not complain that the signal is patchy. It is not. My brother Milluki, an obese shut-in who enjoys and understands computers, has subjected it to rigorous testing and has found it to be more than satisfactory. The password for the wi-fi is: aksjdbf88839fhvbvms!sd39485u739485803fnsdlknsdfks. I am sure that, in time, you will be able to recall it as easily as I.

"Outside is a small garden with various sorts of extraneous, wooden furniture and aesthetically positive plants arranged such as to please visiting smokers. About two months ago, Hisoka purchased a swing set and installed it at the bottom of the garden next to the barbecue. I am not sure how much use you might get out of either at the moment, as the onset of Winter is imminent. Hisoka seems to enjoy it, so I suppose some of you may also enjoy it.

"There are only three rules:

"One: you break it, you pay for it. Two: my younger brother, Killua, arrives home every day from school during term time and brings a few friends from the York New Academy Gaming Society. He will be back a little later than usual tonight. I cannot recall exactly why. Something to do with a tournament. You lay a finger on my brother or upset him in any way and I will not only evict you, I will eviscerate you. Three: rent is 200,000 Jenny a month and I expect it to be paid promptly and without fuss. Do not make me ask for it.

"Aside from that, my warmest welcome to all of you and I hope you find your accommodation satisfactory.

"Illumi."

There was a short pause, during which the four troupe members shot each other significant looks. Then Shalnark said, "Wow. He sounds nice."

"Yeah, a real friendly guy," Uvo snorted.

"Do you wanna go set fire to his bed?" Feitan suggested.

"Nah, we'd better not. We've only just got here," Shalnark, the voice of reason, replied.

"Ah, shame."

"Guys, as much as the idea of torching Illumi Zoldyck's bed appeals to me," Machi began, struggling to heave herself from the ridiculously comfortable sofa she had sunk into, "we should go get the others and organise where we're sleeping."

"Good idea," Feitan asserted. "Then, if we're in our rooms, we can stay inside and just ignore the kids when they get here."

"Brilliant. Sounds like a plan," Machi said briskly. "Come on, let's go scout the place out."

oOo

Two hours later, the kids were a no-show and Machi found herself sitting up on her half of the bed in her new room on the third floor, playing on her phone. The guys and Shizuku were all downstairs, Uvo having found the state-of-the-art training gym and the rest having found the Joystations and the copy of Greed Island. The roar of the shower from the en-suite ceased and a few moments later, Paku emerged wearing a wide smile, her tattered bathrobe and one of Illumi's expensive, fluffy towels wrapped round her hair.

Sighing contentedly, Paku fell onto the bed, arms outstretched and snuggled into the impossibly comfortable duvet.

"Machi, this place..."

"I know," she said with a smile.

"It's beautiful. It's the place of my dreams."

"It is pretty nice."

"You should call the boss and thank him. I mean really. This morning we couldn't afford a night in the Journey Lodge. Now we're here. I can hardly believe it."

"I know, I was just about to, actually," Machi replied, thumbing back to the home screen and searching her contacts for Chrollo. "Since you're here, you can tell him yourself."

With a grin, she offered the phone to Paku, who took it with an equally wide grin, hit the call button, swung her legs out of bed and began to pace in front of the bay window that provided a view onto the leafy street below.

Paku's soft voice washed over Machi as she let her eyes close, the worry and stress of the last two weeks seeming a distant memory. God this bed was comfortable. She really hoped Illumi's kid brother didn't show up and spoil everything. Did the kid even live here, or what? Illumi hadn't mentioned anything about it in the letter. And they'd have to meet that Hisoka guy tomorrow, probably. They'd found his room on the top floor (not hard: there was a sign on it that said "Hisoka's Room 3") and had tried to break in to rummage around his stuff. To the troupe's dismay, however, they had discovered the guy had set a nen lock on it that forbade entry to all but the caster. All they had learned about him was that he seemed to use a lot of hairspray. The fumes seeped out under the gap in the door and saturated the top floor landing, catching the back of everyone's throats.

"Hi, boss. How're you?" she heard Paku say cheerfully. "Good. I'm fine. Yeah, it's a really nice place. Thanks so much for talking to Illumi for us. No, we haven't met him yet. He's working in Padokea just now. His little brother was meant to be here, but— What? He's at a movie with his friends? Oh, okay. Does he live here? Oh, right. So he'll be back later then. What? How do you know when they'll be back?" Machi opened her eyes. There was a worried note in Paku's tone that had not been present before.

"Y-Yes, I'm just out the shower. How do you know that?" she continued.

Paku whirled round to face the window. Then her jaw dropped in delighted surprise and her hand flew to her mouth. She managed a weak little wave.

In a trice, Machi was on her feet and at Paku's side.

The boss was across the street, standing at the window on the third floor of the house opposite. He held a phone to his ear and he was waving.

"W-What are you doing over there?" Paku managed eventually.

"Ask him if he's working," Machi demanded.

"Are you working—? Oh, we're working? Are you with Franklin? And Bolenov? Wait, what do you mean we're all working?"

Paku fell silent for a moment as she listened intently to the boss, occasionally nodding.

"Right, okay," she said, at length. "I'll tell Machi. We'll meet you at Menchi's Deli tomorrow morning at ten... wherever that is. No, it's alright. We'll find out where it is. Okay. Bye then."

The curtains across the street snapped closed and the boss vanished from view. Pakunoda stared out the window, then turned to Machi, blinking, as though she didn't quite know what had happened.

"Our money troubles are sorted," she said quietly.

"I heard you say we were all working?"

"The Zoldycks have hired us."

"What?" Machi said, in utter disbelief. "What the hell could they want with us? They're assassins. They're the ones who kill for cash."

"It's nothing like that," Paku said, as she drew their own curtains closed. "They just want us to keep an eye on Illumi. Apparently, he's been behaving strangely and they want to know why. Hasn't been home for ages. Family problems, or something. Silva and Zeno Zoldyck are paying our rent and our 'fee' through the boss, who's paying Illumi for us to stay here, and Illumi is also paying the boss right now to spy on his kid brother. Naturally, the boss can't do both jobs at the same time because the kid's pretty tricky, so the Zoldycks have agreed to let us handle Illumi."

Machi shook her head, impressed by the boss's devious cunning. He had obviously managed to convince Illumi to let them live here under the pretext of payment for prior services rendered, but this in itself had been organised long before by the boss and the elder Zoldycks. Interesting.

"They're basically paying us a fortune to do nothing but live here," Machi said, before qualifying, "well, that and tailing our landlord."

"Sounds okay, doesn't it?"

"Yeah, should be," Machi mused. "If he's an assassin like them, llumi could be a problem, but he has no reason to suspect us. I wonder why they want us to keep an eye on him?"

"Beats me. The boss asked, but they never said. They just want regular reports of what he does when he's in York New City. Who he's with, where he goes, what he does when he's not working. That sort of thing."

"And they can't do that themselves?"

"I guess not."

"Weird," Machi said, stifling a yawn as she stretched her tired arms. "But then who am I to argue with easy money. Is that really all we have to do?"

"Seems like it. The boss will probably update us tomorrow," Paku replied, moving over to the dresser upon which her battered old hairdryer sat, the cord patched up with desperate wads of electrical tape. "You don't mind if I use the hairdryer just now, do you? You looked as though you were about to fall asleep earlier."

"Ha, I was," Machi admitted with a sheepish laugh. "It's... been a long day. And no, go ahead. Your hair never takes long, anyway. I'm going to head down and get a glass of water then hit the hay. Got to be fresh to meet the boss in the morning. Make sure the rest of them get some sleep, eh?"

With a huge smile, she sighed contentedly, already thinking about the huge, comfortable bed and how wonderful it would be to get a good night's sleep, and added, "I don't think anything's going to be able to wake me tonight. But if anything does," she said, cracking her knuckles, a roguish glint in her eyes, "there's gonna be hell to pay."

oOo

Drifting in and out, upon the cusp of consciousness, there was a faint clatter and a bang that came from somewhere far away.

Machi's eyes snapped open. She felt a moment's panic before remembering that she was with the rest of the troupe in Illumi Zoldyck's huge townhouse in York New City.

The curtains were drawn tight, but the glow from the streetlamps outside filtered through a narrow slit where the heavy black drapes met, causing a thin dart of vivid light to slash straight down the opposite wall. There was a clock on the bedside cabinet that read 04:48. Beside her, Paku slept soundly, breathing deeply, muttering nonsense to herself.

"Paku?" Machi whispered, nudging her friend. "Did you hear that?"

"Mmmnrf," Paku replied, her brow furrowing with vague irritation as she swatted at Machi's arm.

"Paku?" Machi tried again, more insistent.

Nothing.

She sighed and sat up. Letting her head fall into her hands, she thought hard for a while. Then, very carefully so as not to wake Paku, she stole out of bed and crept across to where Uvo had dumped her luggage. Unzipping the case, she rummaged around in the dark until she found her gloves. It always made manoeuvring her wires that much simpler.

Gloves on, she squeezed though the gap in the half-open door and crept out onto the landing.

In the hall, there was no light aside from that which shone through the front door and cast a dim, eerie glow that barely illuminated the winding stairwell. Step by step, she moved stealthily downwards, hugging the wall, her bare feet making not a sound upon the thick grey carpet. The anemic meagre light caught the edges of tarnished frames holding portraits of the Zoldyck family. Even without the sinister, shadowy atmosphere of a strange house at four in the morning, the Zoldycks were still a creepy-looking bunch.

When she reached the ground floor, however, Machi saw something that made her stop in her tracks.

"What the hell?" she whispered, her face wrinkling in puzzlement.

Someone had come into the house and had dumped all their clothes at the front door. A pair of fierce black stiletto heels had been kicked off, fired in opposite directions. One had landed by the phone, the other had tumbled halfway down the basement stairs. An opulent coat – black with an extravagant bright pink fur collar – lay pooled in a heap on the welcome mat. A little way away, a sleeveless top lay similarly abandoned.

She wondered suddenly if this was Hisoka. Both Illumi and the boss had said he worked nights, and to be honest, the clothes looked like they belonged to someone who worked nights.

Following the trail of discarded clothes, Machi walked through the reception room, not bothering to disguise her steps.

As she drew closer, she could make out the sound of someone humming cheerfully in a low voice and the yellow, flickering half-light of an open fridge door.

"Hello?" she ventured, as she peered round the kitchen door, giving it a knock to let whoever was in know she was there.

"Hi. Just want to—OH MY GOD—" she blurted out, reeling in horror as her hands flew to her mouth.

There was a man standing tall and proud in front of the fridge. He was at least six foot, with broad shoulders, rippling muscles, pale skin and a shock of wavy red hair sprayed into an eccentric style that made him look as though someone had just struck a really ripped match.

And he was stark, bollock naked.

Her cheeks blazing with embarrassment, Machi stumbled backwards, holding her hands out to block the view of the weird, naked man whose junk was glowing in the light of Illumi Zoldyck's massive fridge.

"F-Fucking hell!" she stuttered angrily. "Will you stop waving that thing around? Put something on for god's sake!"

"Oh. Sorry," the man said, not sounding sorry at all. "Are you one of the new tenants?"

"Yes!" she hissed, trying to peek through her fingers as she could hear the man shuffling around and didn't want him coming too close, then thinking better of it as she caught another glimpse of his arse.

"You're shy," he replied, his voice low and teasing. "Is this the first time you've seen a naked man? You should look. Take advantage. People usually pay for the privilege."

"Just put some fucking pants on," she growled, her hand now covering her eyes.

Machi heard him sigh. There was a rustling of fabric as the man, presumably, complied.

"Ah, never mind," he said playfully. The rustling stopped. "You can uncover your eyes now."

Carefully, as it was safest to remove only one at a time, she uncurled her rigid fingers from her eyes, allowing herself to see. Thank god, she thought. The man was standing by the cupboards next to the kettle, wearing a pair of loose, light grey trousers. Still nothing on top, but any clothing at all was a definite improvement. Machi sighed with relief.

"I take it you're Hisoka?" she said.

The man beamed. "Correct. And you are?"

"Machi," she replied, as Hisoka switched on the kettle and skipped across the room to turn on the lights. She screwed her eyes shut with a pained expression as the sudden brightness overwhelmed her. It was really difficult to keep track of the guy when he kept being naked and randomly turning on lights without warning.

"Sorry," Hisoka said again. "Just blink a few times and your eyes will accustom themselves to the glare."

"Yeah, I know how light works," Machi muttered.

"Really? That's more than most scientists," Hisoka teased.

With a needless flourish, he spun on his heel and gestured first to the kettle, then to the large, square table that took up most of the room in the back half of the kitchen. "Care to join me for some tea? You might as well, since you're up. I was just about to make some."

"Yeah... sure," Machi grunted, blinking owlishly as she trudged over to the table and sat down, the light still stinging her eyes.

A minute later, Hisoka set a warm mug of tea in front of her with a winning smile and sat down in the chair opposite. With the lights on, she noticed that his eyes were a really weird colour. A yellowish colour. Like a wolf's, or a cat's, or one of those crazy-looking lemurs you saw on wildlife shows. He kept staring at her as he stirred his tea and he made quite the show of licking the spoon.

Not wanting to sustain eye contact in case he got the wrong idea, as she spoke, Machi divided her gaze between Hisoka's face, the knots in the table's wood-grain, and the bamboo pattern painted on the beautiful stone tea mug she held tightly in her hands.

"So, how do you know Illumi?" Hisoka asked, pleasantly.

"We don't," she replied shortly, taking a sip of her tea. "Our boss knows him. He did a job for him not that long ago and I think Illumi's letting us live here as payment. Not rent-free," she hastened to add. "The boss is paying him. Actually, I'm not really sure what the arrangement is," she feigned, not wanting to let Hisoka know the true reason they were here. "We're just here. We'll probably meet Illumi tomorrow."

"Yes, he should be back," Hisoka mused. "He messaged me and said he'd be on the early flight from Dentora. He shouldn't be too long, in fact. A couple of hours at most."

"Which one is he on the stairs?" Machi asked, referring to the family portraits that lined the walls.

"Very long black hair."

"Oh, the one with the creepy eyes?"

Hisoka pouted. "So unkind, Machi," he remonstrated, though there was a glint in his weird, yellow eyes that betrayed amusement.

"Yeah, I suppose I shouldn't say that about our landlord," Machi admitted, which elicited a smirk from Hisoka.

"He's not so bad once you get to know him," he reassured, though Machi didn't know about that. From the note he'd left them, he didn't seem like the friendliest guy to ever walk.

"So... now, don't take this the wrong way or anything," Machi began, feeling that this particular issue needed to be addressed, "but do you do that naked thing regularly?" Hisoka raised his eyebrows, and Machi began to stutter. "I-I mean, I just want to know so I can warn everyone not to come downstairs at four in the morning. Not that I want to watch, or anything. God no."

Hisoka threw back his head and laughed, one hand spread over his face to let his eyes peek out between the gaps in his long fingers. It was only then that Machi spotted his nails, painted a powder blue and filed into wicked points. His laugh was weird too, Machi noticed. It was sort of, inhaley.

"Mmm... only occasionally when the mood takes me," he confessed eventually, after he had stopped laughing. "I forgot you were arriving, or I wouldn't have. It's not the best way to make a first impression. Memorable, though, no?" he added, with a suggestive wink.

Machi felt her cheeks redden again and buried her face in her teacup, seeking refuge from Hisoka's unrelenting gaze.

"Yeah, memorable. That's a nice way of putting it," she muttered into the mug, her voice echoing. "Sorry we've spoiled your... downtime."

"Don't worry about it," Hisoka replied amiably. "I'm sure I can find lots of other ways to entertain myself now. Especially now that such a pretty face has appeared to tempt me."

What the hell? Machi thought, as she stared blankly across the table at Hisoka. Was he serious? She couldn't really tell. He was smirking, but there was a strange look playing about his eyes that seemed calculating. She knew she would have to cut their impromptu meeting short.

With a polite cough, she rose and pushed her chair back, signalling their conversation was at very definite end.

"Look, I'm really tired," she said frankly. "It's been a long day and I'm going to go back to bed for a bit. It was nice meeting you, Hisoka. Thanks for the tea."

Hisoka smiled and said nothing.