TITLE: And the Sun Will Come Out, if You Just Wait
RATING: PG-13/R
PAIRING: Edward/Bella, Jacob/Bella
SUMMARY: Edward comes back with you from Italy and soon enough everything is as it once was. Except something inside yourself has changed somehow.
WORD COUNT: 1681
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It used to be your favorite place, this part of the forest. You used to come here with him, so it's not really a shock when you find yourself standing in the same spot now, only this time you're all alone and a little bit drunk.
Which is ridiculous because Bella Swan doesn't drink; it's irresponsible and incredibly stupid because you've never been able to handle your liquor very well. The bottle in your hand is very real though, and you clutch it tightly to try and ground you.
You hate him for this, hate that this is what your love for him has done to you.
You remember a time when you were happy – a little trapped, perhaps – but happy. Now all you do is run away, from your friends and family and everything else you love because you just can't handle it anymore. But why shouldn't you. Running away worked perfectly well for him and maybe it's your turn to try it out.
So here you are, alone and a little bit drunk and it really isn't helping at all. Because the air's too clear and it's much too quiet to keep the thoughts from spinning around in your head like a concrete mixer. You're more alone then usual.
So you take another swig of cheap wine and start to walk home.
---
Edward comes back with you from Italy and soon enough everything is as it once was. Except something inside yourself has changed somehow. You can't find it in yourself to be the hopeful, love struck girl you used to be, and even if he can't read your mind, he knows that something's changed.
He doesn't bring it up. You look the other way and carry on as if everything's fine.
You never tell him that sometimes when they can't see each other because he has to deal with family issues (you never ask), you go over to see Jake. You'll walk up to him and say hi, and he'll reply with a cocky comment about you not being able to live without him. One little stupid comment and he's got you smiling and the sun peeks out through the clouds a little more.
The two of you don't usually do much except sit on a ratty old couch and talk about cars (most of which you doesn't understand) or books (which usually makes Jake zone out pretty quickly) or how Charlie attempted to cook Greek the other day much to your dismay.
You never bring him up because right there your not one half of EdwardandBella. You're just Bella. And Jake's just Jake, which is pretty cool too.
After hours of talking about everything and nothing, your head rolls onto Jake's shoulder and you close your eyes. You feel his arm go around you, through your hair and down your back and you feel safe in a way that you haven't in a while.
---
It doesn't take long for the day to come where you raise your head from his shoulder to kiss him. He freezes for a split second and then pushes you forcefully onto the couch like he's scared that you'll slip through his fingers if he doesn't. Jake palms your neck, your breast, your hip and hooks one of your legs around his waist. It's fast and wild and completely uncontrolled and you know you've never felt like this in your entire life. You don't ever want it to stop because in that moment you swear it's home.
It does though, with his final grunt. After that you push him off and quickly get dressed before running out. You're not sure if you want to cry in relief or throw up with guilt.
---
You try to stop thinking about it.
Which is really not easy. The clothes you had on that day are washed again and again but you swear that no matter how many times you scrub the damn things, you can still smell Jake, and you can still smell sex. You wonder if he will smell it too. You consider burning them or throwing them out in the trash but for some reason you just can't make yourself.
You stash them in the back of your closet instead.
---
When Edward comes to your house the next day, you force a smile on your face and hug him. He hugs you back gently and whispers in your hair that he missed you, like you've been apart for years and not a day. You say nothing back but kiss him softly instead. Your eyes flutter closed at the softness of his lips and the gentle caress of his hands on your back.
And then it's all ruined because you sigh into his mouth only to remember that he can't sigh back, not in the way Jake could. Suddenly the tender embrace is restricting and your wish he would throw you against a wall or something and just let go for once, but he doesn't. He never does because he could accidently kill you which would be bad, of course, but it still doesn't make you feel better. Because Jake kissed with a force that made yougroan, and fucked you with a passion that made you feel. And here's Edward, perfect and gentle and so goddamned restrained.
You wonder when you stopped feeling the way you used to.
You're beautiful, Edward whispers into your mouth, So very beautiful. So are you, you whisper back, and it's the truth. It shouldn't make you feel like crying.
Edward stays for about an hour, constantly asking you if you're okay. You say you are, but you've always been a terrible liar. Somehow you think he knows because it's Edward and he always does.
Neither of you bring it up. When he leaves soon after, clearly upset, you don't have the energy to try and stop him.
If the last thing he says to you is, "I used to be home," you don't hear it. Because when he left he broke that, and you're not sure if there's anything either of you can do to fix it.
---
You avoid him for eight days before you break and go to see him. He's in the garage, shirtless, working on something that you can't focus on. He's sweating, panting a little, and he's so very different from your boyfriend (future husband, you remind yourself) that you feel like crying. When he sees you, there's no cocky comment or even a smile.
You wish he would smile because that has always made you feel better and you hated that after his transformation he did it less frequently.
But he doesn't smile. He just stares at you and walks over slowly as though he's approaching a frightened animal. The irony is not lost on you.
Haven't seen in a while, Bells, he says. It's still Bells to him, not Bella, and that makes you light up a little. It feels a little like hope which you swear you lost a long time ago. You jump into his arms and soak up the heat that you've been missing.
I'm so tired, you say. You're not sure what of – him, your life, staying away from the boy who fixed you. Maybe all of it.
I know, he replies, because of course he understands you better than you do.
---
I love you, you say. It's the only truth you have left so you say it again. I love you.
I know, Edward replies, squeezing your hand ever so gently, I love you too.
You wouldn't, you think, if you knew the truth.
---
You practically imprison yourself in your own home for days at a time, as the guilt grows and spreads and takes over everything else. Now I'm really trapped, you think. It's for the best. Charlie's getting worried, you know this, but neither have you have been the type to talk about feelings, so he doesn't mention it. He looks at you differently though, cautious. But dinner still gets made and your grades stay up so he can't find an opening to ask what's wrong. You're thankful for that.
When Edward comes over you plant a smile on your face and kiss him and run your fingers through his hair like this is what you've always wanted to do. It's getting more and more exhausting to keep this up, and when he's gone you collapse on the couch and ignore your dad's enquiring stares.
---
After a week, Jake comes over to 'cheer you up already.' You cross your arms over your chest and state very clearly that you are not in need of cheering. Jake just rolls his eyes in his knowing way and laughs (your breath hitches) before dragging you outside in the frigid cold. He shoves you in his car and you two drive and drive for hours. By the end of it he's got you laughing and your view on everything has changed because for the first time, in a long time, you're happy.
---
You tell Edward everything and the world doesn't end, and it doesn't destroy you both.
He looks at you sadly, but somehow he seems to understand that neither of you are to blame and nor is Jake. He walks away and you cry but you've been through this before. You can handle it better this time.
---
Alice visits you a few hours later and whispers quietly that she knew. She saw it, she says. She saw your future changing before you did. For some reason she seems to be taking it harder then either you or Edward did. You hug her and tell her the two of you will always be like sisters, no matter what. She seems comforted by that, and five minutes after she's left you run out the door and jump into your red truck. You feel exhilarated, free in a way you haven't, ever. You're not trapped anymore, you realize. You laugh and start the engine.
You have a future to get to.
fin
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Okay, I'm going to be straightforward and honest. I've never read the twilight books. I've never even seen the movies. I have no idea what possessed me to write this. I'm so sorry if I messed up the timeline or something, and I'm so, so, so sorry if I completely ruined the characters.