Dedicated to all the amazing people at, the now closed, Reela is Love. Also, thanks to Oda for being my title-God.
Lyrics from Kelly Clarkson's "Sober" (:
And I don't know
This could break my heart or save me
Nothing's real
Until you let go completely
So here I go with all my thoughts I've been saving
So here I go with all my fears weighing on me
"I don't know" Neela wrote down on the lined page. She lay on the sofa, sleepless for what night in a row? and listened to the CD on a low volume. She'd read somewhere that it helped to write down how one feel and whatever that made her focusing on anything but him was worth a try from her point of view. "I want to talk to him, know how he's doing and meet him. Hang out like we did in the old times. Watch a movie and drink beer. Of course, that'll never happen again. Because of everything. And cause we never really dared to confess. I never really dared to confess. Seeing him that day in the wheelchair was the biggest chock I've ever experienced. When Michael were in Iraq there were always a chance that he could die so it was always on my mind but something happening to Ray!? Here, in Chicago?"
Three months and I'm still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers
But I know it's never really over"
First, when he called after the accident I was bloody pissed, surprised, and enormously happy to hear from him. Then, it's all darkness and misery. A fuzzy walk towards his room and I see him with bitterness and indifference in his eyes. Like this was not worth it, perhaps getting me - but loosing two legs. Amputated below the knees. Ironic fate. Confessing how I felt out loud, and receiving a unexpected reply, wasn't like I thought it would be. I didn't really have any expectations but his reaction, no. I didn't think that he would react the way he did. Acting cold and saying things that I never thought I would hear. A part of me knew it, everything that I'd done. Promised lies."
She sat up and threw the letter on the table. The air picked it up and it flew silently down on the floor and landed next to her pile of clothes. For the last months she'd begun to stay at Luka's with Abby, hoping that it would helping some way. The roomies apartment was sold and Abby's old apartment remembered her of Gates. Playing with Joe in her free time and be hundred percent concentrated on work only left her time to think of him in the nights. She buried her face in her hands and thought back on that doomed day. Phrases like "it doesn't really matter now, does it?", "Just don't tell me that you're going to do something when I know you won't" and "I know, I was checking the message when I got hit. So I know" constantly repeated in her head. Someday she'd get past this Neela told herself, another lie.
Three months and I'm still breathing
Been a long road since those hands I left my tears in but I know
It's never really over, no
Wake up
Neela didn't really know why she told herself all those lies about getting over him. Those rare times when she'd time over, she had stood outside his house. Looking at the ramps, looking in and sometimes see a shadow of someone. Then, when she got home - the guilt feelings entered her mind. He did not deserve her. Yet, she wanted him. Needed him. Needed his company and love. Neela gave a quick gaze at the home-made CD cover and made an impulsive decision.
Three months and I'm still standing here
Three months and I'm getting better yeah
Three months and I still am
Three months and it's still harder now
Three months I've been living here without you now
Three months yeah, three months
She picked up the cold metal piece from the floor and pressed a few buttons that she knew by heart. Tones. A clear voice.
"Neela?"
Courage.
"Can I come over?"
Three months and I'm still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers.
A/N: This do open up for a sequel but I don't know...what do you guys think? Please drop off a review, that'd be really nice!