Counselor Mackey Goes Nanners
By Shadowgate
…
It was 7AM at South Park Elementary School.
Bebe Stevens was dressed up in a dress and a shirt with a name tag that said school staff member on it.
She had on makeup to look older.
School started at 8AM and they wanted to get to school an hour early to pull off their prank.
When Bebe stood by the boy's restroom Wendy entered the restroom and when she came out she said "okay your turn Bebe."
Bebe said "well here let's have you change into these clothes really quick so if a teacher sees you they'll think you're a new staff member."
Wendy hustled to get into the "costume" and then Bebe went into the restroom.
Bebe suddenly said "you know what? I don't have to go."
Wendy said "ugh" and they both ran outside.
Wendy Testaburger laughed when they were outside the school.
When school started up all the kids took their seats throughout the classrooms.
At 8:15 AM Counselor Mackey barged into Mister Garrison's class.
"Alright we've got this whole school on lock down. Someone did it again. Someone took a big shit in the urinal and when I find out who did this I will punish them severely."
Stan rushed into the classroom and said "sorry I'm late my whole family overslept."
Counselor Mackey turned to Stan and said "Or have you been hiding out for a while?"
Stan looked at the school counselor and said "what?"
Counselor Mackey replied "somebody took a big shit in the urinal and it's covered in shit."
The whole class laughs and Counselor Mackey yells "IT'S NOT FUCKING FUNNY GODDAMN IT! MISTER VENEZUELA HAS TO CLEAN THAT GODAMN SHIT UP!"
Mister Garrison turned to Mister Mackey and said "oh Mister Mackey you're so cute when you're mad."
Counselor Mackey screamed and ran out of the room.
The whole class laughed. Stan sat down and Craig whispered to him "did you shit in the urinal again?"
Stan answered "no I didn't."
Mister Garrison gets back to his math lesson. 15 minutes later Counselor Mackey got on the intercom.
"ATTENTION STUDENTS! SOMEONE THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY TO ONCE AGAIN TAKE A BIG SHIT IN A GODDAMN URINAL! NOW WHOEVER DID THIS DISGUSTING ACT IS OF VERY LOW CHARACTER! THE URINAL LOOKED VERY GROSS BEING COVERED IN SHIT!"
The entire school starts laughing.
"NOW I'M SURE A LOT OF YOU THINK THIS SHIT IS FUNNY WELL THIS SHIT IS NOT FUNNY AT ALL! NOW THE WHOLE SCHOOL WILL BE ON LOCKDOWN AND WE'RE GOING TO INSTALL CAMERAS IN THE RESTROOMS."
Counselor Mackey got up and tried to open his office door.
"OH SHIT MY OFFICE HAS AN AUTOMATIC LOCK ON IT AND I'M NOW LOCKED IN MY OFFICE! OH SHIT AND I JUST REALIZED I DIDN'T PUT THE INTERCOM DOWN AND EVERYONE IN THE WHOLE SCHOOL IS HEARING ME SCREAM. OKAY SO EVERYONE IN THE WHOLE SCHOOL NOW KNOWS I'M LOCKED IN MY OFFICE."
The whole school laughs and Mister Garrison says "okay children today Mister Mackey is being a complete fucking idiot."
Mister Garrison's comment made his class laugh even harder.
Craig commented "I always thought Mister Mackey was locked in a closet and wouldn't come out."
Stan said "well now he's locked in his office."
Mister Garrison stands on his desk and says "well Mister Mackey is locked in his Goddamn office. Oh if I was in there I'd make sure he had a pleasant time being locked in that office."
All the kids started laughing so hard and Kenny fell out of his chair.
Kyle said "shit Kenny" and the kids continued to laugh.
After 10 minutes Mister Garrison's class calmed down.
Mister Garrison said "okay class now I'm going to get off my desk and we're going to get back to our math lesson."
Craig stood up and yelled "MISTER MACKEY ISN'T STUCK IN HIS OFFICE! HE'S STUCK IN THE CLOSET."
The class starts laughing but Mister Garrison put Craig in time out and told everyone to pay attention.
Principal Victoria had Counselor Mackey sitting in her office.
Principal Victoria stated "now Mister Mackey I know we've got automatic locks on all the doors now and it's important that you be responsible and not get locked in your own office umkay. Furthermore it is against school policy to use profane language over the intercom umkay. I must say I'm very surprised at the way you've acted today umkay."
Mister Mackey asked Principal Victoria "why the hell are you saying umkay like I do?"
Principal Victoria answered "well I just figured it would be funny to rip on you umkay."
Mister Mackey ran out of the principal's office screaming.
At lunch time the fourth grade kids sat in the cafeteria.
Cartman turned his head to talk to Kenny.
"Kenny I think you crapped in the urinal this time. The reason I think you did it is because you're poor and poor people have low self esteem."
Kenny replied "I don't have low self esteem and I didn't take a shit in the urinal."
Kenny flips off Cartman and right after that Counselor Mackey enters the cafeteria with a bullhorn.
"ATTENTION STUDENTS! DUE TO THE SOMEONE ONCE AGAIN TAKING A CRAP IN THE URINAL WE ARE INSTALLING CAMERAS IN THIS SCHOOL. WE GOT FEDERAL MONEY TO DO IT AND I DON'T CARE WHO THREATENS TO CALL THE ACLU. NOW IF YOU ALL WILL LOOK IN THAT CORNER YOU CAN SEE THERE'S A CAMERA IN THE CORNER."
Stan raises his hand and asks "I swear I didn't do it this time Mister Mackey."
Counselor Mackey says "okay well we hope to find out who did."
Kyle raises his hand and when he's called on he says "I don't think anyone will take a crap on the cafeteria floor like they did in the urinal Counselor Mackey."
Counselor Mackey responded "well regardless you all are going to lose a great deal of privacy for this irresponsible behavior oh and nobody had better take a crap on this cafeteria floor."
The kids all laughed after Counselor Mackey's last statement.
Counselor Mackey picked up the bullhorn and yelled "OH YOU FIND THE THOUGHT OF SHIT ON THIS CAFETERIA FLOOR TO BE FUNNY UMKAY! WELL I GUARANTEE YOU IT WOULD NOT BE FUNNY IF SOMEONE PULLED THEIR PANTS DOWN AND SHIT ALL OVER THIS GODDAMN CAFETERIA FLOOR!"
All the students busted out laughing.
Counselor Mackey yelled "ANYONE WHO SHITS ON THIS CAFETERIA FLOOR WILL BE ARRESTED!"
After Counselor Mackey put the bullhorn down the children were covering their mouths to keep from laughing.
Clyde ran up to Counselor Mackey as he was exiting the cafeteria.
"Mister Mackey!"
Counselor Mackey turned to Clyde and said "yes Clyde?"
Clyde asked "did the person wipe their ass after they shit in the urinal?"
Counselor Mackey said "you just got yourself detention for that smart ass question Clyde."
Clyde responded "well I just don't want that person to have dirty underwear."
The whole cafeteria erupted in laughter at Clyde being a smart ass.
Over the intercom Principal Victoria yelled "Mister Mackey please report to the principal's office IMMEDIATELY!"
Cartman laughed and said "hey guys Mister Mackey got in trouble."
Again the whole cafeteria erupted in laughter.
Inside Principal Victoria's office Counselor Mackey is sitting down and Principal Victoria is holding the bullhorn.
"ATTENTION MISTER MACKEY IT IS NOT APPROPRIATE TO CUSS THROUGH A BULLHORN IN A SCHOOL CAFETERIA UMKAY! FURTHERMORE I'M VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOUR BEHAVIOR! THIS IS THE SECOND TIME TODAY I'VE HAD TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT YOUR LANGUAGE IN THIS SCHOOL!"
Counselor Mackey stated "that bullhorn is loud Principal Victoria."
Principal Victoria stated "OF COURSE IT'S LOUD IT'S A BULLHORN UMKAY!"
In the hallway Stan asked Kyle "who do you think did it? It wasn't me this time I swear it Kyle."
Kyle answered "well I don't think they're going to get DNA samples from the shit that Mister Venezuela had to clean up. Counselor Mackey sure is pissed off though."
Bebe Stevens walks by and says "why are boys so fucking nasty?"
Cartman comes stomping forward and says "how do we know for sure if a boy actually did it? I mean the first two people to find that urinal full of shit were Butters and Clyde. Now at first I thought they were covering for each other but they were seen outside at 7:55 AM. When they came in at 8AM they both went into the restroom. It's highly unlikely that one of them took a shit in the urinal and the other covered for them. Someone came in before school started and took a shit in that urinal. Oh and it very well could have been anybody."
Kyle said "Cartman for once you're showing some fucking intelligence I can't believe it."
Wendy said "well what if it wasn't a boy? Who can prove shit?"
Bebe said "Wendy shh."
Kenny answered "well nobody has to prove shit because we all saw the shit."
Kenny laughs and Kyle said "let's go to class."
Stan said "Wendy hold up. What was that 'shh' comment by Bebe about? Do you know something?"
Wendy turned to Stan and told him "I did it. Bebe and I snuck in the school early and I entered the boy's restroom and shit in the urinal. Bebe served as a look out standing by the boy's restroom door. She wore a shirt that had a school staff name tag on it. We did it because we thought it'd be funny and it would get the boys all riled up."
Stan commented "well here's something that won't be funny. Counselor Mackey is behind you and he's all riled up."
Wendy turned around to see Mister Mackey mad as could be and she said "FUCK!"
Bebe and Wendy were given two weeks of after school detention where they had to mop floors and help clean up the school. They were not very happy.
Bebe had a mop in her hands at 3:15 PM and said "good job Wendy for confessing to your boyfriend."
Wendy replied "shut up bitch."
THE END