disclaimer: don't own.
a/n just a short story about the regrets of losing some one. this is a yuki/shuichi paring. please review.
I never realized what you meant to me until I lost you. I tried many times to leave, but the memories that drive me away also keep me coming back. Sometimes it seems that if I hold onto what you left behind can I find away to bring you back. Every morning I see your toothbrush beside mine. Every morning I expected to hear you call out a quick good bye as you head out the door running late for work again. At night it seems too lonely in our bed. I don't have you kicking me in your sleep only for you to have me hitting you to get you to stay on your side of the bed. I will always regret that I never found the courage to tell you the words that you wanted most in the world to hear. I can only visit your graveside and try to tell you all the things I never told you when you were with me. Everybody is always after me to move on to pack up your stuff and put it away so that I'm not tormented by your memory. But they don't understand that if I do that I will have to admit to myself that you are never coming back to me, that I will never feel your clumsy attempts at kissing me. I will have to admit that something beyond either of our control took you away from me before either of us had a chance to grow old together. I will always carry the regret that only after I lost you was I finally able to admit to myself and to you how much you meant to me. As I turned to leave I hear something behind me, but of course when I look there is nothing but the sound of wind blowing through the trees. I can't move on when it seems that you are always behind me. Maybe one day I will quit looking for you in every face I see, but for now I can only try and come to terms with what I have lost.