From a Distance

Chapter 1: Watching

I miss them sometimes… my family, but it's easier just to focus on the weather.

The rain poured down. So much for escaping that fucking shit, Esca laughed to himself. His father had promised, he'd fucking promised that when they moved to America, that they'd leave British weather behind them.

Esca shivered harder than he'd liked to admit. Deciding it'd be best he took shelter in a small coffee shop that was still open this late at night. The New York Minute was one of Esca's usual spots. He knew that he'd have to make a purchase if he wanted to stay for much longer. Reaching into his pocket he grabbed for some money only to find he was grabbing only the fabric of his thin jacket.

"Fuck," he whispered head hung with shame.

"Hey you," a soft, squirrelly voice interrupted his self-deprecation. It was Jolie, one of the coffee shop's late night employees. She was sneakily scooting a paper cup with New York Minute emblazoned on it. Esca nodded thanks as he grabbed the cup.

He sipped the hot drink not caring in the least what it was. It was warm and that was all that mattered.

Esca turned to retreat to his normal spot in the furthest corner of the shop. He liked it because one had to be looking for that specific corner to see it. However as he reached the small wooden chair and table he noticed someone was already occupying the area.

Fuck.

"Hey, I was hoping I'd see you here," the heavyset man in the brown coat said smiling. "How are you doing?"

"What do you want?" Esca asked. He didn't care about the man's feelings or about the fact that it seemed the man was getting attached. They'd fucked twice… that's it.

"Thirty? Thirty-five? Thirty-five minutes?" He was British, which Esca couldn't help but laugh at. The two of them somehow found each other in New York. At least his dick was small.

Esca turned and began to walk out, the heavyset man following like a hungry dog. It was going to be a long night.

The sun shone so bright on the other side of his eyelids. But he was just so fucking tired it really didn't seem to matter that much. Marcus had won last night. That mattered.

It had been his last fight. He'd said that before, but this time it was true. It was time to settle down and really get a hold on what he wanted to do with his life.

He'd never considered his purpose, why he was here. He couldn't help but wonder if that was why he just kept fighting, because the idea of there being a reason for his existence seemed so preposterous.

Marcus shivered. It was cold out and the layers he had on seemed to be doing little to counter that. He couldn't shake the feeling that perhaps he shivered because of some other reason.

Marcus opened his eyes, briefly blinded by the onslaught of sunlight. Once he'd adjusted to open eyes he quickly glanced around his surroundings. There was the usual smattering of people in the park walking around, talking, laughing, being happy.

Then there was someone else. Diagonally across from him on another bench sat a teenager, he couldn't be over seventeen and he was staring. Staring at Marcus. When their eyes met the teenager looked away abruptly standing and walking deeper into the park.

"Whatever," Marcus said hoisting himself up from the bench. Every muscle and joint in his body seemed to crack and ache as he moved. No more napping on benches he thought to himself as he made his way home.

To some the cold concrete that were the tops of these New York buildings would be cold and uninviting. Esca, however, saw them as home. In this particular section of the city, the rooftops were uninhabited and uninspected which made for privacy and at least a small measure of security.

Esca had fastened a large blue tarp over solid pieces of wood and the edge of the building's largest metal vent. The crude structure at least partially sheltered him from the elements. The idea that this alcove was made by him for him seemed to be what mattered.

Esca tugged on his tattered backpack. It contained a few bills, a change of clothes, and a granola bar. He'd go out tonight looking for some work. Maybe he'd try to find the Brit again. Not likely, Esca had the sneaking suspicion the fucker was married and only got his rocks off when he could get away with it.

It was still early in the evening when Esca saw him. The man from earlier. The man in the park.

So big and beautiful, he was a giant and seemingly made entirely of muscle. Esca couldn't remember ever seeing a man like him before, so strong and imposing in body, but with a battered and bruised face that seemed so soft and kind.

Esca backed up a little as he continued to stare. He didn't want to get caught again. Despite the man's seemingly kind face, Esca couldn't help but wonder that if the man caught him, perhaps he'd get angry or violent. Esca couldn't afford a mistake like that.

While backing up he ran into something behind him. Silently he whirled around to face him. It was the High Roller.

"Watch it," High Roller sneered.

"Sorry," Esca mumbled.

"You free?" High Roller didn't seem to actually be asking, more like demanding Esca free himself up for the bastard.

"Yes."

"Good," High Roller grunted. "Come on then."

When High Roller was finished with him, Esca laid for a minute, naked and cold on the hardwood floor. If he ever had a house to himself he'd never have hardwood floors. He banged his head against it a few times; perhaps to clear his mind, perhaps just because.

Esca did a lot of things that didn't make any sort of sense. Not to him, not to those around him, not even to the doctors his father had hired. He didn't know why, no one did, but this was one of those things. If he were with the Brit, the guy would try and stop him from hurting himself. His worried voice trying to be gentle and kind, but really coming off as more nervous than anything else. Like it would be a huge inconvenience if Esca died while they were fucking.

High Roller could care less. It was as if the dull thumping were simply his downstairs neighbor. He approached fucking Esca much the same way, with no concern for Esca or his body. Esca hated High Roller, but he needed the money, bad.

"Get out," High Roller said without looking at Esca.

Esca silently lifted himself up and began dressing quickly. He knew if he lingered or took too long, his pay would begin to dwindle. Once at the door Esca waited for the money.

High Roller silently tossed two fifties to Esca's feet and slammed the door. Fucker.

"What you need to do is find your purpose."

"My purpose?" Marcus raised an eyebrow. "Like a hobby?"

Cottia sighed, "No you idiot. You need to find that reason why you're on this planet."

"What if there is no reason? Or what if I'm here just to fight?" Marcus shrugged.

Cottia frowned placing a soft hand on the side of his bruised face. "I just don't believe either of those to be true."

"I just… I just don't really see me finding a purpose. Hell, I didn't even finish high school."

"Marcus, that doesn't mean anything," Cottia pulled away and began organizing Marcus's things. He didn't own a lot, but pretty much everything he did own was haphazardly strewn about his apartment.

"That's easy for you to say, Ms. Masters Degree," Marcus flashed that smile.

"You heard?"

"Of course I heard, congratulations!" Marcus said pulling her into a deep hug. She was much smaller and was almost swallowed by his arms.

"Get off of me!" She laughed.

Marcus squeezed her tighter before lifting her off the ground. She gave a squeak before a fit of giggles overcame her.

Placing her back down Marcus's smile faded slightly as he continued to think about what she had said.

"Of course now that practice has got to hire me," Cottia said returning to picking up his things.

"You're going to be the best psycho-therapist ever!" Marcus joked.

"Oh god, you're the worst," she laughed not bothering to correct him. "I've got to go. I've got a hot date tonight with a shitload of work applications."

"Sounds like a blast," Marcus mumbled.

"I'm serious about what I said. I honestly believe you have a purpose and it is out there somewhere. You just got to know where to look."

"Thanks Cottia," Marcus nodded. "You'll be the first to know when I find it."

"I'm holding you to that," Cottia smiled as she opened his front door and let herself out.

"Fucking purpose," Marcus scoffed under his breath. "Yeah right."

The third time Esca saw the Giant he was on his home base rooftop. The usual symphony of the street rumbled beneath him as people busily made their way to and from work. Esca chanced a peek at the crowds of people only to see a rustling near the hotdog stand Esca frequented. Two men were fighting, really going at it. It only took a brief moment for Esca to recognize that one of those men was the Giant.

He leaned over the edge of the building, desperate for a closer look. No doubt now, Esca immediately sprinted to the fire escape and began to climb down without deft feet searching for ladder rungs blindly. Esca was a dog with a car, he couldn't know what he'd do if he actually got to the Giant, all he knew was that he had to get closer.

By the time he got to ground level he saw the fight was breaking up and the Giant was already running down into the subway. Esca bounded through the crowds of people, which was easy due to his smaller, skinnier build. Once at the stairs of the subway he saw the Giant turn a corner at the bottom and disappear.

Esca took a deep breath, wondering if he should follow him. He'd already lost him. The way the Giant went would be nearly impossible for Esca to follow. Esca shrugged in defeat and began walking on the street. He made his way to the New York Minute.

Peaking in he saw that Jolie was not serving. He didn't need the shelter or the coffee so in order to save his money and resources Esca did not enter the store. As he continued to walk along the sidewalk he noticed him on the other side of the road. It was the Giant.

Dressed in the same tattered jean jacket, walking with that strange, almost limp. Esca picked up his own walking speed to keep up with the Giant who was walking quickly.

Esca was not far from his rooftop home, either the Giant had only taken the train for one stop, or he hadn't actually gotten on a train. It was much more likely he'd just resurfaced on the other side of that station, probably to get away from the hubbub of the fight.

Esca hoped he was inconspicuous enough. He was still frightened of being caught. However his fright had morphed into an adrenaline, the thrill of watching the Giant. It was exciting.

The Giant looked angry, he walked with determination, not seeming to notice anybody or anything around him. Esca on the other hand was desperately avoiding oncoming foot traffic as he tried to keeps his eyes trained on the Giant.

The Giant skipped up for steps in two leaps and opened the door to a ratty apartment building. Esca stopped and stepped back to watch the windows, praying he could see the Giant. Sure enough, a few moments later he saw movement in the fourth floor window. At this angle Esca couldn't tell if it was in fact the Giant.

Immediately Esca scanned the surrounding buildings. The building directly behind him, across from the Giant's apartment, was only three stories. Esca disappeared down an alley and quickly made his way up the fire escape. Most buildings in this section of the city were built in similar fashions. The roof of this building however, was much less comfortable. There were actual shingles and the back half actually sloped up in a reverse V shape making it impossible for Esca to comfortably camp out. Grabbing onto the large, brick chimney formation, Esca braced himself and stared at the window in question.

There he was, the Giant. With an angry expression distorting his soft face he seemed annoyed as he threw stuff around his apartment looking for something particular. Even angry his features took Esca's breath away. He found whatever it was he'd been looking for. From this distance and angle Esca couldn't make it out, but he disappeared into his bathroom.

He didn't close his bathroom door, but from Esca's angle he couldn't see into it. That was probably a good thing, but Esca sighed in defeat at not being able to see the man shower.

Esca felt his stomach grumble with hunger. He fumbled with his pack, his hand searching blindly for the granola bar. This would hold him over until tomorrow most likely.

Esca lodged himself into a tight crevasse created by the contrasting architectural shapes and began to munch on the bar as he continued to stare at the Giant's window.

"Fix me dinner! I'll be over in a sec!" Cottia cheered on the other side of the phone.

"What? Why?" Marcus scoffed, she'd just been over the other day. Whenever she came over she organized his stuff and he could never find anything the next day, which had just happened with his cream for his sore, aching muscles.

"I've got great news!"

Fantastic, more great news. She was banging on his door in less than ten minutes. He begrudgingly opened it as she swooped in.

"You have a job interview!"

"What?" Marcus sighed.

"I talked to the guys at my school and they're looking for a janitor," she held up a hand shushing Marcus before he could complain. "It's a job with a surprising amount of opportunities for promotion. You can run the janitorial staff after a while, then all the staff." Cottia placed a hand on Marcus's shoulder. "Please, take the interview. For me."

"Okay," Marcus sighed. "When is it?"

"Next week," she cheered in delight. "Now what are we eating?"

She was very pretty. Esca had never been inclined to girls, but this particular girl was very pretty. The Giant and the Pretty Girl sat at the dinner table together eating the food Esca had just watched the Giant attempt to make. It was pretty clear the man was lost in the kitchen, but it seemed the Pretty Girl just ate the food anyways. It probably tasted like shit.

The Giant seemed happy that she was there, but he didn't seem as happy as she did. Esca could tell, with just the silent images of their interaction, that she was in love with him. Her longing looks, huge smiles, and the way she touched him at every chance. She loved him.

Esca couldn't grasp if the Giant loved her back. Neither had rings, neither did anything other than talk. No kissing, nothing to show anything definitive. Esca sighed in defeat. Even if he didn't love her, Esca had to remind himself that the Giant would never love him either.