There's a serious shortage of Liley around here lately and I'm having withdrawal symptoms so I thought I would post one of my own.
Disclaimer: Hannah Montana is obviously not mine.
Inspired loosely by:
I was a child and she was a child,
In this kingdom by the sea;
But we loved with a love that was more than love-
I and my Annabel Lee
Edgar Allan Poe, 'Annabel Lee'
Prom.
A myriad of banners draped from the ceiling, silvery in the dim lights that hung like lost lanterns above each table. The dance floor was a plethora of colour; black suits, red roses, dresses of every shade amalgamated into a mass of heaving bodies. Teachers beamed at them from the stage.
Moonlight streamed in through the large, glass windows and threw shadows on those closest and Lilly found herself encased in an ethereal glow as she watched her peers enjoy the last night of their senior year, watched their eyes gleam with nostalgia as they appraised the people they had spoken a sentence to throughout their entire four years of being there. Lilly drank from her plastic cup of punch-spiked-vodka and regarded her classmates with disdain. It was all false. The superficial smiles and overexcited tones of reminiscence were all fake, but they were all falling under the spell of prom, of saying goodbye, of promising to stay in touch forever and always. Amber, who hated everyone, was making her way around the tables and forcing hugs onto all the girls who had lived in fear of her all those years, acting like they were best friends now the future – real life – was looming. Resisting the urge to scoff, Lilly walked over to the empty table that was deserted due to its position next to the speakers, and sat down, hoping the noise would drown out her bitter thoughts. Maybe, under better circumstances, she would be one of those people telling little white lies on the dance floor, or at the very least she would be sitting here with Miley and they would be rolling their eyes at Amber. But she wasn't here with Miley. She was alone.
Miley should have been here. It wasn't like Lilly wanted to go to prom, but she had done every other senior memory, and Miley had talked non-stop about how it was a chance to say goodbye and get some kind of closure. It would be good for them, she'd said, to have that one last night with the people who wouldn't mean anything to them after they escaped the four walls of high school. It was only, like, the last four years of their lives over. Or something. But Miley wasn't here to get closure with anyone, and despite the fact Lilly had known that she wouldn't be coming for the last couple of weeks, she had donned the dress and asked her mom to help with her make-up and got into a limo with Oliver, Sarah and Joanie and a couple of other girls from the soccer team and their dates. Miley would not ruin this night. She had ruined enough things lately and Lilly would be damned if she stole this night, too.
Oliver made his way over to her, eyes bright with enthusiasm. Somehow his bowtie had tilted and Lilly felt a swell of fondness for the boy she had known since kindergarten. But he was grown up now and so was she, and kindergarten was like a time that never existed.
"Hey," he said, sliding into the seat next to her.
"Hey," she replied, not taking her eyes off the crowd. Some girl had broken down crying when Amber had reached her with outstretched arms and any other time Lilly would have laughed and passed comment. Oliver would have too but he was busy staring at her, a frown crinkling his forehead. Perhaps his thoughts were too morbid for prom because he shook his head a little as if to dislodge them.
"You really do look nice, Lilly," he told her, smiling crookedly.
The red dress she was wearing fitted her like a second skin. Miley's choice all those weeks ago when she dragged her to the mall before... "Thank you," she whispered back, smiling slightly. At least one of her best friends was here.
As if reading her mind, Oliver leaned closer, fingers drumming nervously on the table. "Miley would have come if she could-"
Lilly appreciated the lie, she really did, but she couldn't lie with him. "No, Oliver, she chose Hannah."
"It was sold out-"
"It's prom."
"I know," he sighed. He took a sip of her drink, wincing at the vodka. It wasn't like Lilly to drink but he wasn't about to lecture her about it. Instead, he tried again, not owing Miley a thing but he wasn't doing this for her benefit. "She didn't know at the time, Lilly, when her dad booked it. The date of prom wasn't set in stone and, you know, it's the Staples Centre. That's a huge gig and it's sold out and-"
For the first time her eyes met his squarely, blue on brown, both of their faces dark with shadows. "She should have chosen us, Oliver. Just once. She should have …" she trailed off. Before this, before the last two weeks, she would have said that senior year couldn't have gone any better, but now, sitting alone at prom, she couldn't believe how stupid she'd been, how blindsided, thinking that Miley wasn't capable of doing something like this when all along she had been this selfish.
Sarah joined them a few moments later and a feeling of claustrophobia enveloped her so strongly that for a second her breathing faltered. Sensing her need to be alone, Oliver asked Sarah to dance and they disappeared into the throng of people all laughing and singing along to the music.
Lilly had been willing to put her life on hold. It had sounded like Miley didn't want college, not right after high school, and Lilly had been willing to give up her life to follow her into the next tour, the next movie, not thinking for a single second about how it would affect her. Had Miley ever done that? Put her life on hold – a concert, a CD signing, a wardrobe fitting on hold – for the sake of their friendship? All along she had thought that this year, with the direction they had been heading, they would be at prom, a couple, happily entering the next chapter of their lives together. God knows she'd wanted that and had thought Miley wanted it, too.
It was Miley who had hinted at first. It was Miley who had flirted, suggesting possibilities that made Lilly's head spin at first, but then, so naturally they fell into place without her trying, she realised they had been there all along, thoughts so surreal and perfect they had never been a reality. Of course she loved Miley. And she never doubted that Miley loved her. Until now.
Joanie seated herself beside her and slipped her shoes off.
"Truscott, stop moping," she said, rubbing the soles of her feet. "This is prom, okay? I mean, sure, it's cheesy and cliché and sort of crap, but it's also prom and you can't mope through prom."
Lilly sighed. "I know." And she did, too, but her head wouldn't let her forget.
Joanie tried a different tactic. "Stewart's a bitch," she reckoned. "What's more important than tonight?"
The defence that had almost slipped off her tongue at the insult gathered in her throat and she swallowed painfully. How could she defend Miley when Joanie was right? It wasn't about prom exactly, prom was stupid, but it was what prom represented. It was about the last four years and entering the next stage of their lives together, a silent promise that they would, indeed, be together somehow after this night ended. Lilly wasn't so sure of anything anymore. Miley had made her choice, had made it the first time she had chosen Hannah over her real life, really. Lilly was just grateful she had come to her senses and accepted Stanford even though Miley had hesitated. At least she had done something for herself.
Joanie's hand rested on her arm. "She's not worth it," she said stoutly, eyes serious.
Lilly wished Joanie was right, but Miley was everything, had been everything since they were thirteen years old, and no matter what she did, how selfish she was, it didn't make Lilly love her any less. It just hurt.
"Dance with me," Joanie urged as Lilly continued to sit there, distant in her thoughts. However, she started at that.
"Dance?" she repeated, laughing. "You told me you don't dance."
Joanie raised an eyebrow. "It's prom," she said as though prom explained everything. She slipped on her shoes and stood up, holding out her hand. Lilly was about to decline, but Joanie was right; Miley had made her decision and she wasn't ruining this night, not anymore, so she held Joanie's hand as she led her over to the dance floor, pushing through the mass of bodies. People yelled greetings at her as she stumbled through them and she laughed, shouting back. Maybe little white lies were ok at prom; it made you feel connected.
They bumped into Oliver and Sarah in the midst of all the bodies and they yelled excitedly at each other, and for a few minutes nothing mattered but the beat to the song and the vibrations under her feet, and Oliver pulling her into a twirl, and Joanie collapsing against her, laughing at Dandruff Danny trying to catch up with Amber with his own arms outstretched. Grinning, Lilly let herself be one of those superficial smiles; it was far less painful than thinking about Miley and the concert she was playing right now to thousands of fans, and the beautiful, heartbreaking smile she graced the audience with. She would wear that same heartbreaking smile at every concert every night this summer, and the next, and all of the summers after that when she went on tour and left Lilly. Because she had chosen that life. She had chosen Hannah. Two weeks ago when she'd realised that both events clashed, she should have …
The song stopped and a slower one took its place, followed by groans from everyone on the dance floor. The overhead lights stopped flickering from blue to red to green and settled on a yellowy orange to match the tone of the music, and a few people went over to the refreshments table for a break.
"That was fun while it lasted," Joanie said, following one of her friends from the soccer team over to the punch bowl. Lilly should have warned her it was spiked, but, whatever, alcohol made things lighter, less complicated, and she would have been a hypocrite to warn her against it.
Oliver's eyes dashed from Sarah's to Lilly's, torn. However, Lilly saved him the obligation and wandered away from the dance floor. Sarah would be good for him if they could make it work when she went to Harvard and he went to UCLA. If people loved each other enough, she thought fiercely, it would work, there was always a way, and her recent bitterness did not mean she would stop believing that. She had just stopped believing in Miley.
"Lilly?"
The familiar voice stopped her in her tracks. No. It couldn't. It wasn't possible that – She turned around, hardly daring to breathe.
But there she was. The source of all her confusion and anger and sadness. Miley. She was wearing jeans and sneakers, and a hooded jacket dark with rain clung to her, the hood falling a little over her face. As she watched, Miley carefully pulled down the hood, her hair a little frizzy and the ends damp from where the hood hadn't covered them. Lilly had always loved her long hair and her heart twanged painfully. She was vaguely aware that everyone had stopped what they were doing and had turned in their direction, but Lilly only had eyes for Miley.
"I left," Miley said, stepping forward, eyes intense. It was ten-thirty and the journey from the Staples Centre was at least forty minutes, so Lilly knew that she had indeed left in the middle of the concert. "I was wrong to pick her over you."
Lilly's eyes closed, letting the words she had always wanted, needed, to hear roll over her. But it didn't matter anymore. The wounds were raw and painful and Miley had broken her in ways that couldn't be repaired with a few well meaning words.
"It's too late," she told her, heart hammering against her chest.
Miley shook her head as if she didn't dare believe it, mouth a hard line. It looked like she was trying hard to stop herself from moving so they could have this conversation face to face rather than from halfway across the hall with their entire high school watching. "I was stupid, okay? I was selfish and stupid and I have been all along, and I don't ever know what you saw in me when we were thirteen and I still don't know why, at eighteen, you're still here, but I'm done being stupid. I should never have picked her over you. Not that first time, or the second, or the hundreds of times after that, and definitely not tonight. You were always the most important person to me. The most important part of me." She took a deep breath and her fists clenched and unclenched, her eyes desperate, and she started to shake with nerves and fear.
Lilly felt lightheaded, like it wasn't really happening, like the music hadn't cut off and all of prom wasn't watching them, even the teachers from the stage.
"Lilly," Miley said again, eyes shimmering as Lilly continued to stand there, looking at her blankly. "I am so, so sorry, I don't even know what to tell you. These last few years, with you, with Oliver and everyone else, here, have been the best parts, and I was blindsided-" Lilly almost smiled in irony because that's what she'd thought about Miley just an hour earlier "- and I still can't believe how selfish I've been all this time, how much I've taken you for granted. But I know that I love you. You and me, we're … more. We're more than high school and college and everything else. I just know that I want you." Then she smiled Lilly's favourite sheepish smile and she found the anger melting away as tears glimmered in her own eyes. It wasn't okay that Miley had picked Hannah over her, and though they had fallen out repeatedly over the years, and even though sometimes Lilly would love to strangle her, it all came down to loving her, the good parts and the bad parts. She was here now. That counted.
Miley, still smiling hopefully, half-shrugged. "I got into Stanford."
"But what about-"
"Indefinite hiatus."
For a second Lilly wondered what it must sound like to a majority of the people here. Probably like Miley had cheated on her. But Hannah was on hiatus. She had run out on the biggest concert she had played, ever. This was real.
She wasn't surprised when her next words came out in a whisper; if she spoke any louder her voice would break and betray her. "How do I know that you won't leave me?"
The look in Miley's eyes would have convinced her, but Miley went one better. "Because no matter what I did, it would mean nothing without you."
A few people awh'd and a couple of people laughed, and the scene was broken. Perhaps it was because they could sense that Lilly wouldn't let it end badly.
Lilly wiped a few tears away as they began to trickle down her face, vaguely hoping her makeup hadn't smudged. She took one step and that was all Miley needed – she half-ran and engulfed her in a hug so tight it knocked the breath from her lungs, but Lilly was holding onto her just as tightly, needing to meld them together to know it was real, that, at last, Miley had picked her, would always pick her. Miley was damp from rain but Lilly buried her head into her neck and inhaled deeply, taking her in. She was there.
Then, Miley pushed her away slightly and kissed her, Lilly hands immediately clinging to her jacket. She felt Miley's tears on her cheeks and it didn't matter that they just had their first kiss in front of everyone at prom. In the background she could hear people clapping and wolf-whistling, and music started playing again, and her heart decided that, yeah, she should start believing in Miley again after such a grand, overdramatic gesture. Her best friend-turned-whatever never did things half heartedly.
"I love you," Miley whispered in her ear, voice raw. "I love you so much."
"And I love you," she replied, because that was the only way to explain it.
Miley held her at arm's length and she couldn't stop grinning. "Dance with me."
Later that night, as the last few people were leaving the hall, Miley, Lilly and Oliver finally stood up from the table by the speaker. The teachers who were on clean-up duty shot them a few glares, but it was hard to care about anything when prom had just ended and your entire life was about to change.
Oliver patted Miley on the back; he couldn't stop smiling. It was about time Miley came to her senses. "So, Stanford?" he questioned as they started walking towards the exit, all three of them covered in silly string after the jocks and cheerleaders had thought it hilarious to pull the senior prank at prom after the principal had given a speech and Mr. Correlli, who was clearly drunk, had planted one on Ms. Kunkle.
Lilly smiled, her hand entwined with Miley's. Her hair was starting to fall out of its knot and her feet were beginning to ache from the heels but she had never been more content. "Stanford," she agreed.
"We have summer first," Miley said quickly. "I'm going to fly us somewhere. Rome, Paris, the Bahamas. Anywhere, I don't know. You guys pick."
Oliver grinned. "Can I invite Sarah?"
Miley frowned. "I'm not staying with the Amish." Oliver's smile slid. "I mean, of course you can invite her." Oliver brightened and he started discussing all of the eco-friendly places Sarah would approve of, and then he started considering how he would explain an all-paid holiday to her without her getting suspicious.
Lilly giggled. They were outside now, and the limo driver was opening the door. The air felt thick after the rain, and everything was covered in a light coat of water. A few people waved as they got into their own limos or cars, the streetlights making everything sparkle. Oliver stumbled in first, still talking, but before Miley let Lilly follow him into the back seat, she grabbed her wrist and turned her around. Her blue eyes were sparkling and it was like an age of worry had left her.
"I got us a hotel," she trailed off suggestively.
Lilly almost choked on her own spit.
"Kidding," Miley laughed. "I just thought that was prom tradition."
Regaining her composure, Lilly shook her head, smiling. "Nothing about us is traditional."
"True," Miley agreed. She paused a moment. "You know, I've spent all of this year worrying about the future, about Hannah and college and you, but now I have you …"
Lilly smirked. "The rest don't matter?"
Miley shook her head seriously. "Not even a little."
"I'm glad we're going to college," Lilly whispered, sensing that Oliver had realised they weren't listening to him and was now probably eavesdropping.
"I don't care what we do as long as it's together," Miley said sweetly.
Lilly groaned. "If you're going to be teeth-achingly sweet, then I can't be around you."
"No promises," Miley grinned. Lilly made to get inside the limo, but Miley kept a hand on her arm.
"What?" she complained. "I'm cold."
Miley held her gaze. "Thank you."
Lilly rolled her eyes and clambered into the car, ignoring Oliver's protests as she clambered over him. Miley followed and signalled to the driver to set off. Leaning against Lilly, she mumbled, "I will always pick you."
Lilly nodded, knowing it to be true, and said the only thing she could think of as they drove into the future together under the night sky.
"I know."