Algol: This is my very first fanfic so please give me constructive
criticism. I appreciate all reviews as long as they are given with good
intent. In addition, this is YAOI so if you can't handle that then DO NOT
READ IT. Thanks.
Disclaimer: I do not own Yugioh. Besides, suing me will net you nothing in return. I'm a college student living off loans. Nuff said.
Fic Specs: Yami/Kaiba, angst/potential romance, PG-13/R (mainly for swearing, may or may not be an issue)
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Chapter 1: Circles of Dismay
I cannot remember exactly the way all this began. Was it I? Was it you? I just simply cannot recall. But.little things like that never meant anything to you, did they? All that matters to you is winning. You dominate the game we play. I never thought I was foolish enough to give my heart to this game, never thought that I would learn to depend on you this way.
And that's how you're winning. Someone must lose to let other's win, and letting you win is exactly how I play the game. This is the only game you can win against me, but I would never say that, not now.because the game has become my life. It has become everything to me. Seizing control, dominating the players, holding all the cards.it is all too easy to understand your desire to play. What is not so easy to figure out is the reason I allow the game to go on. I know the outcome before I knock on your door. I can predict your actions before you make them. Using such tactics is the only way I know how to duel, the only way I can defeat you in a duel monster's game. The only problem is.we are not using cards.
"Yami.I'm heading over to Joey's for some practice. You wanna come?" Yugi looked expectantly at his darker half. Yami raised his head slightly, slowly processing the invitation while his previous thoughts bombarded his attention.
"No thanks," the spirit finally answered, cringing at the sound of his voice. Did he always sound so hollow?
Yugi moved to put a hand on his other's shoulder. "Are you sure? You've been awfully quiet these past few weeks. I think a good duel would cheer you up."
Yami almost snorted at the mention of a 'good duel.' One could say he was getting such treatment.if one happened to be a very arrogant and self- centered CEO. "I'm fine.just a little tired is all. I think I need a break from, you know, everything duel related. Things are finally peaceful around here." That much was true at least. Card-collectors, maniac millennium-item keepers and virtual technology gone awry were not presently harassing Yami and friends. In fact, Domino City was refreshingly quiet.
Yugi seemed skeptical and he gave Yami a leveled gaze. /Are you sure?/ he communicated silently, his eyes brimming with frustration. He felt there was nothing he could do to help his yami and yet it was his very nature to attempt to help those who were in need. Yami, above all, deserved to be happy.
/I am sure. Go, have fun. I will enjoy using this time to catch up on some much needed rest./ Yami was slightly surprised by the smoothness of the lie. Usually he fought with the words, had to wrestle them into something half-way plausible. Lying, like many other things, was becoming disturbingly easy.
"Alright," Yugi conceded. The diminutive duelist sighed hopelessly. He had done everything he could short of entering his other's soul room, an action that would decidedly violate the private thoughts of his friend. "Contact me if you change your mind.I'm worried about you-"
"I'm fine," the ancient pharaoh blurted suddenly. He hadn't meant to sound so impatient with his light and he immediately realized his mistake. "I.I apologize Yugi. It's just.there are things that I."
Yugi shook his head thoughtfully, "No.I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pressed you like that. I know you're still confused about your past and everything. Anyway, I need to get going. Just.know that I care about you Yami and I want to help you."
The dark spirit nodded gratefully, flashing a brilliant smile for the boy. He was lucky to have such a good friend. "I know. Thank you." Yami watched his light leave the room, closing the door behind him. He waited until the reverberating steps receded into the distance and the front door shut before he continued to brood over his dilemma. Thoughts were silent things but Yami didn't want to chance it. If anyone found out.
The spirit sighed openly. He wasn't sure if he wanted someone to find out or not. On the one hand, he would no longer be pressed to hide his affair. On the other, he was firm with the impression that the affair would end. Kaiba, for all his crudeness and brash honesty, was a very private person. Should word get out that they were together. But wait. They weren't together, at least not in the regular sense of the word. Yami fell back on the bed, spread-eagle, and gazed distantly at the ceiling. One thing was certain. He didn't want it to end, not until he was convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that Kaiba was just using him.
But he IS using you. You knew that the moment you came to him that day. You knew he would give anything to defeat you no matter what the game was. The annoying voice in the back of his brain was right, per usual. Kaiba was enjoying his victory over the King of Games. Domination was the only thing the CEO craved and Yami thought he was a fool to believe anything else, a fool desperately holding onto the last vestiges of happiness.
Yami turned on his side and rested his head in the soft crook of his elbow. He lazily drew imaginary circles on Yugi's comforter. Around and around and around he drew, his index finger dragging along the fabric leaving trails of raised material. It was a circle, neither ending nor beginning. There were no edges, no angles, no imperfections save for his skewed artistic eye. This circle, he thought, is what I am caught up in. Trapped in a time that is both past and present. forever moving along a predictable path.a pre-destined path.
He hardly remembered the past but he couldn't help wondering if he was somehow caught up in its delusions. At times, he felt like two people living the same life. The instances in which he felt truly torn were when he was with Kaiba, but he usually attributed that to hesitation, balancing between fleeing and fighting. Oddly enough, he always chose inaction, submitting himself to his own condition and allowing Kaiba to take the victory. And he always took it, like a true businessman he never wasted opportunity.
It was six o'clock. Kaiba was home, typing away at his computer no doubt. Yami closed his eyes and took a deep, excruciating breath. He exhaled deliberately, opened his crimson eyes and swung his legs over the side of the bed. Exactly the same as yesterday he lifted himself from the bed and shuffled towards the door. Was Kaiba expecting him, or was it always a surprise when he showed up on the older boy's doorstep? He turned the brass doorknob and headed down the stairs. Why did he feel as though he was walking to an execution? He was past the point of innocent hope and quickly descending towards daily drudgery.
This had to end. He had to know how Kaiba felt. That was the only way to end his all-night brooding sessions, his blatant lies, and his aberrant behavior. He had to know, through Kaiba's own words, if their time together was just as meaningless as he feared. He had to know before he lost the ability to extricate himself from the web.
With a soft click he closed the front door and headed down an all-too familiar path. For the first time he was determined not to lose the game.
**********
Disclaimer: I do not own Yugioh. Besides, suing me will net you nothing in return. I'm a college student living off loans. Nuff said.
Fic Specs: Yami/Kaiba, angst/potential romance, PG-13/R (mainly for swearing, may or may not be an issue)
***********
Chapter 1: Circles of Dismay
I cannot remember exactly the way all this began. Was it I? Was it you? I just simply cannot recall. But.little things like that never meant anything to you, did they? All that matters to you is winning. You dominate the game we play. I never thought I was foolish enough to give my heart to this game, never thought that I would learn to depend on you this way.
And that's how you're winning. Someone must lose to let other's win, and letting you win is exactly how I play the game. This is the only game you can win against me, but I would never say that, not now.because the game has become my life. It has become everything to me. Seizing control, dominating the players, holding all the cards.it is all too easy to understand your desire to play. What is not so easy to figure out is the reason I allow the game to go on. I know the outcome before I knock on your door. I can predict your actions before you make them. Using such tactics is the only way I know how to duel, the only way I can defeat you in a duel monster's game. The only problem is.we are not using cards.
"Yami.I'm heading over to Joey's for some practice. You wanna come?" Yugi looked expectantly at his darker half. Yami raised his head slightly, slowly processing the invitation while his previous thoughts bombarded his attention.
"No thanks," the spirit finally answered, cringing at the sound of his voice. Did he always sound so hollow?
Yugi moved to put a hand on his other's shoulder. "Are you sure? You've been awfully quiet these past few weeks. I think a good duel would cheer you up."
Yami almost snorted at the mention of a 'good duel.' One could say he was getting such treatment.if one happened to be a very arrogant and self- centered CEO. "I'm fine.just a little tired is all. I think I need a break from, you know, everything duel related. Things are finally peaceful around here." That much was true at least. Card-collectors, maniac millennium-item keepers and virtual technology gone awry were not presently harassing Yami and friends. In fact, Domino City was refreshingly quiet.
Yugi seemed skeptical and he gave Yami a leveled gaze. /Are you sure?/ he communicated silently, his eyes brimming with frustration. He felt there was nothing he could do to help his yami and yet it was his very nature to attempt to help those who were in need. Yami, above all, deserved to be happy.
/I am sure. Go, have fun. I will enjoy using this time to catch up on some much needed rest./ Yami was slightly surprised by the smoothness of the lie. Usually he fought with the words, had to wrestle them into something half-way plausible. Lying, like many other things, was becoming disturbingly easy.
"Alright," Yugi conceded. The diminutive duelist sighed hopelessly. He had done everything he could short of entering his other's soul room, an action that would decidedly violate the private thoughts of his friend. "Contact me if you change your mind.I'm worried about you-"
"I'm fine," the ancient pharaoh blurted suddenly. He hadn't meant to sound so impatient with his light and he immediately realized his mistake. "I.I apologize Yugi. It's just.there are things that I."
Yugi shook his head thoughtfully, "No.I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pressed you like that. I know you're still confused about your past and everything. Anyway, I need to get going. Just.know that I care about you Yami and I want to help you."
The dark spirit nodded gratefully, flashing a brilliant smile for the boy. He was lucky to have such a good friend. "I know. Thank you." Yami watched his light leave the room, closing the door behind him. He waited until the reverberating steps receded into the distance and the front door shut before he continued to brood over his dilemma. Thoughts were silent things but Yami didn't want to chance it. If anyone found out.
The spirit sighed openly. He wasn't sure if he wanted someone to find out or not. On the one hand, he would no longer be pressed to hide his affair. On the other, he was firm with the impression that the affair would end. Kaiba, for all his crudeness and brash honesty, was a very private person. Should word get out that they were together. But wait. They weren't together, at least not in the regular sense of the word. Yami fell back on the bed, spread-eagle, and gazed distantly at the ceiling. One thing was certain. He didn't want it to end, not until he was convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that Kaiba was just using him.
But he IS using you. You knew that the moment you came to him that day. You knew he would give anything to defeat you no matter what the game was. The annoying voice in the back of his brain was right, per usual. Kaiba was enjoying his victory over the King of Games. Domination was the only thing the CEO craved and Yami thought he was a fool to believe anything else, a fool desperately holding onto the last vestiges of happiness.
Yami turned on his side and rested his head in the soft crook of his elbow. He lazily drew imaginary circles on Yugi's comforter. Around and around and around he drew, his index finger dragging along the fabric leaving trails of raised material. It was a circle, neither ending nor beginning. There were no edges, no angles, no imperfections save for his skewed artistic eye. This circle, he thought, is what I am caught up in. Trapped in a time that is both past and present. forever moving along a predictable path.a pre-destined path.
He hardly remembered the past but he couldn't help wondering if he was somehow caught up in its delusions. At times, he felt like two people living the same life. The instances in which he felt truly torn were when he was with Kaiba, but he usually attributed that to hesitation, balancing between fleeing and fighting. Oddly enough, he always chose inaction, submitting himself to his own condition and allowing Kaiba to take the victory. And he always took it, like a true businessman he never wasted opportunity.
It was six o'clock. Kaiba was home, typing away at his computer no doubt. Yami closed his eyes and took a deep, excruciating breath. He exhaled deliberately, opened his crimson eyes and swung his legs over the side of the bed. Exactly the same as yesterday he lifted himself from the bed and shuffled towards the door. Was Kaiba expecting him, or was it always a surprise when he showed up on the older boy's doorstep? He turned the brass doorknob and headed down the stairs. Why did he feel as though he was walking to an execution? He was past the point of innocent hope and quickly descending towards daily drudgery.
This had to end. He had to know how Kaiba felt. That was the only way to end his all-night brooding sessions, his blatant lies, and his aberrant behavior. He had to know, through Kaiba's own words, if their time together was just as meaningless as he feared. He had to know before he lost the ability to extricate himself from the web.
With a soft click he closed the front door and headed down an all-too familiar path. For the first time he was determined not to lose the game.
**********