Warning: Heavily implied stuff in this story. Turn away, those of high, high horses! This is meant to be humorous and relatively light/silly, of course. Not sure how often I'll update this in comparison to my other stuff. I am woefully capricious.
Naruto's body beat with the throbbing of battle. Like a drum, he moved to the rhythm of his instincts, parrying, blocking, avoiding, leaping, dodging, flying. He was a blur of gold, his honed senses carrying him about the dank room, striking at the sharp, flickering shadows. The Kyuubi's chakra was no longer accessible to him for he had already used too much of it. His skin was burning, raw like his throat, peeling off as he moved. He could not use it again without risk of death, it was like he was suffering third and second degree burns everywhere on his body, each movement protesting in powerful ache.
But Orochimaru of the Sannin was too powerful. With Tsunade of the Sannin and Jiraiya of the Sannin as raised bloodthirsty drones at his side, the young jounin had no hope of winning now. He had already defeated several of Orchimaru's S-rank experiments, grotesque abominations that were the products of several bloodlines fused together. He was well spent and weak, blood oozing from terrible wounds in his feet, shoulders and arms, making small splotches on the ground every time he moved, grunts of agony loosened from his throat.
"You are beat, boy." The Sannin said, a hand raking through the black tentacles he called hair, his lips twisting in excitement, "You cannot kill me, I am immortal, as are my loyal pets."
"Release them, you sick freak!"
He glared at Jiraiya and Tsunade, their eyes an unholy, blighted scarlet. They stood unnaturally stiff at his sides.
"I think I will. Their sights are not pleasant to me, even as useful, ironic tools. But only once you are dead."
Naruto snarled, his face glowing with the lingering, poisonous chakra of his tenent.
"Jiraiya, why don't you finish the boy off? You must have developed some secret technique. Your strongest trump card. One you probably did not even think to use at the time of your death." He laughed, "Go on! Use it! End that wretched thorn in my side's existence in this place."
Jiraiya stepped forward, his gaze fixated on Naruto, who put his hands up pleadingly, tears pounding in his eyes, "Jiraiya! Don't! Please! I-I love you, alright? Don't do this!" Love was strong, right? That's what Tsunade had told him once - that love could conquer all. And maybe it could, maybe it-
Jiraiya reached into his coat with one hand, the other one making seals. Naruto groaned. Of course love didn't do shit-
"Jiraiya, you have to fight him! Don't, please!" he looked to Tsunade pleadingly, then Orochimaru, his face swollen in panic. Behind him, the passage to the suffocating chamber was cut off by a collapse in the ceiling. He was basically trapped.
"I've failed, haven't I?" he whispered, wondering what would become of everyone he'd known. All the sacrifices his friends had made... for nothing.
He watched exhaustedly, preparing to defend against Jiraiya's inevitable "ultimate technique".
The man pulled from his coat a familiar book, a bright orange cover drawing his gaze. And just as he did this, he slammed his other hand on the ground, turning the opened book to Naruto, throbbing seal-script reaching across the ground like cracks in the floor.
"Kuchiyose: Ero Tensei!"
"What?!" Naruto shrieked, the pages of the orange book flying about, an incredible natural energy gathering in them. He felt an enormous gravitational pull and struggled to stay standing. But he lost his strength and slipped, Orochimaru watching in blissful bemusement as Naruto flew through the air.
Only, when he collided with the book, he vanished. As did the book. Jiraiya too - his body crumpling into dust with it.
There was oblivion for a time. His vision wavered, blue fuzz covering his eyes for a while. But eventually, he found the strength to stand. And for a moment, he was sure he was in a genjutsu, for he was in a familiar neighborhood, one that shouldn't have existed, but one he knew intimately well.
He was standing right by the Yamanaka flower shop, which was adjacent to the Inuzuka pet hospital. A dusty street was laid between his bloody feet - only, he wasn't covered in blood. In-fact, he was fine. Four years younger even, looking down at himself, he saw slightly softer, lighter flesh. He was a little shorter. And given his attire - his missing coat of flames (remniscient of his father) and jounin vest - he would have approximated himself to be sixteen.
"What the hell?" he murmured, looking down at his dirty palms, swiping them against the sides of his orange pants, fingers feeling over the new-looking orange and black jacket that wrapped tightly over the white shirt he wore underneath.
"I'm not dreaming, right? Or did I die?" He'd played an arcade game once, was this what they called a "Reset"? Things didn't work that way, right?
Then, Naruto's memories returned to him slowly, "Oh. Right. Jiraiya said... Ero Tensei, before I had blacked out." What the hell? Perverted Rebirth? Tensei was the cycle of birth, the cycle of reincarnation according to some people. Souls migrate to the underworld when they die, then migrate back as sheep and humans, or something like that. However it worked, Orochimaru had disturbed the natural order of the universe with his putrid technique that violated the dead. But Jiraiya... couldn't have done something similar, right?
Then, he heard something.
"Ji."
"Huh?"
"Jiiiiiii."
Someone was saying "ji". Very quietly. He wouldn't have picked up on it if it weren't for his inhuman ears. It put him on guard - was it an attacker? He didn't want to alert them just yet, so he kept his cool. He could feel the strange person, hear them whispering, "ji", behind a telephone pole, putting him on guard. Not that he wasn't ever not on guard - since the fall of Konoha to Orochimaru's masterly plans, he'd been working almost in a zealous flurry, barely catching any rest, barely letting any of his thoughts center on anything that wasn't killing that man or protecting innocent people from him.
The best way to deal with the stranger who must have noticed his arrival was to simply ignore them, to pretend like he hadn't sensed them. That way, he would know what they were after. If they tried to attack him, they would be sorry. If this was a genjutsu, he needed to focus on escape first and foremost anyway.
"Where the fuck am I?" he breathed, almost wanting to break down into a mess on the floor. He was supposed to be exhausted, but he felt fine now. He reached down and touched his heart, feeling it thump in his hand. He was alive. And this place was just like his home.
"Ero-sennin... what kind of technique did you do?"
He nearly wanted to sit down and just think things through, contrary to how he usually solved his problem - maybe run off to the Hokage tower. But, his heart wouldn't let him. He wanted to give this genjutsu a test, he was too wound up to try and sit around and think. He wasn't a thoughtful person, not really, even though recent events had made thinking a bit of a necessity - there was almost no one he could count on but himself, since the crumbling of Konoha's military organization.
His mind was telling him that Jiraiya wasn't the type to utilize illusions (the man was probably too deluded and ignorance of his crazy to be good at them) and figuring out what this technique did was his primary goal. Plus, even though he was no longer exhausted, mentally, he was too drained to really care. Breaking this illusion would simply put him into the jaws of death again. The craftiness, the prankster inside him, told him to exploit this technique, to find a way to turn it back at the bastard snake.
So, there was very little better to do. He could feel his chakra burgeoning inside his gut, the very core of his essence tingling as he reached for it, but the normal sensation of the gentjusu rippling, tearing itself apart? No, there was nothing. Not even the slightest suggestion that he was in a normal genjutsu. This was like tsukiyomi, except, different... brute force probably wouldn't work here, Jiraiya would never use a technique that could be broken so easily.
Naruto decided to walk into Yamanaka's flower shop, since it was closest and the most familiar. A bell rang at his arrival, the echoing chime ringing in his mind - resonating with an early memory. He had visited this place first when he was five or six, just barely able to understand the concept of a flower shop; his body pulled by the thick prickling odors.
The door shutting sharply behind him, his senses being thrown wide, he prepared for any kind of attack, his body becoming very loose and very tense, each step against the tile floor made his senses sharper, made his focus wider. It also made the flowery air fill his lungs and distract his thoughts more effectively.
The store was painted with light pinks and blues, a solid white counter in the middle of the store, a cash register in the middle. The scent of numerous flowers, cacti and saplings reaching deep into his lungs. As did the very familiar, very intoxicating scent of a young sixteen year old girl. He pinched his nose for a moment, so overcome by what must have been... musk? Really? Was she aroused? Why was his foxy nose picking up on such an smell? He couldn't understand it at all. He'd been close to many women on many missions and even in the sweatiest, harshest, longest-lasting missions never did he pick up on an odor so strong as hers right now. Was the genjutsu magnifying it?
Whatever was causing it, it was making it kind of hard to think. His cheeks were already tingling, like all of his chakra was churning there.
"Hey Ino." He said to her, or at least, he thought he did, but his voice might have failed him as he stared.
Ino was wearing that purple top that wound tightly around the swells of her breasts, the hem folded above the inward slope of her taut belly. Her hips expanded from there, a scrap of matching purple winding even tighter around the globes of her ass. She was leaning forward on the counter, taking the stance slowly as their eyes met, her elbows digging into the hard counter-top.
He looked into her large eyes.
"Hi Naruto-kun." She said with a surprised, but silly curl of her glistening lips, "What's up? You looking for some flowers?"
Naruto shook his head, dispelling the rise of heat from his cheeks as he walked forward, finding himself falling back on old habits, "Hi Ino." He tried again, his voice very, very tiny, "I am.. uhh... I mean, I was just stopping through, dattebayo!" he laughed anxiously, shouting to regain his composure, "H-how are you?" he lost his voice as Ino's glossy pink lips quirked into a very comfortable smile. He felt himself gravitating to her as one hand laid on her chin, the other turned palm-up, a lone finger beckoning him, "I had a question, if you don't mind. We're not in a genjutsu, right?"
Being blunt - that's what he did best. Surely this would work.
"I'm doing fine." She murmured, their eyes locked. As he came up to the counter, her hand reached out, two fingers firmly pinching his chin and dragging him close to her face, forcing him to look at her. Naruto felt his heart pound in his chest and he struggled to breathe for a moment, "Actually, I haven't seen you around for a while. Did you finally get back from your trip?"
Apparently, she was totally ignoring his second part of the question. Or at least, that teasing smile suggested that she thought he was just joking with her, or complimenting her beauty magnanimously.
"My trip?" he repeated dumbly, "I haven't... Oh, right. Of course. Yeah. I just did, Ino-san. But, um, what are you-"
"Call me Ino. Like you were before." She breathed quietly, "It sounds really nice coming from you."
"A-ah, t-thanks Ino." He swallowed, "B-b-but, that's a little- little- I mean- it's- I'm not supposed to because I don't really know you too well." He finished sheepishly.
"Would you like to? Because I've heard a lot about you since you left." She sighed, lamenting dramatically, "I can't believe I crushed on Sasuke the whole time we were in the academy."
Naruto finally let a smile grace his tingling cheeks, ignoring most of what she had said after that. He relaxed slightly in the blonde's presence, "I... would like to get to know you better Ino. I mean, I'm going to be the Hokage eventually. And..." he'd failed to protect her in the past, probably because he didn't know her well enough, "You're Sakura-chan's best friend, right? I... should. I definitely should know more about you. You're important to me." He shook his head, "But- wait- no. Ino, this is important, I need to know, are we in a genjutsu? What's um- the last thing you can remember?" It was hard to talk with her fingers pinching his chin, he wasn't even sure if the words came out right.
Ino's cheeks flushed pink and she blinked, the thumb still pinching Naruto's chin loosened. She began to stroke there with it, back and forth, her skin so soft, feeling his smoothly shaved face. He wondered how she kept her skin so silky, while still training as hard in taijutsu as she probably did. But his thoughts were just getting foggier, the flowery thick scent in the air scattering his focus. It took all his willpower not to lean in and press his nostrils to her hot neck and breathe.
"Thanks. I do spend a lot of time on my skin." She murmured with a pretty smile, making Naruto blush even harder. Had he said that out loud? He was totally out of it if he hadn't realized that, "You spent a long time training, it looks like." Her smile morphed into a coy one, full lips thinning, "You grew tall. And your skin is even richer than I remember it." She sighed, "Out in the sun I bet. Do you have a tan underneath all those clothes? I should work on mine..."
"Um, thanks Ino." He said nervously, the hairs on his neck standing up as he heard "ji" again in the distance. He wanted to turn and look over his shoulder, but Ino's eyes were... they were green, just like Sakura's, only much paler. There was a subtle strength in them that was... "Do you like my eyes, Naruto-kun?" she leaned in close, her warm breath spewing like fire onto his face.
Something screamed in his gut as he stared, telling him to look away.
"I-I definitely do. They're very pretty." He managed to say weakly, her finger lifting his face up, forcing him to stare. He actually wanted to ask about her smell now that he thought about it again, but it was trouble finding the right words... She was thick and it was making him thick.
"I want you to stare." She lowered her voice into something only his ears could pick up and he realized she was doing something with her other hand, it was no longer supporting her head. Instead, it was making several seals and he realized, she was casting a genjutsu. Those didn't really work on him, but he noticed her eyes were a lot more alluring than before and it would be totally okay if she put him under something nice and relaxing...
"I'm glad I had to work here today, Naruto-kun." She said with her lips lifting, revealing her pristine teeth, "I'm so glad you came to me first. Now I can make you aaall mine." Her fingers loosened on his chin further and he found himself nodding with her, staring into her eyes, "Stupid forehead didn't know what she was missing with you." She giggled perversely, just like Jiraiya. It was almost enough to shake her grip on his mind.
Naruto looked at her dumbly, his face slackening as he continued to stare into her eyes, going utterly silent.
"How do you think Dad got my Mom so easily? It's simple really. Members of the Yamanaka clan can marry whomever they want to, they simply need to form a stable, permanent connection with their mind. And all you need to do that, is a little trust..." Which was a rare commodity among ninja, but Ino knew Naruto was a special case, he trusted all his friends implicitly, leaving his mind wide open, "Just stare into my eyes Naruto-kun. It will only take a few minutes and a special kiss..." she said with a flutter in her breath, her nostrils engorging in excitement, "I should have done this to you years ago. I could have had you so easily."
Was he dreaming? This was really weird, he though distantly. But her eyes were kind of too pretty not to look at so he was happy to keep staring. Plus, she was totally hot right now. She was talking about him and he was pretty sure that it was the kind of talk that his body liked, though he was having trouble recalling what it was she was talking about.
So he stared into her eyes. Her eyes were unbelievably beautiful, glimmering like gems. Or, dazzling like the vibrant flowers in her store. And the longer he looked into them, he realized they began to turn slowly, a pretty spiral pulling him in. Ino's smile grew wider and wider as he obeyed, his body becoming uncomfortable as the seconds ticked on. He was completely unmoving. She could feel her technique take effect, something opening inside her soon-to-be-boytoy, making him unable to act without her permission.
"You are mine, Naruto-kun." She whispered, her thighs squeezing together as Naruto's dry lips began to move, the first stage of the technique coming to fruition. The blond compelled by her technique to repeat after her, his lips buzzing with electric desire, "I am yours In-"
But it was not to be. Ino saw it in slow motion. Horror spread onto her reddened face as Hyuuga Hinata came flying through the large display window in the front of the store. A classic example of Lee's "Dynamic Entry" - both her legs invested in a flying kick. She knocked over potted plants in the display and came crashing through, stumbling, rolling onto the hard white tile floor, coming to a standing position flawlessly. She grabbed Naruto's shoulders and ripped him away from her grasp, the blond stumbling backwards into her, crashing down onto the floor together. The poor ex-jounin wore a dazed expression with glazed-over blue eyes. It took a few furious shakes from the pale-eyed girl to get him to come to, her shouting reaching his ears, "Naruto-kun! Naruto-kun! Are you listening? You're mine! Not hers!" She shouted in a frantic whisper.
She was covered in small shards of glass which pricked into Naruto's clothes. It was enough for her to stand up and shake about, glass tapping the floor, Naruto clumsily stumbling to his feet after her.
"W-what in the world?" he said, looking between Hyuuga Hinata and Yamana Ino. The blonde was furious, her lips pressed into a very thin pink smear, her trimmed brows tensed in fury. Hinata wore a less inflamed look, but she was determined. So much so that she actually took a step closer to Naruto, her cheeks
slowly turning pink as one hand clenched the black part of his sleeve in an iron grip, keeping him close.
"Uhh, what's going on?" he said as the two girls quietly battled at each other...with their minds?
Hinata turned, her face softening into a loose, glowing smile, her pale eyes radiating with a relieved heat, "She was trying to take you, Naruto-kun." She whispered harshly, her lips nearly fumbling all over themselves, anger keeping her trembling mind focused.
"Uh, what?"
"He was almost mine!" Ino whined, stomping her foot behind the counter, "How did you know what I was doing?"
"I was stalking him, of course." Hinata said calmly. And then she blinked, slapping her forehead as she took a step away from him, "I mean- ignore what I just said- I wasn't stalking you- I was- I heard you'd come back! And I wanted to see you. T-To see hello." She giggled nervously, standing over the shards of broken glass on the floor, hands clasping over her waist.
Hinata wore a sky-blue hoodie that hid most of her torso, the long loose sleeves rolled up at her wrists. Below that, tight purple mesh pants gripped at her body. Her thighs were muscular and caused the cinching material to bulge. She smiled at his curious stare and turned slightly, letting him catch the left, swollen orb of her ass. The pants did little to obfuscate her womanly shape, there.
Naruto was at a loss for words at that mischievous smile doting her pale pink lips, at least until he saw a trickle of blood dribble down her arm, "Hinata!" he said in alarm, "You're bleeding!" He swept forward and took her left arm, lifting it up, he pulled away the sleeve up to the elbow, feeling her impossibly milky, silk-like flesh. He ignored the nervous winding in his stomach and peeled a small spec of glass from her skin, pressing his rough palm there, pushing hard for a long moment.
Hinata just watched him in awe, her parted lips forming a wet, adoring smile.
Ino glowered, "Hey! Why are helping her? Did you not see her fly in through the window? She almost kicked you in the head!"
"I would never hurt Naruto-kun!" she growled, adding coarsely under her breath, "Unlike you."
Naruto let go of her arm and turned, feet crunching on the glass, "I guess I did?" he looked over at the broken window, "I barely can remember... I mean, what the hell were you..." he started to remember it all, his cheeks turning red.
"Just, j-just forget it!" she huffed, glaring at Hinata, "You! Help me clean up this mess before Mom sees it and freaks!"
"Of course, Yamanaka-san. I apologize." Hinata said with a calm, victorious smile.
"Yeah, I'm sure you're sorry, alright." She grumbled, going back and preparing two brooms. Naruto wisely stepped away from the scene, especially when both girls started leaning forward, almost seeming to purposefully sweep with their rear-ends pointed at him, Hinata's hoodie riding up the small of her back, giving him a glimpse of the crack of her ass, lacy blue fabric rising up with it.
The blond tried to push away all that, his mind still whirling from a near-death battle with that hideous bastard and the crazy mind-thing Ino had tried to do to him. So, he wisely decided, or maybe it was just his crazy intuition, but he wandered over to one of the racks of flowers and picked up one pink and one red rose and fished his wallet out of his pants, opening it to find plenty of money inside.
He laid it on the counter and faced the girls, "Hey, Ino, Hinata-chan." They twirled and stood up from the mess, holding pans full of glass, their eyes meeting his. With his honed speed (though slightly slower than he was used to), he stepped close, lancing a pink rose through Ino's hair, a red one piercing Hinata's dark blue hime-cut.
"I'm sorry, but I've got to get going." And figure what the hell is going on, he almost said.
He shouted, "See you two later!" he waved, choosing to step through them and hop out the broken window, leaving both girls with rosy glows on their bewildered faces.
"Maybe I should try asking Baa-chan about an "Ero Tensei" technique..." he murmured to himself, stopping in front of the Inuzuka pet hospital - he was interested in seeing if he could talk to Kiba or someone inside, he wasn't sure that was a good idea. After all, it was getting late. Looking up at the sky, which was turning his favorite shade of orange, he doubted that-
Just then, the clear glass doors of the hospital opened up, a tall young woman stepping through, "Oh, hey!" she waved.
She carried herself with a powerful stance. Young as she was, she looked like village leader to him, with her shoulders splayed wide apart, her stance even wider, feet planted far past her shoulders. She wore a loose chuunin vest that was opened up wide, displaying her sandy flesh, a few small scars adorning the caps of her knees.
She was strong, her body fit and muscular, tight black spats gripping against her thighs and pelvis, a green band around her waist, holsters dangling from it. Her face curved into a gentle oval, two red stripes parallel with her cheeks and orthogonal to two black strands of glossy hair that fell over her dark eyes.
"Hana." Naruto said in weak greeting.
"Oh, you know my name?"
Of course he did! She'd fought alongside him in the past. Not that she needed to know that right now.
"Yeah. Of course I do." He said with mock airs, "I did just get back from my trip with Jiraiya, so I almost didn't recognize you."
She smiled mysteriously, her gaze narrowing. She held open the glass door to the pet hospital, three strong dogs, the tops of their shining coats black and scarlet, the undersides a mellow white, surrounded her protectively.
"I almost didn't recognize you." She laughed, her voice low and husky, "Looks like you've been training hard." She said casually, twisting slightly to look around him, "Oh yeah, you have been. You've got a cute butt now."
What?
Naruto took a step back, "A-Ahaha. That's, that's funny, Hana-chan." He smacked the air and took another half-step back, "A-anyway, I think I'll be going now. Lots of things to do!"
She smirked, "You think I was joking? Even Kiba will be jealous when he sees-"
"Okay! Enough information!" Naruto clapped his hands over his head, much to the young woman's delight. She laughed happily, her firm breasts jiggling freely in her chuunin vest. Naruto deduced she was either wearing nothing at all, or just a tank top underneath. Knowing the Inuzuka, she probably wasn't wearing anything under those spats too, given the lack of...lines bulging through.
Naruto swallowed those slightly perverted thoughts, "I'm not like Ero-sensei." He murmured rapidly a three times like a creed against demons and malevolent spirits, shaking his head, "B-but yeah, anyway, I've gotta run. Nice seeing you!" He stopped before darting away, "Just one question though before I go- are you feeling okay? Like, you didn't wake up this morning and say to yourself, This sure feels like a genjutsu!?"
Hana tapped her cheek briefly before scrunching her eyes closed into a tight smile, "Nope!"
"Alright, thanks. See you!"
He ran off before she could get another word in, panting as he hurriedly flew across the street, buildings blurring by. He stopped after a few kilometers of running, his feet carrying him to Ichiraku ramen - perhaps the only solace of sanity in all of Konoha. Nobody was there but Teuchi either. So he walked right in and slammed some money on the lustrous wooden counter, relaxing in the small stool before the bald chef, "Eight miso ramen." Naruto said tiredly.
"Sure thing Naruto-kun!" he said excitedly, "Glad to see you're back. I heard you'd be returning today."
"Yeah it's ah... good to be back." He almost wanted to shout that, but he was still a little unsure. This place felt like Konoha, even with the odd way Ino and Hinata were acting, but there's no way it really could be... right?
When the first bowl was slapped down, Naruto banished his thoughts and started filling his growling stomach. He sighed, inhaling the salty broth through his nose, slumping in his seat.
And on the second bowl? That's when Kakashi sat down.
"Yo."
"Oh, uhh, hey." Naruto said with a noddle hanging from his chin, his hand catching it and inserting it into his mouth, "Long time no see, Kakashi-sensei."
"I heard you'd just gotten back. Somehow you missed us though! We were waiting at the gate for hours, maa."
"O-oh? Sorry about that." He grinned sheepishly, "I don't know how I did that..."
Kakashi nodded boredly, pulling a little orange book from his green vest.
"S-say, Kakashi-sensei, what are you reading?"
"Oh, this?" He showed Naruto the cover: Icha Icha Tensei. The book was orange with red lettering, the picture of a white-haired shinobi being chased by a horde of kunoichi.
Naruto's jaw dropped, "No way..." he shivered, reaching up to snatch it, but Kakashi pulled it back.
"Hmm? Did you want this?" he asked with a curious edge, "Why not ask your sensei for a signed copy?"
Jiraiya was alive? If he was then, maybe he could explain all this.
"Oh, sure. Of course I could do that."
Kakashi 'eye-smiled', "Great! Though, Sakura won't be happy if she sees you reading it..."
Naruto swallowed, "I didn't really want to read it. I was just curious."
"Of course." Kakashi deadpanned.
"Kakashi-sensei, you're a master at genjutsu, right?"
"Maa, I suppose so. But Kurenai-chan would be better at it than me, I think." He flipped a page.
"Could you tell if I'm being effected by a genjutsu right now?"
The copy-nin looked at him like he was nuts, but obeyed, lifting up his headband, he examined him with his slowly-churning eye, "Nope. Not that I can tell. Why, what brought this on?"
"Nothing much." He said in a strained voice, prompting Kakashi to put down his headband and keep reading, "Just that... I think a girl tried to rape me a few minutes ago. And then there were those stares..."
"Maa, well, you just came back. It's perfectly natural for hormones to be surging around this time of year anyway. Plus, Jiraiya-sama did just release his new book. Sounds like a combination of everyone's excitement - who was it? The Hyuuga girl who stalks you? She probably missed you greatly."
"Er, stalker?"
Kakashi didn't even dignify him with a look.
Naruto shook his head and returned to his ramen, not wanting to linger on it for now, pushing away his frenzied thoughts. The man chatted to him as if he wasn't there, staring off into his book as he asked questions about his training trip, which Naruto provided between slurping mouth-fulls. There were a few curious jabs here and there about Jiraiya's perverted tendencies (and whether they had rubbed off on Naruto), as well as about Naruto's progress in training.
It did leave him a little at a loss. He knew things he shouldn't for the place he was in. Like the names of his parents, members of Akatsuki, the fates of certain Jinchuuriki (and friends and enemies alike), and the upcoming war...
Maybe this was a trick. Right? There's no way... Well, Orochimaru had ordered Jiraiya to use his most powerful technique. Maybe he knew how to do something like this? He'd have to prod him about it.
Of course, finding Jiraiya meant going to the Onsen. And since it was already dark out, the acrid night air thick, the twinkling stars filling the expansive sky of the village... he was probably elsewhere. It was too cold out for a proper bath. Most of them were closed. Well, save for one.
He reluctantly walked inside, wanting to be thorough. A young woman greeted him with a smile and talked him into taking a bath. He did want to relax and think to himself, so he agreed, giving her some change out of poor Gama-chan and stepping into the changing room. He stripped off his clothes and wound himself with a towel, stepping into the hot misty waters, the chilly air mingling with the steamy fumes that hung low in the murky, bubbling waters, smelling a hint of sulfur in the air.
He closed his eyes as he dipped into the hot flows, leaning against the wooden wall in the corner.
What was it with his life? Nothing ever went according to how it should. He should have been born a praised hero. Should have saved everyone from Akatsuki and Orochimaru... and he should have lost back there. He was exhausted; Orochimaru had won. There was no escape! He had been so sure of it...
Yet he was here and-
His eyes snapped open.
"Jiiii."
"Huh?"
"Jiiii."
There was again. That sound...
"Hey! Who's there? Show yourself!" Naruto shouted into the hot springs.
The voice stopped.
But he heard water sloshing, someone no longer masking their presence. Someone from the opposite side of the onsen stepped through the mist.
She was lovely, with dark, purple-violet hair. A soaked towel clung to her body, small, tear-shaped breasts propping up the towel aganist her chest.
"Were you doing that?" Naruto said without an accusatory edge in his voice, lost by the woman's beauty and serene calm.
"Doing what?" she asked.
"Nevermind." He slumped, sinking into the water up to his nose, trying to hard to hide his blush.
"Who're you?" she said curiously, "Did something happen?"
He lifted his head up, casting his eyes away, the water coming up to the woman's waist, "Crap." Well, she hadn't struck him down yet, he'd better explain himself, "I'm Naruto. And it's nothing. I was... just hearing something." He swallowed, "Also, am I in the right place? You're- you're definitely a woman, right?"
She grinned, plum lips perking plumply, "I think so."
He started to rise up, water cascanding from his body, walking toward the exit, "Sorry, I somehow entered the wrong side-"
"No, no you didn't." She shook her head, "This is a unisex bath house." She explained with a restrained giggle, "Naruto-kun."
"Oh." Naruto said, standing in the shallow end of the water, water still draining from him. He awkwardly looked toward the exit, "No wonder this place is empty."
"What do you mean by that?" she asked curiously, watching as he took another step toward the stairs, "It's just late. Usually this place is packed."
"Er really? That's gross dattebayo!"
"Gross?" she actually giggled this time, though she seemed clearly bothered by it. She cleared her throat, "Sorry. But, how is it gross? It's just a bath."
Naruto turned to her after taking another step, his knees rising up out of the heated water, "Yeah but... you can... I mean... I can- I can see-" and he stopped talking because the woman's towel was so wet that it clung so tight to her skin that he noticed the shape of her freakin' nipples poking through. He blushed bright red and looked away, paralyzed for a moment, a half-whispered, "Sorry-" croaking out of his dry throat.
A hand rose up and pulled at her damp, practically chromatic hair, pulling bangs behind her ears, sticking them there, "You're cute." She teased, her eyes roaming, "But there's no reason to be embarrassed. You should relax, you're too high strung."
"This isn't proper." He tried to explain, taking another step, facing her fully again, keeping his eyes as far away from her breasts as popular, "I-I mean, stuff like this should stay private, right?"
The woman shrugged, "Should it? For what purpose?"
Naruto swallowed, "W-well, I mean-"
"You're a shinobi." She said simply, "So am I. I've seen plenty of dead bodies. Unclothed. Often butchered horrendously. How can a live one be worse than any of that?"
"I guess. But it's not the sam-"
"I know." She said stiffly, "My boyfriend died three years ago during the Chuunin exams." She sighed, "I think I would have agreed with you back then. I know what you're trying to say. But... I think I've realized that I was just being selfish and prudey."
"Selfish?" Two steps, up to his shins.
"Yeah." She drifted to the deep corner of the bath, dunking her head under for half a second, taking a deep breath and sighing, "I was thinking, why not love more than one person? Devote yourself to...everyone. That couldn't be wrong, right?"
"T-that's a bit hard." Naruto said weakly, grimacing as he said it, "Though I guess that alone wouldn't make it wrong."
She nodded.
"But... what I'm talking about isn't love, right?" Naruto said accusingly, "I think I'm talking about... private stuff. I love Baa-chan, but I don't want to do... those things with her." He shivered, "I don't really want to see her... like that either."
She laughed softly, "I suppose there may be a difference between love and intimacy."
"Intimacy?" Naruto parroted, "Yeah. That's it. That's the word. I... don't think I could be intimate with everyone. And it's not special if you are that way. Plus, if you spread yourself too thin, isn't it unfair to others?"
"Yeah. You're right." She flashed him a smile, "Thanks, Naruto-kun. That's really wise of you."
Naruto heroically beamed at her, "No problem."
"Are you sure you don't want to stay though?"
Naruto scoffed, "I just said, it wouldn't be right. Stuff like this is, it's stuff for perverted people like my sensei. I- I can't just be intimate with just any-"
"How about friends then? I'm Yuugao."
"I guess that would be okay." He hazarded, "Yuugao-chan."
She propped her back against the wooden wall of the bath, "Sit with me." She patted the water beside her.
Naruto grimaced, "There's now way- I- I mean, I'm not a pervert dattebayo!"
"I can tell." She smirked, holding down an amused laugh, "But, if I'm your friend, you can trust me, right?"
"We did just met." He sighed, "But I guess I could." He felt weird trudging back into the water, floating closer to her, deliberately planting himself just out of her arm's reach.
She was very pretty, so it was easy to smile at her as they looked at one another.
"How old are you?" she asked.
"Sixteen."
"I'm twenty-five."
Naruto nodded, "I think I recognize you- you're in ANBU, right?"
She blinked, "You're pretty good. But don't spread that around." She said sheepishly.
He nodded, "Of course. I know how to keep a secret."
"You're also very cute." She said again, earning another blush.
"Thanks, I guess." He mumbled, not noticing the woman scoot closer even as he looked into emptiness, "I just got back from an extended stay outside the village."
She nodded, "I recognized you. You participated in the exams against that Hyuuga."
"Yeah."
"You were less cute back then." She whispered teasingly, "You've grown since I last saw you."
"So I've heard."
"Has all of you kept growing?" she asked with mock innocence.
"Uh... all of me?"
"Yeah."
"I guess?" he raised his blond brows clearly stupefied.
"Well, I can check if you want."
"I don't follow." He said flatly, "Is there something wrong with me?"
She swallowed heavily, "If I said yes?"
"If there's something wrong, I guess I wouldn't mind if youguurk-"
She slammed into him, her breasts pressing into his towel-clad chest. She mashed her nose against his, her cheeks burning scarlet, "I'm a specialist in suiton. So don't worry about me running out of air." She said huskily, a hint of sake on her breath as she breathed close to his squished nostrils.
Naruto managed a weak, confused protest as the woman swallowed a deep breath and dunked under the water, her hands planted on his hips. And then he started to panic when she pulled open the bottom half of his towel, and then- and then-
"Jiiii." He heard that voice again.
"Uhh, Yuugao-chan?" he said panicking, trying to clamp his legs together, "If you really weren't making that noise then-"
The blond went completely stiff. His eyes bulged out their sockets. Like pieces of wood, his trembling legs held him up against the back of the bathhouse, bubbles popping on the surface of the misty water.
"Y-Yuugao-chan." He murmured weakly, trying to figure out where that soft voice was coming from, but it was too hard to concentrate. Parts of his face convulsed as the seconds dragged into minutes, the blond's fingers naturally settling into Yuugao's hair, combing through it gently in the warm waters.
He groaned softly, shivering all over. He wanted to push her away, but he also... didn't want to. He couldn't explain it. His heart was fluttering and he was too confused to pick a side. So he sat there, feeling her head, gritting his teeth.
Then, there was something like a wave. A crash, or something. He couldn't remember. He just felt tingling all over.
And moments later, Yuugao popped up to the surface, taking in a mighty breath.
"That was fun." She said, breathing a little erratically, a glowing grin blossoming on her face as she gazed at Naruto, the sixteen year-old wearing the most simultaneously flummoxed, pleased expression on his face he'd ever produced, "And it looks like I succeeded!" she laughed as he just gazed at her hollowly, exhaustion playing upon his features.
"Am I... okay then?" he asked with a worn, uneasy smile.
"Oh, more than it." She said warmly, turning around and sitting in his lap.
Naruto's entire body burned then, holding the woman lightly in his arms, completely confused and petrified. She planted a salty kiss on his neck, laughing at his expression every time her eyes looked up.
"Jiiii."
"There it is again." He whispered, looking at Yuugao worriedly, "Do you hear it?"
"Hear what?"
"Jiiii." Naruto imitated softly, "Do you hear that? It's been following me for hours."
"Nope." She leaned into him, reaching awkwardly behind herself, placing her fingers against his chest, right over his heart, "I did hear your heart skip a beat though, I think." She murmured playfully.
"M-maybe it's because you're killing me here." He whispered.
"You're just too adorable not to." She teased, finally getting off him, "But I'll let you rest. I admit I was a little pushy."
"No... it's alright." He caved, "You were clearly upset about something, Yuugao-chan. I think you just wanted to unwind."
She blinked, "That's probably accurate actually."
She left the water after lingering reluctantly, her hips and weighted hair swaying from side to side as she walked out, water pouring from her body. She turned and looked over her shoulder, asking him to come see her again sometime.
He didn't reply. He watched her go instead. When it was safe, he climbed out of the water and dressed, stumbling out of the bathhouse, his mind not properly working yet. He was walking in a comatose state for a few minutes, before what exactly just happened hit him. Thankfully, he was so out of it, he completely failed to notice a cloaked Hyuuga Hinata in the shadows outside the bathhouse, thick veins pounding around her eyes, her entire face burning like a star.
An: The whole "jii" thing I'll try to tone down on from now on, but basically, it's the sound Tsunetsuki Matoi makes when she stalks her teacher in Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei. Comically, Hinata is now a pretty determined stalker and voyeur.