Stay away from me
People around me have a tendency to get hurt.
It had become my motto. My way of life. Everywhere I lay a footstep in the sand, a body would replace the imprint as if it were a natural occurrence. Yet I continue to exist, and they become a harrowing nightly reminder of my apparent curse.
Akuze. Elysium. I can still see their faces ever so clearly, throwing an accusing stare at me, wishing I was as dead as they were so they had nobody else to blame but their killers.
Was I to blame ?
I go through every death in my head when my mind wanders into that dark place. Running through tall grass with no care but my childhood antics. Monsters cover my face in a shadowy glare, they make a loud noise as they descend. I run as fast as my legs can carry me with no regard for my shortening breath. Too late. Remains lay on the ground as if they naturally grew from the fertile soil and cages confined those who were unlucky enough to be kept breathing. No more family. No more friends. No more childhood.
Could I switch places ?
It followed me around like a virus. New armour slapped against my chest and back. Buckles fastened tightly. I feel invincible. Untouchable. My eyes connected with the ground as I moved with them. I didn't even look. Jaws ripped through flesh like it were paper. It is all I can hear. I can't see. I dare not see. My back connects with the ground as the air escapes my lungs. I can't reclaim it. I dare not make a sound. I wished I had joined them. Selfishness lifts me back on my feet. The maw has no desire to take the life of one filled with so much jealousy.
Life resumed. I got older yet wisdom did not follow. They rewarded me for my continued survival and I found myself in the most peculiar situation. Leading a squad of humans and aliens alike even though my protests towards my mentor were ever lasting. He cast them down one by one with chivalry born of ignorance towards my perceived nature.
"You're the leader we need to find Saren and stop him."
He sacrificed his career for a chance at proving mine. In doing so, he joined my nightmares.
Each soul on board counted on me, yet I was preparing myself to watch every single last one of them perish. My fake, honourable facade was laughable to my victims. I was willing to watch them all die. I am willing to watch them all die.
Except for one.
She looks at me as if the glass were indeed transparent, but when she converses with me, she hides the very fact that she can see right through me. She doesn't run. Taking her time, like a predator the brunette pokes me ever so lightly and takes huge chunks from my plastic facade consistently. When we fight for our lives, she fights for us both. I find myself wanting more. Attention, answers, pointless staring. It doesn't matter. Making every moment count, her words hit nerves thought dead or non existent. She talks, I talk. Her convictions are with accordance to my own.
How can she be so normal ?
Wonder takes over questioning. I try not to let go what little cover I have left, yet she gently strips it from me like a child being deprived of a soft toy.
She will join the nightmares.
I plead silently that it were not so. I plead that she halt her noble advances. The bare wall gave me no answer. I was unwilling to pull away. I kept digging her grave for her. Her soft lips offered little resolution to my over-clocked mind yet I move mine against hers as if It were a medium that I was happy to live with. My victims screamed out to me. I wished she walked away, because from that moment I was never going to let her go. She's doomed.
Why couldn't she just stay away from me ?