In the beginning, there was nothing. Well, I say nothing, what I really mean is a few subatomic particles floating around in a featureless, dimensionless void. These weren't particles known to science, so there's no point attempting to explain them to you without utilizing very complicated quantum science. The point is: These particles were very small and very far and between.
What's the point of it? one particle thought as it continued to drift through the metaphysical nether-space, waiting for something to happen. But, alas, nothing did.
Well, I guess this is my purpose in life... the particle said as it resigned itself to an eternity of floating around doing jack.
And then another particle appeared. The first particle couldn't believe itself. Another particle! it thought with glee as it drifted closer to the second particle. I wonder what it'll have to say... But as the two particles got closer and closer the first particle realised too late a terrifying truth about the second particle. It was an antiparticle.
By this point it was too late for either particle to do anything. They collided in an explosion of gamma waves and, bizarrely, new types of particle. Strange, charming types of particle which would later be called "quarks". These new particles filled the void, colliding with more particles in a chain reaction of radiation and matter.
And that is how the Universe was created.
In this newly-created Universe, many mysterious things happened. "Atoms" came together to form rocks and gasses which eventually became planets and stars. This was not very well recieved, and soon there were complaints about how there was "too much plasma around my moon" and that "these rings are getting in the way".
One of the planets created was called Earth.
Earth had its own problems; it had been contaminated by bacteria from some distant galaxy somewhere that had hitch-hiked on an asteroid. This eventually lead to a bigger problem: planet lice. The phrase "planet lice", albeit corrupted to the word "life", later entered common speech to describe the pests that plagued the planet. This lead to the other planets ignoring and disregarding Earth, which is a matter for another story.
As time went on the lice became sentient and its intelligence grew with each waking moment. The predominant species on this planet called themselves "human" and quickly overtook the competing species for the land space.
One of them decided to write a story.
Not just any old story, no. A trained chimp could write a story. No, this person thought. This is not going to be any old story. I'm going to write a story that will put me into the record books. He thought about what he could write about. Robots? No, it's been done. Zombie dinosaurs? Possible. And then an idea struck him. Yes, he thought. This could work. He knew what he was going to write, what was going to make him famous.
He was going to write the world's longest story. He went over to the computer, opened a word processor and began to type...
PERPETUA FIGMENTUM:
A thinly veiled attempt at writing the world's longest story
by SMEGPOD