"Sheldon, we need to talk."
"Of course, Amy. What's on your mind?"
"I think it's time that we were intimate. We've been in this relationship for two years now and we get along splendidly… Sheldon, I'm ready. We're ready."
Sheldon squirmed in his seat, obviously uncomfortable with the situation. Sure, Amy had known going into this relationship with him that he was supposedly asexual, but it made sense to her that after repeated exposure to her intelligence, and not to mention her great rack, he would eventually come around. All she knew was that she was tired of having to stock up in batteries for Gerard.
He looked utterly horrified for a few moments, only to then crack a slight amused grin.
"Oh, I see what you're doing. Bazinga! Good one, Amy."
"No, Sheldon. There's no Bazinga. I want to have sex with you. Now."
Sheldon then began to panic. He took a large gulp and moved away from his girlfriend, scooting as close to the end of her couch as possible.
"Amy, we've discussed this. It's prudent that you give me time… I am not ready for this."
"Sheldon, you've seen me naked, you've rubbed Vapor Rub on my chest. You've had your hand on the lusciousness that is my ample backside, as you spanked me. You should have no difficulty in having intercourse with me. You're ready."
Sheldon's eyes widened in fear and utter shock. "Amy! Those were instances where you were sick and required my assistance. The spanking was merely punishment for your having lied to me. There was nothing of a sexual nature about those situations. I was merely acting accordingly per our relationship agreement."
"Oh, I found both instances to be very sexual in nature. I was highly aroused, and indeed found sexual gratification due to your spanking."
"What?"
"Are you in need of having your hearing checked? Do I need to repeat myself?"
"You mean you… you used me? You took advantage of my naiveté for your own selfish reasons, simply to satisfy your sexual urges? Amy, that's… that's…"
"That's life, Sheldon," said the neurobiologist as she attempted to cup her boyfriends face in her hands so that she might lavish it with kisses. Why was he being so difficult?
"That's disgusting!" he screeched as he pushed her hands away and bolted up from the couch. "Amy, I though your affections for me went beyond resorting to something as low, and quite frankly, disturbing as this. Yes, it's true that I am more open to adding a sexual component to our relationship… eventually. I did not, however, even entertain the thought that you might find a way to manipulate situations, manipulate me. Admittedly, I haven't any prior relationship to compare this one to, but it's my understanding that if you care about someone, you will respect their boundaries, and not find a way to cheapen the kindnesses to which they bestow upon you. I am truly horrified at this new information, Amy Farrah Fowler."
Amy looked up at her stewing boyfriend with disbelief. He thought that what she had done was wrong? Disturbing? How else is a girl supposed to get some loving unless she just takes it? She was completely entitled… wasn't she?
"Sheldon," she said sadly, "don't you desire me at all? Do you ever think of me in that way?"
"Amy," he said with an air of condescension that slightly annoyed her, "I have told you many times, ours is a relationship of the mind. Of course I never think of you in that way. I merely agreed to eventually consider a carnal relationship with you, because it is what you desire. I have no need for such frivolous behavior. I certainly am not willing to give you what you want now. You have betrayed me. I move that the relationship agreement be terminated."
"Sheldon! We should discuss this before you make any rash decisions!"
"Had I been allowed discussion of my feelings before you unabashedly used me to fulfill your own perverse fantasies?"
"I… I," she said timidly.
"I thought so. Amy, for the most part, I've enjoyed our time together. It was an interesting experiment, but I cannot be the boyfriend you desire, when you refuse to be the girlfriend I deserve. I do not appreciate being manipulated and coerced into situations I find repellent. Good day, Amy Farrah Fowler."
With that, Sheldon grabbed his windbreaker and stepped out of the apartment, leaving a stunned, weepy Amy on her couch as he closed the door behind him.
Sheldon's back hit the wood of the door behind him as he let out a sigh of relief, a sigh he felt as if he'd been holding in for two years. He snaked his arms into his jacket and took one last look at the door that separated him from Amy, the woman for whom he'd deviated so far out of his comfort zone. It saddened him to think that in the end, his efforts had been in vain.
Sheldon shook his head from side to side as he began to walk away.
"Bitches really do be crazy," he said to himself as he made his way to the elevator.
Good god, that was fun to write. Hope you enjoyed it, and if not, oh well. I'll happily delete your comment (if you so leave one) and go on with my life. I enjoyed it, and that's what matters.