I laid on the ground outside, staring up at the stars as I took a drag of my cigarette. My mind wandered on about anything and everything all at once, and I sighed. Until one thing came onto my mind. I noticed that I've been having a lot more free time lately, spending almost most to all of it with Johnny. I'm not complaining, Johnny is awesome and I love him, but what about the rest of the group? I've noticed that we've been kind of drifting, going off on our own. We've been spending less and less time with them, and from time to time I see them look at us with hate in their eyes. Why would they hate us? Why would they need to feel that way? I took another drag of my cigarette.
I could only hear the sound of crickets chirping as I drifted off into my thoughts more. How did the group start to grow apart? I remember Pony got into a fight in Johnny. It wasn't pretty and I hated seeing Johnny crying his eyes out as he sat on the curb of the street, mumbling incoherent words through loud sobs. Pony apologized after some time, but Johnny still felt crushed about it.
Pony seemed to be the root of most problems. He would think we were lying, or make up a weird reason to fight for no reason. I remember me and him got into the most pointless fight only a mere few weeks ago. I even forget what it's about. But I do remember one fight we had. It was about Johnny.
"Come with us! Tell Johnny to suck it up and just go with us!" Ponyboy yelled. He never was demanding like this, but he seemed like he snapped.
"Do you know how much he just needs to be comforted? He got beaten this morning, Pony! He's hurt, and he just needs to relax, and is it wrong to spend time with someone after something bad happened, huh?" I screamed right back. I pointed at him as I ranted, by hair messed up and my teeth clenched.
"Just forget about the brat, he's not going to get better anyway! He's just going to keep complaining and whining and crying! Fuck him, just go with us!" I was close to hitting Pony at this point. This side of him I haven't seen. What happened to the soft, innocent, caring Pony?
Me and Ponyboy barely talk anymore. And when we do, it's tense. We both have an irritated tone in our voice and we use as little words as we can. Next on my mind- Darrel. Darry. For some reason, he had a hatred that developed for me. He just didn't like me. But sometimes he would talk to me kindly; actually be friendly. But most of the times he glared and ignored me whenever I tried to talk to him. I don't remember the last time I had a full conversation with him.
This really upset me- the way Darry hated me. We used to be really good friends. We used to hang out all the time. We used to laugh and make stupid jokes, even inside jokes. But those don't matter anymore, do they? They don't, because we barely interact anymore. When we do, it's usually for something we have to work together on. Like last rumble.
"Hey." I tapped Darry on the shoulder. He was taller than me, and a lot more muscular. I had to say that I was intimidated by him, that's why he usually wins when we have disagreements.
"...Hi, Dallas." He didn't use my nickname. That means either he's pissed or he doesn't want me around.
"Good luck at the rumble." I spoke in a quiet voice. I was tough, yes, but Darry was just...intimidating, like I said.
"You too." He nodded and walked out of the door, not worrying about me trailing behind or anything. I saw him grab Pony and get him in a playful headlock, ruffling his hair. With a sigh, I followed along.
I felt my eyes get teary some. I raised a hand up to rub them, wiping away the appearing tears. I hated thinking about this, but my mind kept wandering.
Sodapop. I actually got along with him well. He's alright. Granted, he does have his moments, but all in all, I get along with him. He does go along with the rest of the group all the time, though. They make inside jokes, which they use when they are together. Then I feel left out and block out their conversations, looking the opposite way and taking out a cigarette. My smoking has increased, I've noticed. Stress. It was stress. And when I am, I smoke a lot more. I was on my third pack today.
"'ey, man!" Soda raised his hand, and in response I gave him a high five.
"'eyy! How's it goin'?" I asked, grinning. Soda was nice, and the jokes he made were hilarious. Almost as hilarious as Two-Bit's jokes.
"Good, how 'bout you?" He asked, slipping his hands into his pockets.
"Good, goo-" I was cut off by Darry calling out Soda's name. Soda looked over then back at me.
"I have to go, Dal." Soda waved then ran in the opposite direction. I glanced at the ground and shook my head, turning and walking the other way.
I put out my cigarette by pushing it into the grass. Smoke rose up,and the air smelled of smoke all around me. I was used to the smell, so I didn't care. Who else? Who else was in the group? Oh yeah- Two-Bit. I'm okay with him also. But like the others, he does sound angry sometimes around me.
"'eeyyyy!" Two-Bit came up and slapped me on the back, laughing. I let out an "OW!" But I still laughed along with him.
"'eyyy! How ya doin', man?" I chuckled, giving him a high five.
"I'm doin' alright!" He grinned. He looked around for a moment. "Hey, wanna come hang out with the rest of the group in a while? It'll be real fun!" I thought for a moment. Johnny. I was going to be with Johnny again. The poor kid needed to relax, and at home wasn't going so well for him. He's been belted and beaten daily these past few days. I've seen him. He doesn't even want to walk.
"Sorry, man, I'm hangin' with Johnny later." My gaze dropped to the ground, and I kicked a pebble. I waited for the response.
"Really?" Two-Bit let out an irritated sigh. "You know what, whatever, man." I didn't have to look up to know that he stomped away in the opposite direction.
Two-Bit was the last one I'd think of that would get annoyed with me. It hurt. It hurt a lot. I come off as tough. Hell, everyone thinks I'm the toughest greaser in the group. But I take things differently when I'm alone. Thinking like this leads me to sob my eyes out like a child that lost their balloon or candy. The only one that has seen me like this was Johnny. He was the only one. Damn, he was the only one that could put up with me anymore. The only one that didn't get on my nerves. He was the only one that really made me happy and feel like I was a good person. That I mattered.
"Hey, Dal." Johnny walked up to me, a smile on his face. Pony was right- he looked like a puppy that had been kicked too many times. He looked sad. His eyes were glistening, sort of. Had he been crying?
"Hey, Johnnycake." His nickname rolled off my tongue naturally, I've been using so much often. I looked at him. He had a few bandages on him- one wrapped around his hand and there was one on his cheek. I didn't ask him about them, knowing how much he hated talking about the injuries he has gotten from his father.
"You alright, man?" He sat down next to me on the curb, looking at me as he talked.
"Yeah, I'm alright." I lied. Lately, I've been in a pretty bad mood because of the others. Johnny didn't ask again, he just hugged me. He knew something was up. I sighed and hugged him back. For a moment, I felt as everything was alright.
I had to stop thinking about this. I had to stop thinking about the group splitting up. But I couldn't help it- it had been buried under other idle thoughts for god knows how long now. I sat up and buried my face in my hands, letting out a quiet sob. My hand shook and my voice seemed to go an octave higher as I cried. I hated it when that happened.
I swear to god, if anyone comes up to me right now, they would get yelled at. Punched. Anger issues aren't fun. I would know because I suffer from anger issues, and from time to time I would have bursts of pointless anger, causing me to yell at the others and more. My sobs echoed a little bit off of the buildings far ahead. If anyone heard, they'd either be scared, concerned, or they wouldn't care at all. If Socs had heard, they probably would have hunted me down and done things to me. They would probably kill me.
My sobbing turned to shallow gasps and as I looked up. Everything was blurry from tears and it had gotten darker. I wiped my eyes with the sleeve of my jacket and sniffled. I had a weird feeling that something bad was going to happen, so I jumped up and began to walk back to the Curtis' house. I didn't like going there because I knew how they felt about me, but I had no choice.
I really have to stop letting my mind wander.