Disclaimer: I do not own Mai-HiME or the characters, they belong to Sunrise, I'm just borrowing them.
A/N: I really should be doing another fic (sorry if here's any of my Michar readers, I'm getting there soon), but this idea just came to me and forced itself to be written down, heh. Please don't think I'm a total weirdo after reading this, I'm just messing around big time -grins-. They're pretty out of character.. I hope no one gets offended, just trying to do some random parody :D
Just do as she says
On one bright day Shizuru Fujino was walking-
Shizuru: That's me! -turns to look at the reader and waves happily-
Author: Ahem, Shizuru-san, you're not supposed to do that..
Shizuru: Ara ara, don't mind me, just keep telling your story, it didn't seem very interesting, but since I'm the main character, I might as well play along.
-Author sweatdrops but decides to continue-
Shizuru Fujino was walking in the Fuuka Gakuen's garden, whistling happily and admiring the bright blue sky bending over-
Shizuru: Just what kind of sissy story this is supposed to be? Has anyone ever told you're not very good at this?
-Author stares at her main character in disbelief-
Shizuru: And where the hell is Natsuki?! If I'm going to waste my time in your boring story, I at least demand the presence of my loved one.
Author: I-uh- if Shizuru-san would just wait for a moment so that I can get on with my story..
Shizuru: -sighing- Fine but you better not take all day.. And what's with that disclaimer? I can assure that any sort of sun rise doesn't own me!
Author: I-uh..
Shizuru: And what's with that ''borrowing''?! Do you think I'm some sort of property that can be borrowed?
Author: No! I just-
Shizuru: If you're going to ''borrow'' me, just what exactly are you going to do with me? Is this some sort of perverted self-insert story and you're planning to have sex with me?
Author: -blushing like there's no tomorrow (or rest of that day), that's obviously what she had in mind but she was busted before she even had the chance to begin- No!! What you think of me, geez, I'm just trying to tell a story here. Besides you're a flaming anime character -mumbling and trying to sound believable-
Shizuru: Good, because no other than my Natsuki-patsuki gets to touch these babes -pointing at her breasts- Hello there miss Maria and miss Maria II -looking down at her cleavage while greeting her breasts-
-Author's jaw hungs loose because she can't believe her main character is talking to her breasts, however now that her main character is distracted, Author feels it is a good chance to continue, even though she's not sure how to continue, since her cunning plot had been destroyed before it even had the chance to begin-
The sun was shining brightly and suddenly Shizuru met Tomoe-
-Shizuru's head shoots up-
Shizuru: What the hell, you just went and continued without my permission!
Author: -sweat dropping again- With all respect Shizuru-san, I'm the author of this story and I don't need your permission-
Shizuru: You know I could just leave right now.
Author: Wha-? Aah, please don't Shizuru-sama! Without you, this story won't work.. please be kind and stay?
Shizuru: -smiling smugly- Fine, but show some respect here.
Author: -bowing- Yes, Shizuru-sama. Thank you Shizuru-sama. Whatever you wish Shizuru-sama. -somehow this reminds the Auhor of how she usually acts towards her scary old guidance counselor- May I continue my story Shizuru-sama?
Shizuru: I guess since I don't have better things to do at the moment.
Author: Thank you Shizuru-sama.
-Marguerite, who looked like she was lost. Shizuru decided to offer her help to the underclas-
Shizuru: -talking to Tomoe- Ara ara, just what the hell you're doing here Tomoe? I thought this was a Mai-HiMe story, not a Mai-Otome one.
Author: Hey, what are you doing Shizuru-sama? That wasn't your line!
-Shizuru gives the Author one of her scary smiles, Author gulps and shuts up-
Tomoe: I was just wondering that too, care to explain Author?
-Author was feeling pretty scared at the moment, these two were, after all, the most perverted and violent characters in the anime-
Author: I- I was.. yes this is a Mai-HiME story, I was just thinking to spice things up a bit and-
Shizuru: -sweetly- I swear if you're even thinking of pairing me up with her I'm going to use my naginata on you and it won't be a pleasant thing to watch.
Author: -ready to faint from fear- I swear Shizuru-sama, I had no such thing in my mind! -this time she was actually telling the truth because she had wanted all the ''Shizuru action'' for herself-
Tomoe: I think she's telling the truth, I have no feelings what so ever towards you at the moment, which feels odd because earlier in the anime those feelings were consuming my whole being.
-both the Author and Shizuru started to sweat drop at Tomoe's cryptical declaration-
Shizuru: Whatever, do you need the darn instructions or what?
Tomoe: -looking suprised- Instructions? No, I wasn't lost, I was just searching my inner-self in this lovely garden -a dreamy look appears on her face and she disappears behind a bush-
Author: Is she high or what..?
Shizuru: -graceful appeareance was starting to crack and Shizuru was starting to look pretty irritated- You know this story sucks big time! Didn't you just tell us that she was lost!?
Author: Aah, Shizuru-sama, calm down, please! How was I supposed to know she was looking her inner-self! Forgive me! Want some tea or something?
Shizuru: -sweat dropping- You're the bloody author of this bloody story..
Author: B-But.. you all are so scary.. and I can't think straight, though I never can -giggles at her silly little pun-
Shizuru: -rolling her eyes in disbelief- Fine whatever.. I guess I can let you off the hook for this once since you didn't pair me up with that creep..
Author: -relieved- Thank you, Shizuru-sama, may I continue the story?
Shizuru: What the heck, go ahead. -mumbling and waving her hand-
Shizuru happily continued her stroll in the garden, it was always such a pleasure to talk to the underclassmen-
Shizuru: -snorting-
Author: -sweat dropping-
- Boy it seemed this day would be really good, the summer wind kissed her body-
Shizuru: Hey, no one but Natsuki kisses my body, not even some stupid wind.
-like a freshfreshing shower of cool water after a hot day-
Shizuru: And certainly not some perverted water drops!
-Author doesn't quite understand what her main-character is talking about so she decides to continue with her story-
Shizuru was so happy that she started to hum happily and dance happily along the happily paved road leading happily deeper in to the garden.
Shizuru: That's it! Hey you there! -pointing at the reader- Yes you! Don't you think this story is lame? Don't you want some action too? Like some Shiznat action? Yeah? -turns to the author- Ara ara, your precious readers agree with me!
Author: -Cautiously glances the reader and gives a nervous smile- Sorry.. -turns her attention back to Shizuru- Yes, Shizuru-sama, some action..
-quickly the author starts to write something down and suddenly the whole cast of Mai-HiME, except Natsuki, appears in the garden and a total riot starts, you all can say your good-byes to the beautiful flowers about now-
-Shizuru's eyebrows start to twitch in very Natsuki-like manner (those two are spending too much time with each other)-
Shizuru: Ara ara, what you think this is? -pointing at the roaming people-
Author: -very nervously- S-Some action, S-Shizuru-sama..?
Shizuru: -abandoning her cool manner totally- Listen to me brat, you stop messing around about now, or I'll kick your sorry ass!
Author: Hey! You can't call me a brat, I'm older than you are! And for your information, my ass isn't sorry at all!
Shizuru: -blinks in disbelief and mumbles- Those damn foreigners and their disability in English.. -which is, of course, weird coming from a Japanese girl who's supposed to speak Japanese in this fic-
Author: -feeling rebellious- Fine, here's some action for you..
-suddenly a bunch of orphans (it looked like most of the Evangelion cast was taking part) appears running through the garden gates-
Author: Dammit!! I meant those monsters.. I can't do anything right..
Shizuru: Well, you're right about that -a naginata appears in her hands and its blade soon appears (too) close to the Authors throat-
Author: Wh-? I thought you weren't supposed to be able to do that anymore!!
Shizuru: Well, this is your story, the world you created, so anything can be done. Now, if you don't give me my Natsuki, I'm gonna do some painting in this garden and the color red surely won't be normal paint if you don't obey me.
Author: I-I-I! -quickly scribbles something down-
-a small wolf puppy appears-
Shizuru: What the heck is that supposed to be?
Author: N-N-Natsuki..?
Shizuru: Ara! I want her in a human form! You really don't know how to write, do you? Well that's too bad.. -an ominous lifting of the naginata-
Author: I-I can! -nervously scribbling something-
-a super mini version of Natsuki appears on the ground, both Shizuru and the incapable Author stare her in disbelief-
Shizuru: T-That's.. almost perverted! Why you little! -rising her naginata, again-
Author: -doesn't quite understand how that is perverted but is too afraid to say anything- Aagh, kami-sama!! -quickly starts to write-
Hot and absolutely sexy Natsuki Kuga (who belongs only to Shizuru) appears, clad in a tight motorbike suite made of leather. Her hair moves slowly and intensely on the air and cool background music can be heard, accompanying her every step.
-Shizuru's attention immediately shifts to the gorgeous being approaching her and the naginata stops an inch away from the Author's throat-
Shizuru: Ara ara, Natsuki! It's so good to see you!!
Natsuki: Hey, there. What are you doing Shizuru? -points at the author who is paler than death-
Shizuru: Oh this, I'm just teaching this damn Author how to write. -still not moving her naginata from the Author's throat-
-Author looks desperately at Natsuki-
Natsuki: -grinning- Say Shizuru, wouldn't you let her off the hook? After all, she wrote that nice intro for me..
Shizuru: -glaring the poor Author suspiciously- You're being pretty merciful, considering she was going to write a sex story, starring herself and me.
Natsuki: -exclaiming- She what?!
Author: I-I-I--
Natsuki: -trying to contain her temper- I see, I guess these kinds of things can't be helped when I have a girlfriend as sexy as you, but luckily you only want me.
Shizuru: Yes, only Natsuki.
Natsuki: Good, so please let the poor (and obviously perverted) thing go. -again pointing at the Author who's looking like there was no blood left in her whole body-
Shizuru: -pouting- Fine, but only because Natsuki wants so -though a glint of amusement could be seen in her eyes-
-the naginata was removed from the Author's throat, sighing in relief, she gratefully looked at Natsuki, swearing she would never try to mess with her girlfriend again, and started to crawl away-
Shizuru: Oh, I've missed my Natsuki-patsuki..
Natsuki: I've missed you too, my love.. but.. I just still don't understand that nickname..
Shizuru: Ara, there's nothing to understand, now kiss me.
-Natsuki eagerly started to do as Shizuru said and soon the two got lost in their own little world-
Author: -staring at the hot couple in action- Damn, I could so use this in my story.. where the heck I put my pen?
-By the time the poor Author found her pen, it was already too late, because Natsuki had cooped Shizuru in her arms and giggling they went to Natsuki's motorbike and sped off-
Author: Hey you two, goddamn!! Who gave you the permission to leave in the middle of my story?! -of course before yelling this, the Author made sure the two were far enough not to hear her words-
Author: I can't believe this.. I guess I should have done as Shizuru-sama told and bring Natsuki-sama in the strory earlier on.. Baka me!! -waving her hands in despair, still oblivious to the riot which hadn't cooled down at all ever since she wrote it in the story-
Author: -sitting down- What am I supposed to do now..? -mumbling mumbling-
Mai: What's wrong, Author-san? -suddenly appearing before the Author-
Author: Wha.. What's wrong?! I just lost my main characters! How am I supposed to continue my story now?!
Tate: -flirting- Hey, no sweat, we can be your main characters -grin-
Author: -stares at Tate in disbelief- I'm very gay, s-so you can stop that- that flirting. -starts to consider Mai since her plan with Shizuru back-fired-
-suddenly Mikoto appears, chewing a dead frog she found from the bottom of a fountain-
Mikoto: Mai, can you cook this for me? I'm H-U-N-G-R-Y!!
Mai: Sure Mikoto, it's a frog-ramen then -grin-
Tate: So, what do you say, Author-san?
Author: NOO!! That's totally uncool!! I want my Shizuru!! -falls on the ground, on her knees, weeping-
To be continued..?
A/N: I think this is.. no.. I know this is the weirdest story I have written thusfar, lol, please let me know what you thought about it
I guess I'll write at least one more chapter, hehe, so it's left to see if our author finds her main-characters and actually manages to finish the story :D