Sequel to "Fate's Boundary." Another tragic little ficcie, this time from Rick's point of view . I wrote this a long time ago, recently found it, tweaked it, and decided to post it. Let me know what you think of installment two . :) ~Buff
Those Darkened Skies
It was the numbness that saved him.
Cold, dull shock had permeated his senses, slowly shutting down the emotions as the hours had passed. Out of sight of her body, the tears had stopped abruptly, though he'd still been unable to control the shaking of his hands. By the next day, he'd been able to discuss the funeral in a calm, even voice, been able to pick out flowers and sort through photographs and make phone calls. The one thing he regretted was that Alex seemed to be mimicking his father, trying desperately not to cry as if it were some kind of strength.
It wasn't strength. It was terror.
He wasn't alone, of course. His son was the only reason the thought of suicide had not even crossed his mind, not once. Rick knew what it was to lose a parent. Alex deserved a father, he deserved a happy childhood, a family...
But hadn't she deserved life? She, everything. She, the stars, the moon, the sun, the sky. She, light in the shadow of darkness, warmth in the heart of winter, laughter in the midst of misery... She, life.
She'd saved him from hell many times. He'd always saved her right back, though she didn't always need it. She was strong, stronger than he was. He'd always felt foolishly as if they were invincible, as if the simple power of him and her together could overcome whatever obstacle was placed before them, be it supernatural or ordinary. It had started from the moment they'd met. He'd rescued her on that damn boat, and she had saved his life a second time almost in the same breath. He'd challenged an immortal to get her back, and they'd been even. For a time. Rick hadn't liked to admit it, but their work had been dangerous. Collapsed dig sites, angry locals, your random sacred curse here and there... They'd saved each other more than a few times, be it literally or figuratively. It had been their private joke, in a way. Reciprocating on a life saved was not always convenient, however, so they'd found other ways to make it up to the other. A bouquet of flowers, a kiss, an evening out...it hadn't mattered what the gift was, that was the least important part really. Always, though, it had come from the heart.
But in the end, he couldn't save her. Twice she'd died in his arms, and twice he'd been unable to do a damn thing about it. She'd saved his life anyway, she'd drawn him up from the clutches of hell when all seemed lost. A god with a sense of irony had sent her back for one last goodbye kiss before abandoning her beloved knight in shining armor.
Rick pushed away such thoughts. If he dwelled on it too long, the tears would start again and never stop. He didn't want to feel abandoned; he tried not to feel angry at her... All his life he'd been alone, left behind, on his own. She had become him, however, and one without the other felt like half a person. He could do it, he could do it because his son was depending on him, but in those moments when he was alone again the terror returned. Those moments when he dwelled on what the future held; he was terrified of how badly he would mess things up, how his son would resent him as Rick resented his own family for throwing him to the wolves to see what he could make of himself.
He hadn't done too badly. A life of reckless abandon, traded in suddenly and irrevocably for happiness...a family, a home, a son, a wife...
Wife. Never again would he speak such a word in the present tense, never again would he be able to kiss her, hold her hand, make love to her. He wasn't alone, no, at least not in theory. His son, his brother-in-law, they would always be there, but in the end it would be just him. A vicious circle his life was, and he'd been foolish enough to think he'd broken it.
It hadn't stopped raining for three days. This probably had nothing to do with him, but he couldn't help but feel as though he'd forced the skies to darken through sheer force of will. That somehow, somewhere, some god had heard his sorrow and decided to concede to the pleas of a grief-stricken mind. He wondered if it would ever stop raining. He didn't think he'd care if the world drowned in his tears; he didn't think he'd care if the rain ever stopped. The rest of the world didn't know, they could never know, but at least the rain understood what it was to cry for someone.
Her voice haunted him. Ridiculous memories of a conversation they'd never had, words she'd never spoken. I could only stay for a little while... Her words ran through his brain endlessly, tricking him into thinking that maybe a second time they could be so lucky as to get her back, to cheat fate. This isn't the end. Death is only the beginning. He'd look toward the doorway, expecting to see her walk through it as if the past few days had been a nightmare that she was coming to wake him up from. We will find each other again, we always have before...
He remembered the day he'd begun to believe in fate. It had never even entered his mind before, never occurred to him, not until he'd met her. Not until he'd fallen in love with an angel, sent down from those darkened skies to save his neck and show him what he could have. He'd come close to losing her, once, twice, a million times, and she him. That day so long ago, that terrible knowledge that he'd never see her again, that he'd be too late... He had decided right then and there that fate was not inevitable, it was not a chosen path. It was a decision. A decision between life and death, love and desolation, a decision that they would make together. It had to be together, anything else was simply flying in the face of logic, of reason, of...
Fate.
No. No such thing. Not anymore.
~*~*~*~*~