"Animal I Have Become"
Was it Jacen this time or was Caedus staring back at him? The man in front of the mirror couldn't tell. There had been a time when he had known who he was. There had been a time when he could look himself in the eyes and not flinch away at the sight. There had been a time when he had liked what he had seen.
And now? Well, he wasn't quite sure anymore.
In the beginning he had always known which one of his personalities swam to the surface. Jacen was always the brooding one, the one wanting to follow all the rules. Caedus was different. Caedus did what and when he wanted to. And Caedus was stronger.
So much stronger.
Jacen knew that before long he would no longer exist. It scared him that he had let it come this far, that he would be trapped by his own self, by the darkness that had been buried deep within his soul. Who would have suspected that he would be capable of so many dark deeds? And he didn't even care.
Caedus didn't even care. Jacen wailed inside, trying to break free of his self imposed prison within his mind. But Caedus grew stronger with every day and Jacen knew there stood no chance of ever getting free.
Unless someone got close enough to kill him.
It was a sobering thought but a frightening one. He hated what he had become but did not want to die. Not like this. Not as Caedus.
He wanted to be free; he wanted to be Jacen again.
I
can't escape this hell
So many times I've tried
But I'm still
caged inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't
control myself
Caedus smiled at the reflection in the mirror. His golden eyes gleamed as the corners of his mouth rose into a sneer. He found it amusing arguing with himself. How he despised the man he had once been.
Weak. Simple minded. Afraid.
But not anymore. Caedus was different. Caedus was strong with an iron will and he was not afraid to use the powers given to him. He was a Sith Lord. And he wanted the entire galaxy to know, to see.
And soon they would.
So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
Jacen shouted at the top of his lungs, kicking at the invisible bars around his mind. Why had he trapped himself? Why couldn't he have walked away from the powers offered to him? It had been his undoing.
No one will ever change this animal I have become
But still hope reigned in his heart; but also doubt and fear. It was a mixture of confusing elements raining down upon him, coursing through him. What had he become? What had Caedus, the darkness within Jacen, become?
Help
me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this
animal
"You are weak." Caedus snarled at his reflection, shaking his head, "You are no longer a part of me."
Jacen's fear grew as he heard these words and he pounded against the cage of his mind but Caedus only smiled, "You will never return. You will never be Jacen again."
Somebody
wake me from this nightmare
I can't escape this hell
Caedus turned away from the mirror, his black cloak billowing behind him. His boots softly clicked on the metal floor as he exited his quarters. He heard the man he had once been wailing in the back of his mind but he had been getting better at ignoring him. Soon he would not be bothered by him any longer.
Caedus would swallow Jacen Solo and he would make sure the weak Jedi Knight would never again see the light of day.
At least with this sacrifice no one would be able to stop him.