Disclaimer: I use some of the in-game dialogue in this fic, no copyright infringement intended. I do not own Mass Effect, I just borrow the world and the characters to make other stuff up.

Two figures, a woman and a man, hurried along the dimly lit pavements of the Presidium. The man was leaning on the woman for support, and they were speaking in hushed voices— or so they thought—when the man halted and almost caused both of them to fall down.

"Wait!" he demanded. "Wait! Where's my cap?"

"Your cap? This is what you're worried about right now?"

"It's my lucky cap! Have you seen it or not?"

"Your lucky—never mind, you really don't see it? It's closer than you think!"

"Come on commander, where is it?"

"Wow Joker, you are drunk!" shrieked Shepard and laughed. She was wearing a navy blue cap, backwards. "Come on, we have to get out of here before someone sees us!"

"Why? Aren't you a damn spectre? What are they gonna do, fine you?"

"Well, I would love to preserve my public image, if that's all right with you. I get enough disapproving looks as it is."

"Ok, I see your point, but will you please be gentler? You're dragging me! Ow! Ha! There's my cap!"

-Earlier on the Normandy-

Shepard paced up and down in her cabin.

"Idiots!" she growled. "Damn you Udina, you shortsighted son of a bitch!"

Liara stood close to the door, not exactly sure what to do or say.

"We will find a way Shepard," she managed. "Every one of us is behind you, you know that."

"I know… I know," murmured Shepard and sat down. She picked up a glass from the coffee table and turned it around in her hand.

"If Udina thinks kissing the council's collective asses will get him closer to being a proud owner of one himself, he's in for a bitter disappointment."

Liara took a step forward, encouraged by Shepard's seemingly calmer mood. Shepard lifted her head and looked at her worried face.

"I understand the risk Liara," she assured her. "But I also know stopping the shitstorm we're about to face is worth that risk. The Council doesn't take this threat seriously. Or they simply don't believe it exists."

She fixed her eyes on the glass as her hold around it tightened. "And you know what, I wouldn't even care. But they grounded us," she said through gritted teeth. "They grounded us! What are they thinking, that we want to go through the Mu relay just for the heck of it? That we feel like risking our lives based on an illusion, a misguided belief?" She sprang to her feet and threw the glass against the bulkhead. It shattered into pieces.

Liara gasped and drew back, but regained her composure in a matter of seconds.

"They won't believe it until they see it Shepard," she said. "They choose to deal with what they know."

Shepard nodded in agreement and slumped back into the chair.

"I'm sorry," added Liara, apologizing on behalf of the council. "They should be better than this."

"Not your fault," Shepard muttered as she looked away and massaged the back of her neck. This wasn't the first time the asari's serenity made her feel like an impatient child.

"I'll try to get some rest and collect my thoughts Liara. For the sake of the remaining glasses, if nothing else." She forced a smile.

"I'll stay on the Normandy, Shepard. Let me know if you need me."

After Liara left, Shepard threw herself on the bed and stared at the overhead.

Screw them.

She didn't need the Council's support, but she needed the Normandy's stealth. So she had to either find another stealth frigate or a way to remove the lockdown; both of which seemed equally improbable at the moment.

She tossed and turned for about an hour as she struggled to relax but Udina's face kept popping in her mind.

'You're becoming more trouble than you're worth,' he had said. 'You've done your job, now let me do mine.'

Bastard. Fucking idiot, son of a bitch. Politician.

She imagined how good it would feel to punch him with her bare hands. Make him bleed.

I didn't sacrifice one of my own just to be stonewalled by bureaucracy.

Her fingertips tingled as she kicked the crap out of Udina in her mind, and it gave her some satisfaction but her rage wasn't sated.

She sat up in bed and clutched her dog tags, taking deep breaths to calm down; which would work if her anger wasn't fueled by fear and desperation.

If what Sovereign had told her was true, this was only the beginning.

She shivered as she recalled its emotionless voice informing them about their impending doom, combined with the sheer terror she witnessed in her visions.

She closed her eyes to listen to Normandy's hum, but a loud knocking sound startled her.

She went to the door and touched a button.

"Is someone there?" she asked, puzzled. Who in the verse would knock instead of using the comm?

On the other side of the door, Joker shifted uncomfortably.

"It's Joker, commander…"

Joker?

Shepard couldn't remember ever seeing the pilot anywhere other than the cockpit. She opened the door with a questioning look on her face.

"Come on in."

Joker limped in, staring at the vibrant chaos on her head. The commander's wavy ginger hair was all over the place and she had dark circles under her gray eyes.

"You look like hell," he stated.

"Uh, thanks? What can I help you with Joker?"

"I heard," he began, observing his surroundings, "that you're having quite a pity party and thought I should stop by. You should have invited me commander, we would be wallowing in self-hatred right about now."

He picked up a bottle of gun lube from the desk by the door and smelled it.

Shepard rolled her eyes and grabbed it from his hand. "Oh for the love of… Why are you here Moreau?"

"Ah, the wave of hospitality sweeps over me, bringing tears to my eyes…" started Joker, but decided that it would be wise to get to the point when he saw Shepard's expression and spotted the broken glass on the floor. He settled down on the chair she motioned him to and cleared his throat.

"I contacted Captain Anderson to ask if there was anything I could do… He said that he was considering some options. He didn't say it directly but I believe he's trying to find a way to help us."

"We need a solution now!" Shepard burst out. "We don't have the luxury to wait around!"

She turned her back to him and rubbed her temples. "None of you have seen what I've seen," she said, almost in a whisper.

Joker gulped, his eyes widened. He knew more or less what the commander was about by now; a determined and capable woman with a bit of a temper. He was used to seeing anger in her eyes; though thankfully she never lacked enemies to direct it at; but he hadn't seen her frightened before. He sat there, at a loss for words. The massive number of 'shut up Joker's he had heard throughout the years must have finally caught up with him. What was I even thinking? he thought. I should have sent Ashley.

His eyes shifted from the commander to the door.

To his relief, Shepard broke the silence.

"Anderson didn't tell me anything," she said, sitting down. "What options? Why hasn't he contacted me?"

"I don't know, maybe because Udina and the Council are watching your every move like a bunch of Conrad Verners right now? And like I said, it was me who contacted him. He told me not to lose hope and asked me how you were holding up. I realized I had no idea how you were doing, so I asked around… and somehow Liara convinced me to check up on you. Now I'm beginning to think the asari might have some sort of close proximity mind control ability because I'm feeling very awkward, I have no idea why I'm here and I apparently can't shut my damn mouth." He took a deep breath.

"That's it?"

"That's it." Joker shrugged.

Shepard stayed silent for a moment, and then let out a desperate laugh.

"So we're doomed."

"Pretty much," he confirmed.

"Correct me if I'm wrong Joker, but you came here to make me feel better by giving me hope about some mysterious plan Anderson might or might not be working on, and now you are agreeing with me on how we're all fucked." She shook her head, smiling. "Man, you are horrible at this."

"I know!" shrieked Joker. "There's a reason why you don't see me socialize commander."

"We have to stop Saren," said Shepard, her features serious again. "And we need the Normandy." She stood up and started pacing. "What the fuck is wrong with these people huh? They're treating me like some nutjob, like some… some doomsayer!"

"Hey!" exclaimed Joker and got up with the help of the coffee table. "You do know that you're not the only one pissed right now don't you? You're not the only one grounded commander. We are all feeling betrayed, we all want to go after Saren! I know you're feeling like a caged varren right now—sorry for the comparison—but at least there are other things that you can do! Even if Captain Anderson doesn't come up with something, you will find another way. You'll kick some ass, call in favors, I don't know. But you'll see this through!" He realized that he was raising his voice, but he couldn't help it. Her temper was contagious.

Shepard raised her eyebrows and opened her mouth, but Joker kept going.

"You may find this funny, but I feel trapped too. I live to fly Shepard, and the Normandy is the best thing that ever happened to me! I—"

He stopped, suddenly fully aware that he stood before his commanding officer. Good one, Jeff. Bark at your commander. And by all means, do it at the worst possible time.

"I might have strayed from the subject a bit," he said, bracing himself for a reprimand.

Shepard put her hands on her hips, tilted her head slightly to one side and studied his face through narrowed eyes.

"Why would I find it funny?" she asked calmly.

"What?" said Joker, suspecting that he had missed something.

"I don't find it funny at all. I know what you can do, and we both know you're the best at it. And trust me, Alliance command wouldn't keep a pilot like you grounded for long. They're not that stupid."

"Yeah… Well… Yeah… Thanks…" mumbled Joker. He never was humble about his skills, but the moment she said 'you're the best' in that matter-of-fact tone, he had started feeling very uncomfortable in his own skin. He turned his eyes away from her gaze.

"We believe in you commander. You'll stop him. It's not over yet."

Shepard moved closer and patted his shoulder as Joker sagged with relief.

"You're right," she said, straightening up. "It's not."

The commander wasn't particularly good at letting people help her, but whenever one of her people needed encouragement, she forgot all of her problems and pulled herself together.

For her it was like an automatic response, and today Joker had turned out to be just what she needed. He might have been an insufferable arrogant jerk most of the time, but he had managed to lift her spirits. Besides, if he hadn't sunk into a sarcastic pessimism, the situation couldn't be so grim.

She trusted Anderson and she knew he would be trying to help them anyway he could. On top of it, she had the support of her entire crew. Joker and Liara were right; her people were behind her. They would find a way together.

She nudged Joker very lightly in the ribs.

"So you called Anderson."

"I did."

"To see if you could help."

"I guess. Will you stop smirking? I was bored!"

"If you say so."

"Don't read too much into it commander, you'll be disappointed."

"Fine," she said, shrugging. "What is the gang up to, you have any idea?"

"Yeah, I was trying to come to that before I demonstrated my prowess in comforting people. Everyone is down in the shuttle bay getting pissed at the Council, trying to drink themselves to death and you know, looking for some guidance? You really should check it out, from what I've seen they are getting too drunk to try mixing new cocktails. Nothing good can come out of a ryncol and batarian whiskey mix. Though I wouldn't mind if Tali wanted to get friendlier with Liara… Just saying."

Shepard raised an eyebrow.

"What?" he asked innocently.

"You know the word 'inappropriate', right?"

"Gah, you're no fun…"

"Coming from a jackass like you, I take it as a compliment. Did you say ryncol? We have that stuff on board?"

"Yup. Wrex's personal stash."

"This'll be interesting. Come on, what are you waiting for? Let's go!"

"What, together? No thanks, I had enough heart to heart for one day. My bones would turn to dust out of sheer anguish if I had to spend another minute in that drunken freak show."

"I'd never taken you for a xenophobic Joker," teased Shepard.

"I meant all of them! You know I hate everyone equally!"

"You are coming. I might need your babbling to cheer me up. And I'm pretty sure you don't hate me."

"I only let you think that because you scare the shit out of me."

"Ah, my pilot, ever the charmer…"

In the mess hall; where the crew had moved when the shuttle bay started getting too stuffy; Shepard leaned against the bulkhead near the table.

"Did we always have this much liquor on this ship?" she asked, her words slightly slurred. A silent preoccupation fell on the crew as they started looking at various directions to avoid her gaze.

"It's all right," she said, making a dismissive motion with her hand. "Unless of course I catch someone drinking while we're on duty." She smiled sweetly. She had half a bottle of single malt scotch in her cabin; it had cost a fortune and was among her most prized possessions; namely her M-98 widow, her omni-tool and, well, half a bottle of single malt scotch.

Tali giggled, at nothing in particular. "She saved my life you know," she said between her giggles.

"I know Tali, for the hundredth time, I was there."

"You think I'm drunk Vakarian?" screamed Tali as she poked Garrus in the chest. Garrus had to catch her wrist to prevent her from falling backwards.

"No Tali, you're a shining example of sobriety," he said, guiding her gently to a chair.

Joker's eyes were fixed on Wrex. The krogan washed down one weird colored liquid after another. Joker tried to estimate the kind of maneuvers that would save his life if Wrex broke into a cheerful headbutt towards his direction. He avoided this kind of gatherings for a reason. It only took one careless drunk to send him to the med bay, and that was the best case scenario. He wondered how Tali could let go like that. When your life depended on something so fragile, in her case an enviro-suit, not losing control was everything. But he guessed even her suit was sturdier than his bones.

He sighed as he looked at Shepard and she winked at him. He rolled his eyes at her but couldn't stop his lips from curling into a smile.

"I'm glad she's at least letting off some steam, as you call it," said Liara as she took a seat next to him. "I guess we have you to thank for it."

"Don't even get me started on that, you blue sorcerer! I still don't know how you talked me into doing it."

Liara smiled. "You only needed a little push," she said. "You wanted to check up on her."

"What?" exclaimed Joker. "No I didn't! I don't go checking up on people!" He was beginning to suspect that the asari might be a little tipsy.

"It's all right; she likes you too." Her deep blue eyes softened. "She's different around you."

"That's because I annoy her Liara," he said, emphasizing each word as if explaining something to a child. "You clearly aren't an expert on human relationships."

"I'm afraid I am not an expert on any relationship," Liara replied in a sad, dreamy voice.

They fell silent and watched Ashley talk Shepard's ear off about something.

"I'm sorry about your mother," said Joker.

"Thank you Jeff."

"You know what would be fun?" they heard Shepard yell excitedly.

"Oh boy," groaned Joker.

"You're not gonna do it!"

"Try me!"

"Who would have imagined you being the crazy one Ash!" yelled Shepard, trying to stay steady.

Garrus looked like he was petrified. He stared at the women standing on the edge of the Citadel pool and managed only to shake his head. He was the only one among them who could still stand up straight, but he was having trouble remembering how to speak.

Joker sat on the stairs as Ashley and Shepard climbed over the glass fence. He took his hat off and rubbed his forehead, hoping somehow it would help with the dizziness. After his little talk with Liara, he had done some shots of something he wasn't quite familiar with, and he had started to fear for his life after he saw Shepard gulping down a shot of ryncol. Still, he could not have missed this, so he hadn't protested much to be dragged all the way here.

"Come on Garrus!" Shepard shouted. "I saw you take down a krogan warlord! Are you really afraid of a little water?"

Garrus was really afraid of a little water. His muscles tensed at the thought as he found his words and yelled back.

"You can kill a krogan warlord with enough bullets Shepard! I'll stay right here, nice and dry, thank you."

Ashley kicked off her boots, plopped down on the grass and dipped her feet into the pool.

Shepard stood next to her, staring at the water. Evil machines want to put an end to life as we know it. People in power won't listen. What should I do? Get drunk and jump into a pool of course, what else?

She bent down to take her boots off, an unfortunate move that made her realize she'd underestimated the effects of ryncol. Her head was suddenly a massive lump of rock which she had no control over and as she tried to lift it back up, her knees bent and her arms flailed in a desperate attempt to maintain balance.

Ashley was oblivious to this hopeless choreography while Joker and Garrus followed it like they were hypnotized.

When Shepard was finally face to face with her own wide-eyed reflection in the water, she had to laugh; right before she fell face-first into the pool.

Garrus' mandibles twitched. Joker froze.

"Holy shit skipper, you ok?" asked Ashley, trying to suppress her laughter.

"I'm all right, I'm all right…" Shepard stood in the pool. "Please, do laugh," she said bitterly and added, "And hope that I won't remember this in the morning."

Ashley was pretending to tie her boots to hide her face, Garrus nearly fell down laughing and Joker had tears in his eyes.

"Best shore leave ever!" he shouted.

"Someone's coming!" yelled Garrus, still shaking with laughter.

"Shit shit shit!"

Shepard got out of the pool, dripping all over. "Garrus, Ash, you go on ahead," she said and giggled. "The lesser the better if we get caught!"

Drunk and soaking wet in the middle of the Presidium, the first human spectre, captain of the Normandy, the survivor of Akuze: Commander Riley Shepard. By Khalisah al Whatsherface.

She jumped through the fence, picked up Joker's hat from the ground and wore it.

"Come on!" she said as she helped him and hauled him up the stairs. "We gotta move!"

Joker was trying to hasten his pace when he felt the breeze through his hair and stopped abruptly.

"Wait! Wait! Where's my cap?"