December 17, 1989
7pm, EST
"Speak!" the familiar voicemail message rang through the apartment.
The voice echoing through the house sighed, "Hey, Mark...Roger...or whoever's home right now. It's Elizabeth."
Mark was fiddling with his camera while Roger sat on the couch playing his guitar. Once they heard Elizabeth's name, they shot each other looks. Mark rushed to the phone and answered, "Elizabeth! How are you doing?"
"Mark, things are just not good right now. I got fired and can't afford to stay in my apartment. Merry fucking Christmas, right?" she informed him, sounding more stressed than ever.
Mark inquired, sincerely worried about his friend's state, "Is there anything we can do?"
"Well, do you two have room for one more to stay?" she asked, praying she wouldn't be a burden.
Mark assured her, "Of course. It's not a problem."
She sighed with relief, a huge weight being lifted off her shoulders. After setting up plans to meet up with her and help bring her things to the loft, Mark hung up and turned to his roommate, who was staring into space with his guitar still resting in his lap. "Uh, Rog? Elizabeth's gonna be staying with us for a while."
Roger inquired with his eyebrows raised, "How long?"
"Not sure, but I'm gonna go meet up with her now to help bring her stuff over here," he informed Roger. "You're more than welcome to come help."
The musician shrugged, "I'd rather stay in here, okay?"
Mark sighed, not bothering to argue. Roger hasn't left the house since she left, and even when she was still here he usually stayed in. To Mark, he was starting to seem like a lost cause. Of course, that doesn't stop him from worrying about his best friend.
Once Mark was gone, Roger returned to messing with his guitar. "I can't believe she's coming back," he said to himself.
Elizabeth was one of Roger's best friends in high school, along with Mark. They met through their mutual love for music, and immediately hit it off. They stuck together through all the hard times, except for these past few months. After she started dating that Greg guy, things between the two grew a little sour. They weren't as close as before. Then again, she was probably confused by his sudden change in attitude. As his best friend, she probably deserved to know why. Roger knew that, but he just didn't want to tell her.
Elizabeth sat on the couch, her legs draped across Greg's lap. Their things were already packed, and they were just relaxing before taking it all off to their new apartment. As that time came, Elizabeth said her goodbyes to her best friends, going to Roger's room last.
"Hey, Rog," she said, unsure of how he would respond, knowing his recent behavior. "We're about to leave."
He replied, not bothering to look at her, "Okay. Bye."
She sighed, not wanting her last moments in this apartment to be like this, "Roger, come on-"
"I hope you're happy with him," he cut her off. What he said would normally be a positive thing, but this time it sounded melancholy and it immediately made Elizabeth feel terrible.
After a moment of silence that Elizabeth spent trying to understand what he meant, she gave up and said, "Bye, Rog," turning and walking out the door.
Elizabeth was pushing her two boxes of clothing and such down to the corner when she noticed her friend Mark approaching her. He walked over to help out. "Hey, Elizabeth. Here, I'll take one and we'll walk back to the loft."
She smiled, "Thanks, Mark. So how are you doing? How's Maureen?"
"Oh," he replied, looking down. "I was dumped. She found someone new...Joanne."
Elizabeth suppressed a small giggle, but still sympathized with her friend. "I'm sorry, Mark. Hey, I know how you feel. Greg left me for some guy named Chad."
Mark frowned, "I'm sorry. It really feels like crap, doesn't it?"
"It sure does...," she tried to change subjects. "So how's Roger?"
"I don't know how to explain...," Mark sighed, searching for words. "He's healthy, but he seems to be really sad a lot more often than he used to, and he doesn't seem to be interested in anything anymore. I mean, I understand him being sad...but I'm just worried."
Elizabeth still couldn't understand why Roger acted the way he did. Before that, he actually seemed happy when he was around her. Sure, he stayed shut inside and had those occasional down moments, but he wasn't a total wreck. "Well, it can't last forever, can it? Maybe it's just a small phase."
Mark shrugged and they continued to talk during their walk back to the loft. Elizabeth started to reminisce on her last few days with Roger. He did start acting a little off before she left with Greg, and she can usually figure out what's wrong with him. This time she didn't have a clue. She hoped questions would be answered soon enough.
Roger could hear two sets of footsteps walking up the stairs to the loft, and he knew it was finally time to see Elizabeth again. After giving up on playing the guitar for the day, he decided just to kick back and mope around like he's been doing for a while.
Sure enough, the door opened and Mark and Elizabeth appeared with two boxes, which Roger assumed held her clothes and stuff. He was immediately greeted by her with a smile. Finally, Roger decided to at least attempt to give a genuine grin, but it ended up being a half-assed one. Hell, it was still an improvement. Even Mark noticed that.
Elizabeth was actually extremely happy to be with her two best friends from high school. She was happy to see them again, and she was even more happy that she'd be staying with them again. After Mark showed her where she'd be sleeping and they left her boxes in there, she returned to the living area and took a seat next to Roger. "Hey, Rog. How've you been?"
All he gave her was a shrug and a, "Fine."
"Come on, Roger. Seriously. Has everything been good around here?" she pressed, hoping to get something – anything out of him.
He sighed, knowing he wouldn't and couldn't win against her, "Yeah, Liz. Everything's been good."
Just as he said that, the phone started ringing. Mark, who was leaning against the wall observing us let it go to voice mail, hearing the word, "Speak!" echo through the loft again. "Marky, it's Maureen. Hun, my equipment's messing up again. Could you-"
Mark's eyes grew wide and rushed over to the phone. "Heeeyyy, Maureen...uh...what was it that you needed?"
"Oh, Marky!" she exclaimed from the other end of the line. "So happy you picked up. I was wondering if you could come and fix up my equipment." she ended it with her signature line, "Please, baby."
Mark sighed, "Okay, alright. I'll be there in a bit."
"Thanks, Marky!" Maureen said before abruptly hanging up the phone.
Mark turned around to face Elizabeth and Roger. Roger gave him his 'really?' look, while Elizabeth just looked at him with confusion. He sighed again, "Maureen needs me to patch up her equipment."
"Again?" Roger inquired. He knew Mark always gave into Maureen. It wasn't that much of a surprise to him at all.
Mark nodded, knowing that Roger somewhat understood, "Yeah. I'll be back later." He walked towards the door, but turned before leaving. "Hey, do either of you want to go to the Life Cafe tonight? I think Collins is gonna be there."
Roger shrugged, giving Mark the answer he was sure he'd get. "No thanks."
With that response, Mark turned to Elizabeth. "Mark, I think I just wanna get settled for tonight, okay?"
"Okay," Mark said before leaving the loft. "See you two later." As he walked down the stairs to the street, he couldn't help but feel a little shocked. That was the easiest anyone has broken through Roger's shell for a while now. Of course he broke through it pretty well, being with him everyday and being his best friend. Still, Roger seemed to be holding things in. Maybe Elizabeth can fix things up.
It'd be nice to see Roger start acting like himself again. Everyone misses the old Roger.
Elizabeth sat beside Roger on the couch in almost complete silence. It was slightly disappointing for her to see Roger back into his introverted stage. He broke out of it for a while after he started to seriously get off drugs, but a week before she and Greg left he got back into it.
Realizing Roger wasn't going to be the one to break the silence, Elizabeth took matters into her own hands, "So, how has he been since the break up with Maureen?"
Roger looked up at his friend, and he started to feel a little more comfortable than he has around others lately. "At first, he was pretty bummed. Now he's taking it better...as you can tell he still listens to her every word. But we're all still friends, I guess."
"Oh," Elizabeth replied, remembering that Mark was always easily persuaded by Maureen. Looking over at the Fender guitar sitting on the table, Elizabeth inquired, "You're playing again?"
He looked over and shrugged, "Kind of. Just decided to pick it back up. I'm still pretty rusty."
She grinned and walked to the guitar, picking it up, "Willing to play a bit for me?"
"I don't know," he sighed, looking down and scratching the back of his neck.
Elizabeth sat back down beside him with the guitar in her lap. "C'mon, Rog. Remember when we were 18, and I would go over to your house almost every day and just listen to you play?" she reminisced. "C'mon, for old time's sake."
Just as Mark was easily persuaded by Maureen, it was the same for Roger with Elizabeth, his best friend. He cared about her more than anyone else in the world. Roger always put his best friends, being Mark and Elizabeth, first. Even before his music. Of course, once he got heavily into drugs and after April died, he changed.
This horrible disease came into his life, making him fear what was going to happen to him next. Behind this numb shell he hid behind, he was scared. He kept it hidden because he was ashamed.
After playing for a good 30 minutes and running out of things to play, Elizabeth had her head rested on his shoulder, completely silent and enjoying this time she was spending with him.
Once he set his guitar back down, she finally spoke again. "I've missed you, Roger."
Roger finally gave a genuine smile for the first time in a while. "I've missed you, too."
"Why'd you act so different before I left?" she finally asked the question that had been on the tip of her tongue this entire time.
Roger didn't know what to say. That he knew he cared more about her than other guy, but he couldn't give her what Greg could? That he knew he'd just put her through what April put him through? No. Not yet. "Let's talk about that another time...okay?"
"Okay," she said, not bothering to question him any further. He'll talk when he's ready.
After leaving the lot where Maureen performs, Mark walked back to the loft where Roger and Elizabeth were still resting on the couch, Elizabeth asleep with her head rested in his lap.
Mark was surprised to see that picture, but still happy. After dealing with withdrawn Roger for so long, it was a breath of fresh air to see him somewhat close to someone again. Mark set his things down on the table and decided it was time for a well-deserved rest. Dealing with your over dramatic and cheating ex-girlfriend isn't always easy.
Roger awoke from his quick nap to an eerily quiet apartment. Elizabeth was fast asleep in his lap. Trying his best not to disturb her sleep, he got up from the couch and placed a pillow under her head. After covering her with a blanket, Roger walked off to his room.
Once his head hit the pillow, thoughts started flying through his brain. He thought of April. He thought of this disease. He thought of Elizabeth. He thought of his fate. The tears escalated down his cheeks, his fear even causing him to shake a bit.
There went any sleep for tonight.
Elizabeth opened her eyes to the dark apartment, unaware that she had even gone to sleep.
She peeked in Mark's room to see him fast asleep. As she approached Roger's room, where the door was slightly cracked, she could hear the sound of soft sniffles.
She quietly walked into his room to see him laying on his side with his back to her, obviously crying. Elizabeth took a seat on the bed beside him, taking his hand in hers as a form of comfort. She sat there with him in complete silence, until the both of them eventually fell asleep.
Staying with him like this reminded her of a sadder and darker time in their lives — dealing with Roger's withdrawals. She hated remembering those moments, seeing Roger in his weakest state, sad, sick, and scared.
Elizabeth awoke to the sound of screams coming from the room next to her, Roger's room. She dashed to his room to see a terrified Roger, shaking and sobbing while curled up in a ball.
She took him in her arms and ran her fingers through his hair, a form of silent comfort. "Shh, everything's okay. Just breathe."
Once she got him through his small panic attack, she was able to make him rest his head on his pillow and lay beside him, gripping his hand tightly in hers. She could feel herself getting choked up, her own fear for her best friend about to rear its head.
He's gonna be fine. Everything will be okay. She comforted herself just as she did for him.
She couldn't lose him. He was her best friend, practically her soul mate. She couldn't imagine not having him around. Of course, with his newly contracted disease this was the inevitable fate. But she couldn't lose him yet.
"Rog, you need sleep. You haven't slept in over 24 hours," she urged, wanting nothing but the best for him.
He sighed, "I...I can't. I can't handle this anymore, Elizabeth."
"You can, Roger. Don't fucking give up," she encouraged, desperately wanting him to listen to her.
Roger knew that giving up was a lot easier than this could ever be. No matter how much he wanted to give up, he knew he'd be letting his best friends down if he did. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if he did that.
"Hey, why don't we go for a walk or something? It's nice outside and I'm not tired anymore, so why not?" she suggested.
He shrugged in response and got up from the bed, still in his jeans and plain t-shirt. They both headed outside, comforted by the cool October weather. They wandered down the familiar streets of New York in complete silence, absorbing the atmosphere.
"Roger?" Elizabeth inquired, grabbing Roger's attention. "I only the best for you, that's why I don't want you to give up."
He half-smiled, "I know, Liz."
"Promise me you'll keep trying? Me and Mark will be by your side the whole time."
He nodded, "I promise."
Elizabeth wrapped her arms around him, holding him as if she was about to lose him forever, "Thank you, Roger."
Mark stumbled out of bed, stretching and yawning as he did so. He checked on his room mates, not finding anyone in Elizabeth's room. He came to Roger's room, spotting the two together in his bed. Roger had Elizabeth pulled closely to him, and she had his hand entangled with hers.
How cute, he thought to himself. Hopefully this is a good sign.
Elizabeth awoke with an arm around her, immediately remembering the events of the night before. The fear for her friend returned, but she was able to push it off to the side and get out of bed. She entered the living room to be greeted by Mark's camera, which he was setting up while they were still asleep.
"So Mark, you're still making films?" she inquired, taking a seat on the couch.
He smirked, "Yes, I am, and you're now officially a part of it." He took the camera off the stand and approached her. "December 18th, 10:25 am EST. Close up on Liz, showing off her lovely fresh-out-of-bed look."
"Ha ha ha, Mark. You're such a fucking comedian."
"Enter Roger, showing off the male version of this classy look," Mark stated as Roger entered, his long hair completely disheveled.
Roger snickered a bit, taking a seat by Elizabeth. Mark's camera was on them the whole time. He loved all of the simple moments he was able to share with his friends, and he didn't want to ever lose them.
"What are the plans for today, Mark?" Elizabeth inquired.
"I think Maureen has a show in the lot tonight, if you're interested in going," Mark informed the two. "Until then, I think I'm gonna go out and film." He stepped up from the couch, putting on his jacket and scarf. "See you two later."
Mark knew it was pointless to ask if they wanted to join him on his journey. Roger would stay in, and he had a feeling Liz would've stayed in with him. Those two were always attached at the hip. Seems like things may go back to normal.
For once, he was hopeful. This is going to be good for Roger.
December 23, 1989
It was the middle of the day and Mark was out doing Mark-things, while Elizabeth and Roger stayed by the window and watched the world go by, talking. It's something they've been doing a lot since she's been here. Of course, none of those questions constantly sitting on the tip of Elizabeth's tongue have been answered. At least, not yet. "Roger, why don't you ever leave the loft anymore?"
He was silent for quite some time. How could he answer this? After taking a deep breath and realizing the only thing to do was be completely honest, he replied, "I don't really have a reason to, I guess," resting his head against the cold window.
Elizabeth sighed, "You're missing out on so much, Rog. You have no idea. Don't you want to make the most out of the time you have?"
Roger bit his lip, looking down. "Can I tell you something?"
"Of course. You can tell me anything."
"...I'm scared," he looked straight at his friend, the fear evident in his light eyes. "I don't know what's going to happen to me... Liz, I don't want to die. I'm...I'm not ready."
Elizabeth's heart shattered at the sight of small tears forming in her best friend's eyes. She took his hand in hers. "It's okay to be scared, Roger. But don't let it do this to you."
His sad, heartbreaking eyes met hers, seeing an equal amount of pain. "I guess you're right." Still unsure of his friend's advice, he knew he wasn't completely ready to try living again. How can he live when he has barely anything to live for anymore?
"Remember what I told you?" she inquired, gripping his hand even tighter than before. "Never give up. Ever."
Roger didn't respond. He wasn't sure how to. All he did was wrap his arms around her, pulling her towards him so that she was leaning up against him, her head on his chest. He didn't want this to end.
December 25, 1989
8:00am EST
"Merry Christmas, bitches!" Collins announced, marching into the loft with food in his arms. Everyone smiled, greeting Collins cheerfully. "Good lord, I haven't seen you in forever! How've you been, Liz? Didn't know you were living here anymore!"
"Yeah, I moved back in a week ago," Elizabeth informed him, happy to be reunited with an old friend.
"And you! Still haven't left the house?" Collins inquired, turning to Roger who sat on the couch, guitar in hand. "Seven fucking months!"
He laughed, "I was waiting for you, don't you know?"
"Of course," Collins joked. "Well, I have someone I want you to meet." As he said that, a man in drag came twirling in. "This is Angel."
After sitting around and getting to know Collins' new friend, the stood up and said their goodbyes.
"We have a life support meeting to go to," Angel informed them.
Roger raised an eyebrow, "Today? Why on Christmas?"
"Well, some people don't have anywhere else to go," she replied. "You're all welcome to come along." With that, they left happily, hand in hand.
Elizabeth glanced over at Roger, who appeared a bit sad as he stared down at his guitar and fumbled with the strings. Times like these she wished she could read minds. Unfortunately, that ability isn't coming to her any time soon.
After sitting in an odd silence for a couple of minutes, Mark decided, "I think I'm gonna catch up with them. It might be good for my documentary." He glanced over at Roger. "Do you two want to tag along?"
"I'll pass," Roger replied, causing Mark and Elizabeth to sigh.
He nodded, "Okay." He was really hoping Roger would come. He doesn't want him to pass up something that could possibly be good for him.
Roger remained in the same position, thinking. Would it be good if he went? What good would talking about my feelings do? It's not like anyone understands.
Elizabeth sat beside him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "I think it would be good for you if you went. I don't want to see you miss something that could do you good." She bit her lip, truly hoping Roger would listen to her. "I can't promise that this is what you need or that it will help you in any way, but we can try it. I'm here for you, Rog."
He looked up at her and finally agreed, "...okay."
They entered the large, plain room together, where there was nothing much except for the circle of metal chairs with young people dealing with the same thing as Roger.
"Hello, and who are you?" the leader of the group questioned.
"Oh, I'm Roger and this is my friend, Liz...and I'm with them," he finished, directing towards Angel and Collins, who sat beside each other, and Mark, who stood filming.
"I'm Paul. Have a seat, Roger." Elizabeth and Roger sat beside each other in the circle, although she felt a bit out of place. "Tell us about yourself."
Roger took a breath, wondering what to say. "Well, I was diagnosed about a year ago. My last girlfriend and I, we...well, we did some things I really regret. I found out after she...," Elizabeth gripped his hand in hers. "...she killed herself. I guess that's my story."
Paul inquired, trying to dig into Roger's thoughts. "And how do you feel?"
"I'm not sure... I, uh... I haven't been out of the house in a long time and I haven't talked about this to a lot of people," Roger confessed to the group.
Paul assured, "It's alright, Roger. Just remember, you're not alone."
Before he could move on, Roger blurted out, "I'm scared."
"Could you elaborate on that?"
"I never what's going to happen next," he continued. "And I'm not ready to die. I don't want to. It's this fear... I want to just keep living, but I don't know if I can."
Mark raised his eyebrows, surprised at his best friend's confession. He only talked a little bit about this to him, and it was a surprise he was letting out so much to a bunch of strangers.
"These things are very hard to deal with, but I'm sure your friends will always be by your side. Everyone here understands, you just have to be brave and strong to take that leap. It takes time."
Suddenly, a huge weight was lifted off of his shoulders. He had never spoken much about his fears to Mark, Elizabeth, or anyone, for that matter. He never though it could relieve any of the pain. He didn't think anyone would understand. Hell, was he wrong. He really wasn't alone.
Roger glanced over at Elizabeth and smiled. He leaned towards her ear and whispered the words, "Thank you."
She grinned in return, and the meeting continued on. It was interesting hearing everyone's stories. Their struggle, their pain, and how they've worked through it. Hopefully Roger will be able to do the same.
"I'm glad you came today," Mark told his best friend as they walked down the streets of New York. "I think you really needed that."
He smiled, "I'm actually happy that I went." He was shocked by his own words. He hadn't been happy in a long time.
Mark then turned to Elizabeth, "I know you had something to do with this. I'm glad you've been able to get through to him." Mark then whipped out his camera and walked ahead of Roger and Elizabeth to go film something.
Roger came up beside Elizabeth and wrapped an arm around her. "Thanks again, Liz. You're the best."
"I just want what's best for you, Rog," she replied, looking up at him and smiling.
"What a lovely picture," Mark said as he walked backwards and filmed two of them. "Oh yeah, since you're finally out of the house. Want to go to Maureen's show tonight? We're all going to the Life Cafe afterwards!"
"You know what? That sounds good," Roger informed him, smiling even more.
Sure enough, they attended Maureen's show and then the whole gang, Mark, Roger, Elizabeth, Maureen, Joanne, Angel, and Collins, ate at the Life Cafe together, laughing and joking around the whole time. To put it simply, it was perfect.
Everything was finally normal again.
New Year's Eve, 1989
11:50pm, EST
Everyone was together in the loft, drinking and laughing at their ridiculousness. Roger and Elizabeth sat together on the love seat, Elizabeth in Roger's lap. All of this sudden happiness in Roger's life reminded him of how much he loved Elizabeth and how happy she made him. This happiness is all because of her.
He remembered how much devastated he felt when he realized he couldn't give her what Greg could. Hell, he still knew that. He can't give her a long and happy relationship, where they get married, have kids, and grow old together. As sad as that was, he was sure of one god damn thing: he loved this woman more than any other guy in the world.
"5 minutes!" Maureen shouted, practically making sure the whole block could hear. "I'm so excited! A new decade!" She pranced towards Mark, who stood with his camera in hand. "Have a drink, Marky! Have fun! Put the camera down for once!"
"Fine, fine," he gave in, taking a shot.
Maureen continued to go around the room, making sure everyone took a shot. No one was shocked by Maureen's behavior. "1 minute!"
Roger braced himself. He was gonna do it. Finally, he's gonna grow some balls and do what he's wanted to do for a while now.
"I love New Year's!" Elizabeth giggled, a bottle in her hand. "Have a drink, Rog!"
Roger took a quick swig from the bottle, smiling along with Elizabeth. He was actually smiling. How could one person possibly be able to change him so much?
"5, 4, 3, 2, 1! HAPPY NEW YEAR!"
Roger's lips quickly met Elizabeth's in a tender, loving kiss. At first, she was confused, but she soon fell into it. "I love you, Liz."
"I love you, too, Rog." She was amazed that the words that so easily left her lips. She'd always had a crush on her friend, but never in a million years would she have fathomed this moment really happening.
"Woooo!" Maureen howled at the sight of Roger and Elizabeth's heated make out session. "Saw this one coming a long time ago! I called it!"
Elizabeth and Roger stayed in their own world, consumed by nothing but pure passion. Soon enough, they were on Roger's bed, ripping each other's clothes off. Sure, they were drunk, but they knew this is what they wanted. They loved each other. They always had.
In the living room, every one blissfully ignored the loud noises coming from Roger's room and continued to enjoy themselves. All of them were actually pleased with Roger's new found joy, and if this relationship was a part of it, then that's great. Besides, they always knew Roger and Elizabeth would do this eventually.
January 1, 1990
12pm, EST
Elizabeth awoke with a familiar arm wrapped around her body. She smiled and turned to see Roger, peacefully asleep. Although the night before was a bit hazy, she could remember one thing: the sex was great.
She got up from the bed, throwing on some clothes before walking to the living room, which was surprisingly neat despite the New Year's Eve party. Mark appeared from a corner, a trash bag in hand.
"Everyone already left?" she questioned, taking a seat at the bar.
He laughed, "Yeah, earlier than I expected, too." After throwing the trash out, he took a seat beside his friend to ask the inevitable question, "So, last night, hm? Pretty interesting."
Elizabeth smiled and blushed a bit, a little embarrassed and not sure how to respond. "Yeah."
"So how long have you two had this apparent unbearable sexual tension?" Mark questioned, laughing a bit as he did so. "I mean, we all thought you two had something, but boy, was that fast!"
"Well, honestly, I've always had a little crush on him, but I always thought we were just friends," she admitted. "I'm actually pretty happy that it happened. I never thought it would."
Mark grinned, "I'm glad you're happy." His attitude shifted, "One thing, you guys did use...protection, right?"
"Yeah," Elizabeth replied, quickly skimming through the events from the before. She distinctly remembered Roger fumbling with a condom. Thank god.
A half-asleep Roger stumbled out of his room, greeting his friends with his lazy smile. Elizabeth hoped there wouldn't be any awkwardness about the night before. Lord knows they needed to talk about it, though. There's no way that didn't mean anything.
"I'm gonna go check if there's any more trash to throw out, you two can stay here," Mark said, awkwardly walking out of the room.
Elizabeth glanced over to Roger, who sat alone on the couch. He smiled, which she took as an invitation to sit beside him. "So, last night...we need to talk."
Roger suddenly felt nervous. Oh great, now she's going to say that they were drunk, it didn't mean anything, or she really doesn't have feelings for him like that. "Yeah...well, I mean, if you–"
"How long has this been a mutual feeling?" Roger was immediately silenced by her words. "I'm not gonna lie and say that I haven't had feelings for you for a long time now, but I never thought you did." Elizabeth's nervousness took over her. "...do you really?"
"Of course, I do," Roger quickly assured.
"Well," she started, "how long?"
It's finally time to tell the truth. Roger was ready to confess everything. "For almost as long as we've been friends. I just never thought you'd feel the same. Besides, I love our friendship, and I wouldn't want to kill it just because of some feelings. It was pretty fucking hard, too."
"What do you mean?"
He sighed, "Well, I thought I'd always be able to keep my feelings pushed to the side, but everything changed after I got clean, and then Greg..."
"Wait," Elizabeth stopped him, something clicking in her head, "is that why you started acting different?"
"Yeah, because I realized that I could never give you what he could – a life. It's all because of this damn disease, too. I can't give you kids, I can't promise you a long life together, I realized I was worthless," Roger admitted, tears building up in his eyes.
"Roger, you're not worthless. Just because your disease is going to cut our time short doesn't mean you can't give me anything that's worth something," she assured him. "Honestly, Roger, I love you. All I want is for you to love me back."
"I think I can do that."
Elizabeth placed her hands on Roger's shoulders, "I love you. Thank you."
He smirked and kissed her, "I love you, too."
Wow, everything is finally good. Hell, we've come a long way. Elizabeth thought to herself.
1988
The shouts coming from the living room immediately alerted Elizabeth and withdrew her from her sleeping state. She was surprised this didn't wake up the entire neighborhood.
Mark stood in front of his taller friend, not wanting to back down. "Roger, you need to calm down. This isn't good for you and—"
"Don't act like you know what's best for me, Mark!" Roger shouted, his deep voice echoing. "I know what I fucking want and let me get it now!"
Mark, refusing to let him go, said, "I'm not gonna let you."
His friend was visibly shaking, one of the symptoms of his withdrawal along with his anger. Out of rage Roger punched his smaller friend, his fist colliding with the side of his face.
Elizabeth wandered into the room, startled by what she'd seen. She rushed to him, "Roger, calm down. Sit, please. You don't know what you're doing and—"
"Why does everyone think they know how I should live my fucking life?" he shouted, forcefully shoving Elizabeth away from him. "Fuck both of you," he said bitterly before walking out the door.
"Roger! Wait—"
Mark stood and placed a hand on her shoulder. "It's okay, Liz. He'll come back. I just hope he's not relapsing."
"I hope we can get him through this, Mark," she replied, tears building up in her eyes.
Mark embraced her tightly. "Me too."
12:15 am EST
The door slamming shut caused Elizabeth to jump from her seat on the couch, praying it was Roger who just walked in. She rushed to him, "I'm so happy you're okay."
He wrapped an arm around her. "I'm...I'm so sorry. Where's Mark?"
"I took care of him and he's asleep in his room now," she informed him, sitting him down on the couch.
"I'm...I'm a fucking mess, aren't I?" Roger inquired, his head buried in his hands.
Not knowing what else to say, she sighed and replied, "...yeah. But you're going to get through this. I know you will."
At that moment, Elizabeth was extremely doubtful that Roger would make it through his withdrawals, with the way they were affecting him. Soon after that, Roger turned everything around
Little did she know, it was all for her.
_
January 13, 1998
I can't believe we've made it this far...
Elizabeth sat by the hospital bed that Roger had been confined to for the past week. It killed her seeing him like this. He'd lost a severe amount of weight and his face looked like a ghost's. He didn't look like the Roger she knew anymore.
They all knew this was coming eventually, although they assumed it was going to come sooner. They had already lost Collins and Angel years earlier. They slowly watched everyone in the life support group disappear one-by-one. It still hurt to know what happened to all of them was going to happen to Roger any time now. They had all lived in fear of this time for years, and it was already here. It was unbelievable.
She placed her hand on Roger's forehead, gently pushing his hair back. His eyes fluttered open and he managed a smile. He didn't want to spend his last moments with the love of his life sad, despite how heartbroken every one was. "Good morning, Liz."
"Morning, Rog," she replied, taking his hand in hers. She didn't want to forget how great it felt to hold it. She didn't want to forget about any bit of him. The familiar scent of his cologne, the soft feeling of his hair, the warmth she felt when his arms were wrapped around her, the incredible feeling of his lips pressed onto hers...
She quickly kissed him, the tears welling up in her eyes. When she pulled away, she had to wipe her eyes.
"Hey, don't cry, Liz. Please don't," he calmly told her. "Everything's going to be fine. I love you."
She smirked, the tears refusing to stop. "What am I gonna do without you?" Her smile quickly returned to a frown.
"I'll tell you what," he began, "you're gonna keep on fucking living. Make the most of what you have left. For me."
She shut her eyes, the tears pouring even quicker, and nodded silently.
Roger came to terms with this fate, despite his uncertainty of what's to come. Is this really it?
He knew he got himself into this mess, and it was all his fault that he can't grow old with this wonderful woman, whom he dreamed of having children with and seeing them have children of their own. He dreamed of a big house all their own, not just some rundown loft. He dreamed of having an actual life.
He wished he could fix things. He would give anything for that opportunity. Sadly, you can't change your life no matter how hard you bargain, and Roger's was coming to its end.
Elizabeth was the only thing that made his short life completely worth it. Sure, there was plenty of sadness in his life, but without her he would've never grown past it. Without her, he'd be lost.
"Elizabeth?" Roger questioned, breaking the small silence. "Will you lay down next to me?"
She nodded, not even thinking twice about it. She didn't know if this was her last opportunity to share this with him.
After having a long conversation with him about nothing in particular, she felt a small smile creep on her face. "I'm gonna miss this, Rog."
He glanced over at Elizabeth, happy to finally see a smile on her face. "Thank you."
"What?"
"For making my life worth it. You gave me a best friend and a lover. I can never repay you for everything you've done for me."
She replied, tearing up all over again. "You don't need to repay me. Your love was all I needed."
January 18, 1998
4:30pm, EST
Roger lay on his back, his two best friends by his side and his lover's hand in his. They reminisced about their teenage years, the good times. Back when everything was simple. Before the drugs, before the disease.
Roger smiled, enjoying this perfect moment, when suddenly he felt shocked and gripped Liz's hand. He could feel his heartbeat fading and he breath getting shorter.
"What...what's happening?" Liz inquired, panic taking over her.
"Holy shit! Let me call a nurse," Mark quickly ran to the door and started shouting for one, returning to his best friend as quickly as possible.
Roger glanced at his best friends as his life slowly slipped through his fingertips. He could truly see how much they cared about him. He couldn't help but smile. Maybe this wasn't so bad.
"I love you, Roger. " Liz assured, her hand tightly gripped into his and her other hand on his head.
Mark had tears forming in his eyes. "You're my best fucking friend, Rog."
Having his two closest friends by his side as he slowly faded away made this feel okay. Suddenly, nothing mattered but this. No regrets. He had the two best people in the world with him during his journey through life and wouldn't have asked for it any other way. Before it was all over for him, he choked out, "Thank you..."
With that, there was nothing but utter silence. No one knew what to say. Mark and Elizabeth just watched their best friend's life end right before their eyes. They saw Roger's eyes shut for the last time. They watched the life drain out of him.
Elizabeth looked at Mark, "What do we do now?"
"I don't know, Liz," Mark replied, taking her hand in his.
January 21, 1998
10:00am EST
Roger's friends and family gathered around the giant hole in the ground that his coffin was about to be lowered into. One-by-one people stood before the rest of the mourners and spoke about their memories of Roger. Mark and Elizabeth went up together, both supporting the other. Once it had come to an end, everyone made sure to give them each the cliché, "He's in a better place," or the, "It was just his time."
They knew everyone meant it with good intentions, but in the end, those were the last fucking things they wanted to hear.
Elizabeth watched in pain as her lover's body was placed in the ground forever. Only one question ran through her mind. Why them?
Mark wrapped an arm around her, rubbing her shoulder. "It's time to go, Liz."
Although every bone in her body was trying to make her refuse, she ignored them and followed Mark back to the loft.
Everything was so different without him. There wasn't the soft strums of his guitar, which now lay untouched on the table. There was no one that Elizabeth could sit with by the window and talk with during the day while Mark was out doing things. Mark didn't have anyone to make wisecracks about his constant filming or relationship with Maureen. More importantly, they no longer had their best friend with them.
So many emotions trampled them all at once. It didn't completely hit them until they started watching some of Mark's recordings. First, they were in denial.
"How can he be gone?"
"This isn't really happening."
Then, they were just completely pissed at this so-called "God" for giving them and their friend this fate.
"It's not fucking fair, god dammit!" Mark yelled, putting his head in his hands.
Elizabeth cried, looking up at the ceiling, "Why us?"
After that, the depression truly hit them. They became the introverts that Roger was before they got him out of it. They didn't go out much, despite their friends desperate attempts to get them through it. After a while, they managed to get back to some sense of normality, but they knew nothing would ever be good again and the last thing they wanted to do was accept what happened.
January 21, 2000
12:00pm EST
Elizabeth sat at the window where she and Roger used to spend their days together. It's been two long years since Roger left them, and everything's finally getting back on track. After all this time, Elizabeth and Mark have finally come to a point of acceptance.
They're doing what Roger wanted. They decided to keep on living. Now it's the new millennium, and it's time for a new start.
Although Roger never lived to see the new millennium, the important thing is that he is at peace now. He's free from all of the bull shit that comes with life, and all the horrible things that came with his disease. After everything he went through in his life, all of the sorrow and pain, he deserved it. All the turmoil brought him to this final moment. Peace.
And just like Roger reminded Elizabeth in his final days: Everything's going to be fine.