Bentley's Directorial Debut, a Raccoons fanfic
written by cheril59 PLEASE NOTE: Many elements and lines are used from the premiere episode of Stickin' Around, "Aaand Action!", story by Robin Steele, Brianne Leary and teleplay by Dale Schott. Also, the "Nudnik" title come from the 1991 Bugs Bunny short "Invasion of the Bunny Snatchers".
The Raccoons created by Kevin Gillis Evergreen Raccoons Television Productions Stickin' Around created by Robin Steele and Brianne Leary Nelvana Ltd and YTV
Yo-Yo Mama belongs to me.
Music by Kevin Gillis, Jon Stroll (The Raccoons) and John Tucker (Stickin' Around)
FADE IN. Text graphic: "Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You..."
NARRATOR: Coming soon to a theater near you...
As the NARRATOR speaks, we see graphics and stock footage of live-action action and science fiction movies, as well as car chases from past Raccoons episodes, (e.g. "Cold Feet!", "Mom's the Word!") and the Operation Crossroads Bikini Atoll explosion footage.
NARRATOR: An all-new feature-length hit with action, mystery, suspense! A story with epic proportions! From the world's newest and greatest director and producer of all-time...
Cut to: EXT. BENTLEY & LISA'S HOUSE, DAY. View is through video camera with red "REC" words in bottom right hand corner and all that.
BENTLEY: (pops into view, holding camera in front of him) Me! Bentley Raccoon. How ya doin'?
LISA: (o.s.) Bentley!
BENTLEY is given a sneak attack and he yells and falls down with camera in hand. We see view of the sky.
BENTLEY: (groans) Real funny, Lisa. You could've broken something, y'know.
LISA: (walks over, smug) Well, I didn't. Anyway, Dad got lunch ready five minutes ago and says it's getting cold.
CUT to: BENTLEY laying on ground in front of garage door.
BENTLEY: I'll be in in a sec. (picks himself up and brushes himself off)
LISA: Where'd you get that camcorder?
BENTLEY: It's Aunt Melissa's.
LISA: Oh?
BENTLEY: She ordered this puppy weeks ago. She thought it was a good idea to record the latest goings-on and photograph them to be published on the Evergreen Standard.
LISA: (rolls eyes) I assume you got her permission to borrow it for the day?
BENTLEY: Bingo!
LISA: Wanna make a movie?
BENTLEY: (walks into house) Duh! What's it even look like?
LISA: I bet, if it's so bad but so hysterical, it's sure enough to get us on...
(clip from Stickin' Around episode 1a: "Aaand Action!")
CUT to: "Uncle Saggy's Really Really Bad Home Videos Show" logo.
TV ANNOUNCER: Uncle Saggy's Really Really Bad Home Videos Show! (zoom out to Uncle Saggy walking on stage) With your host...
CUT to: PAN across unenthusiastic, bored studio audience.
AUDIENCE: Uncle Saggy...
UNCLE SAGGY: Hey, hey, hey. Welcome to "Uncle Saggy's Really Really Bad Home Videos". (blows noisemaker) Apparently, it's been another busy week and man, have I got some bad videos for you this time.
AUDIENCE unesthusiastically cheers.
UNCLE SAGGY: (clicks remote) First up from East Haywire, this guy's pet wombat is gonna eat an olive outta his bellybutton.
PAN up to monitor showing glasses-wearing goofy guy placing an olive on his bellybutton. He lets his wombats out of their cage and eat right through bellybutton.
INT, SNEER MANSION, DAY. PULL back to reveal the show on TV. PIGS ONE, TWO, AND THREE are watching it, laughing and guffawing their tailless butts off!
PIG TWO: WOO! No GUTS, no glory!
PIG ONE: No kidding, Floyd! Thought I'd bust a GUT!
PIG THREE: Yeah, he would've had to BELLY up!
PIGS: (laugh harder)
CYRIL: (o.s.) AHA!
PIGS: (shocked yell)
CYRIL: I thought I told you snickering swines to squat off my sofa!
PIG ONE: Sorry, sir, but that simpleton on TV looked so silly, Snag can hardly stomach it in any longer!
PIGS: (laughing)
CYRIL: SILENCE!
PIGS: (fall off sofa in shock)
CYRIL: The only thing you smarties will be stomaching in is a pink slip if you don't stop stalling for time and let me start strategizing my latest strategy! (aside glance as harmonica music plays a parody of the "Sesame Street" theme) These sentences you heard were sponsored by the letter "S".
PIGS: (lying on floor) Now, he tells us. (pick themselves up and fall in line)
CYRIL: Just today I received this. (produces a small jar of polish)
PIG ONE: Uh, sir? That's just a jar of Yo-Yo Mama's Brand Yo-Yo Polish. Nobody uses that stuff anymore.
CYRIL: Exactly my point! Because...
PIG THREE: (interrupting) Erm, ahem! I do 'cause, although I don't fiddle around with one, my yo-yo collection hates to be exposed to dirt and bacteria.
CYRIL: Sometimes I marvel your consistency of germophobia.
PIG THREE: And you know why I've read a whole buncha Mudman comics where he always tries to take down Germa-Phoebe.
CYRIL: Well, tough beans, pork rind! You're going to have to settle for more considerable alternatives. This polish I've been using is nothing but insufficient goo, I buy one lousy yo-yo after another breaks down at half the time I start walking the dog!
SNAG: (growls)
CYRIL: (nervous chuckle) (to SNAG) I didn't mean you, boy. (storms out to patio) For too long that smarmy swallow's ripped me off, but never again! Which is why I'm going to do the one thing I desire to do!
PIG TWO: Conjure up our very own yo-yo polish?
CYRIL: (nose on PIG TWO's) Didn't I say nobody uses it anymore?
PIG TWO: (points to Lloyd) No, sir, Lloyd did.
PIG THREE: No, I didn't.
PIG TWO: (points to Lloyd again) NO! The OTHER Lloyd!
PIG ONE: It's true, boss.
PIG THREE: (whispers to PIG ONE) Why did Mom bother naming us both "Lloyd"? I'll never know...
CYRIL: Well, no matter! My plan of action here is to demolish that yo-yo polish factory!
PIG ONE: Wonderful, boss! I betcha nobody should be able to enter this year's National Yo-Yo Contest with a better-looking yo-yo like yours.
CYRIL: (chuckles) Competition is an magnanimous inkling with oomph! (trips over SNAG and falls) OOMPH!
PIG THREE: (points video camera at CYRIL, he recorded the whole trip) (chuckles) Uncle Saggy's gonna flip for that one.
SNAG: (snickers)
CYRIL: Hmph! Uncle Saggy indeed. (picks himself up and walks away) Where's my bulldozer?
PIG ONE: (swipes camera) Actually, it's gonna take much more, eleventy-billion times more than a simple act of clumsiness!
PIG TWO: Ooh-hoo-hoo! Do we have to perform our own stunts we never tried on "Three Guys with a Cause"?
PIG ONE: Mr. Knox canned us, remember? It's way better than that! To make a really, really bad home video that could win us a whole whopper of cold-hard cash, what it needs is some style, pizzazz, and...
SNAP CUT to: INT, BERT & CEDRIC'S CLUBHOUSE, DAY. (Yes, it's been painted "Yucko Pink" post-"Join the Club!")
BERT: (performing karate moves) Action! HEE-YAH! Drama! (down on one knee) What light through yonder window breaks? (produces magnifying glass) Mystery! It's elementary school, my dear Bentley. And posture...(leaning against invisible wall like a mime, suddenly loses grip and falls on his nose)
(LISA, BENTLEY, CEDRIC, SOPHIA, and BROO watching the whole thing. Few sitting on couch)
LISA: And pratfalls?
CEDRIC: (laughs) Yeah, pretty much everything in a movie.
BENTLEY/SOPHIA: (laughing) (BENTLEY is typing the movie synopsis on his computer.)
SOPHIA: So, what's your movie about, Bentley?
BENTLEY: I hadn't worked out on the title yet, Sophia, but I think it should be about the Undesirables.
BERT: (looks over) Or how 'bout...Aliens from the Planet Nudnik!
(as Bert speaks, ripple dissolve to Planet Nudnik in outer space, stick figure alien monster emerges from crater hole)
LISA: (o.s.) Nah!
SNAP CUT to:
LISA: (to BENTLEY) Bentley, you've read one too much comic books! You know how I hate those alien stories.
BENTLEY: Yeah, so what? It's not like the Undesirables have something to do with strange intergalactic phenomena.
BERT: (pats BENTLEY on head) Besides, it's the little guy's big chance to prove somethin' in the big time! I had it once when they did "The Prism of Zenda", or so I thought.
LISA: Then, take it from me, you're much better off with Uncle Saggy.
BENTLEY: (sighs) Perhaps you're right, Lisa. What if it IS a major flop? It'll never hit the box office.
CEDRIC: It doesn't have to be about the Undesirables, Bentley. Maybe we should compromise on a better plot.
SOPHIA: I have a suggestion! (ripple dissolve to a female scientist on a journey) It should be about a woman scientist/figure skater who, on a routine expedition, journeys deep into the dark Amazon rainforest to discover a cure for a strange disease that has befallen a poor, defenseless little puppy.
SNAP CUT TO:
BROO: (whines questionably)
CEDRIC: Gee, Sophia, that sounds kinda like you.
SOPHIA: Do you think so, Cedric?
BENTLEY: Hmm...(types synopsis) Scientist heads into forest, discovers cure for canine illness...You know? That just might work! (to LISA and BERT) What do you guys think?
LISA: Hmm... (to SOPHIA) So, let me get this straight: The scientists have to find a secret potion to cure a sick dog, right?
SOPHIA: It'll work even better than Zenda! Sounds good, don't you think?
LISA: I think it's a great approach! Maybe I should discuss early medicinal methods with Professor Smedley-Smythe.
BERT: (chuckles) Are you kidding? Sophia Tutu on the silver screen? (to SOPHIA) I think you'd make Lady Baden-Baden and Ingrid Bellamour proud!
SOPHIA: (blushes) Gosh. Thank you, Bert.
CEDRIC: Can I be your assistant in the movie, Sophia?
SOPHIA: How can I do the job without your help, Cedric?
BERT: How 'bout you, Broo? After all, you won Best Puppy at the dog show.
BROO: (pants and barks in agreement)
BENTLEY: Cool! (stops typing) Hmm...but I also like Bert's idea about invaders from Nudnik.
LISA: (cynical) Oh, I'm so sure.
BENTLEY: (resumes typing) Their journey gets interrupted by intergalactic antenna-wearing green men lurking among them!
As BENTLEY types, the computer screen shows a computerized footage of SOPHIA and CEDRIC dressed in lab coats and journeying through the Amazon forest. The screen dissolves to the real action taking place in an open field in the Evergreen Forest.
BERT: (o.s.) Now, we're talkin', little buddy!
SOPHIA: We must be getting closer to the secret potion, Marvin. I just know it.
CEDRIC: How can you tell, Lulu?
BERT: (o.s.) Because you are about to encounter...
ZIP PAN to: BERT sitting in a tree and speaking eerily into a microphone with sound system.
BERT: ALIENS FROM NUDNIK!
A green tinted headlight flashes over SOPHIA and CEDRIC as they look up with perplexion.
CEDRIC: I've got a bad feeling about this.
An alien spaceship lands right in front of SOPHIA and CEDRIC. The ship opens up to reveal those two classmates of Bentley's from "Black Belt Bentley!" The feline one is to be named Terrance, after Terrance Scammell, and the blue varmint one Lenny, after Len Carlson.
TERRANCE: I toldja to ease up on the landing, stupid! This is my birthday present, for Pete's sake!
LENNY: Well, SORR-EE! My finger was on the trigger!
TERRANCE: That's not the only trigger you get here, jack! (pulls cap over his eyes and blows raspberry)
BENTLEY: (o.s. on megaphone) CUT! (walks over to his two classmates, he is now wearing a beret and sunglasses) Who invited you guys here?
TERRANCE: Who wants to know, dork?
LENNY: Yeah, who?
BERT: Ahem! Allow me to introduce Evergreen Forest's newest producer/director/cameraman, Bentley Raccoon!
TERRANCE: You? Direct? (he and LENNY laugh) That's the most classic thing I've heard all day!
LENNY: Yeah, classic!
BERT: (angrily) And just what the heck is that supposed to mean?
TERRANCE/LENNY: (stop laughing)
BENTLEY: I'm serious! I got the megaphone, I got the beret, I got the camera, I got the shades! What's not to get here?
TERRANCE: (jumps out of ship) A lawsuit if you don't include us in!
LENNY: (jumps out too) Yeah, include us in!
SOPHIA: Give the boys a chance, Bentley. Please?
CEDRIC: Yeah, bullies or not, they're still your friends.
BENTLEY: *sighs* Alright, then. You two will be playing the aliens from the planet Nudnik, 'kay?
LENNY: Wicked!
TERRANCE: Speaking of, we brought these alien costumes from last Halloween. (produces rubber alien costumes) Lucky it was buy-one-get-one-free.
LISA: (sitting by tree where Bert was in) (sarcastic) Yeah, real lucky.
BROO: (snoozing in the same location)
BENTLEY: (on megaphone) Alright, places please!
ZIP PAN to: same scene from before the ship landing
BENTLEY: (o.s.) Cue aliens!
Spaceship lands this time very carefully. Bombay doors open to reveal TERRANCE and LENNY in their alien costumes, holding giant water bazookas!
TERRANCE: (alien tone) We are extraterrestrials from Nanook!
BENTLEY: (o.s.) Nudnik!
TERRANCE: Whatever!
LENNY: (alien tone) Surrender earthling or prepare to be fizzled!
BERT: Fizzled?
BENTLEY: Don't worry, guys; I filled their water guns with grape and cherry cola.
TERRANCE/LENNY: (pump guns and shoot soda at CEDRIC and SOPHIA)
LISA: (angrily) This is NOT in the story, baby brother!
BENTLEY: Yeah, but the alien part was Bert's idea.
BERT: (chuckles) I tell ya, this is gettin' good! (eating popcorn)
CEDRIC: (o.s.) Run for it, you guys!
CUT to: CEDRIC & SOPHIA fleeing in terror from the two aliens
BERT and BROO run in panic mode as well
TERRANCE/LENNY: Prepare for your doom! (evil laughter)
CUT to: Bentley's view from camera
LISA: (angrily storms over to grab the camera) That's it, Bentley Raccoon! Gimme the camera now!
LISA and BENTLEY fight over the camera as we see random views into it
BENTLEY: No way! It's mine!
LISA: IS NOT!
BENTLEY: It's Aunt Melissa's!
LISA: That doesn't mean YOU get to shoot the whole thing!
HAND WIPE to camera now in LISA's view
BENTLEY: Okay, fine! Just don't hurt the camera. Yeesh!
LISA: (o.s.) Speaking of getting hurt...
BENTLEY: (gets hit by cherry cola) HEY! *gurgle* (zips off to scream and run with the others from the alien kids)
LISA: (o.s.) I'm starting to LIKE alien movies already.
The chase goes on in many locations around the Evergreen Forest as the crazy up-tempo music from "Stickin' Around" plays. They also run pass a robbery being held at WILLOW'S market without even noticing. Afterwhich the chase continues on through many different locations not in the Evergreen Forest until now they have stopped in an entirely new location and are drawn into a cartoony fighting smokecloud.
LISA: CUT!
The fight stops with the seven animals frozen in a crazy pose! BERT hanging onto TERRANCE's arm, BROO teething on LENNY's shoulder, TERRANCE pulling BENTLEY's tail, LENNY pulling SOPHIA's hair and CEDRIC's nose.
BENTLEY: What?
TERRANCE: Cut?
BERT: Huh?
BROO: (lets go of LENNY's shoulder) Arroo?
The seven fall in a pigpile.
LISA: Anybody have any idea where we are?
The gang looks around curiously. City buildings, streetlights, signs, and empty streets around them.
BERT: I have a feelin' we're not in Evergreen anymore, Broo.
BROO: (whimpers)
TERRANCE: (to Bentley) Way to go, Mr. Director! You got us lost!
LENNY: Yeah, lost!
BENTLEY: (gulps) (to Lisa, angrily) Way to go, sis! You got us lost!
LISA: (angrily) ME?! For your information, my eyes were glued to the camera, you little twerp!
BENTLEY and LISA nose on each other
CEDRIC: (o.s.) Uh, fellas?
BENTLEY: If we'd've gotten home right now instead of this dump, I'd be telling Mom on you!
BERT: (o.s.) You guys!
LISA: Well, we're NOT home! Making that deranged monster you call a movie was all YOUR idea!
BENTLEY: Well, good luck finding a post office so you can ship the tape to Uncle Stinkin' Saggy and get us all laughed at!
LISA: Oh yeah?
BENTLEY: Oh YEAH, oh yeah!
SOPHIA: (blows LOUD long whistle enough to stop the squabbling)
BENTLEY & LISA turn to SOPHIA in shock.
SOPHIA: That's better. Now, let's all stop acting like crabpots and just calm dowm.
We hear growling.
CEDRIC: (nervously) What was that?
Growling continues, it turns out to be LISA's stomach.
LISA: (moans) I always get hungry when I'm upset.
BERT: Never fear! Bert Raccoon always comes prepared with this Handy-Dandy ACME Emergency Lunchbox! (opens it up and finds nothing but a dog bone) GASP! (he shouts the word) My peanut butter sandwiches! Gone!
CEDRIC: And my two-pack chocolate pudding!
ZIP PAN to:
TERRANCE and LENNY eating what BERT brought.
TERRANCE: Mmm...snooze ya lose, geeks!
SOPHIA: How could you...!
BERT: At least you'll make do with this, boy. (gives BROO the bone)
BROO: (clamps down on bone and chews on it)
Another noise is heard which frightens BROO and the others.
BENTLEY: Now what?
CEDRIC: (points to a dark alley) It's coming from over there!
The gang tiptoes quietly on the way
BERT: Hey, ah, Terrance?
TERRANCE: What?
BERT: I was thinkin' you'd take charge if you want.
TERRANCE: I'll keep it in mind, thanks.
The gang gets closer and come across a dumpster. BERT spots a broom and picks it up to protect the others.
BENTLEY: Good thing I got a yellow belt in karate.
BERT: Shh! (does a few attempts to open the dumpster with broom, then finally opens it revealing a medium red alley cat)
The alley cat snarls and is about to pounce on the gang, who starts screaming and fleeing in terror. The cat walks out of the alley and meows.
CUT to: A broken down car with cinder blocks replacing the wheels
The back hood is opened up by BENTLEY who is looking out to make sure the coast is clear.
BENTLEY: (finds a pair of eyes and yells)
The pair of eyes are revealed to be BERT's.
BERT: It's just me, kiddo.
They both find two pairs of eyes and yell. The eyes are TERRANCE and LENNY's.
TERRANCE: Whoa, man, easy!
LENNY: Ye-
The others shush him. The boys feel something rumbling.
BERT: It's gotta be ghosts and aliens. We should blast 'em.
BENTLEY: (prepares to make his karate move) Way ahead of you, Bert.
The four climb up to find LISA, SOPHIA, CEDRIC, and BROO in the backseat and each group of four scream when they see each other, and zip out of the car. On an empty side of the street, they take time to catch their breaths.
LISA: Okay, guys, now, we really need to find a way get back home.
BERT: Broo? D'ya think you could find your way outta this ghost town and back to the Evergreen Forest?
BROO: (shakes his head, whimpers)
SOPHIA: (sadly) Oh, dear. We were all too busy fleeing in terror, Broo doesn't know how to find us a way out.
BERT: Hmm, that's funny. I thought all dogs knew their way home.
TERRANCE: (tugs BERT by the sweater) You mean to tell me this mangy mutt can't get us outta this outdoor nuthouse?! Tell me there's another plan! PLEASE!
LISA: (o.s.) Hmm, interesting...(cut to her looking at the camera) Mm-hmm...
Cut to view of camera showing footage of the chase speeding up in reverse
BERT: (o.s.) Uh, what's up, Lis?
LISA: You might wanna take a look at this, Bert.
BERT: (holds camera) Uh, what for?
LISA: I think I just found the answer. (whispers to BERT)
BERT: Okay...(proceeds to do what LISA said) OOOOOHHHH...NOW, I get it!
CEDRIC: Get what, Bert?
BENTLEY: Grounded? Oh, sure, exactly what we'll both get if we don't get home in time for dinner!
LISA: No, how we wound up into this mess! It's in here!
TERRANCE/LENNY: Say what?
BERT: All we gotta do is just run the tape in reverse and see where we went, only backward, so we can follow it forward to go backward straight towards home!
TERRANCE: Oh, that is the stupidest idea I have ever heard!
LENNY: Yeah, real stupid!
CEDRIC: But listen to Bert, you guys! It may be stupid, but it's just GOT to work! We can't stay in this creedy place forever!
SOPHIA: And I have to get home to tend to my rose garden.
TERRANCE: Okay, you talked me into it.
LENNY: Ditto.
We watch the footage of the chase once again and the chase music played in normal speed in reverse.
BERT: (looks behind) Walk this way. (walks backwards)
The others shrug and proceed to do the same thing. They go through every location they passed before until...
BERT: Hey, look! Mr. Willow's bein' robbed!
The footage of the chase passing robbery is played at slo-mo.
LISA: (o.s.) Oh, dear! Should we help him?
BERT: Who cares? 'Cuz we're back in Evergreen Forest! YAAAA-HO-
BENTLEY: (snatches camera from BERT) There's no time for that now! This is matter of life without the possibility of...dessert!
CEDRIC: I could go for chocolate pudding.
Everyone, now with BERT and BENTLEY's places switched, continues the backward walk...
BENTLEY: Hey! There's the school!
LISA: And the museum!
CEDRIC: And the yo-yo polish factory Pop's about to tear down.
CUT to: CYRIL in his bulldozer just several feet away from the Yo-Yo Mama Yo-Yo Polish Factory.
TERRANCE: Huh! Nobody uses THAT slop anymore.
LENNY: Yeah, nobody!
BERT: I did once on Melissa's old yo-yo, but after a few moments it broke so she had to buy a new one.
BENTLEY: (trips backward over a log where the PIGS are sitting on and filming the factory demolition, knocks into them)
The others follow as well downhill turning all eleven animals into a ball of animals rolling down the hill like a boulder. Meanwhile back with Cyril...
CYRIL: (on megaphone) Listen here, Yo-Yo Mama! Your dog-walking, varnishing days are over! Surrender your factory over to me now or prepare for your next doze! (maniacal laughter)
MAMA: But it's a one-in-a-million product! It keeps my head shiny. Why, it's bound to keep everything shiny as everyone's yo-yo! What do you think'll come next, my friend, a wrecking ball?
Screams of 11 animals are heard as CYRIL and MAMA look on at the screaming ball.
CEDRIC: Hi, Pop!
PIGS: LOOK OUT, BOSS!
The screaming ball crashes through the factory and out again, leaving it to crumble down to nothing but giant stubble and broken windows and crud like that.
MAMA: (disappointed) Well, that's the way the ball bounces and leaves ya standin' at the alter. (the feathers on top of his head fall out)
CYRIL: (guffaws) Look who's talkin' now, baldy!
The screaming ball continues rolls down the hill until...
BERT: Prepare for splashdown, everybody!
The ball hits a log and all the eleven animals free, flying and landing into the Evergreen Lake, each one taking a big splash! They pop their heads out of the water and cough, breathe, whatever.
BERT: Well, at least Melissa's camera is waterproof.
BENTLEY: (pulls camera out) It's waterproof?
We hear crackle, fizzles and pops from underwater.
PIGS: (gasp)
PIG ONE: (pulls camera out) (angrily to BERT) LUCKY!
CUT to: UNCLE SAGGY's show. The show is about over.
UNCLE SAGGY: (walks downstairs between the studio audience) Well, that's the Uncle Saggy Show for tonight, kids. And our studio audience has picked the...Oh, good...(pulls out bulb horn and squeezes it to make bad sound) grand-prize winner. Audience, what's it gonna be?
CUT to: INT. BENTLEY & LISA's HOUSE, NIGHT. LISA, BERT, CEDRIC, and SOPHIA are in the family room sitting on the couch, and BENTLEY, TERRANCE, LENNY, and BROO are in the bottom row.
LISA: This is it, guys!
BROO: (howls in excitement)
ALL: (chanting) Gotta win! Gotta win! Gotta win! Gotta win! Gotta win!
UNCLE SAGGY: #1, "Baby drives a car".
CUT to: A car is seen running out of control and causes an explosion on a street.
CUT to: The animals jeer while CEDRIC and SOPHIA look shocked (e.g. "The poor baby!" "My great aunt Gertie drives better hogs than that!")
UNCLE SAGGY: #2, "Dad wakes up with inline skates on".
CUT to: A father who has woken up and about to get out of bed without noticing he has skates on. He does get out of bed and veers out of control, screaming hysterically and falling downstairs.
CUT to: The animals jeering and the CEDRIC and SOPHIA again shocked. (e.g. "Someone call an ambulance!" "That poor, poor man...")
UNCLE SAGGY: And #3, "Woodland creatures take a dive".
CUT to: The footage plays from the part where they take a dive.
UNCLE SAGGY: Let's show an instant replay in slo-mo.
CUT to: INT. BLUE SPRUCE CAFE, NIGHT. Many of SCHAEFFER's customers are watching the show as well, including RALPH, MELISSA, GEORGE, NICOLE, CYRIL, the PIGS, MR. KNOX, LADY BADEN-BADEN, MAMA, etc.
MELISSA: Gee, I guess I forgot to mention to Bentley that my video camera was waterproof.
RALPH: But at least they caught the holdup on tape, Melissa. I gotta publish this for tomorrow's paper!
NICOLE: Thankfully he didn't rob the children, n'est pas?
SCHAEFFER: Quiet, everybody. They're about to announce the winner! (turns up volume)
UNCLE SAGGY: And the winner is...
CUT to: BENTLEY & LISA's house. All the animals are going wild and again chanting "Gotta win!" SOPHIA dancing with cheerleading pom-poms, others whatever.
UNCLE SAGGY: (holds up "2") From Cowpie, it's "Dad wakes up with inline skates on". Your prize is $500,000.
CUT to: BLUE SPRUCE CAFE.
CROWD: AWWWW...
CYRIL: That should've been MY grand prize!
PIG ONE: You mean, OUR grand prize, boss!
PIG TWO: We forgot to add the new extension drill.
PIG THREE: We recorded you before Master Cedric and the raccoons came along.
CYRIL: WHAT? WHY YOU BUMBLING BACON BOZOS! I'd asked if you had everything installed! Wait till I get my hands on you and...
MR. KNOX: (interrupting CYRIL) Look on the bright side, Mr. Sneer; at least your boys didja a favor to overthrow Yo-Yo Mama' business.
LADY BADEN-BADEN: And to add to that, Yo-Yo Mama' vice president rewarded you all with a bounty of over $500,000 for every jar of yo-yo polish altogether.
CYRIL: (softens up) Well, now...(chuckles) we ALL know why no one uses yo-yo polish anymore. (to PIGS) Get your baggage ready, boys, we're goin' on a cruise liner.
PIGS: Aye-aye, sir! (zip off)
PIG THREE: Oh, joy! I'm gonna get sunstroke.
MELISSA: I'm sure Cedric will be impressed with you, Mr. Sneer.
SNAP CUT to: CEDRIC and the others at LISA & BENTLEY's looking depressed after their loss. We hear the doorbell ring offscreen.
LISA: (bored) Doorbell...
BENTLEY: I'll get it... (sadly hops off the couch and opens the door to find two policemen) Huh?
POLICEMAN #1: Are you the forest creatures who took the video?
BENTLEY: (looking a little confused) Uh, I guess so.
POLICEMAN #2: You were robbed, kid.
BENTLEY: I was?
POLICEMAN #1: The Uncle Saggy Show.
LISA: (walks over) What seems to be the trouble, officer?
POLICEMAN #2: We came by to drop off the award.
BENTLEY/LISA: (excited as the others join in) REWARD?!
POLICEMAN #1: The Willow's holdup.
POLICEMAN #2: We saw it all on the video.
The two officers pick up the thief.
POLICEMAN #1: Couldn't have had this guy without it.
POLICEMAN #2: Here's your reward, son: $500. (gives the envelope full of money to BENTLEY)
BENTLEY: Wow! Thanks, officer!
POLICEMAN #1: And kid? About the video?
BENTLEY: Yes, sir?
POLICEMAN #1: Keep your day job.
Everyone cheers for BENTLEY.
BERT: YA-HOOO! Way to go, Bentley!
CEDRIC: Congratulations!
SOPHIA: (hugs BENTLEY) Our hero!
LISA: (hugs BENTLEY too) That's my little bro!
BROO: (licks BENTLEY in the face)
BENTLEY: (giggles) Aw, gosh, thanks a total lot, guys! It was my finest hour. (takes out money, ten $50 bills) Not bad for my first movie, huh?
LISA: Um, OUR first movie.
BENTLEY: Who pushed the record button at exactly the right moment?
LISA: (angrily) Your finger slipped when we fell in the lake!
BERT: And if it weren't for Mr. Sneer and the pigs, we wouldn't be able to give THEM credit, too!
BROO: (growls)
TERRANCE: That's right, so, cough up our cut of the dough, schmo!
LENNY: Yeah, cough up!
Everyone tries to grab the money from BENTLEY.
BENTLEY: No way, Jorge! This money's going for a very important cause.
CEDRIC: Like what?
BENTLEY: I dunno yet, but it is.
LISA: Hey, where'd Aunt Melissa's camera go anyway?
We hear laughter of three hooligans.
BERT: (peeks out the window) What the-?
ZOOM OUT to reveal the PIGS laughing. PIG ONE is holding the camera
PIG ONE: Once a really, really, bad home video ALWAYS a really, really bad home video! Right, Bentley?
(The pigs run off with glee)
BENTLEY: Get 'em!
Everyone dashes out the door to chase after the PIGS and get MELISSA's camera back.
UNCLE SAGGY: (o.s.) That was #1, "Woodland creatures chasing three little pigs holding a camera". (pops into view) That's all the time we have for "Uncle Saggy's Really, Really Bad Home Videos Show". Goodnight, kids. (blows noisemaker)
IRIS OUT.
THE END