Soft autumn sun suffused Will's whole body as he strolled down Fifth Avenue on Friday morning. A day like today could make him believe that everything was right in his world and there was no need to keep his appointment with Dr. Habib. But the rational, left side of Will's brain knew the battle for his mind and soul waged on unabated, despite the beautiful autumn day.
Will's problems stemmed from a capital "D" dysfunctional childhood and a classic failed love affair. He'd grown up as the eldest son of an alcoholic and abusive father. His role as family protector had left him emotionally vulnerable. His sporadic appointments with his shrink had turned into weekly sessions when the woman he planned to propose to had tearfully confessed to cheating on him with her former boyfriend. Endlessly rehashing his heart break offered little peace and eventually he just stopped going. But then his former lover and colleague, Mackenzie McHale, had flounced back into his life…at least his professional life. Until yesterday he'd deluded himself into thinking he was "over" Mackenzie. But yesterday's outburst in the newsroom left little doubt that his feelings about Mackenzie were far from resolved.
They'd been apart three years when Mac returned to Atlantis Cable Network. Two years of reporting from Pakistan and Afghanistan had taken their toll on her. Her shiny idealism about America had tarnished a little and smiles were a little slower to light up her face. She wanted to work in a place where weddings were more common than funerals and to wear skirts and blouses to work. So, when Charlie Skinner, the president of the cable news division called with a job offer she leapt at it and asked the questions later. The old adage about frying pans and fires came to mind when she realized he'd hired her to produce the nightly news broadcast that Will McAvoy anchored. The fact that Charlie had not consulted Will made Mackenzie wonder if she'd just traded one war zone for another!
Will was definitely not "over" Mac. That much was clear when he decided to forego millions of dollars in salary in exchange for the option to fire Mac at the end of every week. And if that weren't evidence enough, the Dating Game he hosted many nights after the broadcast confirmed it.
Mac for her part was deeply guilty and far from "over" Will either. But she wasn't exactly a shrinking violet. So she inevitably rose to Will's taunts and barbs. At the outset the atmosphere between them was charged with betrayal and guilt and long suppressed emotion.
But you had to give Charlie credit, he'd been able to see the respect and affection hidden behind the clouds. Mac was the fiery Katharine Hepburn to Will's irascible Spencer Tracy. The clouds had eventually cleared and a productive partnership began to take shape. The forecast, however, remained as unpredictable as April weather. Their staff were equally split between those who saw a major storm on the horizon and others who saw a sunnier future with Will and Mac happily reconciled.
"Who have we got on the Keystone pipeline for the B block" Mac asked. The staff was gathered in the conference room for the 2pm run-down meeting.
"We've got a geologist from Colorado State University, Dr. Geoff Hancock, and Warren Thomson from the EPA. They are both prepared to discuss the recent feasibility study conducted by the EPA. Dr. Hancock is actually going to be live in the studio for the broadcast. He's in town attending a symposium." Jim answered.
"Well done, Jim" Mac smiled approvingly.
"Maggie did all the leg work" Jim said, looking over at Maggie and smiling.
"Okay, enough of the mutual admiration society" Will said gruffly. "What are the issues we want to cover in the segment?"
"Dr. Hancock is coming in at 6pm to prep for the segment" said Jim. "Will, do you want to sit in?"
"I'd better" answered Will. "We can't leave the outline of a scientific segment in the hands of a woman who subtracts on her fingers" teased Will, looking pointedly in Mac's direction.
"This, coming from an anchor who's view of rocks and minerals is limited to the baubles hanging round the necks of his bevy of stewardesses and cheerleaders" came Mac's retort.
"All right, children. Class is dismissed" chided Charlie.
Most of the staff had expected that Dr. Hancock would be a typical academic expert dressed in a tweed blazer and glasses. However the man who now sat in the conference room with Jim was a rakish combination of Indiana Jones and an underwear model. There was a hum of excitement passing amongst the female staff. Most of them envied Mac's good fortune as she and Will headed towards the conference room to prep the handsome scientist.
"Hello, you must be Dr. Hancock" I'm Will McAvoy and this is Mackenzie McHale our executive producer.
"It's nice to meet you both, and please call me Geoff".
The three journalists walked Dr. Hancock through the proposed questions for the segment. They were all impressed with his affability and the way he explained complex scientific issues.
"Geoff, can you briefly describe the environmental review process as it exists now?" Will asked.
Dr. Hancock launched into a summary of the process and expounded briefly on the flaws.
"Dr. Hancock, you've raised an interesting point. Will, what do you think of probing a little more behind the issue of scientific rigour in the environmental impact study process in general?" Mac turned to Will.
Dr. Hancock would definitely be an engaging guest but there was something in the way he looked at Mac that was making Will just a little bit crazy. It felt a lot like jealousy but Will was in denial and turned back to Mac.
"I agree, Mac. I think that makes sense and will really focus this segment. Thanks for your time Geoff. It was great to meet you. Your participation is going to make this segment thought-provoking and insightful. We'll see you just before 8pm." Will said shaking Geoff's hand.
"Ms. McHale, can I call you Mackenzie? I was doing a little research on your team before I came over this afternoon. I read about yours and Jim's exploits in Afghanistan and Pakistan. So, how does a blue-blood Brit end up reporting from a war zone? A spine of steel must run underneath your beautiful exterior."
Will stopped just at the door to the conference room, his chest tightening. Dr. Hancock was flirting. To make matters worse he had touched on the very thing that defined Mac in Will's mind. On the outside Mac was as beautiful and willowy as an English rose. She could even seem a bit scattered. But inside beat the heart of a lion.
"Oh, I don't know about beautiful but Will here can confirm I'm a bit of tiger when it comes to journalism." Mac was actually starting blush.
"Maybe you could fill me on your exploits over a late dinner tonight?" Geoff asked.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. Will may not be ready to admit his feelings for Mac but he sure as hell didn't want George Clooney's twin brother with a doctorate in geology inserting himself into the picture. He hadn't noticed before but he sure as hell did now. The guy was more than attractive.
"Unfortunately the schedule here means we don't often get to enjoy meals out during the week" answered Mac. She had picked up on the fact that Dr. Hancock, in addition to being an expert on pipelines, was very good looking.
"I only wish I was staying for the weekend" replied Dr. Hancock, taking Mac's hand in his own. "Maybe next time?"
"Maybe" replied Mac, blushing a little again.
"Mackenzie McHale! Why didn't you mention that we were having the world's sexiest geologist on tonight's show?" Sloan cornered Mac as she and Will were coming out of the conference room. Mac didn't pick up on Will's darkening mood.
"He's looking for a dinner date and he is rather handsome, if you go for the George Clooney type" Mac giggled.
"Who doesn't?" asked Sloan staring dreamily after the departing geologist.
"For chissakes, can't you two school girls pull it together. We're producing a news broadcast not The Bachelor!" Will glowered at both of them.
"Whoa, Will. Where is this coming from? We're just having a little fun." Mac could now see the storm gathering around Will.
"You were actually flirting with a guest. It's highly unprofessional." Will flipped back.
"Wait a minute, Don Juan. I'm not the one who trailed a queue of starlets and cheerleaders into our newsroom. Nor am I the one whose idea of foreplay involved a handgun, Mr. Page Six!" Mac was getting angry now.
"Perhaps someone should tell Dr. Rocks that you are not exactly a one man woman. That may cool his ardour." Will knew the instant it was out of his mouth that he'd gone too far. Mac's face crumpled in on itself. She turned on her heel and fled to the sanctuary of her office, slamming the door behind her. Will was left standing in the middle of the newsroom, everyone staring slack-jawed at another cloudburst from Will and Mac.
Mac didn't come out of her office until it was time for the broadcast. They were both professionals so the broadcast came off without a hitch. The usual banter between the anchor and his EP was AWOL - replaced by only perfunctory exchanges. The storm had passed but it had left a hollow feeling in its wake.
Mac was gone by the time Will had changed out of his suit and knocked softly on her office door. He'd known she'd be gone. Just when he felt they were making progress, his demons would rise up and he'd puncture the fragile peace between them with a well aimed dart. Her pain never actually assuaged his. She wore a look of such regret and resignation that it made his stomach turn. In those moments he was reminded that she had lost as much as he had.
So on this sunny autumn morning, Will McAvoy found himself desperately in need of the counsel of his young shrink. He wasn't sure that an hour a week with even Sigmund Freud would help but he had to try something!
"Will, you've got some pretty powerful, unresolved feelings about Mackenzie. Either you learn to forgive and forget or it's going to tear both of you apart."
"My feelings for Mackenzie are resolved. I've never had a better or closer working relationship. On a personal level she's a good friend and nothing more. We have both moved on."
"Will, you reacted on the scale of a nuclear event when an attractive man flirted with Mackenzie. Does that sound like moving on to you? Burning her letters, parading a series of cheerleaders under her nose…those are normal reactions."
"I was having a bad day. I haven't been sleeping, " protested Will.
"It's still not normal, Will. You know that while you are working through all this, you're hurting Mackenzie"
Will brought his hand to his forehead and blew out a sigh. "I know" he said sadly. "I guess maybe I'm not quite "over it". And if I'm honest with myself maybe I don't want to get over it, over her. But I can't seem to rid my mind of the image of Brian and Mac together. It makes me crazy and then I lash out at her. But as soon as I see the pain on her face I hate what I've done. I just can't seem to forgive and forget."
"You shared a past that fell apart in the worst way but that past was also full of joy and laughter and love. If you can let Mackenzie bring that back into your life then forgiveness may just be possible."
Will wasn't sure what to make of his session with Dr. Habib. He was distracted on Friday when he returned to the newsroom. He managed to get through the day and the evening's broadcast without incident but his mind was only half on his job.
Could the key to forgiveness really be as simple as letting Mac back in to his life?
By the time Saturday evening arrived he just needed a break from his own head. He wanted to simply relax and think about nothing more involved than whatever was flickering across the television screen. A couple of beers followed by a dessert of homemade hash brownies left him completely relaxed and mesmerized by the old black and white movie spooling across his screen. It was a Hepburn and Tracy romantic comedy. By the time the credits rolled Will was convinced that true love always triumphed. Cooly intellectual Will, who could come up with a thousand reasons why it wouldn't work between him and Mac, had been silenced by the rasta romantic! He picked up his phone and dialed Mac's number. He sighed into the phone when he heard Mac ask him to leave a message in her rather endearing British accent. He had been utterly sure of what he was going to say when he started but half way through the message Will ran out of steam and he was left gawping at the phone in confusion. He hung up without completing the message and sat on his couch contemplating what he'd just done until he nodded off.
Friday's sun had turned to a steady drizzle by Saturday evening as Mackenzie walked home just after 11pm. "Saturday night in Manhattan is made for beautiful, intelligent women like us," Sloan said. She, Mac and a few friends had shared dinner downtown and Sloan was keen to keep the party going. But after the blow up with Will on Thursday Mackenzie's heart just wasn't in it. Will had been late into the office on Friday morning and although the atmosphere had cleared Will and Mac tiptoed around one another the rest of the day. Feeling tired and confused and a little bit lonely Mac had begged off after the first club and headed home.
Mac shook off her umbrella, rain falling like tear drops on her front step. Part of her knew a fire still burned between them. This week's conflagration was evidence enough of that! But that fire seemed to flare up as often as not and leave them both burned. She just wasn't sure if or when the flames would ever turn into a cosy hearthside blaze.
Mac slumped down onto the loveseat in her front room. She intended to try and drown her sorrows with an old movie and a glass of wine. She idly picked up her phone and noticed she had a new voicemail message. Her heart skipped a bit when she heard Will's voice at the beginning of the message. "Hey, it's me Will. I'm sorry for the other day. And I'm not just saying this because I'm high right now. But I just wanted to tell you that…uh, uh, um." Her face fell as his voice trailed off, eventually replaced by the dial tone.
Mac hit the speed dial number for Will and waited as the phone rang six times and then flipped to voicemail before she hung up. There was no way she was going to continue this conversation on voicemail. She wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry. She was sure, however, that she wasn't likely to get much sleep. So, she flicked on the TV and tried to distract her whirling mind.
The rest of the weekend passed with Mac rolling from hope to confusion to anger and back again. Every call she made on Sunday went straight to Will's voicemail. Eventually she settled on resignation. It was clear that there were to be no answers until Monday morning!
"Will, what did the rest of the message say?"
Will was sitting behind his desk browsing the web for news updates. He looked up from the computer at Mackenzie's question. She stood in the door of his office, leaning her head against the frame and smiling imploringly at him. She batted her eyelashes and focused her big, brown eyes on him. She still knew how to push his buttons and it was all he could do to resist. However, he wasn't ready to go down that particular road on a sunny morning in October. Sure he'd left her a confessional voicemail message on the weekend. But he was high then and now his "dutch courage" had abandoned him.
"I brought you a coffee" she added as if this was all the incentive he needed to bare his soul to her. Will grimaced and rubbed at his abdomen.
"Oh shit, I forgot…the ulcer." Mac smiled sheepishly and shrugged her shoulders. "Still, my heart was in the right place. What about the message Will?"
"Mac, just forget about it. It was just some hashish fuelled bullshit." Will met Mac's eyes and knew she could see the lie in his grey-blue eyes. They had once been as close as two people can be. While they were no longer a couple that kind of intimacy can never be fully unlearned.
His face told her it was a problem he had not yet resolved but one he was laboring over in his own sweet time. So Mac let it drop and changed the topic.
In the weeks that followed something seemed to have changed. The message, however abortive, seemed to have softened the edges between them. They still disagreed…on occasion vehemently! But their disagreements about the show or politics stayed just that rather than turning personal. Will still teased Mac but the nasty edge had disappeared.
"What do you think about a segment on Hank Greenberg's suit against the federal government?" asked Sloan during the afternoon run down meeting.
"What are the issues Sloan and why should the American electorate care?" asked Mac.
"Greenberg and his holding company are alleging the AIG buy-out violated the 5th Amendment. Basically the government over-stepped its authority when it took an 80% stake in AIG in exchange for covering AIG's obligations to counter-parties through the credit derivatives it issued. See the credit derivatives…" Sloan's eyes lit up with excitement as she warmed to her topic. Mac's on the other hand began to glaze over.
"Ask Mac how a credit derivative works" Will interrupted Sloan mid sentence. "Until last week she thought Glass Steagall was a New York law firm."
"Not all of us consider Milton Friedman and Paul Krugman bedside reading." Will was still smirking over at Mac but a smile was creeping at the corners of her mouth as she finished her jibe. "I can't imagine your queue of cheerleader girlfriends find that stimulating!"
Just as Will was preparing a witty retort, Charlie entered the conference room. He bore a bottle of bourbon and a beaming grin. "The nominations for the Peabody awards have just been announced and our program has garnered four nominations. Well done everyone! Drinks at Hang Chew's are on me this evening."
A spontaneous round of applause erupted in the conference room. Will and Mac had been involved in stories that had won awards before but for the young staff this was a huge thrill and a validation of their efforts. High fives, back slaps and grins passed around the room. Will caught Mac's eye and a smile crinkled at the corners of his mouth.
"Okay, everyone. Enough basking in the glow of these accolades. We've still got a show to produce" chided Mac. She tried to sound stern but her tone and the smile on her face gave away the fact that she was just as proud of the team as they were themselves.
Mac cornered Will as they were leaving the conference room.
"How's your tummy? Have you been paying attention to your diet? A bleeding ulcer won't just go away on its own." Her face wrinkled with concern. "I've got something green and virtuous in my office with your name on it"
"I'm positively drooling" he replied as he followed her to her office.
"Jesus Mac, did you invite a herd of cows? I've haven't seen this much green since the St. Patrick's Day parade" Will responded, surveying the spread Mac was laying out on the table in her office.
"William Duncan McAvoy" she admonished him. "Sit down, shut up and fill up your plate with fibre. I mean to take your health seriously even if you don't!"
"Sir, yessir" said Will as he mock saluted her and sat down. Though he tried to look put out his eyes were shone with amusement. Mac put a hand over her mouth in an attempt to maintain her drill sergeant demeanour. But a snigger escaped her mouth as she sat down opposite him.
"Seriously Mac, is this how you eat now?" When they were together Mac had the metabolism of an elephant. She could and did eat anything and everything and never gained an ounce on her willowy frame.
"Well, not exactly. But I'm trying to be better" she admitted sheepishly.
"Your diet does not seem to have done you any harm. You still look…" Will's voice trailed off awkwardly. An image of her long, lean legs entwined with his drifted across his mutinous memory. He shook his head, inhaled deeply and steadied his voice. "I mean you look pretty healthy" he said.
"Do you want some of this kale salad?" Mac asked. When Will looked across at her he saw a blush creeping up from her neck.
Will rapped sharply on the door of Mac's brownstone apartment in Brooklyn. He reminded himself that tonight was really nothing more than a celebration of professional achievement for the entire NewsNight staff. However, the presence of Will's heart in his throat as Mac opened the door told him something entirely different.
"Come in, I'm almost ready. I just have to find my earrings" said Mac, beckoning him inside.
"You look nice…really nice" Will said, drinking her in. She was wearing a champagne coloured gown that fit in all the right places. He'd forgotten how astonishingly beautifull she was when she dressed up.
"You too" replied Mac appreciatively, turning back towards her bedroom.
"Ready" she said a minute later clipping her earrings in place.
"Lonny's waiting out front for us" said Will, his arm draping around her as he ushered her out the front door. Mac looked up when she felt the unexpected but definitely not unwelcome contact. But Will's eyes were focused firmly on his body guard behind the wheel of the SUV.
"Jim, Maggie, Neil…all the staff are so excited! I really hope we win in one of the categories. What do you think our odds are, Will?" asked Mac. They were in the back of the SUV on their way to the awards dinner.
The only thought in his mind at that moment was that Mac deserved an award just for the way she looked in that gown. But he swallowed that down. "Oh, I don't know. You're the one with a couple of statues in your closet already" he replied.
Will and Mac emerged from the SUV to a riot of camera flashes. The anchorman and his executive producer/ex-lover provided a welcome note of gossip and glamour to the usually staid Peabody proceedings. The fact that Lonny, a former pro football player, was trailing at a discreet distance didn't hurt either. Will's arm curled protectively around Mac's waist as the paparazzi crowded around them.
"I'll try to be as unobtrusive as possible" said Lonny when they entered the ballroom. Will nodded and guided Mac towards the NewsNight staff crowded around the bar.
"Mac, Will, I was just congratulating your team on their nominations" Brian Brenner said reaching out to shake Will's hand.
"Must have had something to do with the glowing piece you wrote" hissed Will, sarcastically. Mac's indignation was palpable and Will felt her body tense.
"You have some nerve chatting up our staff after that hatchet job. What the hell are you doing…?" Mac spit out. Will laid a hand on Mac's arm. As beautiful and glamorous as she looked in that dress she still had the heart of a tiger and Will could literally feel Mac warming up to a full rant.
Brian, equally well acquainted with Mac's indignation, clearly saw the warning signs and excused himself from the group before she erupted.
"I can't believe the nerve of that arrogant asshole. His article landed you in the hospital and denigrated everything our show has tried to accomplish" Mac sputtered.
"He's your ex-boyfriend, Mac" said Will as he pressed a cocktail into her hand. He sipped at his scotch hoping to dispel the image of Brian and Mac together from his mind.
"But you invited the snake back into the garden of Eden, Will" retorted Mac.
"I'm not sure I consider NewsNight a garden of Eden" replied Will. The staff rolled their eyes and started to plan their retreat. It seemed like the mood of the party may be eclipsed by Will and Mac's threatening hostility.
"Mac, did you see Jeff McKittridge on your way in?" asked Jim. "He's just back from Afghanistan and anxious to catch up with you. I think I see him over there" said Jim, pulling Mac towards the other side of the room.
"McAvoy, how about another bourbon?" asked Charlie joining the group. The tension in Will's jaw released and he smiled at the older man. "Sure, Charlie."
"In the category of Best Television Reporting of a Domestic Disaster the nominees are:
AC 360 – Terror in America, managing editor Anderson Cooper, executive producer Bill Glass
Frontline – Wildfire in the Pacific Northwest, managing editor Bill Moyers, executive producer Terry Andrews
NewsNight – DeepWater Horizon, managing editor Will McAvoy, executive producer Mackenzie McHale
And the award goes to….NewsNight – DeepWater Horizon, managing editor Will McAvoy, executive producer McKenzie McHale!"
Any tension between them was instantly forgetten in that moment as the entire NewsNight team stood cheering. Will grabbed Mac impetuously and wrapped her in a bear hug. She beamed into his chest. A moment later Will reluctantly released her and Charlie was slapping him on the back. Will and Mackenzie threaded their way through the crowd and to the podium, accepting handshakes and congratulations along the way.
"I just want to say that we are deeply appreciative for this acknowledgement. Our goal is to produce a nightly news broadcast that informs the American electorate rather than entertains and that discusses issues rather than preaches. I may be standing here holding the statue but we have a team of smart, enthusiastic, tireless reporters and producers that deserve all the praise in the world. So a huge thanks to the entire NewsNight team!" Mackenzie paused a moment and waved the statue towards the NewsNight team. "I also want to acknowledge the contribution of the man to my left. Without his fierce intelligence and charisma what we work so hard to produce may never find an audience. He challenges us and elevates our work. I could not ask for a better partner."
A smile tugged at the corners of Will's mouth as he moved forward towards the podium and Mac moved back.
"Many of you who know Mackenzie will know that she rarely lets anyone else get the last word so I'm going to savour this opportunity." There was a knowing chuckle from the audience as Will paused and smiled. "And much as it pains me to admit I have to agree with everything she just said…especially about me!" He paused again to let the laughter subside. "At the risk of making this acceptance speech sound a bit like a mutual admiration society I want to say a few words about Mackenzie's contributions to our show. She came to a show and an anchor that were in need of focus and direction. The staff were enthusiastic but young and inexperienced and the anchor could be recalcitrant." Will smiled over at Mackenzie as he said this last bit. "We couldn't have done it without you, Mac!"
There was a happiness and contentedness so palpable in the moment when Will slipped his hand to the small of her back and they headed back to their table that you could almost see it.
"You and Will were very heart-warming up there, Mac. But he'll never forgive you." Brian had cornered Mac on the terrace. His words stung like a slap. She had come out onto the terrace to try and calm her emotions which were currently racing between an almost ecstatic hope and desperate fear of exactly what Brian had articulated. "It's sad Mac. You worship at the altar of St. Will. But he's really just another arrogant, self-involved anchorman with an inflated sense of his own place in the world. He's not worthy of you."
Mac's eyes glistened with unshed tears as she turned slowly towards Brian. "He may never be able to forgive me for cheating on him with you. But every minute with him I feel more alive, more myself than without him. The sun shines brighter and everything just seems….righter. He is no saint but he is the smartest, kindest, sexiest man I know. If it turns out that we never move beyond friends and colleagues again then my life will be better off for just that. But if he can forgive me, then that will be everything."
Mac wiped a tear from her cheek with the heel of her hand. She wheeled around quickly and nearly ran into Will who stood stock still at the entrance to the terrace. Will held her eyes for a heartbeat and she knew he'd heard everything. Overwhelmed Mac turned away from Will and headed out into the crowd.
"You really are a bastard" Will spat out at Brian. Brian's only response was a scathing look back at Will as he too headed back into the party. And then Will was alone on the terrace, a cigarette glowing between his fingers. Christ, the evening was only half over and it already felt like a fucking three-ring circus!
Mac was outside the auditorium. The soft grey light of early evening had given way to inky black. Sometime in the thirty or so minutes she'd been out here collecting herself it had started to rain. It had started like big, soft tear drops but was now a full shower. Mac and her champagne evening dress were soaked but she just couldn't face the giddy camaraderie of the NewsNight table. The pride from barely an hour ago was overwhelmed by the rawness of her feelings.
Her breath caught at the feeling of a hand on her shoulder. She knew it was Will without even turning around. He squeezed her shoulder and then put his other hand on her other shoulder and turned her towards him.
"Mac, you're soaked" was all Will could get out. But he held her gaze and her shoulders. She just nodded at him.
"Can we go somewhere and talk?" he asked. She nodded again, afraid to open her mouth lest everything she was feeling might tumble out in an incoherent rush.
Mac fumbled with the key in the front door of her walk-up apartment. "You're shivering" said Will. Mac nodded and opened the door, inviting him in.
"You're soaked too, Will," Mac called back to him as she headed towards her bedroom. "I'm going to change but the best I can offer you is a towel." She seemed more settled in her own place and Will relaxed a little.
He looked around her apartment while he waited. It was lovely really, a modest place but suffused with Mac's personality. Will's mid-town penthouse was spare and chic but completely devoid of warmth. He was surprised this place felt as much like Mac as it did considering that her work schedule would hardly afford her much time to relax here.
Mac emerged from her bedroom with a towel. In the evening gown she'd looked glamorous and sophisticated but now in a pair of leggings and an old sweatshirt she looked so vulnerable. He wanted to just fold her into his arms.
"Here you go," Mac said as she tossed the towel in his direction. Will caught it and began to towel off his hair. Seeing Will's hair ruffled this way reminded Mac of other times and places and she smiled to herself. She stepped closer to him and took an end of the towel and began to wipe raindrops off his face. It was an act of pure intimacy, shared between two people who had known each other as well two people can.
"Do you want some wine?" Mac asked as she stepped back, awkward on the heels of the intimacy. Will just held her gaze. "Sure", he responded, his hair still soft and messy.
Will was sitting on Mac's loveseat reading "The Economist" when she returned with the wine. He looked like he belonged there and she stopped for a moment just watching.
"Bottoms up" she said as she handed him a glass and settled on the other end of the loveseat.
They were quiet a moment. "Look, Will I know you heard what I said to Brian." Mac looked intently into Will's eyes. "I meant every word I said. I don't know exactly how you feel…I mean I have some idea but, I, uh…" Mac's voice trailed off.
The gamut of emotion from hate to hurt to love played across his face. It scared Mac and she took a deep breath. "I didn't come back to NewsNight to hurt you, Will. I just wanted to work on the news again and Charlie offered me a job and I thought we had both moved on and…" Mac blurted. "The things you're doing hurt me because deep down I feel like I deserve it. I cheated on you, Will. You were a dream, all I ever really wanted. But I didn't realize it until I lost you. I fucked up, plain and simple."
Mac paused, trembling. Tears were puddling in her eyes and her face was ragged with pain.
Without saying a word Will slid towards Mac and wrapped her in his arms. She burrowed her face under his chin, sobbing gently. They stayed like that a while taking refuge in each other.
Will pulled a way a little and cupped Mac's face in his hand. "I'm pretty sure you can guess what the message said. I've never stopped loving you Mac. My problem, and by now its definitely all me, is the fucking image of you and Brian together that is hard-wired onto my brain. One day I wake up and the sun is shining and I'm sure I've moved on. And then the next day something triggers an instant replay of you and Brenner and I lash out. I hurt you and then I feel even worse. I can tell you I desperately want to forgive you and, my God, I'm working on it. My shrink has become my new best friend." Will paused and wiped a tear from Mac's cheek with his thumb. "I can't promise you that I've worked it all out and that I won't get angry and hurt you again. But I can tell you that you bring me to life, glorious, messy, exhilarating life! And I never want you to leave again."
"I promise I will never leave you!" Mac whispered. Big, sloppy, happy tears were running down her face. She brushed her face with the sleeve of her sweatshirt and leaned in to kiss Will. It started slowly, each of them trading kisses, the intensity building. And then all at once they were leaned into one another, kissing greedily, like kids with ice cream on a hot summer's day. Will's hand was in her hair pulling her impossibly closer and Mac's arms were wrapped around the back of his neck. Will groaned when Mac pulled back to take a breath. She rested her forehead against his chin and sighed.
"Why the fuck did we wait so long to do that?" Will murmured into her hair. "Don't know" Mac whispered "but it was worth the wait!" A mischievous grin spread over her face as she pulled back to look up at Will. "I can think of something else that's been a long time coming." She uncurled herself from the loveseat and pulled Will to a stand in front of her. Mac slid her hand down to his waist and began to undo his belt. He widened his eyes in feigned shock at her brazen-ness. Then, with his lips pressed to hers once again, he slid his hands under her sweatshirt and moaned. He nudged her back towards the bedroom -their discarded clothes like a trail of proverbial breadcrumbs.
Sunday dawned as grey and drizzly as Saturday and so the light took a long time to reach Will and Mac, wrapped comfortably together in a tangle of limbs and hair and breath. When Mac began to stir, Will wrapped his arms more tightly around her and whispered "Good morning" softly into her ear. He could feel the smile spreading through her whole body as she turned to him and kissed him softly on the lips. "Good morning, love" she cooed.
They stayed in bed all Sunday, reading papers, watching the Sunday news programs, talking and making love. They resolved nothing more than to continue to try to move forward, one day at time…hurting and mending and loving one another.