The Ol' Thirteen Colonies
Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or any of its characters. Quotes were retrieved from Google.
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"A government is like fire, a handy servant, but a dangerous master," Xemnas Washington said, both of his sweaty palms firmly placed upon the table. On the table was a piece of paper with but a few words written in big, fancy lettering. "As Mankind becomes more liberal, they will be more apt to allow that all those who conduct themselves as worthy members of the community are equally entitled to the protections if civil government. I hope ever to see America among the foremost nations of justice and liberty." The giant man cleared his throat as papers began shuffling from the other men.
Xigbar Franklin, the oldest yet most amusing men of all, kicked his legs around, adjusting his spectacles. "All human situations have their inconveniences. We feel those of the present but neither see nor feel those of the future; and hence we often make troublesome changes without amendment, and frequently for the worse."
His wise words made the room full of men very excited that all of them started speaking all at once. This made Xemnas Washington very angry for he did not like riots.
"Silence!" he snapped as everyone turned his direction. "Have we any news of Revere?"
The youngest and quietest of the men, Roxas Hancock, stood up and cleared his throat, ready to answer the big man's question. "Axel Revere has spoke of nothing... yet, Sir," he said with a firm, strong voice. This was the first time he talked the whole time since he was too busy writing.
"Very well, we shall wait. Who shall lead the army then?"
All the men in the room looked at each other, making weird faces. Then Demyx Henry chimed in, his high-pitched and girlish voice ringing through the ears of the men like a pair of cymbals. "Maybe, if you want, Sir, we could vote on thirteen people to control each of the thirteen colonies." His words sounded very babyish and young as if he was just born yesterday.
"Hmm, a good idea, Sir Hancock; a good idea indeed. We shall do it."
Everyone started whispering either that they liked the idea or not. "But what if one of us gets killed?" "I think it's a reasonable idea." "But what of that? What of the colonies who don't get attacked by the redcoats? Are they to stand and wait?" "A very poor grasp of the issues," Roxas Hancock mumbled, but nobody heard them since the whispering turned into a loud commotion. Demyx sat at the far right edge of the room, a proud grin glued onto his face, not listening to what everyone had to say.
"Sir Washington! May I please take the stand?" Zexion Adams asked impatiently. Xemnas Washington nodded his head as he stepped aside from the commanding chair. Zexion sat down on it and cleared his throat, placing a huge stack of papers in front of him.
"I always consider the settlement of America with reverence and wonder, as the opening of a grand scene and design in providence, for the illumination of the ignorant and emancipation of the slavish parts of mankind all over the earth. There is danger from all men. The only maxim of a free government ought to be to trust no man living with power to endanger the public liberty. In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. No man who ever held the office of president would congratulate a friend on obtaining it. The proposition that the people are the best keepers of their own liberties is not true. They are the worst conceivable, they are no keepers at all; they can neither judge, act, think, or will, as a political body. We have no government armed with power capable of contending with human passions unbridled by morality and religion. Avarice, ambition, revenge or gallantry would break the strongest cords of our Constitution as a whale goes through a net. Our Constitution is designed only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate for any other. Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passion, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence. Our obligations to our country never cease but with our lives. Democracy never lasts long. It soon wastes, exhausts and murders itself. There was never a democracy that did not commit suicide." And with that, Zexion Adams stood up and walked back to his seat, sorting his papers in order.
Roxas Hancock stood up and opened his mouth, his lips bone dry from dehydration. "I believe what Sir Adams here is saying is that all men –including women- are created equally and they have equal rights."
"The only way to gain happiness is to pursue it." Larxene Adams, the toughest female member in the room, said as if though she and Roxas Hancock were the same exact person. "In order to form a more perfect Union... we must establish justice to each individual, insure domestic Tranquility among the individuals, to prom-."
"Please, no more," Xemnas Washington interrupted rudely, his face all covered in sweat. "As we talk, the Brittlight redcoats are demising our downfall. We should continue on. I, Xemnas Washington, decide to lead the Never Wasinia army."
"I, Xigbar Franklin, decide to lead the Wonderchussettes army."
"I, Xaldin Barry, decide to lead the Beast's Castleshire army."
"I, Vexen Rush, decide to lead the Travysland army."
"I, Lexaeus Franklin Jameson, decide to lead the Deep Jungleticut army."
"I, Zexion Adams, decide to lead the Destiny Islands army."
"I, Saïx Washington, decide to lead the Twilightware army."
"I, Demyx Henry, decide to lead the South Underworld army."
"I, Luxord Dickinson, decide to lead the New Neverland army."
"I, Marluxia Locke, decide to lead the New Radiant Garden army.
"I, Larxene Adams, decide to lead the Hallownsylvania army."
"And I, Roxas Hancock, decide to lead the Sunsethillsgia army."
Everyone nodded their heads and walked out of the room in the proper manner, thinking of what to do when they were going to lead. That was the only question they had because, to tell you the truth, they didn't know what to do or to expect from the colonists reactions. They just hope that the Orgymericas will win and break free from Blightish's grasp...
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This is my first ever parody, but it isn't that funny... yet.
So, I got this idea when I was in Social Studies. The teacher was talking about the thirteen colonies, and at the sound of "thirteen" I was thinking "Hey, Organization Thirteen... Why don't I make a parody of this?" So I did, and I'd just like to say that this was pretty bad and one of my least favorite works. It didn't turn out what like I expected, but it did make me laugh once in a while. I'll try to make the other chapters funnier; I know this chapter focused on the war too much, and they did talk too much. Zexion mostly, lol.
Oh, and Axel's riding his horse somewhere, so he won't appear for a while. Poor him. D: