AN: Hey everyone. So nabokovsshadows on tumblr asked for someone to write her prompt. I volunteered a while ago and am now just getting a chance to write it. I foresee this going a few chapters. This is set in the future after the Tom fiasco is finished with.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to the Blacklist.

It had been one time. Just once. One hurried, passionate consummation of their feelings for each other that had been building for months. The little touches. The gentle brushing of lips as they left each other at the end of the night. The skirting around saying what was actually beginning to happen between them. They'd been dancing around each other for months and it had led to this. It should have been a wonderful thing, but it ended being one of their biggest mistakes.

As soon as they'd both come down from their high, she had turned around with a content smile on her face only to see an expression on his face that she could only interpret as regret. Her face fell, and she quickly slid out of his bed and dressed quickly without a word. He let her walk out the door without saying anything. Let her think that it had all been a huge mistake. Let her think that she was just another notch on his bedpost. A conquest.

That had been over a month ago. Things were still somewhat strained between them, but they had mutually agreed by their avoidance of the subject to just move on and pretend it didn't happen.

She originally ignored all the signs. She wrote off the tiredness to working long hours. She attributed the cramping to it being her time of the month (Never mind that didn't ever see any sign of her period). The nausea was just because she wasn't eating breakfast. She threw up a few times because she had the flu. At least..that's what she rationalized to herself. Being pregnant was just something that she refused to consider. Especially Red's baby. He was a criminal. A dangerous one that had a running price on his head. How could she ever have a baby with him?

So she ignored the signs and forced herself to distance herself from him.

OOOOOO

Two months after that fateful day, she could no longer pretend that her body wasn't changing. That she wasn't craving weird foods. That her period wasn't over thirty days late. That she wasn't sick in the mornings. That certain smells didn't make her gag.

So she bought a test. And it came out positive.

Positive. She sat on the lid of the toilet and stared at the stick for what seemed like hours. Her mind was reeling. Having sex with Red had been a huge mistake (no matter the feelings she had and still has for him). The Gods must be mocking her. One time. Once. Now she had to deal with the consequences of their mistake for the rest of her life. Abortion was not an option. Sam had raised her with the belief that a life began with the first heartbeat.

She began to formulate a plan in her mind. Since she couldn't stay with Red and work with him at the FBI (Because he surely would notice if she continued to grow outward), and since he obviously didn't want anything to do with her, she had to be the one to leave. She was going to quit the FBI and run. Run. She didn't know what else to do. She didn't want her baby raised by someone whom could die at any moment because he pissed off the wrong person. That wasn't the life for her.

She stood up and walked out of the bathroom feeling immensely better. She finally had a plan. A direction. She was no longer drifting along and alone. She had a future. And so did her baby.

OOOOOO

She sat and wrote out a resignation letter; citing personal reasons for quitting. She packed all her clothes, and the belongings she cared about, then loaded her car. She bought plane tickets under a pseudo name that Sam had given her. If the FBI ever found out about her fake passports she would be thrown in jail. She had two other aliases to use over the coming years in case he ever caught on to her trail. She had money stashed away that was untraceable. He would never find her.

She was glad that Sam had had the foresight to help her. Had insisted on the identities and cash. Hadn't taken no for an answer when she had refused them. Had sent her everything one night by private courier with a note begging her to "Please take them and use them if you have to." She'd put them in a false cupboard in her closet and had let them sit there for years. Now they were her ticket out.

She sat in her car for a long while; trying to work up the courage to leave everything behind. Her job. Her house. Him. Because as much as she kept telling herself she wouldn't miss him, she would. Desperately. She loved him, but she loved her unborn child more.

It would take them a day or two to discover that she'd gone. She had left her resignation letter on the counter, along with the keys to her house with instructions to sell it. Red was out of the city conducting his own business for another week. He wouldn't discover her disappearance until she was long gone. She felt little peace of mind at that thought though, and pushed away the niggling guilt at the back of her mind for leaving without telling him why; he would get over it eventually. At least that's what she kept telling herself.

She didn't believe it.

She finally forced her fingers to turn the keys in the ignition, then cranked up the radio as loud as she could tolerate, and drove away from her old life and towards her new one. When she reached the airport, they didn't give her passport a second glance. They didn't question her. They didn't search her. She was just another face in the crowd. She found that she liked that.

OOOOOO

The plane ride had been hell. Literally. She felt a faint pressure at the back of her throat in the beginning, but as she moved further and further away from her home, from Him, that pressure grew. She could hardly swallow. She could hardly breathe. She wondered if this was what a panic attack felt like. She quietly unbuckled her seatbelt and moved down the narrow aisles quickly. People glanced at her, but no one looked at her for more than a moment. They didn't care about her. That was ok with her. It really was. She needed to learn to be dependent only on herself. She didn't have anyone else anymore.

She moved into the small, cramped bathroom and splashed her face with cool water from the small sink. It didn't relieve the pressure threatening to burst out of her. She backed up against the wall and slid down, then sat with her knees up and her face in-between them. She took a few deep breaths, but the pressure grew and grew until she couldn't hold it back anymore; then she just let go. She sobbed. She sobbed for her past, her present, and her future. She sobbed for the future that she wouldn't be able to share with Red. She sobbed because their baby wouldn't have its father raising it. She sobbed because of the unfairness of it all. She sobbed because she was in love with Raymond Reddington and she couldn't do anything about it.

After a long while, her tears slowed, then eventually stopped. She sat there with a hitch in her breath for another few minutes until she was startled by a knock on the door. "Ma'am. You've been in there for a long time. Are you ok?"

Liz quickly wiped her eyes, then cleared her throat. "I'm fine. I'll be out in a minute," she said hoarsely.

"There are people waiting. Please don't take long."

Liz sighed and stood up slowly, then stretched her arms over her head. She looked at her reflection in the small mirror and grimaced. She looked like hell. She quickly pulled her hair up in a sloppy ponytail and splashed more cold water on her face. She wouldn't be able to hide the evidence of her crying, so she would walk out and avoid looking at anyone. And she did.

The rest of the flight was uneventful. The attendants brought her a blanket and pillow and she took it gladly. She fell into a dreamless sleep. Her crying had been cathartic after all.

OOOOOO

Her destination had been chosen with him in mind. Somewhere where he wouldn't think to look for her. Somewhere where she could hide. That's why she found herself in Santiago, Chile. This was only the first stop among many, but she would hole up for a week or so then move on. Her dark hair helped her blend into the crowd, so she didn't worry about concealing her identity. She had enough money to last a lifetime. She could play cat and mouse with him for as long as it took.

OOOOOO

The first week was uneventful. She lived in a decent hotel room. One of the best in Santiago. She found a doctor that was recommended by the the desk clerk at the hotel and had quickly made an appointment. That appointment was today, and she was nervous.

She walked inside the office and filled out the necessary paperwork, then waited on the edge of her seat to be called back. When she was led to the back room, she found herself rubbing her scar. She hadn't done that for months.

The doctor was nice and knew a good amount of English. He asked her her history, then did a comprehensive checkup. Then he pulled the ultrasound machine over and placed the wand over her still flat abdomen and found a heartbeat right away. He smiled, told her she was eleven weeks along and congratulated her; she found herself smiling back. Things were going to be ok. She could feel it.

As she walked back to her hotel, she suddenly realized that it had been over a week since she'd left. Two weeks since she'd last seen Him. He would know about her leaving by now. He was probably searching for her at this moment. She desperately wanted to run back to him, but she couldn't. Not now. Not ever.

OOOOOO

Red held her resignation letter tightly in his hand and clenched his jaw. He was furious. He stood in the middle of Cooper's office and stared the Director down. "Why wasn't I told about this earlier?"

Cooper leaned back in his chair behind his desk and rose his eyebrows. "If you recall Reddington, you refuse to speak to anyone but Agent Keen. We had no way of contacting you."

Red slammed the letter down on the desk and said in a low, deadly voice. "I don't give a damn, Harold. You could have tried harder. She could be anywhere by now. Son of a bitch." He turned on his heel and walked out of Cooper's office without another word.

Harold Cooper was convinced that if Raymond Reddington didn't need him in the future that he would have a bullet in his skull.

OOOOOO

Red slid into the back of his Mercedes and slammed the door behind him. He'd left Dembe standing in the Post Office. Told him not to follow.

Red was beyond livid. He couldn't think straight. He felt like screaming. Red Reddington didn't scream. He didn't get angry. He didn't lose control...but Raymond did. Raymond couldn't think straight. Raymond couldn't hold back the scream of anger. Raymond lost all of his control. The woman that he loved was in the wind and he had no idea where to find her, or why she had left. Why she would give up so easily...why she didn't tell him.

As if Dembe knew that he was done with his tantrum, he slid into the drivers seat and looked at Red through the rear-view mirror. "Where to, Raymond?"

Red ran a hand over his short hair and closed his eyes. He needed to go to her house. She had to have left something. Anything. "Agent Keen's house."

Dembe nodded and pulled out into traffic without another word. He knew Raymond was in a volatile mood. Knew he couldn't push him too far. Knew he had to keep his distance.

They pulled up in front of Liz's house within minutes. Red was out of the car before it had even stopped. He stalked up the stairs and used his key to go in before Dembe turned the engine off.

The FBI hadn't done a damn thing with the house yet. Everything was left as he remembered. It looked like she was just gone for the day..not for good. He walked up the stairs and into her bedroom. Went through drawers that were full and empty. Went through her bare closet. Went through her nightstand. There was nothing. Not one shred of evidence that would point him in the right direction.

He sat on her bed and pulled a pillow to his chest, then buried his face in it. It smelt like her. He felt an overwhelming urge to cry, but he wouldn't allow it. Their relationship had been strained the last couple of months. It was his fault, really. After they had made love, he'd allowed himself to think. He regretted entangling her into his dangerous life. Letting her go was in her best interest, so he had let her walk away. He realized his mistake soon after, but it had been too late to set things right by then. So he avoided bringing it up, and so did she. The last couple of months had been among the hardest of his life; and that was saying something.

He sat for another few moments then stood up. The only place he had yet to check was her bathroom. He didn't have hope that he would find anything.

He placed her pillow back where he'd found it, then walked towards her bathroom slowly. He felt like he was marching to his death. His execution. He might as well be if she was gone from his life for good.

He walked in and checked the countertop and medicine cabinet. Nothing. He pulled open one drawer. Nothing. He pulled open the top drawer and froze. There was a pregnancy test box..and it was open.

He picked it up and saw that one test was gone. Almost against his will, he set the box down and picked up the small trashcan next to the toilet. There was only one thing in it. He picked it up with his eyes closed, then opened them reluctantly. Positive. The air rushed from his lungs. He couldn't breathe. The only thought running through his head was that she'd left him because she was pregnant with his child. His.

How could she do that to him?

AN: Oh, the angst. It hurts me to write them like this. It really does. I would love to hear what you guys think. Thanks for reading!