Disclaimer: I dont own Prison Break.
Soldier. It was a definite word, a competent utterance of something that might have brought a sense of pride upon him, a long time ago. Long before he had been exposed to this myriad of sins and deceptions. Before he had been given the authority to usehis authority to break the law and not have to suffer any consequences.
If he had ever considered himself a soldier, that thinking was now definitely a thing of the past. He had long since crossed the line between defending his country and wreaking havoc on the citizens that dwelled within said country.
But Paul Kellerman had realized that verity too late. The prospect of redemption had passed him by, while he had foolishly been under the impression that he had been doing what was best for his country, and for the love of his life.
More like the bitch that ruined his life.
Either way, Caroline Reynolds had made his life a living hell.
"I'm sorry, this Administration isn't familiar with an Agent Kellerman."
Love. Unfortunately, his fifteen years of devotion to Caroline Reynolds had outweighed his sense of right and wrong. They say love makes people blind. Apparently, he had been no exception. He had gone so far as to propose to Caroline...out of devotion to her…love for her. He had loved her, no doubt. The past tense in his mind went duly noted.
That love went unrequited, until it burned out on his part as well. One can only love someone without being loved in return for so long. For him, it had gone on too long. The moment she turned her back on him and allowed 'The Company' to obliterate his existence, his contributions, his being…was the moment he had walked away from his love for her.
The only other love he had ever experienced was love from his younger sister. He hadn't known much about her. He hadn't seen her since he started working with Caroline, fifteen years ago. But considering his ultimate motives, he had gone to visit her. He had gone to say goodbye to her. He had gone to somehow spare her the pain of reading about the monster he was and the hideous acts he had committed, by letting her know beforehand that he was going to be involved in yet another repulsive act.
"You're my sister, Kristine, I love you."
Obligation. Paul had always had an obligation to his country. For as long as he could remember, he had wanted to make a difference by protecting his country and serving in the armed forces. He had done so, he had served in the Gulf War and been promoted to the rank of Major. His obligation had always been his country. Until the federal government offered him a position that he couldn't pass up. To him, it had been another opportunity to serve his country.
Until he became obligated to not his country, but the woman he had been assigned to: Caroline Reynolds. His loyalty had lay with her as he followed her every order and answered her every call. He had supported her and stood by her side for fifteen goddamn years. Fifteen years that he devoted to a woman he could no longer stand to think about…the woman he had attempted to assassinate with good reason.
"I'm so sorry. It all just got away from me, and I ended up hurting the one person who's always been at my side. I want you to come home, Paul. We can fix this together. But not with those brothers running around the country tearing down the very office you helped me build."
Duty. His sense of duty had gone hand in hand with his obligation to his country. It had always been about doing what was right. Too often however, he had failed to consider i who /i it was right for. In the grand scheme of things, he had lost sight of doing what was right for his country and instead focused on doing what was right for the woman by his side.
Paul had never been part of 'The Company.' He had never liked taking his orders from Bill Kim…and that was putting it lightly.
Who had stood by Caroline's side while she campaigned? He had.
Who had encouraged her and supported her amidst the threats of the Company? He had.
But who had he been forced to report to after Caroline had obtained the title of President? Bill Kim.
He had stuck with it. He had followed orders, carried out instructions and always obeyed. Where did it get him?
On a path far from redemption.
"I've been a perfect soldier. I've never asked anything of you, ever, but I'm asking you now. Bill, don't do this."
Betrayal. A soldier values patriotism above anything and everything. He had betrayed numerous people, killed countless to make sure that Lincoln Burrows was executed for a crime he was innocent of. Why? It was best for his country. Or so he was told and like a fool, believed. His betrayal(s) had led him further to his downfall.
He would never forget that bitch's betrayal.
Or Bill Kim's betrayal. He had continuously obeyed orders, ran around like a lapdog, threatened, manipulated and jeopardized all for the sake of what the Company wanted despite never being part of the Company in the first place. They had turned their backs on him.
Solemnly swearing to get back at them all, Paul had teamed up with the very people he had been ordered to make sure were caught and brought back to prison or killed in the process.
The team included the presence of the woman whose head he had held under water to kill. He had betrayed Sara Tancredi too.
Ironically, he suffered betrayal at their hands in the end.
"Bill don't do this. I've dedicated my life to this country. To Caroline. Everything I have, I give."
Redemption. He had been convinced that he was too far gone. He had managed to convince himself that there was nothing worth living for. In a helpless last move, he had gone back to his roots, dressed himself in his army uniform and attempted to end it all: commit suicide.
Even that attempt failed.
Desperate for someone to talk to, he had found himself dialing his sister's number. She had told him he could start over. He didn't believe her. But he found solace in her words. Starting over would mean redeeming himself, despite the fact that he had taken things far past redemption. One step forward wouldn't erase the countless sins he had committed. But if he had decided he was ready to go down, he could at least go down by helping someone in the process.
This was why he was sitting in this courtroom, amidst Sara Tancredi's trial, staring her in the face as she looked at him in awe. Paul could practically see her trying to decide if he was here to help her or jeopardize her chances of ever being exonerated. He gave her a grin, as he turned his attention to the prosecutor, ready to answer all questions with honesty.
He informed the courtroom that the information he was about to divulge would in all likelihood get him killed.
He exposed the conspiracy.
He listened with amusement as the prosecutor told the judge she'd like to turn her attention from Sara to prosecuting him.
And he stood up and held out his arms to be handcuffed, welcoming the feel of the cool metal on his skin as he knew the handcuffs wouldn't contain him long enough for him to want out of them.
And he genuinely smiled at Sara when she told him she didn't know what to say to him.
"It was nice knowing you Sara."
Heaven. It's been said that a soldier who dies on the battlefield goes to Heaven. For Paul Kellerman, the battlefield was the vehicle he was being transported to prison in…the prison he would never reach.
He knew how the routine went. He could feel the grin tugging at his lips as the driver used excuse after excuse to pull the van over to the side of the road in the secluded area.
He knew he had approximately one minute before he was brutally murdered. Before it was turned around to look like an escape attempt on his part and an act of self-defense on the part of the authorities.
He had known it since he stepped foot in that courtroom.
He welcomed it as he allowed his smile to spread on his face as he opened his mouth to voice his last words to the guard seated opposite him.
"In the French resistance it was considered a high honor to face a Nazi firing squad.
That, you did your job... The highest honor was to smile when they shot you."
Soldier. So maybe Paul Kellerman had lost the right to call himself a soldier a while ago. Maybe alongside the betrayals and murders and abuse of authority, his sense of pride had diminished. Maybe his downfall had stripped him of his patriotic value.
But where there's downfall, there is always redemption.
Paul Kellerman had always believed what he was doing was right for his country. It had always been about his country. Like a true soldier, he was defended what he had believed to be right, obeyed his obligations and displayed his loyalty.
So maybe Paul Kellerman had redeemed himself the moment he set foot in that courtroom. Maybe he had righted his wrongs when he had given the court the information they needed to exonerate an innocent man.
Maybe he had redeemed himself the moment he had decided to die by taking them down with him.
He had sacrificed himself for his country.
And as the back doors of the transport vehicle were thrown open and his sight was met with the masked gunmen, Paul Kellerman found himself dying an honorable soldier's death.
"Took you long enough."