Disclaimer: We do not own Hellsing or Batman. Those are owned by Kouta Hirano and DC Comics respectively. All other characters mentioned in passing are property of their respective owners. We make no profit from this story nor do we wish to.

The Deus ex Machina shook as it took yet another anti tank round fired from the Harkonen Cannon. Minor officers and tech personnel scrambled to and fro trying to maintain the systems necessary to keep their command ship aloft. Only three people on the bridge, namely the Major, the Captain, and Warrant Officer Schrödinger seemed unaffected by the chaos going on around them.

The Major stared at the large view screen showing the burning remains of jolly old London, which was neither really jolly nor London by this point. Instead, it looked similar to a post apocalyptic wasteland. Buildings were crumbling into piles of powdered brick and twisted, half-melted steel. The whole vision was glorious, He had even ordered his men to burn a swastika the size of a stadium into the middle of London so that the world would never forget what he and his Last Battalion had done.

"Pet mir Major!" Schrödinger exclaimed as he crawled into his commanders lap. "All zhis deztruction is making mir giddy!" What seemed like an innocent gesture from the catboy, was actually a ploy. Unknown to all but the now deceased Rip van Winkle, Schrödinger and the Captain had carried on a secret courtship since 1952. And as all longtime lovers learn to get underneath each other's skin, the eternally child-like catboy knew just how to push his beloved Captain's buttons. As the Major continued to watch his handiwork and pet the boy in the Hitler Youth uniform, he was completely un aware of the glares the boy was receiving from his werewolf bodyguard.

The Blimp shook once more sending Schrödinger tumbling off of the Major's lap and onto the floor. As the child shook his head and regained this bearings, one of the handfull of technicians left on the bridge cried out. "Stumbahnfuhrer, Sie ist hier, Sie ist hier! (1)" he exclaimed in a panic, not knowing that this was all going according to the Majors plan, which was at its heart a well organized suicide pact between himself and his officers.

The Major's smile grew even wider, "Captain, Varrent Officer, it is time ve bring ein end to zhis symphony. To your places, you know vhat to do." With a silent nod from the Captain and a snappy Hitler salute from Schrödinger both departed, to their destination, the Captain toward the entrance to the blimp with the last handful of troops that the battalion had at their disposal, and Schrödinger teleporting to the observation deck at the top of the blimp. Once the last of his men had left the bridge, he activated the bulletproof glass casing around his chair and activated the commlink.

"Doktor," he began, "I hope you have She secured?"

"Of course Major, She should be safe guarded against zhe destruction of zhe blimp."

The Major smiled before addressing his oldest ally, "Aufwidersehen (2) Doktor! I vill see you in Valhallah!"

"Aufweidersehen Major. It has been an honor to serve you!" responded Millennium's resident scientist before he switched off his end of the commlink.

"It over Major, you've lost your war!" came the voice of Integra Hellsing as she strode confidently into the room the second the Major's conversation had ended. But he had expected this. He had ordered the Captain to allow her to pass. He intended to deliver one final blow to his worthy adversary. First she would watch Alucard die at Schrödinger's hands, and then he would watch her die at his.

"On zhe contrary Herr Hellsing, the curtain has yet zu fall!" The Major said, his smile remaining plastered on his face, "Now that you're heir. ve can vatch zhe final act!" He spun his char around and activated his view screen, and for once his smile faltered. The screen showed an empty observation deck on the top of the blimp. The cat-eared child who was supposed to be sacrificing himself in order to defeat the great Alucard was nowhere to be found.

"Schrödinger! Schrödinger! YOU'RE RUINING EVERYZING! VHERE IN ZHE HOLLE (3) ARE DU!" the Major futilely screamed at the screen. At that moment Seras barged through the doors to the bridge looking utterly confused.

"Sir, that cat-boy-thing, showed up and teleported away with the werewolf!" At this statement, both the Major and Integra both raised a brow, something weird was going on, and each was wracking their own brain trying to discern what it was. They would not have to wait for long for a scant thirty seconds later the commlink on the Major's chair turned on.

"Is this zing on? Hey schatz (4) you sure its zhe orange button? Ah, yup he hears me!" It was Schrödinger, and the Major could swear he could hear the Doctor screaming in the background.

"Schrödinger, where is the Doktor? What have you done vith him?" he demanded only to have the boy giggle in response. Even though he couldn't see the child he was sure that the boy was flashing one of his impish grins.

"Oh Dok und mein Kapitan are having lunch…or zhe Kapitan ist having him for lunch, my mistake." "there was another giggle before he continued, "Oh und don't zink about torching us, I broke zhat little box zing!. Frau Hellsing, if your zhere, I'd leave, zings are going to get ein bit…umm…like an action film Ja? First, ve disable zhe Major's char so he stays in his little box, und zhen Ich hit zhis big button over here und…zhere ve go." with that sirens within the zeppelin sounded and a computerized voice sounded throughout the blimp

Self-destruct sequence initiated, t minus one minute thirty seconds and counting it spoke in emotionless German.

"vhen you get zu holle mein Major, give mein regards to mein Vater...I meen zhe Fuhrer. Come on mein Kapitan, I'm getting bored heir." With that the commlink clicked off. Seras raised her cannon and blew a hole into the main screen in the bridge of the zeppelin. Without a word the Draculina grabbed Integra and sprouted her shadow wing and leapt from the flying transport, and off into the night sky.

For his part, the Major typed furiously on the control pad of his chair, but to no effect. He had done it, Schrödinger had actually disabled his chair. The Major let out one last wide smile and closed his eyes. The last thought which crossed his mind before he was atomized by the explosion was that he had taught the catboy well, and perhaps too well.

On the outskirts of London Schrödinger and the Captain watched the burning remains of the Deus ex Machina sink behind the skyline of the nearly leveled English capital, hands intertwined gently yet securely. "It's pretty isn't it Hans? Like firevorks!" Hans nodded slowly and emotionlessly. After a few moments of silence, Schrödinger smiled an impish smile and spoke, "Let's go mein Kapitan, someone ist vaiting for us." And with that both Schrödinger and the Captain disappeared into the either of existence.

Gotham, the very name had become synonymous with the very depths of human depravity and corruption. With its sprawling buildings and decrepit architecture it was like Earth's very own Mos Eisley, sans the computer graphics added in later by an old director trying to squeeze every last penny out of a series that should have been allowed to rest decades ago. Despite the fact that Gotham had been rated America's worst city to live in since 1920, things were beginning to change. Police commissioner James Gordon had spent the last several decades of his life combating crime and corruption in the overly hostile streets of Gotham City, and everyone from the lowliest street gang to the most devious super criminals, mad geniuses and homicidal mutants found it much more difficult to ply their trades.

But Commissioner Gordon did not accomplish these amazing feats alone, he had help, a man named Bruce Wayne, eccentric billionaire by day, crime fighter by night. He was the dark angle standing guard over the innocent people left in Gotham, he was their savior, their dark knight, and he was the Batman. In the early dawn hours he was perched atop a gargoyle on the side of one of the multitude of skyscrapers which littered Gotham and nearly blotted out the sun. It was a good night for the Batman, he had stopped five murders, three rapes, a mugging and a homeless man who was urinating on City Hall. Usually he would retire with the breaking of the dawn to catch a few hours of sleep before he had to resume his normal life as a billionaire, but this morning he couldn't. It wasn't that he knew of an upcoming caper, or any such event, but for the past two weeks something felt off, as if something alien had entered Gotham, something dangerous and new. He had been able to brush this feeling away, but it had grown until he was not able to get any sleep at all.

Bruce, it's Oracle, come in. The woman who was known as Oracle was once Batgirl, one of Batman's sidekicks. That all ended a few years ago when the Joker shot her in the spine. That whole affair had nearly gotten Batman incarcerated or killed because the Batgirl was none other than the commissioner's daughter Barbara Gordon. Barbara had not given up but had repurposed herself even in her now paralyzed state from Batman's personal backup, to his greatest source for research and advice outside of his butler Alfred.

"Go ahead Oracle," Batman responded into the commlink hidden underneath the bat-like mask he always wore while on the job, simultaneously snapping out of a little trip down memory lane, "I'm listening"

I did some research, and your right, she responded but not in Gotham, something weird went down in England and Brazil last month. About a month ago a manor belonging to a woman named Integra Hellsing was invaded. The attack was repulsed by some of her guards eventually, but there's nothing indicating how.

"Anything else?"That was strange Batman was sure of that, but he didn't see the connection to how that would have affected Gotham.

Yeah, listen to this about a week later a hotel was taken over by terrorists in Rio de Jinero in the chaos the followed half of Rio's police department and about one hundred civilians were slaughtered. A week later some militant Neo-Nazi group hijacked an aircraft carrier, the HMS Eagle. Apparently that was just a distraction because a scant day later the rst of the group showed up in some zeppins and began to bomb London. And the strangest part is the attack just stopped.

"Stopped?"

Yeah, in the early morning hours of the next day, the command zeppelin just…exploded. The BBC is claming that it was just a lucky mechanical malfunction, but…All this happened over a month, this wasn't just a random series random terrorist attacks, they were too close together, it looks like someone was trying to start a war.

"Why would anyone want to start a war with England?" the Dark Knight wondered out loud as he repelled off of the Gargoyle and began gliding from rooftop to rooftop toward Wayne Enterprises.

Revenge? Spoils? Power? Who knows Bruce, but just in case this isn't over, be careful. Oracle's voice was filled with genuine concern, leaving Bruce with no choice to assuage the young woman's fears.

"I will Barbara, I always am." He said reassuringly as he climbed into an open window on the top floor of the Wayne enterprises building.

Unbeknownst to batman, or anyone else in Gotham, war had already come to the city. The only saving grace was that even those who would turn the city into a warzone had no idea they were going to either. Driven by strange dreams and messages which had seemingly appeared in their minds Schrödinger and the Captain had betrayed the Major and arrived in Gotham two weeks ago. Unfortunately for them, they had no idea what they were looking for, all they knew was that whatever it was, it was in Gotham, was known to them as HS, and had promised them an unending tide of violence if they obeyed.

Despite the lack of direction, things had gone relatively smoothly. They had found a group of squatters in an abandoned storage facility, murdered them and taken their makeshift home as their own. Schrödinger had even lured a horny pedophile into a back alley to provide the Captain with food, and commandeered the now deceased man's car. All of this was done with very little trouble from law enforcement which as the two surviving members of Millennium discovered, was easy to avoid as long as one avoided walking into public and screaming "Hi! I'm a criminal I'm going to commit a crime now!" as seemed to be the fashion of the majority of the criminals in Gotham.

As far as the eternal neko child was concerned, life was going pretty well, or would have been if his darling Hans wasn't mad at him

"Vhy are you reading zhat Russ trash mein Kapitan?" he said, mouth filled with a large portion of the fish sandwich he had picked up using the little bit of cash he had found on the body of the pedophile who was in the process of digesting in Hans's stomach. The Captain looked up from a copy of Dostoyevsky's War and Peace one of the few things he took with him besides his weapons before he helped to destroy the Deus ex Machina. The Captain blanked his mind so that he could give his telepathic lover the cold shoulder, and accompanied it with one of his trademark glares before he resumed reading.

"vhat did I do mein lieber? (5)" the neko boy questioned but still recived no response, Putting on his best pouty face the boy put his sandwich down and skulked over to his boyfriend of almost fifty years and bent down to nuzzle his camo covered legs. "Ich koennen nicht 'es tut mir leid' sagan wann ich weiss nicht was ich getan hat. (6)"

Du bist nicht immer bereuen, so es mach nicht ob ich sage was du hast getan. (7) the Captain thought back.

"Are you still mad about mich asking zhe Major to pet mich?" Hans dog-eared the page he was on in his book before setting it next to him, a sign to Schrödinger that he had guessed correctly. "Oh mein Gott, du are zo much of a jealous person! You fuck othzer people all zhe time und I never say a zing! Remember before Rip vent zu zhe Adler?" Schrodinger huffed as he put his hands on his slim hips

Ve all knew zhat was going to be her last mission und zhat vas zhe last zing she vanted! The Captain retorted mentally

"Und Blitz? Zhat vas befor zhe var!"

Ich told du I vas drunk!

"Oh I suppose you vere drunk vhen you slept vith zhat vaitress vhen zhe Major took zhe officers zu Japan fur vacation?"

Zhat vaitress came on zu mir und du know it! Vhat about du hunh? Zrhere vas zhat transvestite in Brazil, und Dok's assistant in forty five, und zhat veekend do ran off zu San Francisco in zhe eighties!

Schrödinger was about to respond to these accusations, all of which were true, but paused for a moment to ponder something, "vait, Rip, Zorin, vhich is disgusting by zhe vay, zhe vaitress…I'm zhe only boy you've ever slept vith?"

The werewolf blushed slightly No, he admitted I slept vith one ozer after Vorld Var Eins, before du vere created. An Amerikan named Ja-

"If du say Jack Harkness I'm going zu attack du!" the cat-boy interjected.

It vas Jack Harkness the werewolf thought back with a barely noticeable smirk

"Oh zhat's it!" Schrödinger exclaimed as he leapt on the makeshift bed and began biting and scratching at his superior and lover. For his part, the Captain grabbed his copy of War and Peace and bashed the boy on the side of the head with just enough force to daze him, before rolling over on to him and pinning his arms over his head. Hans knew there was only one way to calm Schrödinger down when he got this angry, so with no time to waste he locked lips with the neko boy. It took only about half a minute for Schrödinger to cease his struggling, at which point Hans let go of his lover's arms and began scratching him behind his big fluffy, black furred ears. Several minutes passed before the werewolf sensed that the catboy was calm enough to be under control once more, at which point he began to back off, only to feel the boy begin to buck and grind underneath him, brushing his tiny waist against his washboard abs.

Nein! the Captain barked mentally as he rolled back over and resumed reading his book

"Aww come on!" the catboy whined, "It been a month already mein Schatz…pretty, pretty please vith zucker (8) on top?"

Nein! The elder werewolf repeated sternly

"Vould it hilf if I zay I'm sorry fur making du jealous?" Schrödinger asked trying to look and sound as cute as possible while doing so.

Ich accept your apology but still nein. the Captain replied, I'm trying to read Schrodi.

The catboy smiled, he liked it when the Captain used that nickname, but only the Captain, anyone else would loose theit balls.

"Fine zhen mein Kapitan." He replied using his own pet name for the Captain, "Can I at least cuddle vith du vhile du read?"

The Werewolf looked to the catboy with the ghost of a smile on his usually stone like face Zhat du can do mein Katzchen. (9)

And so Schrödinger nestled into his boyfriend's arms, ever so slowly trying to slink down his much taller lover's body in order to slip his hands down enough to un zip the werewolf's camo pants.

Don't du even zink about it! Hans ordered sternly causing Schrödinger to sigh and retake his former position in his mute lover's arms. All and all, he was not truly disappointed though, they were finally free of the Major, they had all the time in the world now.

A/N: That's it for the first chapter folks! This is a collaboration between myself and the amazing author Master of the Boot, who will be handleing Chapter 2. Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Tell next time, good night and….I've got nothing,

~Baxyratty

Translations:

1. Stumbahnfuhrer, Sie ist hier, Sie ist hier! = Major, she is here, she is here!

2. Aufwidersehen = Goodbye/Farewell

3. Holle = hell

4. Schatz = sweety/hun/darling

5. Lieber = lover

6. Ich koennen nicht 'es tut mir leid' sagan wann ich weiss nicht was ich getan hat. = I can't say "I'm sorry" if I don't know what I did.

7. Du bist nicht immer bereuen, so es mach nicht ob ich sage was du hast getan. = You are never sorry anyway so it doesn't matter if I tell tou what you did.

8. Zucker = Sugar

9. Katzchen = kitten