A/N: My apologies to those readers who found this through an author alert from my Hollows fics. I blame Thought Criminal for this brief diversion into the wonderful world that is Michelle Sagara's Chronicles of Elantra series. This fic is a one-shot that was inspired from my reading of those novels. I shall now be a good girl and return to finishing the final few chapters of my Hollows fic, In the Bedroom. Promise!
DISCLAIMER: THE CHRONICLES OF ELANTRA AND ALL CHARACTERS THEREIN ARE OWNED BY THE LOVELY AND TALENTED MICHELLE SAGARA.
Everything up to and including Cast in Ruin is fair game. The following are my musings at how I wished the conversation had gone between Kaylin and Nightshade, when he asked her to accompany him to the West March (and I took the liberty of throwing Andellen in the room with them). Nightlin fun… yum!
Silent Confessions
"You want me to go to the West March… with you?" she said, her voice suddenly dry and gritty like a barren desert.
"Indeed," Nightshade replied, nodding to her slightly.
Kaylin turned to Severn who was looking at Nightshade with both suspicion and irritation, the latter of which could only be detected by the subtle squint at the corner of his left eye.
She glanced at Andellen and then back to Severn. "Severn, would you give us a moment?" she asked.
Kaylin could feel the latent pang of jealousy billow off Severn, unspoken emotions conveyed through the strength of the bond between them – the gift to him that accompanied the giving of her true name.
It's okay, she told Severn through their connection. I will be fine.
Severn frowned, looking unconvinced, but took a step back and Andellen escorted him into the Long Halls beyond the meeting room, the doors closing firmly behind them and leaving Nightshade and Kaylin in an uncomfortable silence.
Nightshade looked at her then and his emerald eyes were ringed with sparks of violet passion.
A thrill of nervous energy sparked through Kaylin's body at the sight of those eyes – the deep green hue slowly bleeding to purple. Nightshade's changing eye color portending his feelings of lust and desire. If Kaylin was being honest with herself, the nervousness she felt was not for her well being but for how attracted she felt towards Nightshade on a basic, primal level.
She swallowed some of the tension and summoned the courage she needed to inquire as to his motivation. "Why… why the West March?" she asked, her voice quiet and damnably shaky.
"Because, little one," Nightshade replied, "I am a Barrani Lord. And you are a Barrani Lord. Though you are not Barrani in the truest sense of the word, you have a place among the Barrani. At the gathering," he breathed, "and… elsewhere."
Nightshade glided towards her then and brought a hand up to her face, cupping her unmarked cheek ever so gently.
"But – " Kaylin tried interrupting him and presenting him with all the reasons a trip to the West March and spending time amongst all the other Barrani Lords was a bad idea on many, many levels. Not the least of which was his status as outcaste, which left him hated and perhaps hunted by others of his species.
"And because you are Erenne, Kaylin," he continued, not allowing her to continue her objections. "There is nothing to fear. You are my Erenne," he whispered. "And you and I will, together, remake Baranni society and leave our mark on the Empire in a way not even the Dragons have managed."
Kaylin closed her eyes briefly, attempting to stave off her feelings of longing and wanting. She had felt Nightshade's lips on hers before and with his body now so close to hers, she could think of nothing else.
Calarnenne, she whispered through their bond and she felt him shiver in response. I don't know if I can do this. If I can be this for you, she confessed. But there's a very real part of me that wants to, she said, opening her eyes and staring into his, seeing that they were now fully violet in color, reflecting sparks of candlelight like the purest crystals of amethyst.
She wanted to be this for him. To be his Erenne, whatever that meant – strange, that it felt almost natural to her. There was no use in keeping it from him. She was always, after all, horrible at shielding her thoughts from him and she could tell by looking at him now – by seeing the satisfaction in his smile that reached all the way to his eyes – that he knew she desired to be his.
I don't know how, Nightshade… after Barren… I… she felt herself tense and hesitate and hated herself for it. How she longed to be able to have a meaningful, loving relationship with a man. To move forward, away from the emotionally scarring experiences of her past. She didn't want to keep pushing Nightshade away.
Kaylin, Nightshade said softly. His words were transmitted to her like a warm and loving embrace. She thought that impossible, seeing as how the Barrani didn't even have a word for 'love.' But, then again. She thought they didn't have a curse word either and she was overjoyed to have discovered otherwise.
Perhaps, then, Nightshade did feel love for her, if it was even possible for a Barrani to feel love. After all, she had personally witnessed an outward display of emotion akin to love when the Lord of the High Court, his Consort, and the Lord of the West March embraced each other upon their reunion in the High Halls after successfully defeating the shadows. So perhaps it was possible for a Barrani to feel something close to love. Kaylin, however, decided not to vocalize those thoughts to Nightshade right now.
Instead, she shook her head. "I…" she said.
I want to be this for you, she told him, finishing the thought by reverting to telepathy – finding their mental link a more comfortable venue for this discussion. She reached up and placed her hand over his, the hand he still held to the unmarked side of her face, his warm thumb caressing dangerously close to her lips. But somehow… I need you to show me how, she continued. And I need you to give me time. I need you… to trust me in this, she said, finishing her thought before cowardice won out.
I do trust you, Erenne, he said softly to her, bringing his lips close to her ear, her eyes fluttering shut briefly as they gently skimmed her sensitive skin there before dipping to her neck. His hair fell forward and cascaded over her shoulders like a majestic cape and he smelled of sandalwood and earth. Oddly, enough… his voice trailed off as he brought his lips away from her neck and met her gaze once more, his eyes burrowing into hers. I do.
Kaylin remembered Nightshade saying those same words to her when she was trapped in the forest that lay at the heart of the Lord of the West March when Teela had dragged Kaylin to the High Court not long ago.
The remembrance was broken when Nightshade's lips fell to hers, like leaves tumbling from the canopy of the vast forest of his heart and blanketing her with their light caresses where she lay on the lush and mulchy understory, waiting to be consumed by him fully.
His mouth tasted of sweet wine and lilacs. His magic washed over her in a brilliant shower of golden light and hers responding to him in kind, the marks on her arms pulsing with a sapphire blue glow, mirroring the force of his power. The air around them smelled of the rich pine and loamy soil of a dense forest even though they physically remained in the same sparsely decorated, relatively normal room within the castle. And even though, logically speaking, there was no forest in sight.
Their mouths still tasting each other, Kaylin's hands unconsciously reached up to touch Nightshade's hair – jet black, perfectly straight, and impossibly soft. Nightshade moaned against Kaylin's mouth as her fingers danced in the silky strands of his hair, getting more and more lost in the feel of him against her.
She was losing herself in him, willingly so, but something deep within her threatened to break her connection with him, as it had so many times before. Her logical, fearful mind battled her emotions, and she suddenly stilled beneath Nightshade's touch, not backing away from him, but freezing in place and she struggled to maintain control over the fear.
The fear spoke of so many of her insecurities. What if Nightshade grew tired of waiting for her? When if she was never able to fully be his? She wanted him like she had wanted no other. But she worried she would never be able to give herself to him fully. Never be able to give him everything he wanted. And everything she desired. Because she did desire him. Fully. With all her being.
Nightshade? she said, the tears of her past pains threatening to breach their hardened levy and spill down her cheeks – a show of weakness in front of him for which she'd never forgive herself.
Come, little one, he replied, pulling her close and kissing her on her forehead. We will have our time, he said. But that time is not now.
He stepped back from her and she saw his eyes had retreated to a light sky blue and not an angry cobalt blue. Nightshade paused and offered her his arm before leading her from the room and into the Long Halls of his castle.
"And, Kaylin Neya," he said, using his voice to speak this time as she rested her arm in his. "I will wait for you forever."